//------------------------------// // Everything You Know is Wrong // Story: Chaos Spawn, Not Sane for Long // by FanOfMostEverything //------------------------------// I scowled at the tome. "That's ridiculous. You expect me to believe you just poofed me up whole cloth, as is?" Whether or not you believe it is immaterial. It is the truth. "Yeah, sure." I decided to investigate. Work at it long enough and contradictions would crop up. "So how long have I really been alive?" I see no reason to tell you that. Just because you get to know why this is happening to you doesn't mean you're exempt from the requisite existential crisis. Really, dear, there's doing favors for one's child, and then there's blatant nepotism. "Uh huh. How convenient. You're not going to be at all helpful, are you?" Well, that all depends on how you define "helpful." If you would just turn to page 11π, we can begin the tutorial with I rolled my eyes, slammed Chaos and You shut, and stuffed it into the laptop case. I didn't trust it, and that was precisely why I wanted it nearby. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and those who could be either closest of all. Vito Corleone I wasn't, but there was clearly someone out to get me. Might as well exercise a little healthy paranoia. I turned my attention to my laptop, turning it on and booting up Skype. My creator had a big information advantage on me and had no intention of surrendering it. However, I knew exactly how to even the playing field a little. More importantly, I knew exactly who. His name was Greg. It still is Greg, but hey, narrative past tense. He was awake and online, as was usually the case. Guy barely ever seemed to sleep. We met through one of the on-campus clubs a few years ago and clicked almost immediately. At least, I thought that was how we met. Our memories could've been fabricated. We might not have ever spoken to one another. Of course, the entire universe could be the product of a Boltzmann Brain. One that had recently been exposed to LSD, judging by my recent experiences. Existential worries weren't getting me any closer to better understanding my situation. A familiar bloop signaled that Greg had noticed me and had left a message during my woolgathering. NaturalCauses523 Yo Stanbax Abnats Greg, you've got your thumb on the pulse of popular culture, right? NaturalCauses523 Yup Stanbax Abnats So, you're familiar with the newest iteration of My Little Pony? NaturalCauses523 If by "newest" you mean "ten years old," then yes NaturalCauses523 Why? Stanbax Abnats I need a pony identified. NaturalCauses523 Again, why? NaturalCauses523 Link? Stanbax Abnats No link. RL situation. NaturalCauses523 lolwut Stanbax Abnats Hang on... Stanbax Abnats http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpc18vymg71qgg1i3o1_500.jpg Stanbax Abnats Is there a pony with the symbol on the flag? NaturalCauses523 Oh, that's where they got it NaturalCauses523 Just a second Stanbax Abnats Duh. It's a classic. Stanbax Abnats k NaturalCauses523 Here ya go: NaturalCauses523 http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120831180138/mlpfanart/images/3/34/Screwball_by_Heart-Of-Stitches.png I took in the image. This. This is what I once was, and would be again. Some gut feeling told me it was completely, totally, one hundred percent accurate. And yet, the first coherent thought that came to mind had nothing to do with that assuredness. Stanbax Abnats I have no idea where I'm going to find a propeller beanie. Heat rushed to my cheeks as I lunged for the right edge of the message. Before I could click "Delete Message," Greg responded. NaturalCauses523 Crossplay? Did you lose a bet? Stanbax Abnats Not exactly. NaturalCauses523 What is it, then? Stanbax Abnats It's a personal matter. NaturalCauses523 Dude, if it was that personal, you could've just Googled it NaturalCauses523 still can't believe "Google" is a verb according to the OED. Stanbax Abnats I know, right? Stanbax Abnats Look, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. NaturalCauses523 Try me Stanbax Abnats Well… NaturalCauses523 Come oooooooon Stanbax Abnats What can you tell me about that pony? NaturalCauses523 Screwball? Stanbax Abnats If that's her name. NaturalCauses523 It is NaturalCauses523 She showed up for like five seconds in S2E2 NaturalCauses523 Hang on NaturalCauses523 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhR-h8X1zDM NaturalCauses523 From about 0:11 to the end I watched the whole snippet. It was probably intended as a gag montage, but as it played out, my heart ached with longing. With homesickness. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I realized how thoroughly creepy that was. Stanbax Abnats That's it? NaturalCauses523 That's it NaturalCauses523 Officially, anyway Stanbax Abnats ? NaturalCauses523 Bronies have done more with less NaturalCauses523 Remind me to tell you about Derpy Hooves sometime NaturalCauses523 But for Screwy... NaturalCauses523 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xA9dFZJtQWc Stanbax Abnats What's this? NaturalCauses523 Just watch it. I'll wait. I watched. He waited. This one wasn't as familiar. Not until the two-minute mark, at least. Then "Discord" laughed, a low, sinister chuckle, and my heart leapt into my throat, joy and terror mixing in a head-splitting melange. Tears were in my eyes by the time the video ended, though I could not name the emotion that made me shed them. At first, I typed, "That didn't happen." I hastily deleted it. Of course it didn't happen. As far as Greg was concerned, this was all just fiction. Fiction piled upon fiction, in a great, imaginary ziggurat. I took a few deep breaths, collecting myself and letting my emotions cool off. Stanbax Abnats What's a PMV? NaturalCauses523 Pony Music Video. Like an AMV, but with ponies. NaturalCauses523 Did you watch it? NaturalCauses523 Hello? Stanbax Abants Yeah. Sorry. NaturalCauses523 Seriously, Stan, you know I'm here for you, right? Stanbax Abnats Yeah, I do. Thanks. Stanbax Abnats g2g. Work and stuff. NaturalCauses523 If you need to talk, call me Stanbax Abnats I will. Bye. NaturalCauses523 Later I didn't like lying to my friend, but he didn't need to get involved in this. He was a bystander. If he hadn't been, if he was one of the others that my cre— the others that Discord had changed, he surely would've guessed at the truth. Discord. It felt good to have a name to put to the entity. Not to have to acknowledge my artificiality every time I thought of him. I took a deep breath. This was clearly going to require a change in today's plans. I shot off an e-mail to my advisor, informing him of a family emergency that would keep me from showing up today. That done, I hefted my book bag and considered the chaotic text within. It would be troublesome to keep pulling the thing out. A moment's thought pointed out an alternative. "Hey, headvoice, you still there?" I am quite positive there has never been another voice in my head, and never will be. Frankly, the notion strikes me as silly and frivolous. "Good. Can I assume you're the same entity that's writing the book?" I'm being silly. And frivolous. I already established that the only voice in my head is my own internal monologue. I rolled my eyes as I gathered my essentials. Phone, wallet, watch, keys, magical codex of anarchic lore, pretty sure I had everything. "It's glaringly obvious that it isn't." Sigh. Fine. Honestly, you're no fun at all. "I just want to be able to hold a conversation without opening the book." I stepped out my door, into the shared corridor of the apartment building. But the book is there for your own benefit. "Yeah, and I don't trust it any further than I could throw it. Less, in fact." I emerged into early morning sunshine. It was not yet seven o'clock. Do you trust me? "Do you trust me?" I countered. I began to walk to the conveniently nearby strip mall. I'd need caffeine and fresh air to get into the proper chaos-spirit-fighting mindset. Let's put it this way: in theory, I'm in full favor of rebellion, but not against me. "Screw you, Demon Dad, you're not my real dad." Immature? Yes, but it got my point across quite nicely. No. I'm not. I'm something much more. And were it not for that disintegrating shell of yours, I would demonstrate precisely what. If you still have these pretensions of free will when you have returned to your true state, you will pay the cost for your impertinence. "Ooh, I'm real scared. Did you try to sound as clichéd as possible, or did it just come out that way?" I knew this was an incredibly bad idea, but really, that was cheesier than Lambeau Field in October. I simply couldn't let it go unmocked. Keep mocking me, my child. I'll just keep adding it to your tab.