Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)

by Talon and Thorn

Wednesday - Meeting with the Mayor

Wednesday
 
The next day seemed to turn up far too quickly for Trixie. It felt like her head had only just hit her pillow before it was time to get up again. Groaning she dragged her weary body out of bed and into the shower, determined to get presentable before the post arrived today. How she hated Wednesdays, too far from the weekend in both directions in her opinion.
 
Right on time Ditzy arrived with today’s post. To Trixie’s joy the delivery seemed to be much more manageable. Ditzy was less busy as well so the two friends spent a little time chatting as Trixie finished her breakfast before the mailmare had to go to compete her rounds.
 
Trixie found herself with little to do for the rest of the morning without a further supply of tax forms. She sorted through the post and did what work she could as well as dealing with the few ponies that came to the office in person but mostly just found herself sitting at her desk head in hooves watching the clock slowly ticking the day away.
 
She was just preparing to go to lunch when there was a knocking at her door. She trotted over to the door and threw it open, to her surprise there was a large white pegasus stallion there wearing a uniform she didn’t recognise.
 
“Trixie Lulamoon?” he asked in a gruff voice.
 
“Yes?” asked Trixie shuddering at her hated second name.
 
“Special delivery for you, sign here.” the stallion forced a clipboard into her hooves.
 
Trixie stood bemused for a moment before releasing this must be the forms she’d requested yesterday, At last, she thought, Good to see the Night Court bureaucracy is running as smoothly as it normally does. She added her mark to the form and looked up to see the stallion balancing a large crate on his back and walking somewhat unsteadily into the residency.
 
“Where do you want them?” he asked.
 
She pointed to a clear space by the door, “Put them there. But there must be some sort of mistake. I only ordered a few hundred forms not a crate full.”
 
“Sorry, Representative but you just signed an order for four crates. If there's some sort of problem you need to take it up with head office. It’s more than my job's worth to not deliver them.”
 
“But..” stammered Trixie, “Wait did you say four crates?”
 
“Yep,” said the stallion gratefully dropping off his burden and pointing out the door. There stood a sky chariot with a second identical stallion still harnessed to it. That pegasus had apparently pulled the long straw and stood looking vaguely board while his partner started to remove a second crate from the back.
 
“What am I supposed to do with all of these?” cried Trixie shrilly.
 
“Well that’s up to you madam representative, I only delivery them, you can use them as toilet paper for all I care.” he dropped off the second crate with a crunch. He continued to ignore the smaller mare’s protests while he brought the third and then the fourth crates into the residency.
 
Finding herself ignored Trixie desperately started to flip through the clipboard contents as if it might hold the answer to her problems. “What does it mean, transport weight over maximum, rest of order to follow by alternative method?” she asked.
 
The delivery pony leaned on one of the crates and look the clipboard in his hoof. “Well you ordered over seven hundred boxes of this form, each of these crates contains eighteen boxes so you’ve ordered about forty crates. Well there’s no way we’d manage to get all of those on an air chariot for quick delivery so the rest would come via land cart or maybe train, probably tomorrow or the day after.” he tore off a sheet off the clipboard and thrust it into Trixie’s hooves. “Pleasure doing business with you,” he said to the stunned mare before leaving the building, hooking himself into the chariot and taking off into the sky. The vehicle quickly became a small dot in the distance.  
 

 
Trixie was just deciding what to do with the crates of forms she had just received when there was another knock on the door. She briefly considered ignoring it but given how the day had gone so far that would probably just get her into more trouble.
 
“Come in,” she yelled.
 
A tan earth pony mare with a grey mane entered. It took Trixie a few seconds to recognise her as the Lady Mayor Ivory Scrolls, although she was wearing her trademark cravat (a fiery red today) she lacked her standard glasses and was wearing a pink summer dress. Trixie didn’t think she had ever seen the Mayor so casual before even outside of her official role. Trixie stared at the Mayor, was she wearing make up? She could see hints of eye shadow, and was that lipstick?
 
“Oh, representative Lulamoon,” said the Mayor awkwardly, “I didn’t expect to see you today, I expected to have a da... meeting with Mr Pearce.”
 
“Pokey’s on holiday this week so you’ve got me instead.”
 
“Oh, is he off this week? I thought it was next month.” replied the mayor sounding extremely disappointed, her ears drooped.
 
What’s wrong with me? thought Trixie, I’m the representative here. Pokey’s just my assistant, what’s he got that I haven't?
 
Part of the role of the representative was to liaise with the other branches of the Equestrian government, in this case the mayor’s office. When she had first gotten the job she had gone to a few of the regular meetings with the Major, or more commonly one of her assistants. Trixie had generally hated them. Although Ivory Scrolls was a nice enough mare Trixie found her horribly boring, during one two hour meeting about zoning Trixie had literally fallen asleep. She’s since been happy to hoof most of the responsibility for the weekly meetings to Pokey while she went to any emergencies. Pokey could give her a quick breakdown of anything important which was said at the weekly meeting.
 
