My Little Sly Cooper: Thievery is Magic

by Deyeaz

XXIII - That Princess Is A Changeling! (A Canterlot Wedding - Pt. 3)

Cold.

Quiet.

Dark.

Sound like anything familiar to you?

“Gaaah!” Sly screamed, awakening from his deep state of unconsciousness, his scream reverberating against the gemmed walls around him. He clutched his head with a hoof, wincing at the pain of having an object bashed into his skull. He almost empathised with his enemies whenever he would smash their craniums in with his cane on a heist... almost.

‘Wait... Gemmed walls?’

Indeed, for instead of the concrete and brick walls of the alleyway Sly had last occupied, he only saw oblong crystalline walls all around him, twisting, turning, and skewing off in a myriad of directions. Almost like a mineshaft.

‘Wow... I’d really admire this place and its Feng Shui if I knew how the hell I got down here.’

“Hellooo?” called a voice that sounded very familiar. Sly’s ears perked up as that sound. He knew precisely who it was.

“Twilight!” exclaimed Sly, running towards the voice of his marefriend.

“Sly?” said Twilight, heart pounding against her rib cage as she made a mad dash for the stallion. They soon ran into each other in the middle of a tunnel, hugging each other tightly on impact. The two stayed like that momentarily, before Twilight planted a kiss on Sly’s lips right on the spot. “I was so worried about you!” She said, overjoyed at seeing the ringtailed stallion. “Are you alright?”

“Mm-hmm,” hummed Sly. “Wow. I gotta disappear more often.” This cheeky remark was rewarded with a small slap from Twilight. “So... where are we?”

“The Caves beneath Canterlot.” said another familiar, less friendly voice. The star-cross’d lovers whirled around to view an image of Cadenza, whose face had materialised on one of the crystals embedded in the walls. Sly and Twilight got in battle-ready positions, glaring menacingly at Cadenza. “Once home to the brave unicorns who thought they could claim the gems. And now... your prison.”

“Don’t worry Twilight, I know just what to do,” said Sly. “Help! HELP!” He then cried. Twilight sighed at Sly’s ludicrousy.

“It’s no use,” said Cadenza. “No one can hear you, and no one will ever think to look for you either. Most ponies have forgotten that these caves even exist. Which is why they are a great place to put those who try to interfere with my plans.”

“Plans?” asked Twilight. “What plans?”

“The plans I have for your brother, of course.”
 
“If you lay one hoof on him...!” Twilight growled, eyes narrowed in fury.

“I’d love to see you try to stop me!” Cadenza laughed wickedly, her horrid cackles vibrating throughout their gemmed surroundings, ringing in both Twilight and Sly’s ears.

“I’m not gonna let that happen,” interjected Sly, the desire to take initiative overcoming him. “Look, you pink tramp–” Cadenza growled angrily at the offending sobriquet “–Armour Head and I may not see eye to eye, and we kinda wanna kill each other every now and then; but he means a lot to Twilight, and there’s no way in Hell I’m letting you do anything to him!”

Cadenza snickered. “We’ll just see about that....”

“Twilight, blaster mode!” Sly shouted at the top of his lungs.

“What?” asked Twilight.

Sly sighed and facehoofed. “Just start blasting things with magic.”

“Oh, right,” said Twilight, as she sent a soaring bolt of magic toward the wall where Cadenza’s face had been. Unfortunately, the blast didn’t shatter the wall: it instead ricocheted back and forth, rebounding at a ridiculous rate like an out-of-control bouncy ball. Sly and Twilight ducked, not wanting the bolt of volatile energy to hit them. One cracked wall, not as structurally fortified as its brethren, took the brunt of the blast and was eviscerated into little pieces, the dust created from the explosion forcing Sly and Twilight to cough vigorously. Behind the decimated rock wall...

...was a matty, unkempt Cadenza.

Cadenza, Sly, and Twilight looked at each other in shock for a second, right before Twilight went on the attack.

“No! Wait!” yelled Cadenza as Twilight barreled on top of her, intent on bringing harm to the one who would endanger the safety and security of Equestria. “Don’t hurt me!”

Twilight stopped when Cadenza was underhoof, and Cadenza saw who it was on top of her.

“Twilight! It’s me! Please, you have to believe me! I’ve been imprisoned down here like you! The Cadence who brought you down here was an imposter!”

“Don’t fall for it, Twi,” said Sly. “That sounds like something from a cheesy soap opera.”

“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake...” Cadence started the song she and Twilight had done when Twilight was a filly. Twilight joined at the end with a “Clap your hooves and do a little shake!” Cadence smiled at Twilight, who smiled back, overjoyed at seeing her real foalsitter before her.

‘That... is even more awkward when they both do it,’ thought Sly.

“You remember me!” exclaimed Twilight, jumping into the arms of Cadence and hugging her as tightly as possible. The scent of her foalsitter infiltrated Twilight’s nostrils with great gusto, the smell of fragrant perfume, intoxicating yet gentle.

“Of course I do,” said Cadence. “How could I forget the filly I loved to sit for the most?” Cadence looked over at Sly. “Um... who’s this?”

“Sly Cooper,” said Sly, introducing himself. “Twilight’s coltfriend.”

“Impressive,” Cadence said to Twilight.

“I know, right?” replied Twilight.

“Ladies, focus,” interrupted Sly. “We need to find a way out of here.”

