//------------------------------//
// Guilt 
// Story: Not everypony will be happy 
// by Lenora Goff 
//------------------------------//

~Twilight~

I knew this was all my fault, there was nopony else to blame. I had failed them, I had failed them all. Most importantly, though, I had failed him. The worst part was that I had done this before, this same exact failure was still fresh in my memory. Even though I couldn’t remember how long ago it had been now, the last time I had failed Spike like this was still fresh in my mind.

Now Rarity was here.

When I had heard the door open, it had been the best moment of my day. It had been enough to wake me up, to put a smile on my face. That hadn’t lasted, though, there hadn’t been the pony that I had hoped to see. Actually, it hadn’t been a pony that I had hoped to see. That was what made it horrible when it had been Spike’s old crush that was standing there.

I told her to leave, but she didn’t.

Why didn’t she leave?

She had bugged me to tell her the story. Oh, so much of me had wanted to just make her leave. I could have done it. All I had to do was charge up my horn, and she would probably have ended up at her house if I was able to focus enough. Then again, that was what got me in this situation in the first place. If I hadn’t done that before, Spike would still be here. If I had just been more considerate of what he thought and felt, he wouldn’t have left.

Maybe that was why I didn’t do anything beyond tell her to leave.

Maybe that was why I told her everything.

There had actually been a hope that she would have passed judgment on me as well. I blamed myself, Spike blamed me, and so would everyone else. I knew they would have blamed me if they knew everything. Maybe one of them would feel bad enough for me that they would help me out. Actually, no, that didn’t even make sense to me right now. Without that, though, I didn’t know why it was that I told her every single detail about what had happened.

I certainly didn’t do it to make myself feel better, because I didn’t feel better at all. If anything, the fact that I just told somepony else about it somehow made me feel even worse. It was almost as if the simple act of repeating it made it more real. It was almost as if I had just made myself see the experience again. All of this had taken a few hours, almost completely full with me talking about what I had done to the two of them.

It was only at the end that I started to cough. How long had it been since I had last gotten up to get a drink of water? Had it been a few hours? Maybe it had been a day, I didn’t know. There had been at least one time that it had happened, I knew that. I licked my lips, and tried to move, but I just couldn’t. This turned out to be the first time I was glad that somepony else was there.

It only took a look from me for Rarity to realize what was wrong right now.

Did I really look that pathetic?

It made sense, really, in a way. I certainly felt pathetic. The fact that I needed somepony else to help me out wasn’t even the thing that made me feel that way. No, it was something more than that. I had chased away the only family I had out here. Even though I knew my friends, minus Rainbow, would have been for me … it didn’t matter to me. None of it mattered if I was going to have to live here alone for the rest of my days.

And it seemed as though that was probably going to be the case.

Rarity soon returned with the cup, and within ten seconds it was empty. Oh, that had felt so good. It had been far too long since I had drank water. When it had first touched my lips, it had hurt pretty bad. The more I drank, though, the more I wanted to drink. “Thank you, Rarity.” I managed to say something, and even better I managed to move. “Could you... could you watch for Spike for me?” That probably sounded like a weird request, or maybe it just seemed like that because of the weird look that she gave me.

“If Spike comes here and nopony is here to greet him then he’ll just go away.”

I knew it would happened eventually, it just had to. There was no other way I could apologize, no other way that I could make sure that he knew that I felt bad. Even if I knew that I was looking out for him, there was something about this whole thing that came back to me thinking that the things I did were the things that had pushed him away. Even though I had the best intentions at the time, that didn’t mean that the things I did had been the best thing I could have done.

Everypony told me that a good relaxing shower helped them out. I hoped that it would have had the same effect on me, I needed it. Besides, I knew that I probably stank a little. I was actually surprised that Rarity hadn’t said anything about it. Then again, she had done little beyond listen as I told her how I had ruined everything that could possibly be ruined. But after my shower, I would probably go out there to see that Spike was there.

Yeah, that’s it. I had to be positive, I had to think positive. A turn of a few knobs, and the warm water started to fall on my mane. It wouldn’t be good if I wasn’t ready for when Spike came back. I knew he had to come back eventually, and I had to be there to make sure that everything was alright. The biggest problem was still Rainbow, I still didn’t know what I thought about the idea of her kissing Spike. Nopony could kiss Spike, he was still a baby dragon.

