//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: Behind Closed Doors // by OrphiusOlyandra //------------------------------// Greatest Scandal in Equestrian History. In what has been called the biggest scandal of the decade, it has been revealed that Lady Rainbow Dash, national hero, the Bearer of Loyalty, holder of the fastest air speed record, only recorded pegasus to have ever performed a Sonic Rainboom and rumored favored canditate to join the Wonderbolts main aerial performance team alongside Captain Spitfire and Soarin, had an affair with a gryphon. More accurately, a female gryphon by the name of Gilda, who has made recent headlines for being tapped by Princess Luna herself to lead the newly formed Night Guard. If that was not crazy enough, it seems as though the dispute was caused by none other than Vinyl Scratch, otherwise known as DJ Pon-3. Our specialists believe that this recent explosion in the halls of Canterlot Castle were caused by a disagreement involving their polyarmorous lifestyle, colloquially known as 'herding'. While this is not unheard of when it comes to Miss Scratch, her recent relationship Octavia, that stunned everypony last year, seemed to put an end to her deviant lifestyle. That is, until recently. Is this a sign of deeper relationship troubles within this star couple? Are there, in fact, more sordid tales within the Bearers of Harmony? Also, what does this mean for Gilda's own relationship with a showmare called Trixie? All this and more will be revealed on page ten with exclusive inside information. “I’m not going to answer any questions, and if you’re not here to buy a drink, you can leave.” I jerked my claw at the door. The smile on her face dropped just a little, it was barely noticeable, before it picked up again. “Alright,” she said sensually. “I’ll come back with a drink for both of us, and then we can chat.” I rolled my eyes. “Lady, I know what you’re trying to do, and it’s not working.” She just winked at me and sauntered off. Okay, I’ll admit she had a sexy walk and a tight flank- Oh shit. I jerked my eyes to the front and grit my beak. Please tell me Trixie didn’t just see me staring at another mare. Friday nights at the bar were always the busiest, and today was even worse when a gaggle of reporters followed me and Trixie to work. Because they weren’t actually buying anything, I was allowed to throw them out, and I doubt they were allowed to drink on the job, so they didn’t bother coming back in. Except one mare came back out of office hours, and was apparently trying to get an interview from me with her ‘feminine charm’s’. It was only a few minutes before she came back, a red cocktail and a plain beer floating in her magic. The suit she’s wearing is sassy and tight, definitely cut to fit her specifically. Her pink mane looks good against the black and- Ah, shit. It looks like I’m checking her out again. Yanking my eyes to the front, I grit my beak as she stepped closer. The beer floats into my vision. “I didn’t know what you liked, but you seem the rugged type. Club Drought?” “I wouldn’t drink on the job,” I tell her flatly, “If I didn’t already not drink, period.” “Oh?” She moved closer to me, way too close for my comfort. “You must be very strong willed. Some ponies say that a lot of gryphons have trouble controlling their drinking, have any opinion on that?” “No.” I glared at her. She acted like I didn’t notice, and moved close enough to practically rub against me. I took a step away, and she took another one forward. My eyes locked onto hers, I backed into a wall and almost yelped in surprise. Then she was in my face, and I had nowhere to go without touching her. Panicking, and praying Trixie hadn’t noticed, I shoved past her and walked backed to where I was supposed to be standing. Behind me, I heard her laughing. “Maybe you’re not so strong willed.” I didn’t answer her, but I almost jumped when she brushed against me and stepped into my vision again, a sassy pout on her face. “Can you tell me why Luna offered you a position as Guard Captain? I mean, sure you’re handsome, but I’m not certain you’re all that impressive.” “No comment.” She winked and a white card floated out of her coat pocket. “Well, here’s my number if you ever change your mind.” There was bright flash of blue and the unicorn vanished from sight only to appear on stage next to Trixie. The reporter tried to say something, but the crowd broke out into applause and eager anticipation as they watched the show. Ah, fuck. I had to resist the urge to groan. At least Trixie didn’t set her on fire or something. I watched with growing dread, wondering just how much of that Trixie had seen, and just how pissed off she was gonna be at me. “Congratulations! As part of Trixie’s random selection of participants, you have been chosen to be her latest test subject!” Fireworks fired off and before the reporter could say anything, the chair was yanked out from under her and a box snapped shut around her. “Now, the Great and Powerful Trixie shall saw this mare in half and before separating the mare’s head from her body. Do not worry, this has never failed, except for that one time a stallion thought he was worthy of Trixie’s attention!” Oh, shit. I hesitated, wondering