“Get out of here with you damn bureaucracy! This is a research facility! We can’t cut corners! If you want the damn product; you’ll get the damn product, but no amount of meddling is going to make us go any faster or cheaper!” an orange unicorn screamed at two, grey, suited earth ponies. The unicorn wore a dirty, off-white lab-coat, directly contrasting with their sharp, spick and span black jackets. The lab-coat had his name embroidered on it in bright orange-letters, clearly labelling him as one Doctor Veil.
“Look, we cannot afford to keep this research project open at this current expense. If you can’t give us something to work with, then we’re going to have to cut corners. The profit projections…” the sharper dressed pony began, but was quickly silenced by Veil’s protests.
“Profit projections?! When I signed on at this company, I was assured that technological breakthroughs were the priority!” Veil shouted once more at the pair, stamping his fore-hooves against the ground with rage. The less sharply dressed and, as such, clearly inferior pony backed up a little as he began to sweat; he accidentally nudged the easel that held all their fancy statistical data, and put their precious pie charts in jeopardy. The more sharply dressed pony, however, didn’t back down an inch, ignoring Veil’s angry stares.
“This is still a business. End of the day it doesn’t matter how groundbreaking the technology; what matters is can we sell it and how soon,” said the sharply dressed pony whose name-tag clearly read, in burnished silver may I add, Administrator Wad.
“A project like this requires a lot of testing! Just one wrong minor problem could mean the difference between life and death!” Veil shouted again; now that I mention it shouting does seem to be his usual voice.
“You've surely run tests by now, haven't you? I want to see this product; now.” Wad stepped forwards with a confrontational smile.
“I want to see you leave; now, but we both know that isn’t going to happen either now, don’t we?” Veil pressed his muzzle forwards, stopping mere centimetres from Wad’s face.
“Humph, if that’s the way you want to play it; let’s fight fire with fire,” A self-satisfied smirk appeared on his lips. “Stencil! Fetch your briefcase,” he called back to the shaking, inferiorly dressed pony without turning around.
“R…r…r… right away, sir!” Stencil stammered as he grabbed his briefcase by the handle with his mouth, and placed it onto the large meeting table that sat beside the three ponies. Flicking the locks with his hooves he opened it up and left it pointing towards his superior.
Wad didn’t even deign to acknowledge Stencil’s contribution, instead he pushed him out of the way, and pulled out a single white sheet of paper. With a wide grin on his face, he handed it to the unperturbed unicorn who snatched it from his hooves with a burst of telekinesis.
Veil’s eyes moved as he quickly skimmed the paper until he hit a certain sentence. He reread that sentence several times before lowering the paper and bellowing, “What in Faust’s name is this applesauce?!”
“Tell him Stencil,” Wad ordered his assistant, before locking his eyes on Veil's face.
“Ahem!” Stencil cleared his throat loudly, and pulled a cue card out of one of his pockets. He quickly scanned the card and nodded. “The document in front of you is a notice of termination. If Administrator Paper Wad signs the document, then you will no longer work here at Twilight Incorporated. You will be asked to clear out your desk and to pull the plug on your research project, so as to minimise the cash outflow. Another scientist will inherit the lab and most of your research staff,” Stencil read dryly, the words still had a clear effect on Veil, whose eyes narrowed as he began to physically shake. Stencil turned the card around and continued, “However, If Administrator Wad does not sign the document then your continual employment at Twilight Incorporated is assured, for the time being at least.”
Doctor Veil’s entire body shook with rage but he swallowed it down. Veil pondered . “Congratulations, Mister Wad,” Veil said through gritted teeth, afraid he might explode at any second, “I will bump the project up to Pony testing; it should be ready for mass production in three days time.”
“That is what I like to hear, isn’t that right Stencil?” Administrator Wad turned to his frantically nodding subordinate. “Very good. Well I’ll just hold onto this piece of paper, for security reasons. I’m sure I won’t need it again but a little extra motivation never hurts.” Wad took the paper back out of the air where it was still hovering and replaced it into the briefcase, which he then snapped shut. “It’s been a pleasure dealing with you,” he said sardonically before turning on his hooves and strutting out.
“Uhh… have a nice day, sir,” Stencil mumbled, staring at the ground before rushing after the administrator.
“By Faust, what have I just agreed to?” Veil asked the world, collapsing into the comfortable chair at the head of the meeting table.