No matter how big he got, I always saw the old Spike that I had brought with me to Ponyville only a few years ago.

~Rarity~

I really worried for that mare.

It was not simply one single thing. When I had gotten her water, it seemed as though she had not drank any for a while. There was something about her eyes. There was something about the way that she laid out on the floor, how she had been pointed at the door. There was something about her mane, her coat. There was something about everything that she said, especially the way that she said it. There were so many things that worried me, I almost wanted to stop her from going off.

Yet she had told me to stay and wait for Spike, so I knew that she would be coming back as quickly as possible.

I still had no idea what I needed to say to her. There had been a book that I had wanted to get, or it might have been advice. After I heard what had happened between her and Spike, and then was asked to wait for him, my own goal had quietly slipped from my mind. I knew it was something about Fluttershy, so it was not completely gone. It was something about Pet Names, I thought, or it could have been any number of problems that had come up recently.

I looked up for a few moments, and remembered that it had been all about the fact that I did not have an understanding of Pet Names at all. I had read some romance novels, but I knew that there was likely more to them than that. After all, this was Fluttershy. If there was somepony, anypony, that deserved better it would have been Fluttershy.  Of course, I was now being forced into a role of somepony who was not actually solving their own problems.

That had been what had gotten me into this, I believed.

“I only hope all of this has a more happy ending than beginning.” I thought aloud, maybe because I knew that nopony was around to her me. Whether it was Spike and Twilight, Fluttershy and me, or even Rainbow Dash and Twilight, it seemed as though there was a giant problem in our group that could have ruined everything for everypony. I had no idea what to say to Twilight to help her with her problems, nor did I know how to solve my own. Well, actually, I knew how to solve mine. I just had to remain faithful to Fluttershy. I knew I had to force the embers of love to become a fire.

First I had to find the embers of a more romantic love.

I wished that all of this could be more simple. Relationships always seemed to be so straightforward in those novels that I read. Everything was always more simple in those books. I would have given anything right then and there for life to be so simple. Of course, that was not going to happen. Life stayed true to itself, it kept as complicated as ever.

Maybe that was what made it beautiful.

Beautiful yet complicated or beautiful because it was complicated, I was probably not in the right state of mind to figure that out right now. What was it about being alone that made me philosophical at times? It made no sense, really. I knew that it was better to think of that than focus on the day that had preceded it. Though I apparently needed to focus on the world around me more, because when I looked away from the door I noticed that Twilight was staring right at me.

She looked a lot better, at least physically. There was still something about her that looked off, looked defeated. It might have been the fact that there was still a slight puff to her eyes, or it could have been the expression that was on her face. A couple of times, she tried to smile when I looked at her. That was not something that had worked, though. Feigning happiness was something that came with time, effort, and practice. I highly doubted that she had enough of any of them, barring effort potentially, to be able to say that she pulled it off.

Or maybe I had just over thought things.

Why were these problems not as easy to overcome as the others we had faced. Easy was more definitely not the right word, when I really thought about it, but simple most certainly was. If there was ever something big that threatened Equestria, all we had to do was talk the elements and it was soon defeated in a rainbow. This, though, this was something that was going to need a lot more than the Elements of Harmony provided.

I did not know what it needed, really.

The sound of somepony coming down the stairs got my attention. It was Twilight, of course, clean from her short shower. She looked as though that had helped her, if only a little. There was even a fake smile again, as if she needed to put on a brave face about all of this. Either that, or she did not want her friends to see her like this. Today might have been one of those days when she was going to go out, which would have been an improvement.

Then she sat down next to me and looked at the door.

“He’s coming back today, I can feel it. And when he does, I’m going to be here … right here.” The smile widened, but not in a way that gave me any confidence. There was something about it that just made me feel uncomfortable about the fact that I was this close to her. I knew it would not be that hard to move away, I just had to use an excuse. Either that, or maybe it was for the best that I just sat here and comforted her in any way I could.

“Then you two can talk, and everything will get better after that.” Her eyes moved over to me for a moment, right before I continued. “That’s my feeling, of course. After all, if you talk about things then they get resolved. If you simply hide them away, nothing ever changes.” It was lost on me the irony of that statement. I was the one who had not planned on talking to Fluttershy about my own little problems.

