Miraak awoke in Solstheim, it was bright and the breeze blew through the robes of the majestic sorcerer. Except it didn't, there was no light, nor was there breeze. Only the dark room, of which Miraak awoke in and a cruel realization has been set. He's still here. In a land of senseless. Inconvenient. Ponies. He made note to tear the place down once he left, that is assuming he can escape.
"Oi, it's so dark here and I can't even see the disappointment in Sombra's character...Why do I know that?" His mind squirmed for the answer, there was none but the dark room. Of which in the moment he found himself bound by invisible means. Obvious since no fool can see in the dark room, and trying to would prove they lacked any common sense. The only one of the senses that Miraak lacked.
"Maybe If I move this way..." Miraak twisted his torso, hoping to undo the binds. This only made things worse as the discomfort set further. "Yeah...that ribs broken." Miraak spoke through a raspy breath. Another idea down into Oblivion like the rest. But then, another idea came. One that would surely get him out of his pickle of a situation, or rather, into another set of embarrassing inconveniences...
Meanwhile, in the chamber of Miraak's foul torturers...
"-I say we roast him!"
Several hours had past since the arrival of their strange fellow, and everyone had gathered inside the Golden Oaks Library. The location of which they have convened to discuss matters on dealing with this crazy twit. Rainbow was currently not happy being upper handed by this blowhard.
"Roast? Doesn't that strike you a little extreme, Rainbow dash? I know he tried to chop us into next Tuesday's dinner but roasting him is...ugh," Twilight backed up two steps, and raised a brow. The others glanced a look at their murderous pal.
"Twi's right, there's goin' too far Rainbow, besides there's a better way," said Applejack, undoing the knots in the rope in her hooves.
"Oh yeah? Well then let's hear your clever idea, wise mare."
Applejack paused for a minute, and looked over her friends in silence. And then...
"We'll just tie him to two stallions and watch him split like firewood."
The girls stared in silence, questioning whether or not their friend was a sadistic psycho mare or just clinically stupid. The jury is currently out on this verdict.
...
...
"Have you been smoking banana peels again, Applejack?" Pinkie pie piped in. Applejack froze in place. Smoked banana peels? That's absurd, surely she didn't...
"Gosh darnit Pinkie, I told you to keep that a secret!" The entire crew of friends, save for Pinkie, looked at the farm pony with wide gazes.
"Well, have you?" said Spike who walked in on the conversation.
"Uh...um...I was abducted...by alien unicorns..." Applejack's smile strained. Rarity's brows furrowed at the suggestion.
"Alien Unicorns!?" A thick aura of blue surrounded Rarity's horn, preparing to blast Applejack with full frontal fury.
Soon after the first shot was made, the entirety of the group exploded into argument. Something of alien unicorns, roasting, banana peels and oddly hobbits. It would seem nothing productive would be going on anytime soon.
"Feim Zii Gron!
A deep voice and rattling chains echoed from below, rising from the cellar and into the booked room, followed by a crazed praise to mighty Talos. They all shut up, and stood deathly still. They were all too busy arguing to realize Miraak had just escaped his enchanted prison of chains.
"Oh Celestia's fat ass," Twilight muttered. The next scene followed with what many would describe as...silly.
Miraak's wispy form leaped into the room, a swinging chain guided by his flailing arms aimed at them.
"Aha! Foul creatures from Oblivion, I have escaped your foolish little binds and now I hold the chains to the mutt!"
"Um...excuse me, sir. But they liked to be called small wolves, if that's...fine with you," Fluttershy spoke up, who stood dangerously close to the chain wielding psychopath. Miraak turned his head downward, and his nerves blazed. No one has ever questioned Miraak's knowledge. No one.
"Silence small pony!" Miraak roared, and his chains of doom knocked the yellow pegasus across the room. Rainbow's face erupted and she dove after the man, wings spread wide.
Crack!
Rainbow dash passed right through Miraak, and smashed into the oaken shelved bookcase, which fell upon her small stature. She had not realized he had taken his ethereal form.
"Fools! I'm invincible!" laughed the crazy dragonborn. The others tried to apprehend him, but like their blue friend they went through him like a cloud, and he lashed the chain out like a flying nunchuck, imitating Bruce Lee cries.
It was no use.
Miraak truly was invincible, and Twilight lost all hope. Everyone was far too fatigued to stop him as he rushed for the door, turned, and said, "Prepare yourselves, hoofed creatures because once I'm done here, I'm gonna turn your entire realm into a glue factory!" Miraak had no idea what glue was, or a factory but he knew it was bad. And bad means good for Miraak. And with that, he turned back to the door, thrust his arm forward and pushed it open with ease. Freedom was his.
...Or not.
And there, stood only the mightiest ruler of all Equestria, the sun's light casting an aura around her crowned head. Celestia. And she saw her subjects beaten and the place a mess. Spike somehow had mysteriously left the scene before the madness began. Her face couldn't be any redder.
"Ooh, Master Mora I'm going kill you if I ever get out of here," Miraak whispered to himself, his fate realized regrettably.