//------------------------------// // Afterparty (Featuring Special Guest Narrator Pinkie Pie) // Story: You Can Fight Fate // by Eakin //------------------------------// AFTERPARTY (Featuring Special Guest Narrator Pinkie Pie) Holy crap I grew wings. It’s been maybe four months now since we stopped the Regalia, and I knew that something was up. I was having the oddest aches and cravings. I mentioned it to my mother who responded by buying Azalea and me a crib. Real subtle, Mom. But then last night I had the weirdest, most vivid of dreams. I saw the Elements, the real Elements, and they told me... something. Something about what was going to happen even if I can’t remember all the details now. Then they asked me if I would be a part of it and I said yes and I woke up and... Holy crap I grew wings! There was a big ceremony that just went by in a huge blur and boom, I’m Princess of Equestria. One of the diarchs. Triarchs? Does Cadance count? Should it be quadrarchs? I only wish proper terminology were my biggest problem. I reach for the Royal Brown Paper Bag I’ve been keeping next to me the whole afternoon and breath in and out through it, fighting down my panic attack. Twilight? “Pinkie? Is that you?” I ask the empty study I’m hiding out in. I could have sworn I just heard her say something. It sure is! “Where are you? I can’t see you.” Great. Now I’m hallucinating. Of course you can’t, silly! I’m narrating, not talking to you. “What do you mean, you’re narrating?” I ask. Not that this is even the most confusing thing to happen to me today. I just figured that since you were going through all this Princess stuff right now, I would narrate the rest of the story for you. “What story?” I ask the empty air around me. The Time Loop Trilogy story, of course. “It’s not a story, Pinkie, it’s a bunch of stuff that happened to me.” Right! In a story! “Wait. Wouldn’t that imply that all those awful things that happened were for somepony’s amusement? What sort of sick, twisted mind would-” Ooooookay, so while Twilight’s doing her existential crisis thing let’s go somewhere else. Specifically the great hall that Princess Celestia told me I can use for the rest of the evening. I’ve been super busy decorating it, preparing for my greatest triumph. My resistance-y piece. The only appropriate way to celebrate my best friend turning into an alicorn and a Princess on the same day. The greatest party of all time. I take a quick five minute breather from blowing up balloons and look out the window down to the streets below. The parade that’s been going on all afternoon is still in full swing. Parades are super fun, they’re like parties that move. Not quite as much like a party that moves as my Partymobile is (some new bestest friends of mine who said they were from a place called “Hasbro” gave me the plans for free as long as I promised to drive it around Ponyville once in awhile! Wasn’t that nice of them?) but still pretty nifty. Vendors on the street corners are selling commemorative plush baseball bats, and a swarm of laughing foals run around learning how much fun it is to hit things with them. A lesson that surely could never backfire in any conceivable way. I gave them the idea, since Chief Royal Advisor Home Run will be around the palace all the time now. Twilight didn’t want to appoint him at first until I told her for the fifty-seventh time that she totally had to because, uh, of course she totally had to. She finally gave in and promoted him on the spot, with the promise that if he ever told her to do something she would do it. Or start seeing a therapist. There’s a knock on the door and my super-big smile gets a little less super-big ‘cause I’m confused. The party doesn’t start for another hour so why would guests be here already? I open the door and there’s a pegasus in some overalls with a wrench cutie mark. “Hey there,” he says. “I got a call that you needed somepony to service a ceiling fan?” I think for a moment, but then shake my head. “Nope. This party’s already going to have tons of fan service! But come back later for some cake!” With that I close the door and get back to work. This is gonna be epic. ---------------------------- “...and so then Azalea said, ‘I think we both knew it would come down to this,’ and she grabbed her katana as she wiped the wet hairs from her mane out of her face. And Luna picked up her broadsword and she said, ‘yes, it’s really the only way it ever could have ended.’ They glared at one another and at some unspoken signal they started charging over the top of the zeppelin through the blowing wind and rain, but just as they were about to clash suddenly-” “Um, miss?” interrupts the pony I’m telling the greatest story ever to. “What does any of this have to do with my question?” I tilt my head. “What question?” “I asked you where the bathroom was. Ten minutes ago.” “Oh, it’s over that way. So anyway, they were right about to start the sword fight to win Twilight’s love when...” but the pony I was talking to has already run off in the direction I pointed. I sigh. The party is hopping, especially the special section for bunny rabbits, but we’re almost an hour in and there’s still no sign of the guest of honor. I walk over to Rarity where she’s been hanging out in front of the coat check for a while now. “Hi Rarity.” “Hello, Pinkie. Wonderful party, you’ve outdone yourself again.” “Thanks! Hey, have you seen Twilight? It is her party, after all, but I haven’t seen her.” “Oh, uh, yes actually,” she says. She lowers her voice and leans in. “She’s with Azalea. The poor thing was nervous, and Azalea said she would show her something she could do with her new wings to blow off steam.” “But Rainbow Dash already said she would give her flying lessons later.” Rarity blushes, and there’s a loud thump and an immodest moan from the door down the hallway behind her. “I believe she had something different in mind. That’s them in the closet. I’m, ah, standing guard as it were.” “They’re in the closet? But they’ve been dating publically for months now! Who do they think they’re going to fool?” “...the literal closet, Pinkie.” “Ooooooooooh! You mean they’re having sex!” “Would you keep your voice down please?” hisses Rarity. "Speaking of Twilight and sex...” I say. Rarity looks like she wants to fall over and die as I do. “...has she ever told you about the thing she does with weather vanes? I mean it sounds crazy! Like even-crazy-for-me crazy! And that’s pretty crazy.” “Perhaps we could discuss this when we have a bit more privacy?” “Huh?” I look back over to Rarity from the especially shiny piece of confetti that distracted me from whatever she just said. “Anyway, so I guess the first pony sort of leans back near the ‘S’ and twists a hind leg up over their chest, while the other one grabs the ‘W’ and-” “MORE CHANGELING VENOM!” shouts the Royal Canterlot Voice from across the room. A host’s work is never done. “I’ll have to tell you later. It’s easier to describe with a flow chart anyway,” I say. Rarity breathes a sigh of relief as I walk away, swinging past the bar to grab a fresh tray of shots before continuing on to the source of the voice. Princess Celestia and Morning Glow are sitting at a table nearby. Morning Glow has half a bottle of soda pop and an embarrassed grimace. Celestia is focused on constructing a small pyramid out of empty shot glasses. She’s up to her fourth layer of them when she sees me approaching. “Aha! Additional building materials! Leave the tray.” “Mom, stop. You’re drunk,” says Morning Glow. Celestia wrinkles her nose and eyes him from her seat. “I am merely enjoying myself on this momentous occasion. I used to drink your father under the table, you know. You should lighten up.” She bursts into a melodious titter. “Lighten up! Because the sun! Oh, I should write that down.” She looks over to me and instantly grows serious, draping a foreleg over my shoulder. “Pinkie Pie. These shots are amazing. Their creation is the greatest service that you, and possibly any pony in history, have ever performed for Equestria.” “Well, my friends and I have also saved the world like five times now. Was it five? I lose track sometimes,” I remind her. She waves a dismissive hoof. “These are better. I wish to reward you.” “Wow! My very own stained glass window?” She scoffs. “Oh please. Those are for chumps. I just get a discount for ordering them in bulk.” She wobbles a little in her seat. “Um, is everything over here going okay?” says Fluttershy, slipping up behind me. “My mom is drunk,” says Morning Glow, burying his face in his hooves. “As I was saying. Pinkie Pie, please choose a boon that I can grant you. The entirety of my kingdom’s resources and my magic are at your disposal. Simply name it, and it will be done. “Oh no,” whimpers Fluttershy. “Hmm...” I say. This is a big decision, so I think about it for