“Knock, knock,” a voice called from outside. Veil exhaled loudly which the newcomer took as a sign to enter. “Doctor, Lamplight just figured out a way to revamp the computational matrix, he’s adding in the new code as we speak,” a dark purple pegasus mare said as she entered the room.
“Uhhhhh…” Veil groaned as he flopped face-down onto the table in front of his chair.
“Meeting not go well?” the pegasus asked sarcastically.
“In a manner of speaking,” Veil mumbled through the table.
“Want to talk about it?” The pegasus was also wearing a lab coat, although this one was a bright white with no markings at all. A convenient name tag, plastic this time, announced to everypony that she was Fluorescent Spark, P.H.D.
“No,” Veil grumbled, still face-down on the table. His white mane spread out around his head, obscuring his face from vision.
“Come on, Veil. Tell Momma Spark what’s the problem,” Spark said with a laugh.
Veil gave a short snort of laughter and mumbled incoherently from the table.
“Veil. Veil. Veil. Veil. Veil,” Spark began to repeat incessantly.
Eventually Veil lifted his head and gave Spark a withering glare.
“Oh come on sugar, you know you love it when I say your name,” Spark said before bursting into another laugh. Her laughs were heavy and deep as if they rose all the way from her stomach.
“Hilarious. I suppose I’d better tell everypony. It is important,” Veil mumbled, mostly to himself.
“I’ll go and rally the troops then,” Spark said with another smile before trotting out of the room.
Veil reunited his face with the table, the table appreciated the company.
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“Hey! Lamplight! The Boss wants to see us in the meeting room!” Spark said as she trotted into the experiment room. The fruits of their labours sat in front of them, two round circles sat on the floor, fringe science stuff.
“I’m still calibrating the matrix! Can it wait?!” a voice returned irritatedly.
“Can an aardvark sprout wings and fly to the moon?” Spark said with another snicker of laughter.
Silence reigned supreme while Lamplight tried to decipher such a cryptic response. “I’m guessing that’s a no?” he eventually concluded.
“Yep, that’s a no. So get your flank up here so we can get our science on,” Spark said smoothly as she shuffled around the room.
“Oh boy, I just can’t wait to get my science on,” Lamplight returned sarcastically.
“Will you just hurry up, Veil has an important announcement.” Spark gave him the evil eye but unfortunately he couldn’t see her from his position inside the floor. She decided that she would evil eye him so bad the second he climbed back out.
“The day Veil has something important to say is the day that pigs learn to fly,” Lamplight said with a derisive snort.
“Boy, someone sure put a bee in your bonnet,” Spark said snarkily. Lamplight was always such a chore, and a bore, a complete snore really. Spark found herself laughing, she loved rhymes and limes but not mimes, not even ponies liked mimes… or the Dutch, but that’s a different story.
Lamplight mumbled something inaudibly in reply earning a sharp glance from the mare. Once again though her glance failed in its task as it rebounded harmlessly off of the floor.
“I’ll just tell him you’re on your way then, shall I?” Spark replied flatly.
“If you would be so dear. Run along now, this matrix isn’t going to program itself,” Lamplight said in a rather belittling tone.
Sparks turned with a loud humph and trotted away. She was clearly not pleased.
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Spark rounded the corridor mumbling something under her breath when she arrived at a door labelled “Spellatorium”. She pushed the door open and called into the darkened room, “Splitter! Splitter! Hey Arcane Splitter!”
“No! No! No! This week I’m Spell Weaver,” shouted back an angry but creaky voice.
“Okay, got’cha. Spell Weaver?” Spark tried again, her smile never leaving her face. She was the only pony that actually enjoyed dealing with Spell Weaver or Arcane Splitter or Esoteric Secret or even that one day he had called himself Despair Bringer.
“Yes?” the voice replied in a warm yet still creaky tone.
“Professor Veil’s called a meeting,” Spark said in a sing-song voice.
“Wonderful, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Spell Weaver returned, a little absent-mindedly.
“Why? What’ya doing?” Spark pushed open the door a bit more and trotted inside. An old mage sat alone in the dark was borderline creepy, if it had been anypony except… uh… Spell Weaver! If it had been anypony except Spell Weaver then she would probably have been galloping off in the other direction. Spark turned the light on as she entered, showing the elderly grey unicorn for what he was rather than as a mysterious voice in a dark room. A pointlessly pointed hat sat atop his white mane, whilst he completely lacked a tail.