if I should step in or not. On the one hand, I would not put it past Trixie to murder the mare, on the other, if I did try to stop, her things would be very bad for me. My wings opened, and I considered flying to the stage, before I caught a fucking scary glare from Trixie. Swallowing nervously, I sat on the ground and watched. And prayed for the poor mare’s life. Trixie reached into her cloak to pull out a very large and very sharp looking saw. “Now, the Great and Powerful Trixie invites any audience member to come up here and examine this saw for themselves. In fact, Trixie shall place it on stage for one minute and anyone who desires may come up and examine it!” A large glowing, pulsating, look-at-me look appeared above the stage and began counting down as ponies rushed on stage. I let out a relieved sigh. If she was trying to convince the audience that the saw was real, then it probably was, so the mare would be ‘saved’ via some other method. Then I blinked as I thought my logic through. Fuck, that didn’t actually make all that much sense. My stomach churned as I thought of that mare in two halves, blood all over the stage and Trixie laughing like a maniac. And that wasn’t anywhere near the worst case scenario. A loud ringing noise ran out as the clock finally struck zero and the ponies jumped off stage, more than one pony nursing a bleeding hoof because they underestimated just how sharp the saw was. For a minute all was silent as they watched Trixie standing there, her cape billowing in the non-existent wind. Then, with all the dramatic flair of a changeling invasion, she pulled out a rubber ball and a blindfold. We all watched mesmerised as she blindfolded herself before tossing the ball randomly into the crowd. Some gryphon I had never seen before caught it and looked at it in confusion. “Whoever caught the ball, please throw it again randomly into the crowd.” The ball was tossed around five times before Trixie said, “Please come up on stage.” The ball had been caught by a yellow pegasus with an orange mane. For some reason she looked familiar, but I couldn’t remember from where. With growing dread, I watched the mare step closer to Trixie, an interested but unconvinced smile on her face. Trixie wasn’t going to murder that reporter in front of an entire crowd? Was she? I know she likes audiences, but she wouldn’t want to go to prison that badly? Please, please, please, Trixie don’t do it. “Now, Trixie wishes for you to open the front panel and rotate the box so everyone can see the mare is indeed still inside.” The pegasus did as she was asked, and opened the box after turning it. We all got to see a very shocked looking unicorn mare in a designer suit with a pink mane, staring at the audience like she couldn’t quite believe what was happening. After a moment I realised she literally couldn’t move. From the way her eyes were shifting about and her neck was straining, she was tied down or paralyzed or something that stopped her leaving the box. “Now notice how her hooves are sticking out the top and bottom of the box. Please verify that they are indeed real and not fake.” The pegasus touched her hoof to the reporter’s hoof, and the reporters eyes bugged. The pegasus shrugged at the audience. “They seem real to me.” “Seem real? Perhaps you wish to verify it in another way, do whatever you deem fit.” After a moment, the pegasus started tickling the hooves with her wing, and everybody watched the reporter seemingly struggle and squirm, tears of laughter forming in her eyes even as she seemed to be bordering on panic. “Uh... this mare’s a volunteer, right?” the pegasus asked, sounding a little concerned. “Yes.” Trixie walked towards the front of the stage, almost tripping down the stairs as she did so. “For all those who have been watching closely, the One and Only Trixie has not cast any spells thus far. In fact, she has not touched the saw or the coffin at all. Now, please close the panel and pick up the saw.” Trixie used the word coffin. Not box, coffin. Oh, no. Oh shit, please no. The pegasus shrugged and did as asked, closing the box and grabbed the saw in her mouth. “‘ow, what?” she asked, mumbling around the handle. “Start sawing. Anywhere you want! Top, bottom, middle, vertically - though that does make things a tad more difficult. Let your imagination run wild!” Trixie threw out her forehooves, letting the cape billow out behind her, showing off her tight, well worked flank. I would have been staring at it too if I was at the right angle. Instead, all I got to look at was her underbelly and chest. Not that those weren’t worth staring at, but they just didn’t scream ‘look at me’ the way a flank did. I practically slapped myself. Now was not the time to be staring! Trixie was about to murder someone! “‘iagonally?” The pegasus on stage suggested. “Um...” Trixie coughed and looked sheepish. “Diagonally? Trixie has never done that before, but who cares! Diagonally it is! Let us see if this will work at all then.” I gulped nervously as the pegasus on stage grinned, and began sawing at the box. The teeth bit into the wood, and the steel practically glided through the box. Even at the odd angle, it would only be a few moments before it’d cut through the box completely. I