a long time. Like nearly a minute. Then I lean over and whisper my choice into her ear. Celestia’s eyes go wide. “Really? Are you absolutely certain?” she asks. I nod my head a whole bunch. Celestia stands bolt upright with her forehooves on the table, knocking her chair to the floor as she does. “Hear me, Canterlot!” she begins. She tries to raise a hoof for attention but quickly lowers it when she starts to topple over without the support. Magic from all throughout Equestria rushes in and begins to gather at the tip of her horn. This spell is going to be a doozy. “By the power granted to me by my Princess...Princessy...Princessiness... I have a decree to make! From henceforth and also retroactively, across all timelines, worlds, and universes, the word ‘recursive’ shall mean ‘of, relating to, or constituting a procedure that can repeat itself indefinitely!’” Her magic bursts outwards in an ever-expanding ring, and reality is rewritten in its wake. Then Princess Celestia falls forward and faceplants onto the table. She doesn’t rise, and a moment later a gentle snore emanates from under the mane that’s covering her face and most of the table’s surface. “Pinkie? I don’t know quite how to tell you this, but that’s what ‘recursive’ already meant,” says Fluttershy. “Silly Fluttershy!” I pat her gently on the head, to her annoyance. “Of course that’s what it already meant now!” Fluttershy stares off into space puzzling that over, but she’s brought back to reality when something smacks into the side of her face. It’s a multi-colored ball that sticks there, the colors seeping into her coat. She blinks several times and reaches up to touch it, which only makes it adhere to her hoof and smears it around further. “Watch it, Star Swirl! You hit Fluttershy!” I face the direction the projectile came from, and sure enough Rainbow Dash and Star Swirl are standing a ways away looking guilty. “Sorry, Fluttershy, we were aiming for Celestia,” says Star Swirl. “Wow! You totally rainbowed all over her face! What’s it feel like, Fluttershy?” I ask. “It’s sticky. And the parts that got into my mouth taste a little weird,” says Fluttershy. Star Swirl and Rainbow Dash grin at one another, and she does a quick little loop-the-loop that leaves a streak of rainbow behind her. Star Swirl’s horn glows as he pulls the contrail out of the sky and mushes it into another ball. With a nudge the ball goes flying and splats all over me. I look down at it, and my eyes go wide. “Omigosh! Now Rainbow Shy and Rainbow Pie are Pinkie Pie Party Canonical! How are you gonna choose, Dashie?” “Why would I choose?” asks Rainbow Dash. “Me and Star Swirl are gonna rainbow every pony at this party before we’re through! They’re gonna need a team of pegasi with mops to get it off the walls and ceiling!” “Oh, gracious. Do you two have the stamina for that?” asks Fluttershy “I do. We’ll see if the old codger here can keep up with me,” says Rainbow Dash. “I may not be as spry as I used to be, but I make up for it with experience,” says Star Swirl. “We should make sure to rainbow Twilight first. It’s her big day, and I want to rainbow her good and hard. Maybe a couple times.” “I don’t know if Azalea would be happy about that, even if Twilight’s open to the idea,” I say. “Eh. If she complains we’ll just rainbow her too,” says Rainbow Dash. “If we rainbow the wrong pony, though, there’s a chance we might catch something. You know, like a kick to the face,” points out Star Swirl. “Do you think we need to use protection against that kind of thing?” Rainbow wonders aloud. “In my experience, as long as you stick to ponies who you trust and respect, that isn’t an issue,” says Fluttershy. “Just don’t get pregnant.” Her face goes red and she slaps a hoof over her mouth when she realizes what she just said, and tries to shrink away. “Um... I don’t know if we’re still talking about the same thing we were when this started.” She runs off before any of us can reply. Rainbow Dash and Star Swirl shrug to one another and head off to find a new target. I go ahead and bounce away to the next guests. Before I can reach them, an odd noise fills my ears. Kind of an EEEEEE-OOOOO-EEEEEEE-OOOOO sort of noise. I stop to listen to it and as I do a blue box begins to fade into existence in front of me, the words ‘POLICE BOX’ visible above the doors. The door opens and a brown earth pony sticks his head out. “Well, certainly took long enough, didn’t