//------------------------------// // Bring the noise! // Story: Deadpool's stay in Ponyville. // by necroslayer288 //------------------------------// On a calm and shitty day in the neighborhood, Deadpool wanders around his apartment, wondering what to do. "Holy shit, it's so god damn boring around here." said Deadpool's main personality. (We're just going to call that personality Deadpool) "I know right, no one has tried to kill us in like a week." said Deadpool's crazy and funny personality. (And we're just going to call that one Deadpool One) "Maybe it's because the last time someone tried to kill us, we sent them back with various things up their butts, and told them to tell their boss that the same thing would happen to them if they sent anymore guys." said Deadpool's more serous personality. (And finally, we're going to call this one Deadpool Two) "Oh yeah, right, I forgot about that, but it was pretty funny though." said Deadpool One. "Yeah yeah, it was funny, but still, we haven't had an attack, an assassination contract, or even a good crap in a whole week." said Deadpool Two. "Ummm, hold that thought, I think we're going to have a visitor at the back door in a minute." said Deadpool as he ran to his bathroom. "Oh boy, something interesting, finally." said Deadpool One. "Shut up stupid... Ahhhh, this is gonna be a big one...Hnnnggg ahhhh, think of your happy place, think of your happy place, rainbows and unicorns, ponies and butterfly's... AHHHH!" screamed Deadpool. "Push damn it, push!" screamed Deadpool Two. "Doctor, doctor, I don't think the child is going to make it." said Deadpool One. "Quiet nurse, I'm trying to work!" shouted Deadpool Two. "HNNNGGG AAAHHH! HAPPY PLACE, HAPPY PLACE! PONIES, UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS, AHHHH!" screamed Deadpool as he accidentally hit his teleporter and was suddenly teleported. "AHHHH! What the hell is going on, I don't have to take a crap anymore, where the hell did it go?" asked Deadpool. "You took a crap in a time space vortex, it could be anywhere in time or space." said Deadpool Two. Washington, D.C. April 14, 1865 "Time to die Linco- *splat* AHHH WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" screamed the assassin as guards jumped on him. Ponyville present time A vortex opens up, and Deadpool flies out and does a face plant into the ground, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Applejack were all having a picnic when they saw Deadpool, he was just laying there for a moment, not moving. "Oh my Celestia, Twilight what is that, what just happened?" asked Rarity. "I'm not sure, it just seamed to come out of nowhere." said Twilight. "Is it dead, it looks dead." said Applejack. "I'm okay, I'm good, I meant to do that." said Deadpool as he stood up and looked around a little bit. "Lets do it again, lets do it again!" said Deadpool One. "Ummm, lets not." said Deadpool Two. "But I wana do it again!" shouted Deadpool One. "We can't you moron, we don't even know how it happened in the first place." said Deadpool Two. "Ummm, if you two are done, I think we have company." said Deadpool as he took out his swords. "Oooo, do we get to kill stuff, I want to kill stuff." said Deadpool One. "Maybe, if they're hostile, are you hostile?" asked Deadpool. "Ummm, no, we were just about to see if you were okay, so, are you okay?" asked Twilight. "Oh, uhhh, yeah, I'm fine." said Deadpool. "What are these creatures, they look like ponies, but they have horns and wings, and they're colorful." said Deadpool Two. "Haha, the pink one looks like cotton candy." said Deadpool One. "Well I guess you're right, my hair does kind of look like cotton candy." said Pinkie. "Umm, Pinkie, he didn't say anything about your hair looking like cotton candy." said Twilight. "Wait, you can hear these morons?" said Deadpool. "Hay, I'm not a moron, I'm mentally inexperienced." said Deadpool One. "No, you're a moron." said Deadpool Two. "No you're both morons." said Deadpool. "Haha, all three of you are funny." said Pinkie. "Ummm, Pinkie dear, there's only one of him." said Rarity. "Yeah I know that, but there's three voices, one from his mouth, and two from his head." said Pinkie. "Nobody else can hear them, but you can, you know, I think I just made a new friend." said Deadpool. "YAHOO! This calls for a party!" screamed Pinkie. "Hold on Pinkie, we don't know what he is, where he's from, how he got here or what his name is, you can party after we get some explanations." said Twilight. "Awww, party pooper." said Pinkie. "So you, explain, who are you, what are you, and where are you from." said Twilight. "The name's Wade Wilson, but you can call me Deadpool." said Deadpool. "Alright Deadpool, now what are you