was relieved that no blood was pouring out, and I took a second to let out a deep breath. “Trixie has still not cast any magic. She is blindfolded and has not stepped within three alicorn lengths of the box at all. The box is raised off the ground and no trap door was seen, and there are audience members on all sides for optimal coverage.” Oh goddesses, she did it didn’t she? Trixie really did murder that mare. The saw finally broke through the coffin and there was a silence as everyone sat on the edge of their seats, completely glued to the spectacle before them. “Now, please separate the two halves and show everyone what is inside,” commanded Trixie. The pegasus did as she was told, and the entire audience held their breath as the two separate halves of the box were turned out to face the audience. There was nothing inside. It was completely empty except for a note that read ‘Gotcha ~ The Great and Powerful Trixie’. I let out a relieved chuckle, even as some of the audience grumbled about it being a lame trick. Most of them were laughing along with me, and the pegasus on stage was smirking, a puzzled look on her face. “I could swear I felt the saw bite into something while I was cutting.” My laughing stopped, and I glanced across at Trixie who merely smiled and shrugged. “Oh, the trick isn’t over yet,” she said and silence descended once more. “Please put the two halves together.” The pegasus shrugged and did as she was told, sliding the two halves together. “Now please lower it so it’s horizontal to the ground. There’s a lever along the side for that,” said Trixie even as she idly walked around the stage. After a moment, the pegasus pulled the lever and the box lowered like Trixie asked. “Now push the two halves apart.” The box was pushed into its two halves and the reported dropped onto the stage, landing with a dull thud. After a moment, she stood up looking shaken and the entire audience stomped the floor, shouting in approval. As the mare tried to make her way off stage, Trixie whispered something in her ear and the reporter paled before bolting out the door faster than that stallion in drag from a couple nights ago. “Thank you! Thank you all!” Trixie bowed on stage as she tossed off her blindfold. “The Great, The Only, The Miraculous Trixie shall be performing all week.” I breathed out a sigh of relief. “That could have gone worse.” “Sometimes your marefriend scares me,” Jack Daniels muttered at my shoulder. I jumped, I hadn’t even heard him approach, before shrugging. “Scares me too.” And I’m the trained killer! A moment later, Trixie made her towards me, a huge grin plastered all over her face. “And that, my dear, is how you get a pony to leave you alone.” “I’m just glad you didn’t kill her.” “Tempting, tempting, but that was Spitfire, who does hold a military rank,” chuckled Trixie as she sat down at the bar. “If Trixie catches you staring at another mare, Trixie will make you regret it.” “I wasn’t staring,” I defended myself, “She just kept walking in front of me.” “You were staring,” Jack Daniels said over my shoulder, and I glared at him as he walked away. I turned back to Trixie. “I swear, I wasn’t doing anything to encourage her, she just wouldn’t leave me alone.” “Which is the only reason you’re not being punished right now, and why you weren’t Trixie’s oh so helpful victim,” she smirked as she took a sip of her drink. Oh, thank fuck she’s not angry at me. “I swear, these reporters are getting more and more annoying every damn day.” Trixie merely shrugged. “At least she looked hot.” Her grin was beyond scary. “Was she?” I shrugged as I lied. “Hadn’t noticed.” “Look on the bright side, you have good taste, which means Trixie must be hotter.” She leaned towards me, her breath tickling my ear. “Which helped save your delicious flank.” I gulped. “That’s... that’s...” I coughed into my fist and stepped away from her. “I mean, uh... Sandwich?” She immediately stepped forward and somehow managed to trap me against the bar. “You get flustered way too easily.” I glanced around the room, catching a few eyes and disgusted looks. “Ponies are watching Trix, and I’m on shift.” “Saved by your job,” she grumbled before licking my ear for good measure and backing off. “You!” A yellow face was suddenly shoved in front of me, tossing Trixie to the side. “I’ve got a bone to pick with you, missy!” I backed up a step, blinking in shock. Glancing over at Trixie, who seemed just as surprised and confused as me, then back at... whoever the heck this was, I asked, “What? I mean, what the fuck? Who are you? Can’t you see we’re kinda in the middle of something?” “Oh... oh you were...? Um...” She squeaked and hid behind a lock of pink mane. “I-I’m sorry. Um, is there, that is... if it’s alright, is there some better time then?” I glanced over at Trixie, my expression set to, ‘What the fuck is happening?’ She returned the look with confusion and shrugged. I turned back to the pegasus, asking, “Uh... Who are you, and what am I supposed to have done?” Something about her tickled my memory, but I couldn’t quite remember where from. A squeak. No, literally, she just squeaked at me. “Was... that your name?” I frowned and tried to think of why she was so familiar... “Do I know you from somewhere?” She just looked down at the ground and shuffled her hooves awkwardly. That was what did it. That was what made me remember her. “Hey!” She jumped. “You’re that filly from flight school, right? The one that Dash was friends with...” I snapped my claws. “What was your name? Uh... Utter Cry? No... Shy? Something like that? Shutterfly?” “Um... y-yes...?” “Yeah, that’s it, Shutterfly.” I stepped towards her and asked, “So what’s your problem?” “It’s, um, that is, I...” Fuck. Now I remembered why I never liked her. She was completely impossible to talk to. She made gryphon females seem pushy and forward. She took a deep breath. “It’s Rainbow Dash.” I groaned. “What about her?” I asked exasperated. Fuck me, can I go a day without having to hear about her? It’s almost like she was right, and she actually was the center of the universe or something. “She’s in... in...” Her wings trembled as though she going to bolt at any second. “In jail.” “Jail?” I repeated and frowned. “What about it? What did she do?” “I-I don’t know, but she got drunk last night and apparently did some... stuff.” I snorted and turned away. “That’s all? Fuck, for a second I was actually worried. How’s this my problem?” “Well... um... it was some very, very, very, very bad... er... stuff.” I rolled my eyes. “Uh huh. Sure. Listen, Shutter, Dash can do whatever she wants. She can screw everyone between here and Manehattan, and it’d mean nothing to me. She’s a grown-ass mare and she can deal with her own problems, and if that means waking up in prison with a hangover, it might actually do her some good.” She looked down at the ground and said some stuff, but thanks to the music and chatter, it was impossible to tell what she did say. But I did catch “hospital” in there somewhere. “What was that?” I asked, and stepped closer to her. “Did you just say hospital?” She nodded meekly. “Fuck...” After a moment I nudged Shutterfly towards the back door. “Let’s step outside and you can tell me the whole story.” I muttered and looked back at Trixie. “I’ll be done with this in a minute, do you want to wait around for me, or just head back to the apartment?” “Trixie will come with you.” “Alright then,” I stepped past Shutterfly. “Come on Shutter.” She meekly followed me, and Jack Daniels raised an eyebrow as we passed. I shrugged at him, and he just rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything. We stepped out into the alley behind the bar, and after closing the door I turned to face Shutterfly. “So, what happened?” “She, um, got drunk, got into a fight, and... er...” Squeak. “Oh, just fucking talk!” I snapped at her, my patience gone. “It’s not fucking hard, open your mouth and words come out! It’s the whole reason we’re out here in the first place!” Yeah, keep screaming at her. She’s only here to help and you’re ready to break her nose. That just made her shrink back even more, tears at the corner of her eyes. “Ugh,” I groaned and facepalmed. “How were you and Dash ever even friends? It’s like talking with a mouse or something, the moment you make a noise it just squeaks and bolts.” After a moment, I put my claw back to the ground and asked in the calmest, gentlest voice I could manage, “Listen, Shutter. I promise I won’t hurt you, or yell, or get mad if you tell me what Dash did. So please,” I grit my beak, “Just say the whole story.” “She... um... got drunk, maybe started a bar fight and... um...” Once more she trailed off. I clenched my fists. “And? What happened after that?” I tried to sound calm, but I think my frustration was creeping in. “I-I don’t know. All I know is that, she, um, ended up in jail and had to see a doctor and, um, I’m sorry!” I grit my beak and stared up at the sky. “Celestia give me some fucking patience.” After a moment, I looked down at her and asked, “Alright, so what made you come to see me?” “Well... Vinyl said that, um, you were, I’m sorry, but that it was because of you.” “Oh come the fuck on!” I snapped at her. “I can’t be that fucking scary! If you’re just repeating what someone else said, why would I even be angry at you! I’m not gonna snap and rip you limb from limb because of something Vinyl said! So just fucking tell me what it was that she said!” “Gilda, clam down.” Trixie placed a hoof on my shoulder. “Let’s just follow and see what happens.” I let out a deep breath, and unclenched my fists. “Right. Trix... could you just... ask her for me? I can’t- I just can’t deal with her being too fucking cowardly to tell me what the problem is when Dash might be hurt.” Trixie’s eye twitched. “No.” “And why not?” I asked, sounding a bit harsher than I’d planned. “Trixie is not dealing with that.” I groaned in frustration, before I turned back to face Shutterfly who was trembling and apparently frozen in fear. “Look, Shutterfly. I’m frustrated because Rainbow Dash could be seriously hurt, and you’re here busy quivering and stuttering like a little bitch when you could be telling me what hospital she’s at, and what Vinyl Scratch even has to do with all this. So please, for the sake of Rainbow Dash, calm down, and answer my questions. Alright?” “O-Okay...” “Good. Now, what does Vinyl Scratch have to do with Rainbow?” “They went out drinking after your... um... disagreement