Then again, it was my refusing to talk that had really put these problems into play in the first place.

“B...but what will I say?”

It seemed that just as quickly as she had seemed to regain some confidence, it was shot again. Twilight really was a delicate mare, it seemed. This was something that I should have already known, given the multiple times that something small had been able to set her off. Tests were the most common thing, but it really varied. This was tied to one of the things that I knew she really cared about, it should not have been a surprise that she simply could not handle this sort of thing.

“The question before me seemed so simple to me.

“That should be obvious, darling.” When she looked at me confused, I simply gave her my best smile. “This problem came about because the two of you kept secrets from each other. If the two of you had simply been more open about everything, then we would not be in this situation at all.” Once again, my picture likely would have been found in the dictionary next to irony, but once again I was blissfully unaware of the fact that the things I said could be deflected back toward me.

“B-b-but I didn’t hide anything from Spike. I’ve been honet with him from the very beginning. I told him I did this because I worry about him, because I do.” It seemed as though I had hit a button, something that she did not like being said. Twilight honestly thought that she had told him everything, that her simple words about how she worried about him were enough to make sure that he knew and understood. Perhaps I needed to explain it to her. Twilight was a bright mare, I knew she would understand.

“Oh come now, Twilight, there had to be more to it than that.” Her confused look turned to a wary one, so I knew to quickly continue. “I worry about Sweetie Belle al the time, but I hardly stop her from going out there to spend time with her friends. Even when I’m not busy, I know that sometimes she just needs to spend time with Scootaloo and Applebloom.” Inwardly, I was proud of myself for not messing up Scootaloo’s name. I did that occasionally, and Sweetie Belle never could stop herself from making jokes when I said Scooterloo.

“But that’s because she’s your sister. Spike’s more than that.” It looked like I had hit root of the problem. I did not know I was such a good psychiatrist, but it seemed as though that was not too difficult for me. Or maybe I had just gotten lucky this time.

“Whatever do you mean, darling? I thought Spike was like a brother to you?”

For a moment, she looked as though she was going to start laughing. “A brother?” That word was stated as though she was confused by it. “Shining Armor is my brother. I don’t take care of Shiny every day, I don’t feed him, make sure he gets to bed on time, make sure he washes behind his ears. Spike is more than a brother, he’s like a son to me.”

That was something that I should have been able to foresee her saying. It was something that made sense in a way. Twilight took care of him, even if she did falter at times. She did a really good job of doing so, too. Of course, something told me that this wasn't even the entire cause of the fight. I had to be a good friend, I had to get her to tell me why she was so protective. Even our mother was not as protective about either Sweetie Belle or myself.

It is because she trusts us.

“But Twilight, getting hurt is just part of growing up. My mom did not shield me from everything, and I turned out alright. Who is to say that Spike would turn out the same way.” That made perfect sense to me. If I had never tripped, I would have never learned to stand back up on my own. Sometimes that trip was a literal one, and sometimes it was a metaphorical one.

“Exactly!” When she said that, it was my turn to be confused. “The sooner he learns how to do things on his own, the sooner he’s going to... he’s going to leave me to live with Rainbow Dash. And she doesn’t live safe at all.” Part of that was true, really. Rainbow Dash did not know the meaning of the word safety, I was sure of that. either that, or she simply thought that it was not something that she needed to worry about in the slightest. The other parts, though, they came across as paranoia to me.

“Ah, now I understand.” I could not help myself, I reached over and pulled Twilight into a hug. “I might not have been a mother, but that does not mean I know nothing about that. I worry about that same thing sometimes, that Sweetie Belle will just grow up and move on. It could very well happen if she were to start singing more.” This was something that I normally kept inside, but Twilight needed to know that she wasn’t alone. “But I know that the time I do spend with her is all the more precious because of that.”

Of course, I probably needed to spend more time with her, but that was a problem for a different day.

This problem, the one that was here today, was probably just about solved.

“All you need to do is be honest with him, tell him everything about why you are acting the way that you are. That is what you should say.” With that, she pulled away with an angry look on her face. Something told me that I had definitely struck something of a raw nerve. There was something about her anger that made me recoil a little, maybe it was because I knew that she was capable of things that most unicorns only dreamed of doing.

~Fluttershy~

I had been so stupid.

