//------------------------------// // Same ship, different water // Story: Pony bound // by Shortcourt //------------------------------// I was staring at myself in the mirror, studying my aggravated expression. I never made this connection before, but I look like Roseluck slightly. We have the same mane style, and the same green, enormous eyes. Plus, mostly every pony in the show shares the same facial characteristics, so I can easily recognize the semblance. The only big thing is my color palette looks like a freaking cheesecake. If you removed my mane and facial features, I guarantee you will be in the presence of a cheesecake. Well, I guess me making the cheesecake connection will benefit me in the future. If somehow ponies are forced to change their name to fit the equestrian vernacular, I got this to use as a reference in the back of my head. I don’t know why I am even thinking about that though. Kind of dark and unnecessary, huh? Being forced to change names sounds like a last minute thing… Well, besides that, I think my design is pretty cool and unique. I always liked Roseluck, despite her being known for cameos. I just hope me looking identical to her doesn’t warrant me having the same cutie mark as her. But that’s a terrible assumption. If I’m not mistaken, our special talents have to be earned, and flowering is certainly not mine. Not sure how looking like Roseluck correlates to me having her cutie mark. Or, how about if I had to find this current pony’s cutie mark? Shit, if that were the case, then roses would probably be an eminent candidate. It doesn’t take a doctor to know that my body apparently has a higher estrogen level than a normal female. Once again, I really hope my personality isn’t corrupted. Talking to Mom and Katie about hair? That isn’t a good look, but it’s a type of foreshadowing if you will. I grunted. Katie took note of my aggravated state and said, “What’s with the mean look?” I didn’t have to even turn to look at Katie because I could see her directly behind me in the mirror. She was brushing my hair in the downstairs bathroom instead of her room this time. Yeah, that’s kinda ghetto, but it’s efficient and no one has time for a “make over.”  Thank God for that, that would aggrieve me even further then now. Speaking of aggrieve, that’s half the reason I am currently sporting a Victoria Beckham face. Mom is actually staid about this new daughter stuff. This is typical behavior for her of course, since she is the reason I dread my new form so much, urging me to be the manliest man ever. So, that’s why I play video games, play sports, and watch girls butts all day. Now, my head doesn’t even come close to someone’s butt. But, I still have a better chance at peaking, which is a great benefit. Yeah man. Even better is that you can walk into girls’ locker rooms and look under their shirts. Woah! I‘m slightly perverted, but my pevertedness is not galore. I sighed. “I’m just vexed.” Oh, isn’t that evident? I’m a people’s person, so what’s with the lack of explaining? Oh yeah, I don’t want to speak to anybody right now! Katie snickered. “Obviously, but why? Is it because of Mom?” My eyes narrowed. “Somewhat.  I’m more confused than angry at Mom, but I’m mostly angry at my predicament.” I glanced at the floor hesitantly. “I don’t understand why she isn’t affected by losing her son. She seems… happy.” Katie raised an eyebrow incredulously. “Happy?” “Yeah,” I confirmed. “Yesterday she walked up to me and told me I should act more feminine. She was all giddy too…” I shivered when I delivered the last statement. Of course she was. Why wouldn’t she be? You know you would be if you were in the presence of a pony. Katie was silent for a few seconds. “Well, she is a woman, Shawn. I understand why she wanted another daughter, but you use to be a guy…” Finally, someone who shares my sentiments. I never talked to Dante about this, but I’m sure he would understand why I’m so flustered at the moment.  Also, I knew Mom would be jubilant if she had another daughter. However, I never knew it would be at the expense of turning her son into a mare. “Exactly!” I exclaimed. “Why would she say something like that to me? Doesn’t she know that I hate being a mare?” Scratch the mare bit, I hate being a pony altogether.  I’m an earth pony, I have extra strength. Big deal. Unicorns are the ones that could cause the most damage. I would kill to be one… Katie shrugged. “I don’t know, does she?” she enquired sarcastically.  Oh wait, Katie doesn’t know what I         said to Mom.  “Well, I gave a few subtle hints, but I also outright told her yesterday that I’m not going to be girly. That includes no fancy hairstyles or fu-“I paused as no sound came out my jaw, despite it moving functionally. I shook my head in defeat. “I’m not going to have sex…” I clarified. Katie blinked.  “Well Shawn, just tell Mom to drop it. I told the same thing to her and now she leaves me and my tomboy-ish attitude alone.” I just want to know how that is relevant to me. I am a guy, so what the heck is she trying to say? I rolled my eyes. “There is a difference though. See, I would be worried if I saw my daughter act like dude. But, my son act like a chick?  