it?” he asks. He looks over to me. “Hello, I’m the Doctor.” “I’m the Pinkie Pie! Well, except for the thing with the mirror pond when I was one of the Pinkie Pies, but we got rid of them in a completely not at all morally questionable way and now I’m the only one again.” “Ah! One of the bearers. I’m in the right place then. Listen, I don’t want to alarm you...” he glances around and motions for me to lean in closer, which I do. “...but the city is about to be invaded by changelings, and your friend Twilight just cast a spell that locks her into a time loop.” I gasp. “Oh no! Not again!” The Doctor is puzzled by my reaction, although most ponies usually are. “What do you mean ‘again’?” “She fixed that already. It was like a year ago. Don’t you read the paper?” “Ruins the surprises, I find, but you say she already fixed it? By herself?” “Yep! Well, we got to help. It was great!” “I see. I shouldn’t have set the oscillator to ‘puree’ after all. Hmm...” He pulls out a small notebook and begins to flip through it. His eyes light up as he reads a particular page. “Ah, here we are. So the time loop is over but the residual effects will cause the aether to decouple itself from the quantum framework of the universe. I have a setting for that though so I’ll just-” “She fixed that too.” “Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” shouts the Doctor as he stomps a hoof in frustration. He flips through several more pages in the notebook and looks up at me hopefully. “Okay, so there’s this evil set of jewelry that’s manipulating fate and destiny...” I try to put on the most reassuring smile I can, but he sees right through it. “...she solved that as well, didn’t she.” “Kind of, yeah.” “So... absolutely nothing wrong? No crisis threatening all of space and time? No major disaster about to destroy the world?” “Sorry.” “No, no, don’t apologize. That’s... good. What kind of pony would hope that something like that was happening so they could rush in at the last second and save everypony?” He asks. Then he gives a sad little sigh. “Aww... It’s okay, I’m sure you would have done a really good job fixing it too,” I say and pat him on the back. “Why don’t you stay for the party? We have muffins.” There’s the sound of movement from deep inside the box and a second, soaking wet gray head pops out. A few strands of blonde mane poke out from under her shower cap. “I heard muffins,” she says. “Well, I suppose the three of us could stay for a while,” says the Doctor. “The three of you?” “If that’s alright. We picked up a third in another timeline, and we were on our way to return her home when we swung by.” He lowers his voice so only I can hear. “Actually, a distraction for her would be perfect. She’s been making eyes at Ditzy here in a way I’m not entirely comfortable with.” “Sure!” I say. “The more the merrier!” “I’ll be ready in a jiffy!” says Ditzy as she disappears back into the box. A new pony steps out of it. A fuschia-coated pegasus. “Hey, I know you! You’re Cloud Kicker,” I say. “Oh, hi Pinkie. I guess you like parties in this timeline too, huh?” From across the room, Cloudy and Kicky stare at us. “Please tell me you’re thinking what I am,” says Kicky. “I saw a bowl of whipped cream over on the dessert table. I’ll meet you upstairs with it in ten minutes,” says Cloudy. Kicky walks over, and doesn’t even break her stride as she wraps a wing over Cloud Kicker and pulls her along towards some nearby stairs. “Hello, Cloud Kicker. Welcome to the greatest day of your life.” That's nice. I bet they’ll have fun together. I’m about to head on to see somepony else, but then in an instant all the light in the room is extinguished. Ponies gasp and mutter in confusion. A single spotlight comes on, pointed down at the stage in front of the band which is cloaked in dark smoke. It writhes and coalesces into the shape of a pony, a dark pony with wings and a horn, although no larger than most. “You thought to banish me? You thought I would never return? Well I have, and now the night... shall last-” “Oh hey! It’s Nightmare Moon again! Hiya, Mooney!” I shout. A good host should always greet their guests, that’s just Parties 101. “Silence!” she commands. “Your precious Elements couldn’t contain me for long, even if they did strip away some of my power. Now I am renewed, and no matter what clever machinations Celestia has put in place to stop me, I refuse to be denied!” Silence falls