and where are you from?" asked Twilight. "Well I'm a human, well actually I'm a mutant, well actually I'm a mutate, and I'm from earth, this is probably another planet, or a parallel universe, and I'm not sure how I got here, my teleporter just went crazy and poof, I ended up here." said Deadpool. "Well look at what you did when you got here, you scared the hay out of Fluttershy." said Reinbow Dash. "Oh, uhhh, sorry about that, hey, uhhh, Fluttershy, it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you." said Deadpool, Fluttershy slowly came down from the cloud she was hiding in, and hid behind Rarity. "Alright, now I answered your questions, now answer mine, what are you, what are your names AND WHERE THE HELL AM I!" shouted Deadpool. "I am Twilight Sparkle and she is Rarity she is Applejack she is Rainbow Dash she is Pinkie Pie, and you already know that she is Fluttershy, and you are in a land called Equestria, and me and Rarity are unicorns, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are pegasi, and Pinkie and Applejack are earth ponies, anything else?" asked Twilight. "Okay, so I'm in a magical land where there are unicorns ponies and rainbows, so now the question is, HOW THE HELL DO I GET OUT OF HERE!" freaked Deadpool. "Calm down, you said your teleporter malfunctioned, and that's how you got here, so we just fix it and send you back, easy peasy." said Rainbow Dash. "Ummm, do any of you even know how to fix a teleporter?" asked Deadpool. "Well, they are magic, so they could probably fix it with their magic." said Deadpool One. "Yes, that is a possibility,but what if that backfires, and we get sent somewhere even more crazy." said Deadpool Two. "There's somewhere even more crazy, I wanna go, I wanna go." said Deadpool One. "Shut up stupid, we haven't even seen this place yet, I say we stay, and have a little fun before we leave." said Deadpool. "Alright, does that mean we get to party now?" asked Pinkie all excited. "You know, you're my kind of pony, just let me try and get the teleporter off my belt, and then we ca- *poof*" said Deadpool as he teleported next to Pinkie. "AHHHH, you scared me, I thought you said your teleporter wasn't working." said Pinkie. "No, I said it malfunctioned, it seams to be teleporting me to things I like." said Deadpool. "Then can't you just teleport back home that way?" said Rainbow Dash. "Well I guess I could try, let me just think about my home for a sec." said Deadpool as he thought about home, and then he hit his teleporter, he then teleported three feet to his left. "Well that was a bust, how the hell are we gonna get home now?" asked Deadpool One. "Ummm, excuse me, mister Deadpool sir, you said it appears to be sending you to things you like, so then might I ask, how you ended up here, I mean if you've never been here before, how could you like this place for it to send you here?" asked Fluttershy. "That's a very good question Fluttershy dear, how could you know about this place if you've never been here before?" asked Rarity. "That's the thing, I don't know about this place, wait a minute, back at my apartment, I was trying to think of a happy place, a place with rainbows ponies and unicorns, and since there's no place like that in my world, it must have teleported me here." said Deadpool. "Alright cool, now that we know how we got here, can we go party with the pink one now, and while we're on our way, can we get some chimichangas?" asked Deadpool One. "I'm not sure what a chimichanga is, but I can make you cherrychanga, or chimicherry, ooh or a chimicherrychanga, which one would you like, chimicherry, cherrychanga, or chimicherrychanga?" asked Pinkie. "Ummm, I'll have a cherrychanga." said Deadpool One. "And I'll have a chimicherry." said Deadpool Two. "I guess I'll try the chimicherrychanga." said Deadpool. "Alright, Deadpool you come with me, you can help me make them, and girls, you go get the party supplies, and get it all set up at Twilight's library." said Pinkie. "Wait, why my library, can't we do it somewhere else?" asked Twilight. "We could do it at mah barn, if that's alright with you?" asked Applejack. "Sure, why not, it's bigger there anyway." said Pinkie. "Alright we'll get the party supplies, and you make the snacks." said Rarity. "Okay then, lets go Deadpool." said Pinkie as she and Deadpool headed off to Sugar Cube Corner, when they got there, Pinkie made a list of all the things Deadpool needed to find. "Alright Deadpool, I'm going to make the snacks, I just need you to get the ingredients, so here's a list of the things you need to get for me." said Pinkie. "Alright." said Deadpool as he went around looking for all the things on the list, when he got them all he brought them back to