//------------------------------// // Quest IV - Transition // Story: The Trotzamore Stratagem // by The Rarispy //------------------------------// Do you remember the first night that you brought me to our special study? After you decided to make me your student?   We were so lucky that your parents were fully willing to allow you to train under me, in such a tight schedule. Thankfully, they knew you were quite the night owl.   Heh, as long as it doesn’t disturb my school teachings, they said. I loved my parents.   “Whooooaa!”   Needless to say… you were quite impressed by the study, weren’t you?   Maybe a little bit.   “This is… spectacular! It may just be the most wondrous thing I’ve ever seen, Princess!”   “Yes, isn’t it? This will be our own private wing from now on. All the lessons I could ever teach you are stored here, the skills to help you become a very adept magic user.”   “Really? HUZZAH! I cannot wait to begin!”   “Then, let’s. This will be your very first lesson. You see that candle on the windowsill?”   “Yes?”   “Do you think you can light it with your special brand of magic?”   I still remember that night. I was so unsure of myself, so unconfident…   “I… I don’t know, Princess. I’ve never tried to concentrate my magic on such a small source before. The only thing I have ever been able to light without causing any burn marks was a chandelier. … And I was aiming for a candle on the floor.”   “Concentrated magic can be very difficult for some ponies to master.”   “But it will be impossible for me! I still don’t understand, Princess! Why have you chosen me of all ponies to be a prodigy of?”   “Because… I see great potential in you, Lilac Candescence. You are not like other unicorns. I can sense a great power, within you, waiting to reach out to do something great. With my help, you may well become one of the greatest tacticians in all of Equestria. And one day, you may even discover your chance to prove that to me.”   “Well, okay…”   “Just concentrate on the task at hand. Close your eyes, and imagine the candle in front of you. Picture it well and lit, and focus your horn directly at it. Just hold back as you feel it coming. Hold it… hold it, and… FIRE!”   And simple as that, the flare burst straight out of your horn. Striking the candle directly at the right spot. No burn marks or melted wax. Absolutely perfect.   “Lilac… open your eyes.”   “What happened? Did I miss?”   “No. You’ve just completed your first lesson.”   “OH MY GOODNESS! I did! I did! Thank you, thank you, Princess!”   “You have made a wonderful start, my pupil. Come. There is still much to learn, much to see.”   “Yes, ma’am.”   That was the first time I was ever proud of myself for something. For once… I felt like I truly could do something remarkable in the world. Those were truly the best of times.   Yes… the very best of times. What I wouldn’t give to go back to them… “Oh, my head… Fluttershy my darling, what happened?”   It was all a blur as we finally came to. I’m not sure how long we were out cold after the avalanche swept us away. But… things only got stranger when my vision recovered.   Because when we awoke, we were greeted by the sight of a very strange pony.   He just stared at me, and then at Fluttershy, whom I realized was still unconscious next to me, the poor thing. He had a strange (and very tacky) choice in clothing. He wore a heavy brown trench-coat, adorned with very far-pointed black lapels. Atop his head was a bizarre looking headpiece that was mainly highlighted with a set of five leaves up top.   As for the stallion himself, his coat was yellow like butter, rather contrasting with his lime green mane and tail. Talking of which, his tail was… very shaggy and disheveled, now that I recall.   He just kept staring at us for a while, until…   “OSHI-ZAWA!”   “Aaah!”   Fluttershy and I both screamed at the sound of that call. What did you expect? We were downright terrified!   “Zen Mistress, here!” he called out in a gruff voice. “Look! Two mares, fallen right out of the sky! I told you, bad omens! The words spoken in my head were true! The deities of the sky have forsaken us!”   “Oh, hush now, Zime. Look at all that snow around them. They’ve clearly just fallen off the mountain.”   