over the room. From the direction of Celestia’s table comes another snore. “No words? Then I won’t delay any longer. Prepare yourself, my little ponies, for from now on the night... shall last-” “Mother!” shouts a voice from the floor. “You’re embarrassing me! Be cool!” “Shooting Star?” asks Nightmare Moon, confused. Some of the lights come back up to reveal Shooting Star in the middle of the dance floor, dressed in a racy evening gown for the occasion. “I shall be cool! In fact I shall redefine the word ‘cool’ as I plunge Equestria into the icy grasp of-” “You’re being so lame in front of all my friends! Stop it!” “Watch your tone, young mare. I am your mother and you will address me respectfully.” She squints down at her. “What are you wearing? And in public no less?” “It’s the future, mother! This is what all of my friends wear. Get with the times.” “If all your friends leapt off a balcony, would you?” Nightmare Moon demands. “Besides, your friends are not the daughter of a Princess. You must hold yourself to a higher standard.” “That’s so unfair! You never let me do anything I want to. I wish you weren’t my evil mother!” Nightmare Moon gasps. “Starry, how can you say that? You are... wait, are you wearing makeup as well?” “So what if I am?” “You look like a common whorse!” “Mother!” Nightmare Moon addresses the crowd. “Eternal night is momentarily postponed while I talk some sense into my daughter and she puts on something decent.” She steps down from the stage and the crowd parts around her as she walks towards Shooting Star. “You are literally ruining my life right now.” Nightmare Moon grabs an ear between her teeth and Shooting Star shrieks as she’s led over to the corner where the two continue to bicker back and forth. On the opposite side of the room, as far from the display as it’s possible to be while still being at the party itself, Star Swirl and Luna watch. I trot over to them. “Do you think one of us should talk to them?” asks Star Swirl. “Do you want to?” Star Swirl looks over to his wife. “Honestly, I think they deserve each other.” Luna gives a little snort of laughter. “Wow, it’s so great that you three can all be together again here in the present,” I say. Luna nuzzles the top of Star Swirl’s head and he gives a content smile. “You know, even though you’re totally dooming us all.” The both stare at me. “Pray tell, how have we done so?” asks Luna. “Well, You’re both from this timeline, but Shooting Star’s from a different one she snuck out of when Star Swirl and Twilight came to visit it, right?” “I am uncertain as to why that matters. She lived a full life back in the past, but she had long since passed on when Shooting Star returned to us.” “But see, she didn’t return,” I remind them. “So there’s a timeline she’s supposed to be in, but isn’t.” “Well, I suppose that may alter their history in several ways, but it is an acceptable loss. Twilight’s efforts saved our timeline, others are of no consequence.” “But Star Swirl can move between them, right?” I can’t believe they’re missing this, I thought it was so obvious. “I guess my point is, what would you do if someone ponynapped her away from you?” “Anything it took to get her back,” says Star Swirl instantly. He and Luna look at one another and then back to Shooting Star. Then they turn and race out of the room. On second thought they don’t actually have to worry. After all, if that sort of thing happened then this wouldn’t be a trilogy any more. I look out over the party I put together. Morning Glow and several guards are trying to carry the unconscious Celestia out of the room and to bed, while a team of magi and linguists argue over what exactly her spell did. Others are cowering before Star Swirl and Luna, who are shouting orders to anypony who will listen to start making preparations for what they’re convinced will be an invasion by an enraged archmage and an alicorn. Meanwhile, Nightmare Moon and Shooting Star’s argument is still going strong and has attracted a crowd of gawkers. Another crowd is gathered around Ditzy and the Doctor getting down on the dance floor. A globule of leftover rainbow that missed its target earlier peels off the ceiling and plops right into the punch bowl. Twilight Sparkle, newest Princess of Equestria, chooses that moment to make her entrance from the door Rarity was watching. In all the craziness, nopony even notices her. Greatest party ever? Greatest party ever.