“It’s a shame,” continued the Mayor, “I’ve always found my lunch meetings with Mr Pierce to be most stimulating,” she blushed brightly.
 
Trixie considered the Mayor’s words, thinking she might have missed something important that was going on here. Her stomach grumbled. Lunch! That was it, it’s amazing what you can miss when you’re not paying attention.
 
“Well I’ll be taking Pokey’s place this week, so where are we eating?”
 
“Oh, I have a reservation at the La Maison D'herbe, but I suppose we could go somewhere else instead...”
 
Trixie’s ears pricked up, that was the fancy prench restaurant that had opened up a few weeks ago, she’d heard some good things about it but it was supposed to be very expensive. Then it hit her, as it was a business meeting the meal was presumably an expense thus effectively free, that was clever, she’d have to remember that. “Oh no, I’m sure that will be fine,” she said with a smile, “Shall we be on our way?”
 
“Um, Ok then. Do you have your agenda?”
 
Trixie glanced at her pile of unfinished work which was luckily hidden from the Mayor by the mass of her desk. The required document was probably somewhere in there but she didn’t know where. She quickly levitated out a few random papers and a notebook waving them in the Mayor’s face. “Right here.”
 
“I guess we should be on our way then,” said the Mayor looking a bit worried.
 
“Yes,” agreed Trixie grabbing her cloak and hat from the stand and opening the door, “After you.”
 

 
The restaurant turned out to be as good, and as expensive, as Trixie had expected. For some reason the table the Mayor had booked was at the very back of the restaurant in a dimly lit corner near a small fountain. Even if Trixie had brought an agenda with her she would have been hard pressed to read it in the light.
 
A smartly dressed black unicorn stallion with a white mane was waiting their table and after giving them a few minutes to get comfortable glided over, “Would Mademoiselle and Mademoiselle care to order now?” she asked in what Trixie suspected was a fake accent.
 
Ivory Scrolls quickly scanned through the menu, “I think I’ll start with the onion soup please then a salad.”
 
Trixie weight up her options for a bit longer. “J'aurai le même démarreur,” she said.
 
The waiter blinked, “Pardon?” he asked his accent disappearing.
 
“Vous ne parlez pas un mot de prançais et vous?” Trixie continued, the waiter continued to look puzzled. “I’ll have the soup as well, could the chef add some chocolate to it? And the eggplant parmesan for the main course, could I have a barbeque sauce on that?”
 
The stallion looked at Trixie as if she had grown a second head. “I’ll see what the chef can do. Can I get you some drinks?” he asked rallying somewhat.
 
“A bottle of the house red, please,” said the Mayor to Trixie’s surprise, “Two glasses,” she added. The waiter nodded and moved away.
 
“I didn’t think you normally drank at meetings, if so I’d come to a few more,” joked Trixie.
 
“Oh, I normally don’t but I had a few for courage earlier, and it seems a shame to stop now,” said the Mayor glibly then seemed to realise what she’d said and blushed slightly.
 
“For courage?”
 
“Ah, here comes our drinks,” said the mayor changing the topic, the waiter filled their glasses and wandered away leaving the bottle, the mayor took her glass and raised it, “To Luna, may be rule wisely for ever,” she toasted and took a generous mouthful. Trixie responded in kind. “Anyway, the meeting.” Ivory brought out her agenda and peered at it myopically holding it only a few inches from her face. “Farm subsidies first I think, I really should have brought my glasses.”
 
“Did you forget them?”
 
“No, I decided to do without them, you know what they say ‘stallion’s don’t make passes at mare’s who wear glasses’,” she giggled and took another mouthful of wine before seeming to pull herself together. “So the first point is about the farming subsidies for the third quarter, now as you know currently the Apple Trust gets, bla bla bla bits bla bla bla claim...”
 
Trixie started to tune out the mayor as she launched into the subject. This place seems nice, she thought looking around the restaurant, Not very crowded though and I don’t think much of the staff. The drinks are good though. She took a sip of her wine.
 
“And what do you think representative?” said the Mayor.
 
“Hum,” said Trixie her train for thought broken, she savoured her drink to give her some time to think, What was it she had been talking about? Apple Trust subsidies wasn’t it? “I don’t think it would hurt to look into it a bit further, maybe check everything is going on by the book.” Ok that was probably vague enough to cover most situations and would probably just move the problem on a week or two until Pokey can deal with it.
 
The Mayor looked surprised for a moment, “That not what I thought you would say given your position but I agree it might be the best for the moment, I’ll get someone on to it and we can pick it up again in a few weeks. Oh here comes our starters.”
 