yesterday.” “Alright, and why did Dash need to see a doctor? What kind of wound are we talking about?” “Um... all I know is that there was a broken bone?” She rubbed the back of her leg. “And who gave her the broken bone?” I growled. “O-O-One of the ponies she fought.” “Do you know their name, where they live, and what time of day they usually leave home?” “Gilda,” growled Trixie. “Fine, fine,” I muttered and turned back to Shutterfly. “What hospital is Dash at?” “R-Royal Canterlot Hospital.” “Fuck,” I sighed as I looked away. “That’s just down the road from the palace...” I glanced back at her. “When you showed up, you said you had a bone to pick with me, was it because Dash went and did something stupid?” “M-Maybe?” “It’s a yes or no question so maybe isn’t an answer. What made you come after me?” “Y-Yes...?” “Fuck, now you’re asking me the question,” I muttered. After a second I sighed and looked her in the eye. “Do you think it’s my fault Dash got hurt?” “Well I didn’t want to say anything, and I know you’re not the type to intentionally get her hurt, and, I mean, you do seem rather nice, not that I’m judging you or anything! But... um... yes...?” I rolled my eyes at her halfhearted accusation. “Whatever. You can go now.” She hung around, seemingly torn between leaving and staying. After a couple of seconds though, she walked off, glancing over her shoulder back at me every so often. After she was gone, I turned back to Trixie shaking my head. “I seriously never got how her and Dash were friends.” “Who knows, just being near her was enough to give Trixie a headache,” she said. “So, shall we?” “Go home? Yeah, let’s get out of here.” “Gilda,” warned Trixie. “What?” I asked. “What did I do this time?” “Aren’t you going to see that Rainbow Dash?” “I wasn’t planning on it,” I shrugged. “We’ve both already said what we needed to, and... fuck... Alright, yeah I’m worried, but she’s her own mare and she can make her own damn decisions. It’s not my business anymore.” “You know, it’s alright to be concerned.” She touched my cheek lightly. “You can go see her you know.” “I don’t want to see her,” I replied before I added, “We’d just fight again.” “You should still try.” “Why? She’s got her six Element of Harmony destiny friends to take care of her, and I got over it ages ago. This way it’ll be a clean break and she can forget about me sooner. I mean, we were just friends since we were fucking eight goddess damn years old, it’s not like that shit means anything.” “Gilda...” She held me close and nuzzled my neck. “You need to go talk to her.” “I don’t need to do anything. You on the other claw, need to go home and get to sleep. You’ve been up since eight and it’s already past midnight.” “Sleep is for the weak, all Trixie cares about is your health.” “Well that’s great, because I’m fine. Let’s just go home and get something to eat already. I’m starving.” “Whatever.” She drew back and began walking. I sighed at her tone. Great. Now Trixie was pissed at me. I followed behind her, trying to figure out how to defuse this. She was mad because I shut her out when she was trying to get emotional and shit, so... How to un-piss her off? Maybe say something sappy and emotional about me and Trixie? That way she wouldn’t feel like I was pushing her away... Nah. That wouldn’t work, she’d spot it a mile away. She wanted me to talk about it, not distract her from it. Fuck. Dash was in a hospital. I seriously wanted to fly over there, find out who did that, then just... Maybe not kill them, but half drown them a couple of times to let them know I meant business, or carve something into his forehead so they’d know not to fuck with Dash again. Really though, that wasn’t it. Sure it’d be fun, but it was partly my fault that she was in hospital in the first place. Yeah I was pissed off at her, but maybe I hadn’t needed to go and burn down the bridge she was trying to rebuild. Ugh, whatever. Things were settled between us. She’d spend a few more nights getting stupidly drunk, then she’d realise she didn’t need me all that much anyway, and then she’d go back to Ponyville and save the world with her friends a couple of times till she felt better. After a moment, I sighed and move closer to my marefriend. “Trix, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to push you away, I just don’t want to think about it. Me and Dash have gone different ways, and that’s all it needs to be.” “You should still go and see her, you’re obviously concerned,” she said. “Yeah, of course I’m concerned.” I paused for a moment, before I sighed and continued. “I just want things to go back to the way they were a few weeks ago. You and me, and none of this bullshit getting in the way. All I had to do was ignore a shrink a few times a week, and we could just... do what we wanted. But then Luna arrested us, Dash started trying to start things up again, and... fuck it. I don’t need that in my life anyway and she doesn’t either. Being friends with Dash means being involved with the Elements of Harmony, which just gives Luna more inroads into our lives. Yeah it hurts, but it’s just some stupid emotions anyway. I’ll be fine, She’ll be fine, and Luna can go suck a fat one.” For a second it looked as though she was going to