A mare approached us; a very beautiful one, at that.   “I’m so sorry. Now then, are you two alright?”   She had a lovely voice, which only complimented her lovely appearance. She was a baby blue color, with the glossiest blonde short-cut mane. And oh… the dress! That stunning white dress, it almost looked like a Fleecian style! So gorgeous.   …Oh, dear. Have I always been so lauding towards a fellow mare’s stunning appearance?   “I—Well… my legs feel a bit sore, but no bones broken, I think,” I answered.   “I… I kind of feel faint… Whoa!”   The Zen Mistress moved quickly to catch my beloved Fluttershy before she stumbled again.   “You are both unwell. I think you need rest.”   “That… that would be lovely. Thank you,” I said politely.    “Girls! Come on out, don’t be shy!” she proclaimed.   And at her command, several other mares, all dressed in different gowns of all sorts of soft colors, came out of the bushes and started to surround us.   “I think our new friends Rarity and Fluttershy here would benefit from some assistance to the resting area.”   They all nodded, and before we knew it, the mares were all hoisting us up onto some primitive but cute bamboo stretchers. As we began to move, Fluttershy leaned in close to me.   “How did she know our names?” I just shrugged back, because I honestly didn’t know either. The stallion who first greeted us, the Mistress called him Zime, followed behind us. I swore I heard him grumble a few times.   “My name is Zalona, and I am the Zen Mistress. Feel free to simply call me Mistress.” Zalona walked ahead of us, leading us through the shrubbery. “I oversee everything in our little paradise. Just a little slice of the heavens above Equestria, we like to consider ourselves. Welcome, ladies… to the Mareianna Village of Tranquil Spirits!”   We finally started to enter the village, and… well…   MY WORD.   It was absolutely beautiful. The streets were paved with gleaming white marble, and the buildings stood as elliptical white wonders. Palm trees seemed to be the main foliage here, which… seems a bit surprising for a mainland village.   As we went down the streets, just their landmarks alone astounded me. The fountains, the statues… even the bell tower, ringing mighty and proud! I glanced over at Fluttershy. She looked just as enamored as I did, although her focus was on something completely different. The birds.   “Look over there, I see a cockatiel!” She exclaimed. “Ooh, and there’s a toucan! And a hummingbird! Wow!” That’s my Fluttershy. It’s so adorable to see her when she’s excited about animals, simply one of the cutest things, maybe even more so than the animals themselves. … No, definitely more so.   “Where are we going?” she asked.   I finally noticed that an awful lot of dark bamboo arches were hovering over us now, and it seemed like we were entering a more jungle-like part of the village.   “We will be taking you to our relaxation facilities shortly,” Zalona explained.  “First, we would like you to see something.”   The path finally ended at the foot of what appeared to be a stone-constructed temple. And at the heart of that temple shrine…   Oh, how could I even describe it? Such a lustrous round stone, shining its white light in all directions. Uniquely for a gem, it even had a ring indent at the center of it.   “This… is the Orb of the Ancients. It is very sacred to many of our residents, and the centerpiece of our village.”   As I gazed more intently at the ‘Orb, I suddenly began to notice something. The ring indent was gleaming an increasing shade of blue. The radiance was reaching out, as if to me. Then the light hit my eyes, and all at once, I saw a deep flash of blue everywhere.   It felt… good, almost tingly. Like a massage to my eyes. That’s when I realized what this orb really was, and I could tell Fluttershy did, too. She had a huge smile on her face.   “Bingo.”   A large sign stood at the side of the path, reading “NATURE PRESERVE” in large letters.   “The nature preserve!” Applejack read aloud in excitement. “We did it! C’mon, Rainbow!”   “Yeah… coming.”   The A-Mare-Zon Nature Preserve, or at least the section of it that Rainbow and Applejack were entering, was an expansive field, surrounded by the trees of the jungle. But apart from a few oddly-colored roots in the ground, that was all the field was… just a large, empty grass plain.   “Well, that’s mighty strange,” said Applejack, looking around at the barren field. “That ‘gem sense’ or whatever seems to be tellin’ me that it’s over here somewhere… but how? There ain’t nothin’ here!”   “Maybe it’s hidden in the grass somewhere,” Rainbow said solemnly.   “Good thinkin’, Rainbow! Ah bet if we pulled up some o’ these here roots, we’ll find it! C’mon!” And so, she got off to work, pulling weeds and searching up the roots. “Ah want to find this Gemstone and head on over to Trotzamore already! What about you, Rainbow?”   “Huh? …Yeah. Sure.”   Rainbow Dash was still hanging her head down as she trudged through the field, meekly pushing up weeds. Applejack hadn’t been oblivious to her behavior, of course, which is why she immediately came over and forced Rainbow to face her.   “Alright Rainbow, what’s with the attitude?”   “What attitude? I don’t have an attitude right now!”   “And that’s the problem!” she yelled back. “Ah would’ve expected y’all to jump on wanting to beat Twilight and the others to Trotzamore first! Seriously Rainbow, why have ya been actin’ so weird lately?”   “Huh? Weird? WEIRD? WHAT. Who’s acting weird? I’m not acting weird! Are you saying I’m acting weird? Because that’s definitely not true!”   Applejack and Rainbow were so busy arguing, they didn’t seem to notice all the roots around them retreating into the ground on their own.   Rainbow took a deep sigh.   “Applejack… I need to tell you something.” She squinted her eyes shut. No turning back now. Even though I promised I wouldn’t tell… I have to.   “What is it?”   More roots retracted around them, until one big purple-and-yellow striped root finally started to emerge from the ground behind Applejack.   “It’s… it’s…” She gulped. “It’s about Caramel.”   Applejack’s disposition transitioned from being concerned… to looking suspicious.   “My boyfriend, Caramel?”   “That one, yeah. You see, um-- Oh, I really don’t know how to tell you this… Okay, no! You know what? I’m going to be direct about this! Applejack! Your boyfriend Caramel is a--”   “OW!” Applejack exclaimed. “What the--?”   The big root had inadvertently touched Applejack in the flank.   “Hey!” Rainbow Dash flew over to face the root. “Leave my friend alone and stop interrupting my dramatic revelation!”   She slapped it hard, which caused it to retreat back into the ground. Then, the whole field began to rumble.   “Rainbow, what did you just do…?”   “Ummmmm…”   The rumbling intensified, until suddenly, the entire ground burst around them.   “AAAHHH!” they both screamed.   Instantly, gigantic plants burst out of the ground. They looked like enormous flytrap plants, but with even sharper teeth and overgrown stems, and they were purple flytraps with yellow stripes going down their stems. Their heads were twice the size of Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s bodies.   And they salivated at the sight of the two.   “Hey, RD?”   “Yeah?”   “Ah reckon this conversation’s gonna have to wait.”   “No kidding!”   A staggering cliffside overlooked them, covered in pointy, burgundy rocks. Lightning struck from above the steep impasse, betraying the otherwise serene and sunny weather.   “This must be it,” Twilight stated, in a quiet, almost grim sounding tone. “The Forbidden Cliffs of Lyshacria.”   “How can you tell? There’s no sign here.”   “I know, but… according to the map, this is the place.”   Wow. Lyshacria looks… really pointy. Well, the rocks do anyway. Yup, nice and sharp. … And brown. I wonder how we’re going to get to the other side of this huge cliff?   “Hmmmm.”   “What’s wrong, Twilight?”   “I don’t know what it is, but… something seems awfully strange about that name. ‘Lyshacria’. I… I just can’t help but feel that name means something important. But what?”   “Maybe it means ‘Fried Biscuits’!”   “Yeaaah, sure Pinkie.”   “Hey, you never know!”   You really don’t.   “So Twilight, how are we going to get up there?”   “Well… we’re probably going to have to climb.”   …   …   …   “PFFFFT- HAHAHAHA! Oh, that was a good one, Twily! Us climbing those sharp, pointy, jagged rocks! Really though, how are we getting up there?”   “Come on, Pinkie.”   Wait, she was serious?   She was serious! She’s already climbing it! Ohhhh… pointy things aren’t fun! If I was a balloon, I’d pop as soon as I hit one of those rocks! And popping balloons isn’t fun at all!   Oh, well.   “So… you said these cliffs are called ‘forbidden’ because they’re outside of Equestria’s natural border-rific-ness?”   “Well, sort of. There’s also a few legends about ponies disappearing when they try to climb these cliffs.”   “D-d-disappeared?”   I… I wouldn’t want to disappear. That would mean nopony would be able to help the Cakes in their shop, or entertain the twins, or… or keep all of Ponyville happy.   But most importantly, nopony would be around to keep Twilight and company anymore!   “Yeah. According to some of the myths I read while I was reading up on this place, there are several stories about ponies who come up here, and are then drawn to a mysterious voice. They go to find the source of that voice… and are never seen again. The strangest thing is, all of these stories started being published… fairly recently. The book was printed two weeks ago.”   Never seen again…? Where do they go? I don’t think I like this anymore…   “Aagh!”   “Huh? What’s wrong, Twilight?”   “There’s something shiny at the top of that ledge there!”   “Something shiny? Ooh! You mean…?”   “I-I’m not sure! I can’t tell from here!”   “Ooh! I’ll go get it for you, Twilight!”   “Pinkie, wait!”   This is my chance to prove myself! Twilight may still have her head in the clouds, but maybe my noble deed will finally make her see! I’ll rescue that last Gemstone and bring it back, and she’ll have to notice me, and say she loves me, and want to be with me forever! …Right?   Besides, it’s just a hop, a skip, and a jump over all these rocks, and… hurray! Just gotta… hoist myself up, and…   “Help! Pinkie, help!”   “Huh? What the--!?”   Twilight? But what’s Twilight doing up there? Wasn’t she just… Oh no, she’s hurt!   “Twilight, what’s wrong?”   “Uhh! I-I managed to get up here myself and get the last gem! See?”   Hmm? Purple? Shiny? Yup, that looks like a gem, alright.   “Oh. But… I was supposed to get it.”   “That’s okay, Pinkie. I appreciate what you did…”   “Really?”   “Yeah. But perhaps you can still assist me. I think I broke my leg while I was climbing up to get it… Think you can help me get up?”   “Sure. Which leg is-- Ummm…”   W-why is she puckering her lips like that? Is she…? IS SHE…?   “Twilight?”   “Come on, Pinkie, give me a kiss. You know I’ve always loved you...”   “Oh, oh Twilight! Yes! Yes, of course I knew!”   My first kiss with Twilight!? Oh, yes! This is going to be so--   …   No.   “Wait a minute! This isn’t right!”   “Why Pinkie, whatever do you mean?”   “I know my Twily better than anyone else! And I know for a fact that Twilight’s feelings are... well… They’re not the same as mine. I might want to kiss her, but… I know she doesn’t want to kiss me.”   I can’t lie to myself anymore. Lying to yourself just makes you the biggest meanie-pants you can think of. Even though I still wish Twilight loved me as much as I love her… Why am I crying?   “Very astute, Pinkie Pie.”   That’s… not Twilight’s voice.   “No other pony has ever beyond our ruse thus far. You are cleverer than most. But unfortunately, you must still resign to your fate.”   “Huh? What are you--?”   ZAAAAAAAAAAP!   “AHH! CHANGELING!”   And it’s just as ugly as ever! Oh, man! What have I done!?   “Changelings! Attack!”   Oh, no… Changelings! Changelings everywhere! They’re all around me! What am I gonna do!? Where’s Twilight? The real Twilight? SHE--   …   “PNIKIE!”   Twilight rushed up the cliffside, pushing away all the Changelings in her way, until she finally made it up to the ledge. The Changeling that mad masqueraded as her held an unconscious Pinkie on his back.   “Let her go, Changeling!”   Twilight charged towards them, only to be halted in her tracks as a bolt of green energy cut in-between them. A figure stepped out of the bolt, a figure that was all too familiar to Twilight.   “Q-Q-Queen Chrysalis!?”   “Hello, Twilight. Nice to see you again.” Chrysalis turned to the Changeling holding Pinkie. “Nice work, Drone 6. You will be promoted to a higher rank for this.”   “Thank you, my Princess.”   “What are you doing with Pinkie Pie, Chrysalis?” Twilight asked bitterly.   “Enough! You have interfered with my plans for the final time, Miss Sparkle! BE GONE!”   One by one, the Changelings all began to disappear in green poofs of smoke.   “No, wait! WAIT!” Twilight pleaded.   But Chrysalis disappeared too, alongside Drone 6 and the still-unconscious Pinkie Pie.   “PIIIINKIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!”   Now this is the way to relax. No stress, no worries. Just a pretty little mare alone in the hot springs. I probably could’ve stayed there all day if I had the chance. Perhaps when we’re done with this whole gem thing, I can convince Fluttershy to accompany me here and have a real spa day.   I wasn’t entirely alone, though. A little ways into my bath, one of the maid girls arrived at the foot of the springs.   “Are you enjoying yourself?”   “Oh, yes! Thank you for asking,” I replied. “This is so luxurious; I don’t think I’ve ever had a hot bath quite as nice as this one. I’m sorry, what was your name again?”   “My name is Zamber,” she affirmed. She took the towel off her head, and that was the first time I saw her wavy orange and black hair, which quite brilliantly complemented her light yellow coat. “I’m done with my duties for today, so do you mind if I join you?”   “Of course not. The more, the merrier!”   Curiously, she stepped in still wearing her gown. I’m not sure why, perhaps she wasn’t allowed to be seen without it. Though with that clashing shade of lavender, I’d certainly prefer to be.   “It is indeed nice to relax here after a long day. By the way, if you don’t mind me asking, what is your interest in our Orb?”   That made me spit out my drink, which now that I realize, I didn’t even know what it is. All I knew was that it was blue.   “I-I beg your pardon?”   “I’m sorry, was I too forward in my questioning? I apologize.” Even then, I could tell… something was off about this pony Zamber. “On other matters, you are here with your friend, yes? No… not just a friend… a mate? No-- Yes. Your mate. Fluttershy. That is most unusual.”   “Is it? Well, that’s correct. She may be a mare, but… I still love her all the same.” It made me smile to think about it. For the first time, I noticed that the sun was rather bright that day, so I had to cover my eyes. Probably sensing my discomfort (more on that in a second), Zamber went back inside and fetched me a pair of blue sunglasses.   “Oh. Thank you very much.” I looked up at Zamber, and she seemed to be staring at me rather strongly… Needless to say, it was creeping me out. “Uhh…”   “You say you and respect Fluttershy as a mate, despite her gender. However… this is not an attitude you’ve always displayed. In fact, I am sensing some dormant and suppressed feelings of intolerance and subjection.”   “Um… excuse me, but how do you know all of this?” I sharply demanded to know. After all, a lady should be entitled to her privacy, should she not? I gasped. “Were you snooping at my personal journal?”   “No, we have no need. You see, all of the females in this village are gifted with a sort of… call it a telepathic sense. We can detect your inner emotions and desires and analyze them psychologically. I’m not entitled to explain why we have this power, but it helps us in our therapy techniques.”   “I still don’t appreciate you probing into my personal thoughts like that and questioning me on them.”   “Sorry. It is involuntary.” I just rolled my eyes and continued sipping my drink. “You must forgive my invasive curiosity. Our village has always been rather isolated from the rest of Equestria. As a result, we have always struggled to understand developing customs and behaviors, such as the idea of one mating with another of their own gender.”   “Mm, that makes sense,” I murmured. Until a few months ago, I also found the idea hard to accept. I’ll never forget that one time I so rudely lashed out against that poor mare-amorer… I still need to make the time to apologize to her one of these days.   Three months. Now that I realize it, that is a long time to be dating. According to the magazines I’ve read, when it’s been three months, you’ve practically made a commitment. And actually… it also mentions certain things that are expected of such a commitment. Like…   …   No. Fluttershy wouldn’t be interested in that, would she?   “I’m sorry, but I must again ask. What is your interest in the Orb of the Ancients?”   “What do you mean, darling?”   “I can sense that you and Fluttershy both have a unique desire for the Orb, and in fact have been actively looking for a stone of its properties. May I ask why?”   “You can, but… it’s complicated, really. If you do have the time, I probably could explain everything, but it truly is a long story…”   Zamber said that this village is isolated from the rest of Equestria, so I wonder how much there would be to explain. Do these ponies even know who Princess Celestia is, or what the Field of Trotzamore is? That one stallion Zime mentioned “deities of the sky”. Who knows how much our knowledge could trounce on these ponies’ beliefs?   “Oh, don’t worry, explanation is not needed. I was simply curious.” She emerged from the spring to dry herself off. “In fact, I was going to talk to the Zen Mistress and request that she allow you to borrow it for whatever vital purpose you have of it.”   “Oh… well, thank you very much. That’s most generous of you.” It’s strange that I didn’t suspect anything when she walked away without a further word… “Mm. What nice ponies these are… Perhaps a little too nice.”   As Zamber stepped into the spa room, Zime emerged from the shadows.   “Well?”   It’s as we feared,” Zamber clarified. “Whilst they may have landed here by accident, it was indeed their intent to eventually arrive here in desire for the Orb. The name of our village was etched into Miss Rarity’s mind, and most giving of all: when they were in the Orb’s presence, I detected a sort of artificially-emanated sense that mentally drew the both of them to the Orb’s properties.”   “Did they say anything about sky deities?”   “Not directly. However, such a figure did cross Miss Rarity’s mind briefly, after I tried to probe her for information regarding the orb. A regal female, with associations to the great yellow one in the sky. Whatever her true intentions, she does intend to leave our village with the orb in her possession. That much is certain.”   “So, that strange voice in my head was right,” Zime muttered. “So this means…”   Zamber nodded.   “We cannot let them achieve that, and walk away with the relic that guides our entire basis of function,” she sternly realized. She tossed a wooden spear to him. “Round up your gospels, Zime, and prepare the arena.”   “Why?”   “Because, we must protect the Orb of the Ancients at all cost and maintain our serenity… even if it requires the spilling of blood.”   The flytraps swooped in, as Applejack tried to avoid their snapping mouths left and right. She had to buck one of them in order to avoid getting eaten, and to break free from a root that tried to snare her.   “Great galloping galoshes, these things are everywhere!” Applejack exclaimed. “Come on, Rainbow, help me get rid of them!”   Rainbow was also kicking them away from in the air. Two of them came for her at once, so she just flew down and let them headbutt each other into submission.   “Uh! You don’t think I’m trying!? Heee-yah!”   She managed to karate-chop one of them right off of its stems. The stem then retreated into the ground… only for another healthy flytrap to take its place.   “These guys are unstoppable!” Rainbow cried. “You knock down one of them, and another just pops up in its place! How many of these guys are there!?”   As she looked all around her, one of the roots began rising up. Taking advantage of Rainbow’s low flying, it grabbed her by the wings and started hoisting her down.   “Aaagh! NOOOOOOOO!”   Rainbow Dash was pulled straight into the ground. After a few seconds, a flytrap emerged in the root’s place, now clutching Rainbow in its jaws.   “Applejack! HELP!” she wailed.   Applejack started racing toward her, not noticing the root that was stretching along the ground.   “Hang on there, RD! I’ll save ya-- WOAH!”   She ended up tripping over the root, and just as she came to, one of the flytraps swooped down and snatched her up.   