“Indeed.” Cadence cleared her throat and began singing. “This day was going to be perfect; The kind of day of which I dreamed since I was small; But instead of having cake; With all my friends to celebrate; My wedding bells, they may not ring for me at all...”

‘Aaaand it’s official. My life is now a soap opera,’ thought Sly in mild internal despair. The trio hopped inside a mining cart adjacent to them. Wait, how the hell did that get there?!

“We must escape before it’s too late; Find a way to save the day; Hope, I'll be lying if I say; I don't fear that I may lose him; To one who wants to use him; Not care for, love, and cherish him each day; For I oh-so love the groom; Oh my thoughts he does consume; Oh Shining Armor, I'll be there very soon.” sang Cadence as they spiraled down the tracks, eventually sloping up a broken end. Twilight and Sly shut their eyes tighter than deadbolt locks, squeezing each other in a strong hug should they tumble to their demise.

Cadence was having none of that, as she expanded her wings and glided spectacularly through the air, Twilight and Sly encompassed in her sky-blue magic corona and sailing along with her as the three of them landed precariously on their hooves on a ledge. The light streaming through a hole in the area indicated their way out.

However, it was mostly short-lived as three mares stepped out from the shadows, barricading the way and impeding our heroes. Twilight and Cadence recognised them as the latter’s previous bridesmaids: Lyra Heartstrings (whom Sly also recognised from back in Ponyville, but that’s not important right now), an azure pony with a cobalt mane and tail, dubbed Minuette; and a creme-coloured mare with a pink mane and tail, known as Moondancer. “You’re not going anywhere,” the three ex-bridesmaids said to the three heroes in a monotonous deadpan, almost as though they were zombies, their eyes not being their original colours, but instead being a sickly green hue that glowed and shimmered menacingly.

“Okay. Three of us. Three of them. I think we can take them,” said Sly.

“We don’t have time,” said Twilight warningly.

“Aaawww,” groaned Sly as Twilight’s horn concealed itself in another rosy hue, and from out of nowhere, a bouquet of flowers emerged as it danced tantalisingly in the faces of the brainwashed bridesmaids, who watched its teasing motions with their undivided attention. Okay, now where did that come from?! thought the coon-pony.

“Fetch!” hollered Twilight, chucking away the bouquet. Like dogs to a bone, the three ex-bridesmaids jumped for it, all of them simultaneously screaming “Mine!” as they sailed through the air in the hopes to catch the object of their affections. “Come on!” she hollered as they dashed up the stairs, bent on stopping the wedding between Shining Armour and that... false Cadence.

They could only hope that they weren’t too late.

In the chapel, It seemed as though time was almost up as Princess Celestia began to finish the vows. “Where’s Twilight?” inquired Applejack in a hushed tone, somewhat worried about where her best friend could possibly be. “Ah hope she’s alright.”

“Surely she’ll be fine, darling,” reassured Rarity in a quiet voice.

“Princess Cadenza and Shining Armor,” said the Princess, “It is my great honor to pronounce you-”

“I object!” shouted Sly, gaining the attention of everyone in the chapel. He turned to Twilight and said, “I know it’s a little late, but I just really wanted to say that.”

“Oh boy,” said Bentley, facehoofing. “Here we go again.”

“Uuugh,” groaned Cadenza angrily, “Why does she have to be so possessive of her brother?”

At the strange look from Celestia she sadly said, “Why does she have to ruin my special day?”

“Because it’s not you’re special day,” announced Cadence, walking in the chapel. “It’s mine.”

“Oh yeah!” exclaimed Sly. “Take that, you psychotic pink devil!”

“What?” exclaimed Time Turner in shock. “How did you get past the bridesmaids?”

“Through some... very coincidental means,” said Sly, who still wondered that, too.

“Two Cadences?” exclaimed inspector Carmelita, eyebrow cocked high in suspicion. “Okay, who’s responsible for the soap opera-like stupidity? It was Sly, wasn’t it?”

“Lay off, woman! I had nothing to do with it!” Sly confessed.

“She’s a changeling.” explained Cadence, pointing an prosecuting hoof at her doppelganger on the altar. “She transforms into somepony you love and then feeds off your love for them!”

Just then, the Cadenza at the altar was surrounded by a ring of green fire as she transformed into a changeling. She grew into a taller, black pony-like form. Her thin body was masked in thick armour of insectoid chitin. Her now longer legs were covered in holes like Swiss cheese. Her feathered wings became clear and insectoid as well. Her eyes became draconic and green. Fangs grew from her snout, and her mane became a seaweed green mess, topped of with a strange crown and a horrible crooked horn. No longer did the fake Cadence stand before them, and instead...

...Was the horrible Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the changelings.

‘...You suck, Discord,’ thought Sly, assuming these were the future problems Discord was referring to.

“Well, so much for the subtle plan,” said Time Turner. “Guess it’s time for the destructive plan.” Time Turner’s skin beneath his fur rippled beneath his skin, the flesh ripping open as metallic joints burst through, connecting, clicking, and unsheathing to take the shape of a steel robotic owl. The wedding guests screamed in sheer fear as they rushed out the room for their lives.

“Surprise, Cooper!” exclaimed Time Turner, in a metallic voice. Sly could not believe his eyes. Standing in front of him was his mortal enemy, the master of hate, the creature that had plagued his family for thousands of years.

Clockwerk.

‘What the hell Discord!?!’ exclaimed Sly in his head.