//------------------------------//
// Voices 
// Story: The Formative Years 
// by Lonepone 
//------------------------------//

The pounding. For Celestia's sake, make it stop. I open my eyes to the blinding light. It takes me a while, but finally I can see. I can especially see Sky, sleeping next to me.

Little snippets of what happened last night come to me. Lone offering me cider. Singing. Me and Sky drinking. After that... Blank.

What was it that dad would do when he use to drink? I was just a little filly. Come on, think.

'Worthless price of shit' I tell myself.

'Just watch. Just watch' I focus, concentrate. I can't though, I'm to focused on my dry mouth.

I go to the sink, and am about to grab a cup when I see it. The coffee maker. Dad use to make coffee.

I get the machine started.

'Way to go, you made coffee. Anything else in that wasted brain of yours?'

'Shut up! I can still remember it, can't I?'

'I doubt it. With how much you drank last night, I'm surprised you're not puking you guts out'

'Im tough'

'Tough, yeah right. Your a little girl, in an adult world. Your not tough, you where lucky. But not much longer. If head to the bathroom if I was you'

I heed my own advice, and stagger into the bathroom. Even though my stomach is empty, I can feel it rebelling against me. I manage to keep it down. I see the shower stall in the mirror.

'Showers. Cold showers. Dad did that when he drank too much, right?'

'Congratulations, I think you've passed the IQ level of a rock'

'Shut up'

'Oh, really? Shut up? Your the insane one, talking to yourself'

I ignore anything else I say, and step into the shower. I turn on the water, and turn it as cold as it will go.

I gasp. My very heart seems to be frozen.

'And it must be. Risking yourself like that, without thinking of anyone else. What if something happened? Did you even think of how your dad would feel if he had to visit you in the hospital? You stupid little'-

'Stop! Please, just stop. I can't take this, not now. Please' I beg myself.

'Oh, alright, I'll give you mercy. I'll just remind you every waking second how you had to beg yourself for mercy'

'Just shut up! Your not helping my headache' I stay blissfully quiet. I stand under the cold spray for what seems like ages, until someone knocks.

"Vinyl, can I come in?" 

The glass on the shower door is fogged. "Your house. I'm in the shower" 

The door busts open, and Sky staggers in and vomits in the toilet. And again. And a third time.

'Look at what you did, Vinyl'

'No, please stop'

'No. No mercy now. Because of your recklessness, one of your own friends is severely alcohol poisoned, and so she's puking her guts out'

Sky stops vomiting.

'There, she's better know, no harm done'

"Oh, I feel like crap. How you holding up?"

"I feel the same" I say.

'I feel worse' I tell myself.

'Why did you do this? Wanted to live a little? Wanted to be reckless? Dangerous? Cool? Yeah, real cool, Vinyl, real nice, making one of your only friends sick, and making yourself feel horrible. Way to go. Way to fucking go. You happy?'

I try not to cry. I hold back the tears until Sky leaves the bathroom, shutting the door behind her, until I let them out.

'You weak, pathetic excuse for a pony. Look at yourself. Crying because a voice in your head is insulting you. You fucking disgrace'

I try to stop crying, but I can't. My salty tears mingle with the cold water.

'Im done. I'm so fucking embarrassed by you I can't even talk anymore' the voice goes away.

I regain control of myself, and turn off the water. I step out, and look at myself in the mirror.

Wet, tear stained, dye washing out of my hair, streaking my coat, hair matted down, bags under my eyes.

'Your hideous' the voice whispers in my mind.

I look at my hair, see the natural black starting to show through. 

'Look at yourself. Can't even control your own hair, so how do you expect to be a famous DJ? Just throw away your dreams now, and run home to daddy. No one hear cares about you, and Octavia couldn't care less if your dead.

I look away. I don't bother combing my mane. Styling or dying it. I don't even dry myself off. I just walk out the door, and collapse onto the sofa.

"You alright?" Sky asks me.

I try and say yes, but I brake out into tears.

She rushes over to me. "Shh. It's alright. What's wrong?"

How to put it into words? "Everything" I pause. "Me"

"No, there's nothing wrong with you. Why would you say that?"

"I m-made all th-this happen! I was ir-risponsib-ble and caused all th-this"

"No, it's fine. This morning is good, not bad. You woke up, and made coffee! Good morning in my opinion" she levitates a cup to me. "Drink up. It'll make you feel better" she watches me until I start drinking. "Good"

She returns to the kitchen. "You want breakfast?"

'So your not content with giving her a hangover, but she needs to feed and comfort you like a child? And you call yourself an adult'

"No thank you" I say dejectedly. I walk to the door. "I don't want to intrude"

"Vinyl. I slept with you. You wouldn't be intruding by eating breakfast with me"

"Thank you, but no thanks"

"Alright. Listen, come back here anytime. I'll always be here"

'If you come back here, you'll have lost all my respect'

"I'll remember that" I try to smile, but it comes out a grimace.

I walk up the steps, ignorant of the ponies around me. I make it to my door. It's still locked.

"Octavia. Can I come in please"

"You expect me to let you in after last night?"

'You are such an inconsiderate bitch, causing pain on all those around you'

"No, and I'm sorry. Please? I'm tired" the door clicks, and swings in.

"Your a mess"

"Please, not now, Octavia"

"Oh, so now it's 'Octavia'. What happened to Tavi?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't right last night"

"Right?! You were drunk, and I know it! I should report you!

'Your own recklessness will get you expelled'

"No! Please don't! I'll do anything!"

"Anything?"

"Anything! Just let me sleep first"

"Dishes" she points at the massive pile of dishes by the sink. "Without music"

"Okay, okay, thank you, Octavia"

"And first, we're going to have a small discussion, just you and me"

"Okay" I ask confusedly.

"With how you called me Tavi, people might think we where... A couple. Do you know what could happen?"

"No, not this discussion. Not now"

"Alright, I can go talk to the headmaster while you take your nap?"

"Fine. Fine. Lets talk. So what if other ponies think your bi?"

"Everything! It could ruin my whole career!"

"Why?"

"Because, ponies in the orchestra are much more conservative then the ponies you know"

"Alright. I'm sorry"

She pauses. 

"Octavia?"

"Apology... Accepted" she steps aside to let me in.

"Oh, thank you" I walk into my room, and fall asleep again. Although I keep a bucket next to me.