Now with both of their prizes captured, the flytraps all started retreating back into the ground again, including the ones with Rainbow and Applejack in their jaws.    “Rrgh! Come on, RD!” Applejack urged, trying to separate the flytrap’s clamping jaws. “We’ve… gotta… break free!”   “I’m… trying… I… can’t!” Rainbow uttered, also trying to squeeze her way out. “We’re trapped!”   “Land sakes, this could really be the end…”   Rainbow Dash bit her lip. As she scrunched her eyes shut, she finally came to a realization. She let herself relax, and then faced Applejack seriously.   “AJ, if we’re going to die here, then there’s something I have to tell you.”   “Come on now, RD, we ain’t gonna die here! Besides, if it’s about Caramel, then can’t that wait?”   “Applejack! You don’t understand! I have to… Applejack?”   Applejack was beginning to cry as she held onto one of the flytrap’s long teeth.   “Rainbow, ah just want to say, in case we don’t make it…” Applejack said in-between tears. “Ah’m sorry for being mean to you so many times, and yelling at you! Truth of the matter is, you’ve always been one of my best friends, and ah wouldn’t wish it any other way!”   Rainbow gave a sad smile in return. “Yeah… me too, AJ. I’m sorry for fighting so much. You’re one of my best friends too. You’ve always been looking out for the best of me…”   “And you’ve always been so caring for everypony else.”   “So courageous.”   “So determined… if a bit stubborn about it at times.”   “Hey now, you’ve had those moments too!”   “Yeah, but at least… at least we’re always honest with each other, at the very end… right?”   Rainbow’s smile turned into a frown. Now some tears of her own were developing.   “OH, BUT THAT’S JUST IT!” she moaned. “You’ve been honest your whole life AJ, but I definitely haven’t!”   “Rainbow, what are you talking about?” Her eyes widened. “Oh. … Caramel?”   She nodded furiously.   “Ever since we’ve started this journey, spent all this time together, conquering volcanoes and booby traps and dangerous jungle ponies side-by-side, I’ve been keeping a secret from you, Applejack. A secret I couldn’t tell, couldn’t even bear! But now I have to, before we meet our ends.”   “FOR GOODNESS SAKE, RAINBOW! WILL YA JUST SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!?”   “Your boyfriend Caramel, he’s… He’s…”   “YES!?”   “…He’s a she. Applejack, Caramel… is a girl.”   …   “WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!?”   Ohhhhhhhhhh, my gumdrops…   What!? Wh-where am I? What happened? Why is it so dark in here? What’s going on!?   “Hello? Anypony out there? Yodel-ee-heeee-hooooo! Hello? ... Twilight?”   “Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!”   “EEP! Who was that? Who’s there!? HEEEEELP!”   -FLICK-   “Ooh, thanks! Now I can… see.”   I think I liked it better when it was dark! What’s all this icky green slime everywhere? And… what are those green blobby things hanging from the ceil-- Wait, I know what those are!   “Ooh yummy, giant jelly boogers! Wheeee-- BLECH! Phtooie! Wow, these jelly boogers taste yucky!”   “Hey, get off of those!”   “AAAH! Changeling!”   Where’d he come from? And… where’d those ones come from? Oh my gosh.   There’s several of them.   Dozens of them.   HUNDREDS of them.   WHERE THE HECK AM I!?   “Welcome to the hive, my sweet.”   “What-- Who? Wait… I know that voice!”   It’s… her. The epitome of evil! The master of malevolence! The pinnacle of perniciousness! …Wow, I didn’t know I knew those words.   The foulest, nastiest creature to ever wear a dress at a wedding!   “You’re… the Changeling Queen!”   “Pinkamena Diane Pie, I presume. You remember me, of course.”   “How could I ever forget you, you big meanie!? You almost ruined Twilight’s brother’s wedding, and you tried to take over Canterlot with your Changeling army, and you forced Doughnut Joe’s shop to close! And… and you did… other… bad stuff… TOO!”   And… now she’s just staring at me. Was it something I said?   …   “HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!”   Well, now she’s laughing at me!   “Heh heh heh heh heh heh!”   They’re all laughing at me! STOP IT!   “I guess it’s true what they say about you. You make others laugh without even trying! Anything else you have to say?”   “Um… uh… nice, p-p-place you‘ve got here?”   