I had pushed Rarity into making up a name on the spot, but not before I had come up with one that had seemed good at the time. Now it just seemed as though it wasn’t thought out at all. I needed to go talk to her, but maybe I needed to give myself some time to think about what it was that I had done wrong. I didn’t want to rush back into the same mistake, after all.

That, and there was a sick animal that really needed my attention.

I really had no idea what it could have been, though. I normally didn’t help out Timberwolves, they scared me so much. Most of them were scary, but this one was just a little cub. I couldn’t have pushed it out, even if I had the strength to do it. It would have just been wrong. That still brought me back to the problem of not knowing anything about what could have affected this Timberwolf. It could have been something small, or it could have been something big.

All I knew was that it kept scratching, it felt warm to the touch, and there were a few splotches. Actually, those last two were the one that confused me the most. I didn’t even know that Timberwolves could get fevers. I definitely hadn’t known what it would look like it one got anything like a rash. It had looked something like moss, the color at least, but it wasn’t moss. I had to figure this out, it could have been something serious.

If this was something serious and I didn’t fix it, I didn’t think I could have lived with myself.

The only thing that came to mind, though, was to hope that Twilight had a book on Timberwolves. If she did, I definitely needed to find a way to get one for myself. I had thought that I had every book that I needed, but I had never needed anything about Timberwolves before. They probably needed special medicine, too, so I was probably going to head over to Zecora’s soon afterward.

First, though, I needed a book. Oh, I was becoming such a … what was it that Rainbow had called Twilight? An egghead? That wasn’t a bad thing, was it? Even if it was, I knew Rainbow wouldn’t make fun of me for it. She didn’t make fun of me when she knew it really hurt my feelings.

By now, the library was in sight.

Since it was dusk, I wasn’t sure that she would be awake in there. Yet as I got closer, I heard two ponies talking. Maybe talking wasn’t the best term, it seemed a little more … heated. That was the term that I had heard Rainbow say when she had been arguing with Applejack. This wasn’t an argument, though, or at least I hoped it wasn’t. I knew those voices, they were definitely Twilight and Rarity. Oh, raised voices definitely meant that I needed to go home.

No.

I needed to get that book, I needed to make sure that I did what was right. Maybe my presence would have stopped it if I was inside. At the very least, they would have stopped while I was there. As I got closer, though, I was finally able to start to understand what was being said.

“Honest? I really don’t think you have much room to talk about being honest.”

A grimace overtook my face. How dare she say something like that. There was obviously something wrong between the two of them, but it was probably a misunderstanding. Twilight shouldn’t have attacked Rarity like that. I needed to get in there faster, to tell Twilight to back off.

“I beg your pardon! I simply have no idea what you could be talking about.”

“Oh, don’t play dumb with me. You told me all about your problem with Fluttershy.”

I felt my ears droop down. She had told Twilight about our little fight? I hadn’t thought that she had needed to go talk to somepony else. It kind of hurt that she didn’t think I could help. That was one of things that I knew relationships were about, honesty and communication. Wait, that was actually two things. Either way, I needed to talk to her later about that. I wouldn’t be mean about it, she didn’t need that after what Twilight was doing here, but she needed to know that I was there whenever she needed somepony to talk to.

I needed her to feel safe to tell me anything.

“That is completely different, and you know it.”

I heard a chuckle, then a full-blown laugh. Whatever was the problem that Twilight was dealing with, she thought it was the same as Rarity’s. Did she have a special somepony too? Oh, that would have been so wonderful. She hadn’t told any of us about him, or maybe her, but that didn’t mean that the special somepony didn’t exist.

Maybe this was just nervousness, they weren’t really fighting.

“Oh come on. You’re telling me that my problems would be gone if I told Spike why I act the way I do.” That didn’t make much sense. Spike was like a brother, or maybe a son. I hadn’t known that the two of them were special someponies. “He knows we’re like family anyway. Unlike Fluttershy, who really thinks everything is perfect between the two of you.”

“It will be, Twilight, it will just take time.” Something about Rarity’s voice didn’t sound as sure as I wanted it to. Something about it sounded as though she was trying to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince Twilight.