Pinkie. "Alright here you go Pink- whoa shit *thud*. said Deadpool as he slipped. "Oh my, Deadpool are you alright?" asked Pinkie. "Yeah I'm fine, I just landed on a knife, that's all." said Deadpool as he stood up with a knife stuck in his chest. "Oh my gosh, we need to get you some help quick!" freaked Pinkie. "Nah I'm fine, you wanna see something really cool, watch this." said Deadpool as he pulled the knife out of his chest, the wound healed instantly. "There see, all better." said Deadpool. "How... How did you do that, didn't that hurt?" asked Pinkie. "I have this really wicked cool healing factor, it heals any wound instantly, and yes it does hurt, but I got used to it, as a matter of fact, I kind of enjoy it now." said Deadpool. "So if I stab you like this *shink* it will just heal instantly." said Pinkie as she stabbed Deadpool in the chest. "Uhhh, yeah, but you just saw what it looks like when I heal, why do you need to see it again?" asked Deadpool. "I don't know, I just kind of like doing that, for some reason." said Pinkie. "Lets do it again, stab him more, it feels good, stab him, STAB HIM!" screamed Pinkie's dark side as she jumped on Deadpool.(we're just going to call her dark side Pinkamena) "Whoa, did you hear that, she has other voices just like us." said Deadpool One as Pinkie started stabbing him. "Yeah, and did you notice that her hair is all straight now, how interesting." said Deadpool Two. "No I didn't notice her hair, I'm busy being stabbed to shit! Ummm Pinkie, can you please stop, you're not going to kill me if that's what you're trying to do, I heal too fast." said Deadpool. "Yes! More! More! Keep stabbing, it feels so good!" said Pinkamena. "Is she getting off on this?" asked Deadpool Two. "Ha ha, you've always liked the kinky chicks." said Deadpool One. "Shut up and think of a way out of this! She keeps stabbing through my neck and severing my spine, I can't stand up!" screamed Deadpool. "We'll be fine, just let her tire herself out." said Deadpool Two. "Yes! Yes! I love it! More! More! Cover me in your blood! YESSS! YESSS!" screamed Pinkamena as she stabbed one last time, cutting off Deadpools head. "Ummm, did she just..." said Deadpool Two. "Ewww, I think she did." said Deadpool One. "There, are you happy now, can you put my head back on my body now, I want to get making the snacks." said Deadpool as his head rolled in the direction of the window, he saw a strange looking pony outside watching. "Hay look, her hair went back to normal." said Deadpool One. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me, are you alright?" asked Pinkie. "Yeah I'm just a talking head on the ground, I'm fucking great!" shouted Deadpool. "Whats wrong with being a head in life, ha haaa, did you see what I did there, get it, a head, in life." said Deadpool One. "You're not funny, now shut up, Pinkie just put my head on my body." said Deadpool. "Okay, sorry again." said Pinkie as she grabbed Deadpool's head and put it on his body. "Alright, there we go, now lets get baking." said Deadpool as he and Pinkie started making the food for the party, about two hours past by and they were done. "Oh boy, these look great, lets get them to the party before everypony wonders where we are." said Pinkie as she and Deadpool grabbed the snacks and headed to the party at Applejack's barn, when they got there, everyone else had just finished decorating and setting up the games. "Deadpool dear, what happened to your outfit, it's all full of holes?" asked Rarity. "Oh, I uhhh, just cut it with a knife by accident." said Deadpool. "Oh dear that's no good, I'll make you a brand new outfit tomorrow." said Rarity. 'No no that's fine, you don't have to do that." said Deadpool. "Get her to make it all black, so we can be a ninja." said Deadpool One. "Oh but I insist, I've never made anything for something like you before, it'll be challenge, and I love challenges." said Rarity. "Okay fine, if you want to so badly, but right now I'd really like to have my chimicherrychanga, *poof* hey I think figured out how to use my teleporter now. I have to say where I want to go instead of think about where I want to go, watch, I want to go on that stack of hay *poof* ha haaa it worked!" said Deadpool, he then noticed the same pony he saw earlier, it watching him from the corner of the barn, after the pony saw him teleport it ran out of the barn. "Hey what was up with your friend, he just ran out of the barn." said Deadpool. "It's only the seven of us in here." said Rainbow Dash. The changeling hive "My queen, I return from scouting out Ponyville, and I have good news." said the changeling. "Excellent, what is it, tell me." said Chrysalis. "There appears to be a creature that can teleport at