The waiter returned levitating two bowls alongside him, “Your soups Mademoiselles,” he looked at Trixie, the chef informs me that sadly we do not have any chocolate to hand and sends his apologies, however, I did persuade him to include the sauce for your main course.”
 
“Thank you,” said the Mayor, “Another bottle of the same please,” she motioned to the suddenly empty bottle of wine.
 
Trixie tried a spoonful of the soup while Ivory enthusiastically started on hers earth pony style. Not bad thought Trixie, A bit bland without the chocolate but it’s got a tang to it, is that mint?
 
The two ate in silence for a few minutes before the Mayor decided to return to the working part of the lunch, “Now on to point two, zoning, I feel that bla bla bla...”
 
Oh great the zoning thing again, we could be here for hours. Hang on, did I remember to post that alcohol licence thing from yesterday, I hated most of the paperwork, no I didn’t did I, it’s still on the table. I better remember to do that when I get back, otherwise I’ll get AppleJack on my back telling me all of Equestria would starve if they can’t get their hooves on some booze.
 
“Need you to break the tie tomorrow, ah here’s our main course.” concluded the Mayor looking up.
 
Grateful for the interruption Trixie started on her sauce coated meal while the Mayor grazed on her salad and started on the second bottle of wine.
 
“Trixie,” said Ivory after they finished their meal, the official was looking rather flushed alter drinking most of a bottle of wine by herself, “Have you always wanted to be a representative?”
 
“No,” replied Trixie without pause, “It just sort of happened. Luna just appointed me. It’s growing on me though, but as you know I want to be a mover in the Nightcourt one day and representatives a good starting point for that. How about you, have you always wanted to be in politics?”
 
The Mayor took another sip of wine, “Well I remember wanting to be a Wonderbolt once,” she chuckled, “I was heartbroken when my parents told me you needed to have wings and I wasn’t going to grow any. But most of my life I’ve wanted to help people and organise things I’m good at the minutia you know. It’s just somewhere along the way I feel I stopped being Ivory Scrolls and became just the Mayor. People look at me and they see that the Mayor but underneath I’m still a mare with a mare’s needs. You know what I mean?” she stared intently at Trixie.
 
“No, I don’t think I do,” said Trixie beginning to feel uncomfortable.
 
“It’s like my mane, when you look at it what do you think?”
 
Trixie started to sweat, “Umm, I really like your mane? Grey is very distinguished.”
 
“Distinguished,” she snorted, “That’s just another way to say old. I’ll tell you a secret.” Ivory leaned forward and looked furtively from side to side, “I dye it! I’m a natural pink!”
 
Trixie tried to wrap her brain around this revelation, she couldn’t imagine the mayor with pink hair.
 
“But no one wants a public official with pink hair, to frivolous. It’s like I said to my niece, Pinkie I said...”
 
“Pinkie? Pinkie Pie’s your niece?” Trixie almost shouted before realising where they were.
 
“Oh yes, her mother’s my sister. I saw Pinkie was going crazy on that rock farm. So I had a chat with Cupcake, she was in my class at school, about the grants for taking on apprentices and the tax breaks for renting out part of the shop as housing. So here she is. Anyway I said to her, they see pink and they think party, they see grey and they think government. Of course that girls gone and made a life out of partying. I’m very jealous really.”
 
Trixie didn’t know what to say.
 
“Just like I’m jealous of you.” said the tipsy mare pointing a hoof in Trixie’s general direction.
 
“Me? Well I suppose being Luna’s pupil is a great honour.”
 
“Oh, not that, you work with that hunk of a stallion Pokey and his magnificent horn, I don’t know how you get any work done sitting opposite him all day,” the mayor was practically drooling now and Trixie’s skin was crawling like it was trying to get off of her, “If he was my assistant I’m sure I’d have all my meetings horizontally, or over a desk.” The Mayor shuddered, “I’m sure he’s very good at dictation.” She moved closer to Trixie, “Is it true what they say about the size of a unicorn stallion’s horn?“ she whispered.
 
“Ireallywouldn’tknow,” squeaked Trixie, “IsthatthetimeIhavetogoIlefttheovenon, bye.” She grabbed her cloak and hat and ran out the door as quickly as her hooves would carry her.
 

 
Trixie made it back to her office in record time and slumped into her seat and tried to calm down. What the tartarus had been up with the mayor, was she going into heat or something? She shuddered in revulsion. She know on a hypothetical level that Pokey was an attractive stallion but surely he couldn’t be all that, could he? She decided to try and put the Mayor’s words aside for the moment and focus on the job at hand.
 
