Head of a Dog; Tail of a Lion

by Bico


Act I: It's a Dog's Life

Crystal blue eyes observed the sparkling corridor with military attentiveness. Scuff marks along the side of the wall belonging to two sets of hooves made it appear that somepony had been rough housing within the past four days, as the floor was buffed weekly. Swiveling ears caught the sound of lively activity in the kitchen not too far a distance away, which meant at this time of the day somepony important had ordered an impromptu snack. The faint hint of zesty orange and coconut pointed toward revani, a favorite foalhood comfort food for his sister.

Shining Armor smiled and shook his head. It seemed the Princess Summit had been more eventful than he had thought. It had probably been a good thing he had been forced to be away for the ordeal for the last three days. He stopped when he arrived at the round room with the dome shaped ceiling—he frowned, wishing he could remember what it was called and just knowing it would bother him all day—when he noticed a familiar face trudging in the opposite direction.

"Spike," Shining greeted with a grin.

Spike's head jerked up and he returned the smile. "Shining! How's it going?"

The two swiveled their heads, looking for any signs of espionage, and then initiated a complicated series of hoof/fist bumps that culminated in a chest bump for which Spike had to jump a rather impressive height for his diminutive size. They laughed good-naturedly and positioned themselves to lean casually against the wall in the standard "cool guy" manner.

"Well, the escort for the caravan was fairly uneventful, which was surprising and a little disappointing given the frequency of raids recently," Shining replied. "You look dog-tired, though."

Spike scoffed and folded his arms. "Yeah, well, there was a bit of a diplomatic incident at the Summit, and guess who had to take care of it?"

"Twiley?" Shining offered.

Spike grimaced. "Well, yeah, but I helped. A lot. In fact, I'm pretty sure I did most of the work."

Shining nodded sagely. "I'm sure you did. You've always been an industrious dragon." With a grin, he added, "Not that you need to be as a member of the landed gentry."

Spike rolled his eyes. "You're kidding. I'm Princess Celestia's ward, so she handles all the management until I'm old enough. If I didn't have something keeping me busy, I'd be getting hounded by the Canterlot nobility."

"You really dodged a bullet at the Grand Galloping Gala, then," Shining said. "I heard Blueblood making noise about how he wasted his time all evening on some friend of yours he described as 'exceedingly uncouth' just so he could rub elbows with you. You can imagine how disappointed he was when he found out you'd skipped out right after arriving."

Spike giggled into his claw. "Yeah, Blueblood's a nice enough guy with all the charity work he does, but mare, is he ever fussy."

"And here I thought you liked that kind of thing," Shining said with a wink.

Spike blushed, shuffling his feet on the floor. "Well... that's different, I guess." He frowned. "But, you know, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. I mean, I love helping Twilight, she's like... like family, you know? She practically raised me. Still, sometimes I feel a little..."

"Unappreciated?" Shining prompted at Spike's hesitation. "Listen, if this is about the Equestrian Games thing, trust me, Cadance was thinking of your best interests..."

"Oh, I know," Spike said with a flustered laugh. "I definitely know." His face became somber and he looked to the ground. "It's more than that. I know it's a bit selfish of me, but sometimes I feel like no matter how much effort I put into it, other ponies don't... recognize it."

Shining Armor's face softened and he put a hoof on Spike's shoulder. "I think I understand what you're saying. Listen... sometimes ponies get so used to others being around that they forget to appreciate how much they bring into their lives. Maybe you need to back off every once in awhile?"

Spike nodded. "I guess. Being an assistant is really all I'm good at, though. And it's what makes me happy. Besides, I'd feel like a real tool if I didn't help when I could." His eyebrows rose as a sudden thought occurred to him. "Oh. Is that why you volunteered for a three day mission?"

Shining had the decency to blush. "Heh, well... that wasn't the intention. It really was a large gem shipment, and we were pretty sure the Diamond Dogs wouldn't be able to resist. Still, I think having a life outside my wife makes my life with Cadance all the more precious." He gave Spike's head a rub as he straightened, and then he began to trot off. "Speaking of which, I have somepony precious I need to see. Remember what I said, Spike, and... take a break! I'm pretty sure there's some good sales on gems in the market."

Spike gave Shining a light smile. "I just might do that. Thanks, Shining."


The marketplace was positively bustling, which was a very positive change from the last time he had been there. Spike licked his lips hungrily as he watched the ponies walking by, but quickly shook his head and forced himself to focus on the shops. The fact that these ponies were made of crystal really messed with his head, and more importantly, made him quite hungry.

He wandered toward a stand that was selling gems, intent on filling his belly so he wouldn't be quite so distracted by the abundance of living crystal. He hadn't eaten regularly for the past few days, and the gems in the Crystal Empire were cheap compared to Equestria, which meant he was about to have a feast. He foisted over the jangles—the native coinage of the Crystal Empire, having the worth of eight bits—and received a sack full of various sculpted gems.

