//------------------------------// // Discord is not amused // Story: The Moon the Draconequus and the Sands of Saddle Arabia // by TheSexyMenhir //------------------------------// While I was in an enormous amount of pain lying in the newly formed crater that adorned the royal gardens, my mind was occupied otherwise. As I lay there on the freshly burned ground, sulphurous vapor rising around me, I couldn’t help but stare at my, now slightly singed, lions paw that had so treacherously refused service just a few minutes ago. Against the outline of the clear blue sky it didn’t show any sign of mutinous behaviour. To put things into perspective here, this wasn’t like a young colt botching his first spell, or like the inevitable disaster that followed whenever Twilight Sparkle tried out a new spell, no this was far more severe. Chaos is as much a part of me as say, breathing is to you, but yet not even a few minutes ago the powers that have been my birthright, constant companion, and all around tool in my quest to make the world a more interesting place, had forsaken me. I was not amused. I looked at the offending appendage sternly. As soon as I had sufficiently subdued the mutinous manipulator, I once again joined two fingers to form a circle, applied some pressure and... *snap* Much to my relief I found myself standing besides the crater, an unburned silhouette betraying where I had been lying. Soot and burnmarks had vanished, and just for good measure I summoned myself a top hat, emphasizing my returned good looks and the willingness to completely ignore what just happened. Quickly my thoughts turned to ways I would get my revenge on the mare of the moon, only to be cut short by the arrival of a stoic looking royal guard. Which is to say, he looked exactly like any other guard in the palace. One day I will find out how they can tell each other apart; Can you imagine the chaos it would cause to have more than a thousand completely identical stallions run around the castle ground, not able to tell their commanding officers from the normal ponies? This particular guard however had one glaring difference from all the others, he actively sought me out. “I have a message from her royal highness Celestia,” he announced. This shocked me even more than the grievous bodily damage Luna had afflicted me with. It would have taken the guard a good fifteen minutes to reach the garden, and even if Celestia had sent him after me the moment Luna forcefully evacuated me through the dining halls new blast hole shaped opening, he shouldn’t have caught up to me for yet another few minutes. Had Celestia known where to send the guard? Had I become this predictable? The royal guard, seemingly unimpressed by my existential crisis, unfolded a scroll and read out loud, “Dear Discord, should you, for some reason, have left the dining hall prematurely, I would ask you to meet me at the entrance to the Crystal mines at sundown. -Princess Celestia of Equestria” With that he rolled up his message, turned around, and walked away. I only had half my mind on it, as I turned his rear armor into a nice flowery apron, since this new message had only added to the mysteries of this day. Now don’t get me wrong, being the current incarnation of chaos and all that, I very much savor a good surprise, but I loathe it when it isn’t me doing the surprising. Ever since I started living in the castle, Celestia had done her uttermost to act.... polite towards me, but that had been it. She took care that I got a room to myself, and saw to it that I got whatever I needed, but little more than that. Aside from the occasional shared breakfast I had hardly even seen her. And now she was suddenly asking me to meet her? Not only that, but she asked me in her official position as princess of Equestria? Something was going on, and I was determined to find out what. --- Whenever I tell people that I’m an master of acting covert, I at best get disbelieving looks and raised eyebrows, but one thing people tend to forget, is the simple fact that sneaking around is something for mortals. I never much bothered to make my mismatched body fit into any sort of practical scheme, way too much of a bother, after all my position in the world of Equestria is just as much a subject to my whim as are most other things. Just appearing out of thin air, does have the disadvantage of ruining most attempts at eavesdropping though, thus I deflated my third dimension and crept along the walls and floors of Canterlot, keeping to the shadows where I became little more than just another spot of darkness. Another thing which people often get wrong, is that they think I hate ponies; nothing could be farther from the truth. From all the races that I could have harassed: gryphons, diamond dogs, dragons, I choose ponykind to share my magic with. Why is that, I hear you asking; well, whatever they might think of themselves, ponies are wonderfully chaotic. As I made my way through the alleys of Canterlot, I watched the three tribes intermingle with each other. There were two earthponies arguing over a cart crash, too busy going at each other’s throats to stop the fruits they had transported from rolling into the street, where they created even more chaos. Just down the street a unicorn was having a quarrel with his wife, him shouting from the street level, her screaming at him from a window. The only time their quarreling was interrupted was when she ran inside to find yet another thing she could throw at the “no good cheating bastard”. And don’t get me started on what the nobles were doing to each other. A small snap of my finger, a small shift in the laws of probability, and one of the fruits, a melon if I remember correctly, jumped a few feet to the right, right in the path of an earthpony who was carrying several stacked crates. Normally such subtle manipulations aren’t really my style, but with the oh-so-almighty Celestia breathing down my neck, I thought it a good idea to hold myself back a bit. Not that one could tell from the domino reaction that unfolded. Proudly I added a few dozen broken windows, several flying suppers, an expensive vase, a painting, and two pony sized tubs of jelly to the destruction- tally. Of course it was then that the stupid duck had to interfere. What duck you are asking? The stupid one, that decided that the best possible resting spot would be right in the path of the now out of control carts. It was just sitting there staring into space as if it had not a worry in the world while several kilos barreled towards it. For a moment I felt the urge to simply ignore the bird. After all, it was just that, a stupid bird; but somewhere deep inside me rumbled that newfound part of me, that inconveniently (for me) felt like the gaze of two baby blue eyes resting on me. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at myself, for getting suckered into this, by my own subconscious nonetheless, but at the same time I raised my arms and snapped. The carts continued on their way, and the duck still sat still as if someone had glued it to the pavement. I snapped my fingers a few more times, all with the same result. Then I started sprinting towards the foul poultry. --- Celestia looked at me as if I had just come back from the dead, but to be fair, that’s probably what I looked like. “Discord? What happened? What’s that you’re carrying?” she asked, still struggling to regain her composure. “A duck,” was all that I bothered to reply, unceremoniously dropping the bird on her back. “What did you call me here for?” “Quack!” the duck helpfully offered it’s advice. Celestia, still looking slightly confused, nonetheless caught up on the barely hidden anger and annoyance in my voice, opting for short and juicy instead of her usual long winded speeches. “As soon as Luna arrives I will lead you into the caverns to meet a... prisoner, who is currently waiting for his parole. I wish you to be present for it,” was everything she said, before falling silent again. We just stood there, staring into space, none of us willing to talk with the other, the city of Canterlot barely visible behind us, and before us the surprisingly inconspicuous entry to the crystal caverns beneath Canterlot. Before any of us had to resort to dreadfull questions the likes of “Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?” the shadows around us coalesced into the form of a pony, and from a shower of bats emerged the alicorn of the moon. “Bats, Luna? Really?” I groaned at this display of amateur showmanship. “What’s wrong with bats? I like bats?” the slightly disgruntled mare replied, while freeing one disoriented bat from her mane. “You and every depressed teenager this side of Manehatten,” I mumbled while rolling my eyes. A dainty cough reminded us both of Celestia’s presence. “If you are finished, would you follow me?” she commanded. Don’t be fooled by the question mark, Celestia was entirely capable of turning an innocent little question into a full blown command. Normally that would have tempted me to find some creative way to spite her, but I have to admit that my interest was more than piqued. What kind of prisoner demanded the presence of not only two alicorns, but of the spirit of chaos as well? But for now I still had to engage in this new found virtue which was patience. Sunbutt lead us past crystal filled caves which would have lesser beings staring in awe, but Luna apparently was already familiar with the sights, and I summoned more exciting things on any given sunday. What did elicit an impressed whistle from me however was the city that apparently had been hidden under Canterlot all this time, without me knowing about it. As we turned arround yet another indistinguishable corner, the tunnel suddenly opened up into a cave. The word didn’t really do the humongous cavity justice. When hearing the word cave one thinks of enclosed rooms and maybe some stalagmites, but not of a lacuna which is large enough that you can see clouds forming at it’s apex. What impressed me wasn’t the cave itself though, but the large black dodecahedron which hung in it’s midst suspended by chains, which links were nearly twice my height in diameter. It was hard to tell from this distance, but several small figures seemed to hurry alongs it’s surface. “Needs a bit of colour,” I stated, preemptively shooting down Luna’s inflated ego. The looks she was giving the suspended building made it clear that she was somehow involved in it’s creation. However the two alicorns didn’t pay any attention to me. Raising her wing Celestia pointed towards a balcony that jutted out of the lower half of the structure, saying, “We’ll need to fly the rest of the way.” As Luna and Celestia stretched their wings in a display of elegance, which would have earned them the envy of any pegasus, the first tacts of Ritt der Walküren started to play courtesy of moi. Let me tell you, giant underground caves make for awesome acoustics. I slithered after the two, the physical laws screaming in outrage as my mismatched body plowed through the air music in my ears. Apparently our little airshow hadn’t gone unnoticed and soon we found ourselves flanked on both sides by a platoon of Night Guards. A commander, easily recognizable by the helmet plume the size of which was probably only dwarfed by his ego, glided closer to Luna and after a few barked orders were given by the ruler of the night our escorts scattered. As we got closer to the basalt coloured fortress, I had to reassess how big it was. Had I thought it was the size of a small castle before, I now had to admit that it was closer to being a whole city. The only thing that somewhat diminished it’s presence were the Batponies that hustled all over it’s surface trying to repair the dozens of holes that covered its surface. Luna who had noticed my gaze explained, “I built it shortly before my banishment to the moon, it had been abandoned until recently.” I was only dimly aware of what happened during Luna’s time as Nightmare Moon, since Celestia had neglected to send news cryers into her own gardens, but I had overheard the occasional rumor between bored guards. Not to mention that the erratic behaviour of the sun and the moon had been hard to miss. We touched down on the black basalt of the balcony before us a corridor, which only couldn’t be called tunnel, because it had been crafted. Torches were few and far between, and the dark material of the fortress swallowed what little light they provided, nonetheless Luna strode forward unrelenting. Celestia, who didn’t share her sisters nocturnal vision, lit up her horn and followed after the other alicorn and I followed after them. The trek through the guts of the fortress was boring and monotonous, corridor following corridor, every one of them looking exactly the same, only broken up by the occasional security check. But before I could decide to do some drastic redecorating, the path suddenly stopped in front of a massive iron door. Luna shouted an order into a hole in the ceiling, and as if moved by unseen forces, the door started to lift. My eyes hurt from the sudden bright light that greeted us on the other side, but when they finally adjusted I could make out a round room, in it’s mid a glass cage. And there sitting in the midst of the black fortress stood one being. Chrysalis, the Queen of the Changelings. “Hi cheeselegs, long time no see.”