The large crates stacked by the door caught her eye, and she recalled the problem with her order. Walking over to the boxes she used her power to yank open the wooden lid and examine inside. There cushioned by a layer of straw were a number of cardboard boxes. Trixie lifted one out, it proclaimed to contain one thousand copies of EZ279 she did a quick calculation, A thousand forms per box, eighteen boxes per crate, four crates, I’ve got over seventy thousand forms in front of me and almost a million forms to come, what am I going to do with them all?
 
Someone messed up here and it wasn’t me! she thought, them a further idea struck her and she rushed back into the basement, she scanned the racks for another ordering form and read it through fully. Note 12b, please note that each item refers to a box, refer to ordering list OL126 for the number of individual items per box, with trembling hooves she searched for the relevant form which did indeed contain a list of forms and the number of forms per box. It did indeed confirm her previous error. Surely someone somewhere thought that ordering enough forms for the entire population of the town a hundred times over would be a little strange?    
 
Then she remembered her original order, five thousand boxes of one thousand forms each, five million forms. What have I done? When Luna finds out about this I’ll be lucky to be put in charge of a foal’s birthday party let alone the government of Equestria. There’s got to be a way to fix this, some form to undo the other forms she thought desperately throwing form after form around her as she searched for a solution. Nothing. What idiot didn’t think of coming up with an un-ordering form?
 
Then something caught her eye, it was a box very much like the one she had removed from the crate above shoved under the rack of forms. She examined it, it contained the very forms she had ordered. With a yell she kicked out at the box, it didn’t achieve much apart from hurting her leg, closer examination revealed a further two boxes like it. They had been here all along! She hadn’t needed to order to anything in the first place. She felt a thin stream of laughter escape from her mouth at the ridiculousness of it all.
 
Suddenly Trixie had a brainwave, it all seemed so simple, All I have to do is go back in time to before I made the order and stop myself doing it, that would sort it all out.
 
Then she blinked and realised she was becoming hysterical. All she needed to do was write a letter explaining what had happened and cancel the order. She could hat the letter to Canterlot now and catch things before they went too far, the rest of this order probably hadn’t left yet and the larger order was probably still being processed. She let out a deep breath, this was still salvageable. She could fix this.
 
Now calm she spent quite some time writing out a letter that suggested that somepony in her office, who might possibly be her and that couldn’t be proved might have made a bit of a mistake in ordering just a few to many forms and that the previous order should be cancelled as soon as possible. It was a blatant attempt to remove any possible blame from herself. She was quite proud of it. She popped it in the hat and waited for it to disappear.
 
And waited.
 
And waited.
 
Nothing happened. She shook the hat and peered at it, it looked like her hat. She case the Alicorn’s eyes spell Luna had taught her and examined it further. The transportation spell was still in place but it seemed that something was blocking it from the other side. Suddenly here was a burst of magic and a letter materialised over the hat, flying, quite painfully, into Trixie’s horn. She staggered back and grabbed at the letter with her hooves. She blinked away the tears from her eyes and opened it up.
 

 
Trixie threw the message aside with an annoyed grunt. Damn, Money Penny, she thought, Trust her to pick up on my use of the hat. Still I’m not Luna’s student for nothing. A little alteration to the spell matrix and I should be able to bypass her and get the form straight to the right office. Trixie’s horn glowed brightly as she worked and after a few minutes the letter disappeared.
 
Well that’s that, it’ll be a cold day on the sun before Money Penny can outsmart the great and powerful Trixie
 
With a whistling sound a letter flew from the hat at breakneck speed Trixie had to throw herself aside to avoid being decapitated by the rogue stationary. The letter circled the room several times before slowing and hovering in front of Trixie’s surprised face. It unwrapped itself and Trixie’s eyes began to scan across it, as she did a booming voice emitted from the envelope knocking the blue mare back across the room into a pile of unfinished work.
 

 
As it finished the letter burst into in a bright flame and fell to the ground in a shower of ash. Picking herself up Trixie cautiously crept towards the hat now resting on the floor. She examined it closely. No longer was it a powerful magical artefact, the spell linking it to Canterlot has been broken, now all that remained was a rather snazzy piece of millinery.
 
OK, maybe Money Penny’s smarter than she looks
 

 
Trixie spent most of the rest of the afternoon in a daze trying to find a way out of her problems. She briefly considered faking her death, changing her name and moving to the Mild West to start a new life but she’d always found tumbleweeds creepy. Maybe make the residence invisible so they didn’t have anywhere to deliver to?
 
Considering her problems Trixie eventually decided that she should get a train to Canterlot and try to deal with the problem there, upon checking the time table she saw that the next train wasn’t until tomorrow morning. However, having a plan made her feel a bit better. Deciding that she should make herself at least somewhat useful she slumped back into her seat and started on the paperwork again, the new forms getting an airing. Determined to complete all the work in front of her an hour turned into two, then three, then five. Finally Trixie fell asleep at her desk slumped over a form.