say something, but then she just sighed and shook her head sadly. We walked along in silence for a while, before I stepped closer and put my wing around her only for her to shrug it off. I sighed and stepped away from her. “Come on, Trix. Don’t be angry at me.” “I’m not angry, I’m disappointed.” “Yeah, well...” I shifted my wings, but didn’t have anything I could really say to that. “Sorry.” Silence. “Do you think I’m being selfish?” I asked after a moment. “I think you’re pushing everyone away. I want you to be happy, and it hurts to see you just...” She waved a hoof in my direction. “I love you, but you’ve got no friends. No one to hang out with, and you need others, everyone does.” “Gryphons aren’t like ponies, Trix. We’re not a herd animal.” “But you do live in flocks. You live in clans. Please...” W-Was she begging!? “Please, just... try. For me.” “I... I didn’t know you felt that way... I mean, shit, is it really that bad, Trix?” “Name one being you spend time with other than me or your psychologist.” “There aren’t any, I know, but... I didn’t know you were that worried about it. I swear, I’m just fine, Trix.” She gave me a flat look. “I am.” Once more with the sigh and sad shake of her head. “Alright,” I said after a moment. “I’ll try to make some friends.” I shrugged. “It’s no big deal, right?” “Thank you...” Trixie moved back towards me, leaning against me as we walked. This was bad. Like really, really, really bad. Like, worse than that time I may have accidentally damaged Octy’s instrument thingie. I was fucked, major time, like, with a rusty pole or something! Okay, focus, I got closer to the Element of Loyalty... maybe. I mean, the whole bar fight was a blast and all that energy! But getting her in jail and hospital? So screwed. So really, really screwed. There was no way Chrysalis was gonna let me off the hook for this one. Pissing off Gilda? Not great, but at least I had Loyalty to back me up, but now? Now I was dead. Cooked.Boiled. Deep fried! I was deep fried. I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down, but that all that did was cause me to start pacing around in the small apartment. There had to be a way to fix this, there just had to be. Maybe if I slipped into the hospital at night and tried to talk to her? Yeah, maybe that’d work. I mean, it’s not like I egged her on or anything, and it’s not like I threw the first punch. I mean, come on, he was a sleaze ball and deserved that buck, though I probably should have aimed a tad lower now that I think about it... And the worst part was, I just knew the others would be dragged into this mess and that was the last thing I wanted. They were the ones who were going to be taken in, yelled at, threatened, all so that I would play along with their little scheme. I hated it! It was just so.... argh! I wanted some freedom damn it, to do what I wanted- The door to the apartment slammed opened, and a second later a white unicorn with spiky blue hair and purple sunglasses stormed in. Even though I couldn’t see her eyes, I knew she was pissed and glaring at me hard enough to light a fire. She didn’t really need to say anything, she just stood in front of me and pawed the ground. It was the longest second of my life before she spoke. “What. The. Buck?” “Hm... Hi?” I tried to put on my most charming smile, but it wasn’t working. “I’m gonna repeat myself,” she replied, sounding as angry as I’d ever heard her. “And this time you’re gonna answer the question. What. The. Buck?” “We were drinking, partying, some sleazy fucker decided to say some less than appropriate things, so I felt a buck to the face was the right answer.” A massive grin split my face. “You should have seen it! It was- Oh... right... Um... sorry?” “Whhhhhhy?!” She shouted and paced around. “Couldn’t you have let me know that was what you were gonna do? You could have gone looking like some random pony, and then I could’ve been there, and-and... You got one of the Elements of Harmony drunk! I mean.... Dude! How could you do that to me?!” She turned around and grabbed my face, staring right into my eyes. “It would have been soooooo epic !” He voice cracked with excitement on the last syllable. “You are crazy, you know that? Also, as soon as Octy hears about this, we’re so dead.” Pause. “Actually, I’m already dead, so I’ll just be dead...er...” “Don’t care!” She replied and started pacing. “I mean, how awesome was it? Come on, tell me everything, on a rating of one to oh-my-bucking-goddess-holy-shit-my-mind-is-blown, how awesome was it? Tell me everything!” She fell to her knees in front of me, her hooves together, and begging. “I need to know!” “It. Was. Epic. You should have seen it! By Luna, can Dash dance, I mean, wow. She’s hot and she knows it and she’s not afraid to flaunt it. Let me tell you, we were setting the place on fire.” I sat down on the sofa and grinned. “I mean, seriously, you cannot believe how awesome it was. No party will ever compare. Eveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer.” “And you stole it from me!” She accused, standing up and jabbing her hoof at me. “How could you do that to me?! I thought we were friends!” “Next time! You can go next time, geez. Plus, Octy would probably kill you twice if you went