“Well I had a brilliant idea over crumpets yesterday. You know I’ve been testing and testing the teleportation spell over and over again,” he said confidently from the darkest corner in the room. His tone then completely changed as he looked extremely confused for a moment and added in an aged and weak voice, “Now, did I lock my front door?”
“Of course you did, why wouldn’t you?” Spark replied with a soft giggle.
“I don’t know, I just had a… a thought.” Weaver looked down at his hooves, his forehead furrowed before returning to his usual self.
“Anyway, the spell works fine on its own, obviously. But another spell I haven’t used in a long time may come in real handy here during testing.” He continued his tale with gusto before adding in the same strained tone as before, “Are you sure I locked it?”
“As sure as I can be,” Spark said with another giggle.
“Good, good. Well it’s a spell I call the ‘Boomerang’.” Weaver said with a flourish.
“Coooooool.” Spark said with a look of wonder on her face which was quickly replaced with a look of confusion. “What’s a boomerang?”
“It’s a curved piece of wood that rebounds to the thrower. It’s used for hunting by a Zebrican tribe known as the Maori,” Weaver explained, he never missed an opportunity to show off his experience.
“Sounds pretty neat,” Spark confessed with a huge grin plastered across her face.
“Oh it is! I might still have one knocking around, you remind me and I’ll give a look for it when I get back,” Weaver said with a chuckle.
“But yes as I was saying, this spell snaps its target back to the original point from where it was cast from, after a given time.” Weaver paused to allow it to sink into his excitable audience.
“Oooh! Sounds useful,” Spark commented, trotting closer to the old pony.
“It is! But the two spells seem to cancel each other out, I can’t get them to co-exist on the same target at the same time,” he concluded with a sad sigh.
“I’m sure you’ll figure something out. Anyway, the boss is waiting for us,” Spark said with another one of her Spark Smiles™.
“Oh yes, I’ll be right along. Let me just stabilise this spell.”
“Don’t leave Veil waiting too long,” Sparks said, elongating the “o” in long in a playful manner. She trotted back out of the room. “Two down, two to go,”
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Fluorescent Spark trotted along to the offices to search for the other two ponies.
“Woah there Sparky, what are you doing up here in the offices,” an Appleloosan voice called out behind her.
“Quill Slinger, just the pony I was looking for,” Spark said as her smile returned, and she turned to face the pony.
“Ya reconsidered my offer for a night with this bronco?” The pale beige earth pony said with a wink.
“Not until you get a better pick-up line,” Sparks replied with a laugh.
Slinger sighed heavily and shifted his ten gallon hat before replying. “Ah well, you win some, you lose some. So what, pray tell, are you wantin’ with me.”
“Professor Veil has called a group meeting in the meeting room,” Sparks stated matter-of-factly.
“Horse apples. This is bound to be about those two city slickers, Ah told him to let me handle it!” Slinger shouted with a stomp of one of his hooves.
“What would you have done then?” Sparks said straightly. She had dealt with Quill Slinger many-a-time and she learnt long ago not to give him any openings.
“He was dealing with Administrator Wad, that cold-hearted son of a mule takes no prisoners. Ah bet he went for the ‘do this or your fired line,’ that’s his usual strategy. All it woulda taken is a bit of legal precedence and he woulda shut his mouth faster than a salt licker with a banjo,” Quill Slinger said with one of his hearty laughs.
“Well he has called a meeting and it sounds important so…” Spark led on.
“Got ya little missy, I’ll head right there now.” Quill Slinger nodded and tipped his hat before starting to trot down the corridor.
“Right I’ll catch you up, I’ve just got to find Smithy,” Spark called after him.
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“Smithy!” Spark called out as she entered the workshop. Heaps of machine parts lay absolutely everywhere, some were coated in a thick veneer of dust. Oooh Shiny! Spark couldn’t resist sticking her snout into a pile of sparkly golden items. “Achoo!” Spark sneezed loudly as she disturbed the coat of dust.
“Who iz there?” a feminine voice called through a loudspeaker, Spark could see the speaker mounted on a wall with a new addition.