I would be curious honestly. Do you see the analogy?” Katie frowned. “I don’t act like a complete dude ...” I shook my head. “Of course not. You like video games, sports, and could get dirty if you want to, but you still are a girl. My story is a different monster though.” Katie stopped brushing. “Okay, I’m done.” I looked at the mirror for a second, inspecting my mane. Everything looks in order, no hair follicle out of place; it looks prim. I hopped off the sink and looked up at Katie. “Thanks Katie.”  Remember the days when you had to look down at people? Shut up. She smiled. “No problem.” “Like I was saying, I still am scared to even think of myself as a female. Remember what happened to Jessica?” My eyes down casted. “That‘s why I get so uncomfortable when Mom talks to me about stuff like that or when I talk about stuff like that, you feel me?” Katie nodded and started walking towards the door. “I feel you, and my advice is for you to tell her to drop it, simple as that. I think you shouldn’t be forced to act like someone you’re not, if that’s any consolation.” “Trust me, it is.” Katie started to slowly open the bathroom’s door. “But, I do think you should accept it. You don’t necessarily need to act different, but embracing it will surely make life easier for you.”  My eyes broadened as I felt a screw in my head go loose. What is she trying to say here? I need elaboration asap. “What do you mean?” Katie stopped in front of the door and twisted her neck. “I mean you are going have to accept some things, but you don’t need to necessarily change your personality. Going to the bathroom while sitting is one thing, so is getting periods, and that is all the works of your -” “Don’t say it! Don’t even finish that sentence!” I broke in, feeling my face heaten. Katie snickered, but continued her rant. “Things like that you need to accept. Don’t worry about your masculinity, especially since you’ve been stripped from it...” I deadpanned. “So, you are basically saying you want me to accept some stuff that reminds me I am no longer a dude?”  God, I sound like I take the short bus. When was the last time I asked for affirmation? She nodded. “Yeah. This makes it easier for me now too because it makes sense to call you my ‘sister’ more than my ‘brother’.” Katie said while exiting the door. I just stared in space for a few seconds, trying to comprehend her statement. Is it advice? If it is advice, then I’m assuming she wants me to accept my fate and act like normal me? But how can I act like normal me and think of myself as a girl? Wouldn’t that start to make me meticulously question my behavior? Ugh, Katie really took me out my zone. I’m bondaged in my mind right now, so how will I evolve if she keeps asking these trick questions.  “Wait, Katie!” I called out. I grunted after she didn’t respond. I started to catch up with her by running (galloping?) out of the bathroom. I halted immediately after I found her in my presence again. “Wait, Katie!” Katie finally heard my calls and responded by turning around. “What?” “I-“ I took some time to ponder my words, feeling nervous about stumbling. Damn, I wish I could freeze time so I could think of something to say quicker.“Wouldn’t I lose myself if I come to terms with my gender?” Katie chuckled. “No silly, you will just lose a lot of your anxiety.” That’s an obvious answer because I will be losing my image, so the whole thing pony thing would be customary for me. Maybe I should explicate on what perturbs me. I shook my head in disagreement. “No, I mean, did you ever realize anything different about me?” Katie put a hand to her chin. “Besides the fact you are a pony, no.”  I’m not sure if she didn’t understood my question or not, which is why I’m reluctant to take it as a compliment. It would be good for my mental state, but it will cause me denial…yeah, I rather get stabbed in the front instead of living in bogus my whole life. I sighed in complacency-supplied relief. “Okay. I thought I was losing myself the last few days.” Katie looked at me quizzically. “Why do you say that? ” I could list a bunch of reasons. Don’t even let me start with my emotions. I’m more sensitive than ever for some reason. That really showed the most on Saturday. I leered at the living room’s blue painted ceiling. “Well, I think I walk like the mares in the show. And that conversation we had was pretty self-explanatory. “ Katie’s eyes widened as she sent me a look of disbelief.  “Is that it?” Is that it? Is that it! Can’t she see that my personally is virtually going extinct if these characteristics keep developing?  How can you dismiss something like this? The worst part is my consciousness in this body will be finished when the brain washing occurs. I curled my lips and took a deep breath.  “Katie, don’t you understand the severity of my situation?” I dead panned. Katie sighed. “No Shawn, I don’t. Do you want to know why?”  “Is it because you are still a human and never experienced what I did before?”  