"Oh, man, these are almost too beautiful," Spike said, regarding a large statue of an alicorn made of a yellow sapphire. Still, it was lunch, and his reptilian tongue shot out and wrapped itself around the figure. A small gasp made him stop with his mouth still wide open and his tongue taut. He looked to his side to see a young crystal filly with a teal mane and amethyst eyes staring at him in horror.

"Are... are you really gonna eat Prince Cupid?" the filly asked.

"Uh..." Spike looked back at the figure, its sweet flavor beckoning him to devour it in one bite.

"Do... do you eat..." the filly leaned back fretfully. "Crystal ponies?"

"No!" Spike extricated the statue from his tongue and turned to the filly. "I... I eat regular gems. I would never eat another living thing."

The filly narrowed her eyes. "Really? But aren't you a dragon? Aren't dragons monsters that eat anything?"

Spike laughed and began to casually juggle the figurine. "That's ridiculous. I mean, sure there are dragons that are kind of rude, but we're sapient creatures."

"Wh-what's... sap... sappy..." the crystal filly's eyebrows creased as she struggled with the unfamiliar word.

"'Sapient'," Spike reiterated. "It just means we're not animals. I mean... we are, but ponies are animals, too, technically. It means I'm not just a dragon: I'm Spike. I can think for myself and choose how I want to act, just like anypony else."

"Oh," the filly said. A small smile appeared on her face. "That's pretty cool. Hey... can... can you really eat gems with just your teeth?"

"Sure can," Spike said with a razor sharp grin. "Just watch." He tossed the crystal alicorn into the air and chomped down on it, shattering it in his mouth. With an audible gulp, he consumed the shards and licked his lips, satisfied.

"Wow," the filly said with a laugh. "That was..."

"Glass!" came an infuriated cry. The voice belonged to an older stallion with an arrow cutie mark with similar coloration and features to the filly, who Spike assumed was the one to whom he was referring. "What are you doing playing with that crystal-eating beast!" He pulled Glass away protectively with a frightful glance toward Spike.

"But, Arrow, Spike said he wasn't a beast," Glass protested, looking up at Arrow with a plaintive expression. "I mean, he is, but he's also a sappy ant."

"It talks?" Arrow asked, amazed. "N-not that it matters. I remember what happened last time a dragon got loose in the Crystal Empire, before he took over."

"Now, Crystal Arrow," the shopkeeper, a blue mare with a silver mane and a fleur de lis cutie mark interrupted. "Don't you remember? This is the one that helped Princess Cadance save the Crystal Heart. Whatever you might say about other dragons, this one's one of the good ones."

Crystal Arrow started, but narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Yeah... I'm still not convinced it wasn't just trying to eat it like the last one... or don't you remember?"

The shopkeeper averted her gaze, embarrassed, and Spike sighed as he saw that the exchange was drawing unwanted attention. His stomach, tired of being ignored thus far, gurgled in protest, causing the other ponies to take an involuntary step back. Sheepishly, he removed a crystal that looked like a shoe from the sack. "Sorry... but, look, I have plenty of ordinary, nonmagical and nonpony gems to eat." He took a bite of what was probably quite uncomfortable hoofwear that was being put to much better use as a snack.

Arrow blanched at the crunching. "Well... friend of the Crystal Princess or no, I certainly don't have to put up with the company of a dragon, and neither does my little sister."

So why are you still here? Spike thought with a roll of his eyes.

A blood curdling howl pierced the air. From all corners of the marketplace, bipedal canine creatures wearing thick fur coats that they had obviously not grown themselves flooded the area. The panicked shoppers reared and whinnied, darting off in all directions as the dogs snapped at them. Crystal Arrow grabbed his little sister and galloped off with her in tow as the shopkeeper ducked behind her stand, leaving Spike on his own.

Stuffing the crystal slipper back into his sack and tightening his grip on it, Spike desperately looked for an escape route. He noted that it looked like a fairly clear path to the southwest exit, and he immediately waddled in that direction as fast as his stubby legs could carry him, the heavy sack of jewels swinging behind him as he carried it slung over his shoulder.

"Jewels, gems!" one of the dogs was barking. "Get as many as you can. Don't let any get away!"

Another dog sniffed the air, and he turned to find Spike’s sack swaying temptingly to and fro as it made its escape. With a howl, the dog bounded after his quarry, his tongue flapping out of his mouth in the breeze and drool trailing behind him. He leaped into the air, and came down upon Spike's head.

Spike shouted in protest as he was brought to his knees, but he kept a tight grip on his bag of gems. "G-get off me! I'm a scary dragon, you know!"