“It’s me! Fluorescent Spark!” Spark squeaked. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. She held up her forehooves as a floodlight suddenly turned on, bathing her in its incandescent glare. Above her a bat in the rafters turned to face her. The bat appeared to wink and Spark caught sight of the flash of a camera.
“Ah, Fluorescent Spark. Gut, gut,” the voice said passively.
“Fraulein Smithy,” Fluorescent Spark said with a nervous smile.
“Vat brings you to my vorkshop?” it suddenly demanded fiercely.
“I was asked to see if you would attend a staff meeting,” Spark babbled out, her voice wavering
.
“Ah, direction. Also gut. De only foreseeable problem is I am still vorking on zis modulator. Vithout it de teleporter vill not be able to sustain itself,” the speaker continued to blare out.
“Uhh, you are aware that Lamplight is recalibrating the matrix,” Spark hazarded awkwardly.
“VAT?!” the voice shouted fiercely, a door suddenly flew open as a short pale green earth pony wearing a pristine white apron and a pair of yellow goggles charged through. “DAT FOAL!” the pony shouted angrily, her face contorting with rage. “VERE IS HE?! I Vill recalibrate his face!” Smithy screamed at Spark.
Fluorescent Spark lowered her hooves and jumped back in one fluid motion. One look at the throbbing vein on Smithy’s head told her she better answer her, and soon. “He’ll be at the meeting,” she blurted out quickly before turning to leave.
“Spark!” she barked.
Spark instantly froze and turned around again.
“Yes Fraulein!” Spark tried to bark back but ended up with more of a twig.
“I vish to speak vonce more with Lamplight. Take me to de meeting.”
“Of course Fraulein”, Spark said nervously with an audible gulp. She turned once more and walked out of the workshop, hoofsteps behind her told her that Smithy was following. God she hated Smithy, the only pony who legitimately scared her and for good reason. When they had started Smithy had been the lead technician with two underlings, now there’s only her. Circuit Switch quit and Gear Grinder was hospitalised when he was hit by an energy beam. He had just been to the dentists and couldn’t announce himself to Smithy so she hit him in the chest with a laser. The mare was crazy, but equally brilliant so their superiors tolerated it.
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Professor Veil sat in his spinney chair. He’d fallen out with the table over their favourite employee and was now absentmindedly spinning around.
The door slammed opened and Quill Slinger strode in, the look on his face told him that the door slamming was not accidental. “Lookie ‘ere! I told you all about Wad and his highfalutin’ plans,” he shouted angrily.
Professor Veil attempted to stop the spinning of his chair only to find the lever jammed. The chair continued to spin but Veil still tried his best to look grumpy and stare Quill Slinger in the eyes whenever he could. “Yeah, thanks for the heads-up,” he said in his grumpiest “I’m older than you” voice.
“Veil, I bet’cha he put you in a corner, didn’t he?!” Quill Slinger said with a shake of his head.
“Well maybe if you’d armed me with some useful…” Veil shouted angrily then briefly paused as his chair spun around to the point where he could be seen again “… information about Wad’s style!”
“I told you that his sense of morality was more skewed than an Appleloosan roof after a dust storm. It ain’t ma fault if you don’t take ma advice,” Quill Slinger said with an angry stomp of his hoof.
There was a brief period of silence as Veil waited for his chair to get back into position. “How am I supposed to if nopony can understand you!” Veil shouted.
“Look here, if you can’t understand things as plain as a buffalo on an all-bran diet...” Quill Slinger began as he trotted up to the chair. “Look, just pull the lever,” he then shouted angrily.
“Don’t you think I tried that?! It isn’t bloody well stopping!” Veil shouted giving a second long glare before he spun out of reach.
“Just get out of the chair!” Quill said as he crouched down to get to the underside of the chair.
“How will that help?” Veil shouted throwing up his hooves in anger at the world.
“For Harmony’s Sake Veil! Stop kicking, I’m going to. Ow! Stop it! I’ve got it!” Quill pulled the lever… clean off. “Horse apples.”
“Why is it still spinning then?!” Veil demanded.
“I think I broke it,” Quill muttered awkwardly, holding up the broken lever in his hoof.
“Oh for…” Veil began.
“I’m not interrupting anything am I?” a light yellow pegasus said snidely as he trotted in.
“Lamplight,” Veil muttered through gritted teeth.
“Veil,” Lamplight said trying to meet Veil’s eyes but once again he spun out of visible range.