out with her and got drunk. I think she was hitting on me the entire time...” “Oh, come on! You didn’t even tell me you were friends with Rainbow Dash! Why didn’t you tell me that? I mean, sure, Octy would make me choke on my own glasses, but still! Worth it! And you know what the worst part is? She thinks I did this! She’s gonna be so pissed at me about this, and I never even got to enjoy the awesome part! That’s like a drink that only gives you a hangover without getting you drunk ! Or the morning after a one night stand without the night!” “That... last one doesn’t even make sense,” I said before blinking and stabbing a hoof at her. “And that’s not right! You keep telling me how the angry make up sex is worth anything! Liar! You filthy liar, I should set your pants on fire!” “That makes even less sense. I’m not even wearing pants!” She replied and stepped away. “Buck me, I seriously hope Octy doesn’t remember where I was supposed to be last night, or she’s gonna be even more pissed off at me about lying. Yeah, the angry make up sex is great, but you don’t always get that. Sometimes she just gives me the cold shoulder for a few days before crying while we make up... by talking. I mean... laaaame!” “Well at least she doesn’t tie you down and whip you or something, though that actually sounds like fun,” I said. “Um... you didn’t hear that.” “If you do that shit with Octy, I swear I’m kicking you out,” she warned me. “I’m not joking. Making out with her i-” “Geez, I haven’t touched her. But damn, do you know how to pick them. Tell me, is she as feisty in bed as she is normally?” She grinned. “H’yeah. There’s a good reason she’s like, the first mare I’ve ever gone exclusive with.” “You lucky thing. I’ve personally got my eyes on this hot piece of stallion. A nightkin too...” I licked my lips. “He looks damn fine in his armor and with that stupidly sexy toned flank of his.” “A guy?” She glanced at me, her grin widening. “I didn’t know you swung that way.” “Love is love is love is love. You’re the one into mares, I’m into anything that moves. It pays to not be picky you know.” “And a nightkin?” she asked and danced on her hooves. “Oh man, those nightkin mares would be so damn hot with like... a whip or something as part of their uniform .” She paused for thought. “Hey, aren’t they still accepting ponies to become nightkin? I wonder how Octy would feel about joining the Royal Guard.... ” My jaw hit the ground. “Do that and I will worship you for the rest of my life. I’ll make it into a religion!” “Hey!” She looked over her shoulder at me, still smiling. “That’s my marefriend, lookie but no touchy, capiche?” “Don’t remind me,” I huffed and folded my hooves, “do you know how hot she is?” “Awww...” she groaned and grinned. “I know, right? Totally a ten. And the way she gets that pout when she’s angry and-” Just then we were both interrupted by the sound of stomping hooves, and the door slamming open. “Vinyl Scratch!” Octavia shouted as she walked into the apartment, “When I get my hooves on you I’m going to- I’m going to- Urrrrrrrrrrrgh!” She stormed into the living room, and glared at her, apparently not noticing me. “How could you do that to me! Spending the night with some drunken hussy and getting into fights! Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince my parents you weren’t a drunken whore, and then you go and do that!” She was pacing back and forth in front of us, snorting and growling. “Why, Vinyl?! Why?! What does that mare have to offer you that I-” Her eyes darted between me and Vinyl. “That I- that I.... that...” she stopped pacing, and blinked as she rubbed her eyes. “You must have already sent me off the deep end, Vinyl... Why are there two of you?” “She did it!” Vinyl shouted and pointed a hoof at me. “What? How could you! I thought we were friends, sister in arms, comrades, buddy, chum, mate, pal, partner in crime, er... sidekick!” I yelled back. “Hey! You’re the sidekick!” Vinyl shouted, and turned to Octavia. “Octy, meet my... twin sister.” Octavia blinked. “You don’t have any sisters.” “Yes I do! See, she’s standing right there!” “They’re ashamed of me!” I cried and threw myself at Octy’s hoof. “Just look at me! How could they hate a mare as cute and sexy as me, it just doesn’t make sense. Fiends! The whole lot of them!” Octavia shook her head and backed away. “This is an illusion spell, or something... There’s can’t be two of them... I mean, there just can’t... Uhm, Vinyl. Could you please drop whatever spell it is you’re casting.” Vinyl coughed into her hoof. “Um... sure?” She glanced at me, and tilted her head at Octavia. “I’m right about to drop the spell, and reveal who this pony really is. Are you ready?” I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Fine.” I'd probably have gone for something fancy like fireworks or smoke, but I decided to simply shift to my other unicorn disguise, the one with the red mane and yellow coat. “Happy?” Octavia blinked, before frowning at me. “She has your voice. And...she has blue eyes and a green magic aura... I... who is that?” She frowned at me. “Voice? Oh! Right, I keep forgetting that’s a separate spell.” A bit more magic and I changed my voice so that it was slightly lower pitched with a hint of