"Sure you are," the dog said with a snarl. "Never seen a dragon so small before. Sure you’re not just a large newt? You have a decent haul, though. You will be of use."

"No, no!" Spike shouted as he was slung over the dog's shoulder along with his sack of gems. "I stink at finding gems. I'd never be able to find them without help. I just dig them up."

The dog shrugged. "Also useful. You will make good slave for mines." With a leap, he joined a small pack of dogs who were also carrying away jewels and even crystal ponies, one of whom Spike recognized as the belligerent stallion from before. "Crystal Arrow?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"

Arrow snorted as he struggled futilely against the ropes that bound him. "They were trying to take my sister. I couldn't let that happen."

Spike grimaced in sympathy. "That was... pretty noble of you, dude."

"Yeah, hearing that from some dragon kid is a real consolation for becoming a slave forever," Arrow groused.

As the pack reached a marehole into the sewage system on the outskirts of the city, Spike's face lit up. "Maybe... not forever." He opened his sack and began to rummage through it while the dogs were busy focusing on lifting the marehole cover. He pulled out the crystal shoe and just before they leaped into the sewer, he let it drop to the ground.


"A Diamond Dog raid?" Shining bellowed angrily as the pegasus captain of his wife's guard stood shakily at attention. "In the city? How did anypony even let them get this deep?"

"Sir," the captain said, clicking his hooves together. "Until now the protection of the Crystal Heart has prevented anypony with hostile intent from entering the city limits. Investing the kind of ponypower needed to provide a comprehensive patrol of the border would have been a waste of resources that we could put to better use in other vital operations."

"Well, captain, protecting our citizens from foreign threats is no longer considered a 'waste of resources.'" Shining shoved his snout in the other's face. "I want a full patrol around the clock from now on. Do I make myself clear?"

The captain's eyes glanced briefly at Shining's sister, who gave him a sympathetic glance but made no move to calm her irate sibling, before looking Shining Armor square in the eyes. "Crystal, sir." He snapped a salute and did an about-face, marching briskly out of the throne room.

"I wonder what could have happened to the Crystal Heart spell," Twilight pondered aloud once the captain was out of earshot. "My understanding was that it created a complete sphere of protection that covered the entire city. Even burrowing underground wouldn't be enough to get around it."

"I wish I knew, Twilight," Princess Cadance said. "It's unfortunate that my aunts already left. They would be of great help with this."

"They only left half an hour ago," Twilight said. "If I can send Princess Celestia a letter right away, they should be able to get back in plenty of time to help out." She glanced around the throne room, her brows pinched. "Where did Spike get to, anyway? Of all the times..."

Shining sighed. "I saw him a couple hours ago. He seemed tired, so I suggested that he unwind a bit. He's probably at the..." His eyes bulged as his mind made the connection. "The marketplace!"

Twilight gasped. "Oh, no... what if he's hurt... or worse? I have to find him." She galloped across the room at full speed, teleporting to the other side of the shut door rather than taking the time to open it.

"I'd... probably better follow her," Shining said as he grinned apologetically at his wife.

Cadance nodded in understanding. "Good idea. I'll need to stay here, but be sure to let her friends know what's going on. I'm sure they'll be just as anxious to make sure Spike's okay as Twilight."


"I'm telling you, girls, she's absolutely gaga over him," Rarity declared as she relaxed on the massage table, a crystal mare kneading her back. "All that blushing and those coy looks. Of course they'll get together!"

Applejack chuckled from her position in the pony-pedi chair. "Well, I gotta admit they would make a cute couple."

"I dunno, guys," Rainbow interjected as she looked up from her newspaper. "She hardly knows anything about him. Maybe she just feels awkward around the guy since she totally acted like a dork the first time they missed."

Pinkie guffawed so uproariously, the mane stylist leaped back in shock, allowing her coiffure to bounce back to its usual poofy appearance. "She was acting pretty silly, wasn't she? I mean, she's been around good looking colts before, but she's never acted that way." She screwed up her eyes, rubbing her chin as she continued at a slow, thoughtful pace, but becoming faster and more excited as she expounded in her thoughts. "Almost like she was following some kind of script in a play where the playwright had to give her a love interest but didn't have the time to develop one without ruining the actual story and so just wrote her as getting all blushy-mushy without regard to her character for convenience!"

"That's, um..." Fluttershy began softly, but hesitated when all eyes turned on her. "That is... I thought he was... nice."

Rarity laughed. “I don’t think Twilight was blushing about his ‘niceness,’ Fluttershy.” She huffed. “Then again, she might have been blushing from this heat. For a kingdom in the Frozen North, it sure does get stuffy in the spas here.” With a sigh she continued. “Ponyville spas always have a nice, gentle breeze.”