“Don’t lie to me!” I … I couldn’t move. It became difficult to do much more than simple breathe. What was it that was being hidden from me? “You can’t make yourself fall in love with Fluttershy. Either you are in love with her or you’re not in love with her.” That felt like a hoof to the face, really. “And you don’t. But you just keep saying to me that you just need more time and it’ll happen.” This was actually more painful than anything that had happened in flight camp.

I needed Rarity to deny everything. One she denied everything, I needed to burst in the door and just let Twilight know what I thought. It wouldn’t be hard, but it took into account that Rarity denied everything. That’s all it would take, the simple words that Twilight was wrong.

“You’re wrong, Twilight.” There they were, I started to move again for the door. “I will be able to do it. I will fall in love with Fluttershy, and give her everything she deserves.” That was when I stopped. It didn’t make any sense to me. I had kissed Rarity so many times, and she had kissed me back. It didn’t make any sense. I thought back to the few happy moments that had come up already. We hadn’t been together for years, but each moment had still be precious to me.

No, it all made sense now.

Rarity had always been a little slower to the kiss. I didn’t know why I hadn’t noticed it before, but I hadn’t. Now that I was thinking back, it all seemed so obvious.

Rarity had never loved me like I loved her. She never would.

I had come here for a book, but I couldn’t go in there now. I couldn’t really do much here. There was no way that I was going to be able to see Rarity right now. The only thing that made any sense was if I went back home and tried to get that timberwolf better on my own. Of course, that was if I made it back home at all. Tears were streaming down my face, and I turned only to trip and tall. As soon as I got back to my feet, I tried sprinting off away.

It didn’t matter how often I’d stumble, I had to get away quickly.

~Rarity~

What was that?

I moved to look through the window in time to see a certain yellow pegasus that seemed to be in quick retreat. “Oh no.” At that, the mare that I had just been arguing with quickly moved to the window as well. I was so mad at her right now, so mad at myself. Oh, this was not supposed to happen. This was not supposed to be the way that she discovered my feelings. Actually, I had been hoping that she would have never discovered these feelings at all.

That hope had died.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Rarity. I didn’t know she was there.” I knew a forced apology, and a fake apology. This was neither of those. At the same time, I turned to her with a grimace on my face. If she had simply kept her voice down, this whole thing might not have happened. “I don’t know what came over me. I just … I was so mad. It felt like when I was a filly again, and Celestia would lecture me about something I did wrong.” With those words, she turned and walked away. “I’m a horrible friend.”

Now that simply would not do.

I knew she had done something wrong, it had caused a problem between Fluttershy and myself. I had no idea if our friendship could weather this, but I hoped that it would. At the same time, though, part of me felt that it was the right thing. Fluttershy deserved to know the truth, and I shouldn’t have kept it from her. I just needed to go talk to her, but first I needed to finish what I started here. I couldn’t leave her thinking that this was her fault.

“No, you are not. You are simply flawed like the rest of us.” That probably was the wrong way to go about this. “And besides, she deserves to know the truth. If you are indeed correct, then I would have told her eventually. If I had been honest with her from the start, none of this would have happened.” Or perhaps I would have kept my doubt hidden away, that was always a possibility. “I really do wish I could have done it, she deserves somepony to love. She definitely deserves somepony who can love her the way she loves them.”

Before she could say anything else on the matter, I took this as an opportunity to leave. I had left her with something to think about, I had consoled her, and now I had to go find my ex-marefriend. That was even more awkward to think of her as. Perhaps I just needed to think of her as my friend. Maybe that was something that would have been at least a little less awkward. Of course, I needed to go talk to her first before I was able to call her my friend again.

The only thing that stopped that was the reaction that I got when I finally got to Fluttershy’s house. It had been weird enough that I had gotten glares from nearby animals. They had looked like they were glaring anyway, which seemed strange for the ducks and hummingbirds. It only got worse when I finally got to the door, only to find that it was locked. A knock on the door didn’t even bring Fluttershy.

The knock had brought Angel-bunny, and he definitely didn’t look happy.

As soon as the door opened, it was closed in my face. It even hurt my muzzle, the sheer strength that this bunny had was almost scary. Either way, I knew that I needed to talk to her eventually. Perhaps this was something that I had to work on over time. Regardless, Fluttershy was going to have to talk to me eventually. I just needed to wait for that time to finally show up. I had no intention of abandoning her now, I would have waited for years if I had to.

Fluttershy’s friendship was far too important to me.