a Manehatten accent. “And I’m a friend from way back, just stopping by to hang out with Vinyl.” She didn’t say anything for a second, just pointed her hoof at my flank. “Your cutie mark is still the same as Vinyl’s... And you said you already dropped the illusion...” she turned to face Vinyl, her expression serious. “What’s going on here?” Vinyl groaned and turned to me. “Gee, great way to drop an illusion, still leaving part of it up.” “An illusion spell doesn’t work that way,” Octavia frowned. “Unless she was casting it in two parts which would be completely pointless. Vinyl, again, what is going on?” Vinyl bit her lower lip, glancing between me and Octavia. “Uh... Alright, I’ll tell yo-” “No you won’t,” I snapped. “Or do you want to put her in danger as well?” “They won’t know that she knows!” Vinyl Scratch protested. “And... I can’t really think of a way not to tell her after this...” “They can get it straight out of my head! Damn it!” I bucked the sofa. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” “Yeah well, you should have remembered to change your cutie mark!” Vinyl replied and paced back and forth nervously. “Vinyl, what’s going on?” “Uh... Shit-shit-shit... There isn’t an easy way to say this so... I’m just gonna say it.” Vinyl turned to Octavia and pointed a hoof at me. “That’s a changeling.” “Wh-what! You don’t just go tossing accusation like that around,” I said. “Come on, can’t we talk about this?” Octavia didn’t seem to hear me. She was too busy staring at Vinyl in shock. “A changeling?” “Uh... yeah.” Vinyl scratched the back of her head. “See, she, at least I think it’s a she, has been living with me for a while now, pretending to be me.” Octavia just stared at her in disbelief. “Sometimes I let her—or it, whatever—pretend to be me so she can soak up some love from you.” Octavia paused. “You’re telling me,” she swallowed and looked really green, “I slept with an insect?” “Nope,” I said cheerfully, “if I did, she’d kill me then bring me back then kill me again before killing me for a third time because she’s evil like that.” “You’re not helping!” Vinyl snapped at me, and turned to Octy. “No. She’s never slept with you, or kissed you, or even touched you. We have a very strict hooves-off agreement. She gets most of her love from disguising as another pony and having a one night stand somewhere else in Canterlot.” She stepped forward and nuzzled Octavia. “I’d never let her touch you.” “And it’s not for lack of trying. Trust me, you’re super-hot and I’d totally jump you if she let me,” I said. Octavia threw up in her mouth. “Oh come on! Even changelings need a bit of loving.” “Shut. Up.” Vinyl hissed at me. I rolled my eyes and made a zipping motion with my hoof. “Look, Octy, I know this is shocking and all, but... she’s actually a decent pony... well, thing. She’d a decent thing, and I promise that this totally isn’t as bad as it seems.” Octavia didn’t answer, she seemed to still be processing it. After a while, she said, “Vinyl, this is treason.” Vinyl coughed into her hoof. “Not... really... I mean, she’s never done any real spying or sneaking or that sort of thing. She’s pretty much just been a really agreeable roommate, who can do a scary good impression of me that occasionally deals with the boring crap I don’t want to. Like those community meeting you’ve been taking me—well, her—to.” “H-h-how long?” Octavia asked, staring at me like I was a snake about to bite. “Since the Grand Galloping Gala last year,” Vinyl answered. “Remember after you got fired, and my music hadn’t taken off yet? Well, we needed the bits, and she basically agreed to pretend to be me, work a job whenever I was with you, and bring in some extra revenue, in exchange for living with me and occasionally sapping love from you. Since then, well... We’re pretty much friends and I didn’t want to just kick her out.” “Vinyl, I... I... I don’t even know what to think. I mean, I suspected you were hiding something from me, I was worried it might have been a drug addiction or something, but now...” she shook her head and held out a hoof towards me. “I certainly wasn’t expecting something as bad as this!” “Hey! I’m better than drugs!” I blinked as what I said sunk in. “Um... I meant in the good sense, not the bad sense.” “You are not helping!” Vinyl snapped at me. “I... I need a minute...” After a second she added, “And a stiff drink.” She looked across at Vinyl. “Can we speak in private for a minute?” “Definitely.” Vinyl glanced across at me. “Could you find somewhere else to stay for the night? Me and Octy need to talk about this, and it’ll be easier if you weren’t anywhere near her.” “Fine,” I sighed. “I can figure something out.” “Sweet, later.” Vinyl Started shoving me towards the exit. She hissed at me, “Come back in the morning and I’ll tell you how it went.” Then with that, she shoved me out the door and slammed it shut behind me. “Fuck,” I muttered under my breath. Things just got complicated, so maybe I should just skip town. Run off somewhere and just slip off the face of the world, never to be seen again and never needing to deal with this type of shit ever again. It was certainly tempting, but... With a sigh, I began walking down the stairs. Some days, I really hate my life.