Day 132,
I've kept true to my promise on documenting the events that have recently happened in my life. It has been hard and often times seemingly useless, but I find it to be one of the few defenses that holds my sanity together. It has helped me remain strong, and strength is what I need now.
There’s not much left in this world. Everywhere I go I am met with destruction and emptiness. The cities crumble, the country side withers, and the seasons become frighteningly erratic. I don't know how much longer I can stand all this. But I must. For my sake and hers. It's hard to believe she’s been with me only for 53 days if my count's right. It seems much longer than that....
She has been the only source of happiness for me. And the anchor to my mind. I fear I would be far gone if it had not been for her. I still don't know how she managed to survive. Perhaps she was just one lucky person out of millions. Or perhaps she survived in a way similar to me. I can't tell yet. All I do know is that she is a little girl lost and confused in a big world that seems more empty than full. Sometimes I think about what life would be like for her had all this not happened. Who her friends would be, where she would play, what her favorite foods would be. I like to imagine her being happy. But she doesn't have those things. Only me and that pink bear I found for her that she holds so tight. And I have vowed to do everything I can to protect her. But I don't know if it is enough...
It's getting harder now to find food. Everything has rotten away and cans are becoming more scarce. We've been moving from shelter to shelter, avoiding the terrors we come across, just trying to say alive. It’s becoming a day to day struggle for everything. I don't know how much longer we can last. I think some days we will be doomed to wander this broken world forever.
There is a chance things might get better if I use, "it." But I shudder at the thought of using it once more. I don't know what will happen if I do, and I need to stay in control for her sake. It has been taxing enough on my mind enough. I can't use it again. So I am writing this, hoping, praying, that something will happen. Sending a thought out to somebody somewhere. Help us. Please.
I know its wishful thinking, but I need to believe in it. And maybe, just maybe, someone or something good will come. I can only hope....
-Simon