It sort of is… if huge, red caves filled with green slime and bad-tasting jelly boogers everywhere are the kind of places that you would call “nice”.   “Hmm. It’s not much, but it’s all we have now ever since you and your friends CAST US AWAY TO THIS FORSAKEN PLACE!”   “AAHH!”   EVIL EYES! I DON’T LIKE THE EVIL EYES! Ohhhh, I really wish Twilight were here!   “W-what do you want from me, anyway? I don’t have any candy or anything! At least, not anymore.”   “We’re not interested in your treats. Rather… we’ve struck with a bit of an alliance with your best friend Discord.”   “Discord?”   “Yes. It seems he’s rather anxious to see you and that meddling Twilight Sparkle taken out of the picture!”   “But-- but that jerk! He said this was going to be a game! A fun game! That’s not fair, he should’ve at least given us a chance to find the last gemstone first!”   “Last gemstone? Oh! You mean… this one?”   Ooooh… how pretty, with shiny, blue colors. It’s all round like an orb, and… WHEEEEEE! That spiral thingy is flying right into my face! Hee-hee!   “Hurray! You found the last gemstone for us! Does that mean you’re gonna… hand it over to us and let us save Trotzamore and defeat Discord?”   “Ha! You wish.”   “But… but… that doesn’t make any sense!”   “Well… as much as I hate to use one of his stupid phrases, what fun is there in making sense?”   Oooooooooh… nah. Too boring.   “You see, little pony, Discord’s has an eye on you, and he doesn’t appreciate the eye you’ve had on Twilight. You have feelings for her, don’t you?”   How… how did she know?   “Well, those are feelings that Discord feels threatened by, feelings that he wants suppressed, and… feelings that would certainly benefit us to extract from you. See these cocoons?”   “What… you mean the jelly boogers?” That’s a funny name for them!   “Yes… the jelly boogers. Drones 7 and 42, open them up!”   Ooh! They’re ripping open the jelly boogers! Is there gonna be confetti inside, or balloons, or maybe…   AAAHHH!   P-p-ponies! There were ponies inside those jelly boogers! W-why are they all wrinkly and not moving? And why is their hair all white and droopy!?   “W-what have you done to them, you monster!?”   “The same thing we’re going to do to you. Put her in that one over there.”   “Right away, you majesty.”   “Hey! What are you doing? Let me go! Where are you-- Oh, no!”   They’re putting me inside of those jelly boogers! They can’t do this!   “Help! Help! Let me out! I-I’m stuck! Please, I swear, Pinkie-filled jelly boogers don’t taste good at all!”   “It’ll be all over for you much quicker if you stop resisting, Pinkie.” What will be over!? “Besides, this is for the benefit of everyone. Well, mostly everyone. Discord will be rid of a potential threat to his plans, and my army will have quite the luxuriant food source to go around, if you’re as devoted to Twilight as he says you are.”   Twilight… Wait, that’s it! Twilight!   “I’ll finally have my long-deserved revenge, and most importantly, precious little Twilight Sparkle will be rid of an annoying pest, that surely won’t be missed.”   Won’t be missed? WON’T BE MISSED! That’s the wrongest thing I’ve ever heard in my life!   “You’re wrong! Twilight loves me just as much as I love her, and she’s coming to save me right now! I know she is!”   “Save you? Ha! If she does find her way here, she’ll be far more concerned about this rubbish old gemstone than you! After all, you’re not going to unlock the gate and save your quaint little kingdom!”   “But I’m still her best friend! I’m very important to her!”   “What have you ever even done for her!? Answer: nothing! She doesn’t care about you, and she never will! Goodbye now!”   AAH! No! It’s all dark and slimy again! I can’t see anything! NOTHING BUT GREEN! TWILIGHT, WHERE ARE YOU!?   “Now, Changelings! FEED!”   They’re all around me… Piercing… AHH! Stabbing… No! NO! GET OUT OF MY HEART, YOU NASTIES! AAAAAHHHHH!   TWILIGHT’S ON HER WAY, I KNOW SHE IS! THE QUEEN’S WRONG! SHE’LL SAVE ME! SHE ALWAYS WILL! SHE’S MY BEST FRIEND! SHE LOVES ME, I LOVE HER!   Do I…? Do I really? AAGHH! EVERYTHING’S GOING ALL WHITE! SO… HARD… TO… THINK! TWILIGHT… TWILIGHT!!!   It feels like… like… like I’ve lost my mind…   NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!