“Why are you spinning around?” Lamplight said with a snide sneer slipping sneakily onto his visage.
“Quill Slinger broke the lever,” Veil said accusatorily.
“Hey! The lever was broken before I …er… broke it,” Quill Slinger began angrily but lost his steam in the middle.
“Well, this is the last thing... no wait, this is exactly what I expected from you,” Lamplight said with the kind of chuckle that would make anypony want to punch him in the face. Coincidentally both Veil and Quill brandished their forehooves.
“LAMPLIGHT!” a fierce scream sounded out from through the door causing Lamplight to jump six feet in the air.
“Oh, uh… Fraulein Smithy… what a… what a pleasure.” Lamplight began to back away as he broke out in a nervous sweat.
“LAMPLIGHT! I told you not to mess with my matrix!” she screamed at the rapidly backing away pony.
“Well you see… I… uh… had this idea… and,” Lamplight began to stutter as the Germane pony strode up to him. Veil was trying his best not to laugh, he knew how scary she could be, even if she was only two thirds of Lamplight’s size.
“NOPONY touches MY matrix! You got that? Ja?” she said pushing her face mere inches from Lamplight’s.
“I just… I… there was…” Lamplight was babbling almost incoherently now.
“Dere is no reason gut enough!” she shouted angrily before trotting over to the meeting table and taking a seat.
Fluorescent Spark poked her head through the door to make sure that she hadn’t killed him. Once she was certain everypony was still kicking she led Spell Weaver into the room and the two of them took seats as well.
Quill Slinger shrugged and threw the broken lever over his shoulder before joining the table too.
Lamplight stood up and tried to straighten his name badge before trotting over to the complete opposite corner of the table from Smithy and taking a seat there.
Veil climbed out of the chair with a sad sigh and pushed it into the corner where it continued to spin. He then pulled a chair around from the side and placed it at the head of the table. With a dramatic flourish he sat in the chair and leant forwards expectantly. “We’re moving up to pony testing,” he said loudly and clearly.
The entire table was suddenly in uproar again.
“We can’t! We legally can’t without enough evidence that it’s safe!” Quill Slinger said as he leapt to his hooves.
“The matrix isn’t even…” Lamplight began angrily as he started to stand up to only to sit back down again when his eyes met Smithy’s. “We aren’t even close to being ready! Smithy has yet to…”
“I am ready,” Smithy said as she stood up, although this made so little difference that Spell Weaver didn’t even notice.
“Ready? We’re ready for trial runs for our first prototype, maybe,” Lamplight shouted with more confidence.
“DID YOU NOT HEAR?! I AM READY!” Smithy shouted at the top of her voice. “My matrix is fully coded, the final piece iz ready for attachment. De robotic drone has already been produced,” Smithy insisted.
“That’s what I like to hear! We’re ready on the technical side then?" Veil said with a clap of his hooves.
“Hang on a minute! I haven’t actually…” Lamplight began again but was silenced by Smithy’s loud reply of “Ja!”
“Excellent. Arcane…” Veil began as he turned to his head of magical development.
“Spell Weaver,” Spark whispered in an urgent tone. Veil caught the cue, this was far from the first time he had changed his name.
“Spell Weaver, are you ready for the enchantments,” he corrected himself.
“At a functional level, yes,” the aged unicorn nodded.
“Now wait one cotton-picking minute! This whole procedure’s as risky as bathing in rattlesnakes! I ain’t signing noponies onto their deathbeds,” Quill Slinger said confrontationally.
“No need. I’ll do the trial run,” Fluorescent Spark said to everypony’s surprise.
“But… but…” Veil began to stutter.
“You don’t need me here, I’m just the theorist. My part’s done and I’m not going to risk anypony’s lives but my own with this thing,” Spark insisted.
Veil looked as if he was going to argue but he dropped his hoof and turned to Quill Slinger.
“I’ve got forms you can sign if you’re sure,” Quill Slinger said with an appreciative nod.
“Well then, gentleponies and Smithy, shall we get cracking?” Spark said standing up. The group all turned to Veil who gave a nod in reply. The ponies all stood up from their chairs and trotted out of the door heading to finish up last preparations.
Veil turned to Spark and looked her in the eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he said quietly searching her for any sign of doubt.
“Do female cockatrices lay eggs?” she said with another trademark smile.