will." said the changeling. "And, there are plenty of ponies that can teleport at will, whats so special about this creature?" asked Chrysalis. "It's not of this world, and it can't die, if we steal the thing that lets it teleport, we can teleport to it's world, and feed on them, they will never die so we can feed forever." said the changeling. "Very well, give us time to gather strength, and we will attack, if they can not die on that world, then we don't have to worry about killing any of the ponies when we attack." said Chrysalis. "How long should it take before we start the attack my queen?" asked the changeling. "We should be strong enough in about two days, and on that day, we wipe out Ponyville, and everypony there." said Chrysalis. Ponyville Applejack's barn "But I just saw this black looking pony in the corner." said Deadpool. "Wait, did it have holes in it's legs and bug like wings?" asked Twilight. "Yeah why?" asked Deadpool. "Girls I think we have a problem, I think the changelings might try and attack, Deadpool said he saw one, I think it was just scouting us out though." said Twilight. "Well it's gone now, but we'll be ready if they do attack, we beat em once before right, we can do it again." said Applejack. "I hope you're right Applejack, for all of Ponyville's sake." said Twilight. "Come on everypony, lets get this party started!" shouted Pinkie, she then went over to Deadpool and put a blindfold on him. "Hey whats this for?" asked Deadpool. "You're going to try and hit the pinata." said Pinkie. "Oh boy, it might not exactly be killing stuff, but it's close enough for me." said Deadpool One. "Okay, I'm going to spin you around, and when you stop, start swinging." said Pinkie. "Yes, beat the life out of it, beat it's sugary insides out." said Pinkamena. "I like her dark side, she knows how to party the way I like." said Deadpool One as Pinkie started to spin Deadpool around, as Deadpool spun around, he tripped over something on the ground and fell backwards into a pitchfork that was sticking out of a pile of hay. "God damn it, what stabbed me this time!" shouted Deadpool. "Oh my, we need to get you some help, I think I have some medical supplies back at my cottage." said Fluttershy. "No need, watch this." said Deapool as he pulled himself off the pitchfork, they all watched as he healed instantly. "There see, all better, now, I have a bone to pick with that pinata." said Deadpool as he walked back over to the pinata. "Remarkable, his wound just regenerated on the spot, how did you do that?" asked Twilight. "I have this awesome healing factor, I heal any wound instantly, so basically I cant die." said Deadpool as Pinkie spun him around again next to the pinata. "Okay Deadpool, try and hit the pinata." said Pinkie. "I want to go to the pinata *poof* ha haaa." said Deadpool as he puled out his swords and cut the pinata diagonally. "Ha got you you little bastard." said Deadpool, as he took off his blindfold and saw Pinkie shaking in front of him, she had a piece of her hair missing at the end, it was laying next to the pinata on the floor. "Oops, sorry about that." said Deadpool, then Pinkie started to laugh and so did everyone else, they continued with the party until it got dark, and then they were all about to go home. "Well that sure was a fun party, so where are you gonna stay Deadpool?" asked Applejack. "Well I wouldn't mind sleeping in this barn, if that's alright with you." said Deadpool. "Well I don't mind, but wouldn't you rather sleep somewhere with a bed?" asked Applejack. "Nah it's fine." said Deadpool. "Alright, if you insist, I'll bring you out a blanket and a pillow." said Applejack. "Hay Deadpool, do you like pranks?" asked Pinkie. "Sure, I love a good prank." said Deadpool. "Good, because me and Rainbow Dash want you to come with us tomorrow, and go on a prank spree, you in?" asked Pinkie. "Oh hell yeah." said Deadpool. "Good, we'll come by in the morning to get you." said Pinkie. "Alright see ya then." said Deadpool. "Goodnight Deadpool." said all of them as they all headed home for the night. "Goodnight." said Deadpool as he jumped in a pile of hay and started to nod off, just before he fell asleep he saw the changeling just outside the barn, he got up and ran after it, when he got outside the barn the changeling started to fly away. "I wonder what that thing wants." said Deadpool. "Maybe it wants hugs." said Deadpool One. "Don't be stupid, it clearly wants us for something, but what?" asked Deadpool Two. "I don't know, and I don't care, lets just worry about figuring out a way to get our teleporter to send us back home." said Deadpool as he went back into the barn and laid back down in the pile of hay, and started to fall asleep.