“That’s because you always have Spike fanning you,” Rainbow retorted.

“Huh?” Rarity said, pinching her eyebrows. “Is that right?”

Applejack snorted. “Oh, come on, sugarcube. That little guy is always followin’ you around and pamperin’ you. Shoot, you never noticed? Gotta say, I wish he’d been that easy to ignore while he was tryin’ to make my life easier.”

Rarity grimaced. “Oh, well… I suppose I do recall asking him if he would be a dear and… I suppose he has kept doing that, hasn’t he?” Her ears lowered sheepishly. “I do feel a bit embarrassed. Though… he’s here at the Crystal Empire, now. I wonder where he might be.”

“We, um…” Fluttershy piped in softly. “We didn’t invite him with us this time. I mean, I didn’t think he would want to go, but… well, maybe he would have if we’d remembered to ask.”

“I see,” Rarity said, her back suddenly tensing, much to her masseuse's chagrin.

"Ladies," Shining interrupted as he burst into the spa, causing the mares within to jump at the sudden appearance of the most powerful stallion in town. "I'm sorry to disturb you like this, but an incident has occurred."

The five ponies stared at him for a long moment. Applejack cleared her throat as Rainbow gestured for him to go on with a circular motion of her hoof.

"Er, yes," Shining said, suddenly distinctly uncomfortable. "It seems there was a raid on our city by a group of Diamond Dogs."

"Oh, how terrible," Rarity commented. She glanced to her friends, who were now all looking at her expectantly, and grimaced. "Oh, come now. Just because I've dealt with them in the past is no reason to think I would volunteer to involve myself with those beasts, again. After all, what is it to do with us, really?"

"Well," Shining said. He tugged at his collar. "Spike was in the area they raided, and... he hasn't returned.

"Spikey-wikey?" Rarity and Pinkie Pie exclaimed in unison.

"That's—" Shining started.

"Wait, wait," Rarity said, waving Shining off as she turned to Pinkie. "You call him 'Spikey-wikey,' as well?"

Pinkie nodded, bouncing up on her hooves. “Oh, yeah! I was calling him that since… oh, around the Grand Galloping Gala.”

Rarity glanced about furtively. "I... see."

"So," Shining said flatly. "Spike. Missing."

"Right!" Rarity said, puffing out her chest. "Come on, girls. Little Spikey—Tikey?—needs our help!"

Rainbow shot into the air, pumping her hooves. "Alright! Lets... get... dangerous!"


Spike grunted as he was dropped roughly on the ground. Beside him, Crystal Arrow cursed loudly. The Diamond Dog pack had taken them deep into their den, and now were unloading their loot and prisoners in the dank mine.

"I blame you for this, dragon," Arrow said crossly as he glared at Spike.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Sure, why not?"

"It's well known amongst my ponies that Diamond Dogs and dragons are partners in crime," Arrow continued. "Admit it, you somehow let them in through the Crystal Heart spell so you could have them steal our gems for your horde!"

The other pony prisoners began muttering amongst themselves. Their suspicious glances made it all too clear to Spike that they were considering Arrow's accusations. The slowly rising sounds of anger from them made it even more clear that they were already being swayed.

"N-now, listen," Spike protested. "I've never met these dogs before in my life!"

A loud, deep bark caused the commotion amongst prisoners and captors to cease. A wolfish auburn-coated dog stalked into the cavern. A smaller honey-colored dog padded beside him, clad in a light blue dress and darker collar, her tongue hanging out of her mouth idly.

"Good haul, dogs," the large, partially bipedal canine grumbled, adjusting his mountie hat to gaze around the cave. "After inspection, we shall celebrate this victory with a feast!"

The Diamond Dogs cheered.

The small, fluffy dog at the presumed leader's side looked around curiously. Soon enough, her eyes locked onto Spike. Her eyes widened, and her smile grew broader. "Daddy, look!" she exclaimed, bounding over to him. "A dragon!"

The alpha dog grunted. "Precious, that is impossible. No dragon has been this far north since..." He came up short as he spotted Spike as well, who had now been tackled by the enthused pup. "I don't believe..."

Precious sniffed at Spike, causing him to giggle uncomfortably. "Ooh. He smells like dog. Very nice-smelling dog."

"Th-that's not..." Spike began.

"Lord dragon!" Precious' father exclaimed, bowing to Spike.

"Huh?" Spike said, his face contorting in confusion. He looked around at the other dogs, who were now bowing to him as well. Even his captor, after a moment of confusion and panic, now prostrated himself before him. He also saw the crystal ponies, their suspicions seemingly confirmed, eyeing him with contempt. "No... I..."

Precious wrapped her long arms around him and nuzzled his cheek. "I think we're going to keep you!"

Spike sighed resignedly. "Oh, boy..."