I snided.  Katie rolled her eyes. “It’s because your situation is all your imagination. You’re making it worse than it is! ”   My eyebrows arched. “Wait, hold up. Just because I’m nervous about character desolation automatically means I’m too paranoid for my own good?” I asked, feeling defensive that she might be forwarding this accusation to me.  I puffed my chest out. “I would have you know that I use to be a damn basketball player! After all those brutal games, dirty jokes, and porno mags, do you think I want to talk about painting nails and shit?” My eyes started to tear up when I finished the sentence. You could hear the wheeze in my voice additionally, which means I am about to cry… again! How did a simple conversation like this escalate to me crying? Katie put her hands up while retreating slightly.  “Shawn, listen-“ “No! I can’t go one conversation without blushing!” I snapped. I closed my eyes and tried to hamper the rapid streams of tears coming out, but the damage has been done already. My throat started to burn, but I continued trying to speak. “Yeah, but-“   “I-I don’t want to be a girl for the rest of my life if it means I have to play the part of a goddamn bubble headed broad who is always like ‘oh my gosh, you’re soooo funny!’” I mimicked in a typical dumb broad’s voice while putting hooves too my watery cheeks for emphasis.  “And then I have to wear a stupid pad in a place that I shouldn’t have because I’m going through that season! Don’t you understand how… humiliating this is? I went from pants to wearing a mini-diaper in one fucking day!“ My sister looked at me with concern.  “Shawn, look, I can’t say I completely understand what you’re saying, but I know this must be painful for you. I didn’t get my gender change, but I could put myself in your shoes for a second and think outside the box. I honestly want to say I expected better from someone like you. “ I gave her a wry look. “W-what?” “Don’t you take ap classes? I thought you would understand that hormones play a big part on the way you act. You’re not acting like that because you’re thinking like it, but it’s just your new body.” Katie put her hands on her hip, hinging her posture. “Just because you walk like a mare doesn’t mean really anything. More petite body, smoother movements. And it’s day three and you still seem like the same Shawn to me Yeah, you might walk like a mare, but you are still intact with yourself I bet. What is the big deal, Shawn? “ I sniffed.”I-I… uh…” I lowered my head in dismay, struggling to form a reply. Honestly, Katie beat me. I can’t even make up another excuse because she pointed out how flawed my logic is. “I-I don’t know, Katie. I’m… scared. I woke up like this T-three days ago… and Jessica met me three days after she transformed. She is perfectly comfortable in H-her new body and…” Katie cut me off by hushing me with her finger. She bent over and embraced me in a reassuring hug.  My head was directly on her tits, but I didn’t make an effort to move them. In fact, I started wailing on her chest because the warm hug made me feel more vulnerable than before. “A-and now I’m crying again! I can’t help myself, Katie!” Katie sighed. “Oh, Shawn,” she hugged me tighter, unaware that she is pushing my face closer towards her chest. Or maybe she is aware? I told you. There is only one perk to this, bro. I find it creepy to be honest. …What? This is my sister, dude! ”It’s better to cry then be an emotionless creep.” She said. “You’re just saying that because I’m a girl now, right?” I whispered dimly in between sobs. Katie chuckled. “No. You know what I’m trying to say. I’m trying to say that we both know damn well that you are enforcing gender stereotypes too far. Look, it’s okay for Men to cry, but they barely do. Wanna know why? Testosterone is the answer, but it doesn’t mean they can get emotional. They know to hold it back because it’s just inside them. You can’t keep holding back your emotions, Shawn.  “Look, hear me out, okay? I’m not telling you to act like a house wife, I’m just telling you to live your life.  Am I clear enough now? I don’t want to sound like I’m being insensitive or nothing, but you’re being pretty silly right now.”  I took a second to absorb all that information presented at me. Katie did make a good point. Why am I self-pitying myself every time I act like a woman? Is it because I chose to do it? Not really, but I still have a full male brain. Nothing really changed. I still have the same tastes, same words, and same sex preference. I also could still burp without feeling penalized, so yeah, I think I understand the significance of what she is saying. My problem is I just need be positive that I’m leaning onto her.   I broke from the hug and looked straight in her blue eyes. Her eyes… it shows pure sincerity and reminds me of my human self. I can actually feel her, meaning I learned something; meaning my sister educated me. As long as my views and personality don’t change, these tiny bitsy physical changes won’t harm me since I’m still intact with my psyche.  It’s just a component of my new voice, right? It certainly has a high level, but at least it isn’t soft and gentle. Also, my posture is just a part of quadrupedalism, right? First step to accepting is to think with an open mind, right? Katie is right. What am I doing?  I’m taking this to the heart instead of the head! “So, you’re saying I shouldn’t decry myself for doing something I can’t… handle?” I squeaked in my high-pitched voice.  She nodded. “Exactly. It took you this long to figure it out. Do I want you to act completely bitch-made? Fuck no, I just want you to stop being such a slave and let your chains off.” “B-but… I-“ “Shh,” Katie hushed me again, but this time, she grabbed my shoulders while staring me into the eyes tenaciously. “What are you?” I blinked. “Uh…” “A mare…” I squeaked while shutting my eyes, expecting a catastrophe to happen.  I broke free once again and cowered on the floor, expecting the worse to happen. After a few moments of feeling myself shiver, I opened my eyes. Hmm, so far, nothing has changed. I’m still in control of my conscience and… “Shawn, get up,” Katie demanded. I gulped melodramatically and reverted to all fours. Katie once again firmly grasped my shoulder regions while I slightly twisted my fetlocks. Her scary, but compassionate eyes dug deep into my iris. I felt memorized, but obligated to give her all my attention.”What… are… you?” she stretched her words slowly. I blinked. “I’m… a mare… who is actually a freaking  dude!” Katie flinched at my impulsive outbreak. I sighed. “But… I’m a girl. I’m a mare… and I can’t… deny that…” Katie frowned.  “That’s right, Shawn. I know this is hard for you… but... I am here for you. Mom is here for you. “ “What about Dad and Dante?” She rolled her eyes. “They’re the ‘boys’ of the house. They aren’t gonna help you like Mom and I can. I know I’m not the most girliest girl, but I have experience, Shawn. If you need anything…”I didn’t respond, but jerked my head up with vigor. I can’t believe I’m getting this… conversation. Katie shook me. “Snap out of it, Shawn!” “Eh, what?” I uttered, getting out my stupor. “I’m here for you, you know that?” she hugged me once again. “You’re my sister… and I’m here for you... “ I didn’t wince at being called sister but continued listening to Katie as she gained more curiosity from me. “After all those years you were there for me… you made me the happy person I am today... and I’m here for you. I love you… sister.” The room was silent as both of us didn’t say another word to each other, but felt each other skin pressed against ourselves. I was too busy cursing myself in the head. I just realized something:  I think the whole time I’ve been thinking too male stereotypical. Even though I never cried as a human before, I still would still get emotional. My face would usually turn red and start to feel hot while I would be at a loss for words.  The closest to a cry would be a manly weep. I guess I can actually take it out now without being obligated to not. The problem isn’t my gender, but it’s me. I have been acting like a gender dyslexic jerk the whole time. I was… overreacting. You know, I honestly have to give points to Katie. Sadly, she  is correct. Being a girl isn’t so bad if I stopped being such a jock and moved on! I lost my man parts, it’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. My insular behavior is keeping me stuck in a fossil.  Besides, there is a needle that is being forced on ponies and nobody knows what it is! America decided to keep it clandestine until further notice. That’s a bad look: First it was ponies getting genocide, now it’s ponies getting shots? This is more tragic and deserves more concern then the repetitive gender introspectives I create. I just need to try to live my life without confronting myself. And Uncle Ray died and my biggest concern was my gender… Geez, hypocrisy at its finest. Wait, how come no one scheduled a funeral yet? Isn’t the routine thing to do is schedule a funeral the moment one of our people passes away? I’ll have to find that out later.  But for now, I think I can cope with this, as long as I don’t lose my memories.  Okay, the wind is cold, but I am going along with it every day, so what is the problem?  I’m just being a stubborn son of a bitch like always. Correction: I’m being a stubborn bitch. I finally gushed up and decided to speak. “Katie… I…”  “Hmm?” “I-I think I can do this,” I answered with a jovial smile. I seceded from Katie’s embrace and wiped the remaining tears off my eyes while sniffing.  “You’re right, Katie.  You know what I need to do?” She raised an eyebrow, but indulged me anyways. “What?” “I… need to act like a man. Because it takes a real man to be a girl, right?” Katie laughed. “If it helps you stop self-pitying, then sure.” “Then, I guess I can do it…” I said nervously, but still managed to keep my smile. Katie patted my head. “That’s great to hear. Don’t knock it till you try it, right?” I frowned and moved her hand from my head. ”Yeah, you’re right.” Can I call you sis now? Whatever. Call me Shawn. You need a new name. Nah, I’m good.