//------------------------------//
// Ch. 6: The Ice Crystal Pony 
// Story: Assist me!!  Princess Luna! 
// by Hallowedsoul 
//------------------------------//

	The curtains rise to reveal a messy lab that contained several computer screens, a large, fluid filled cylinder, and a desk almost completely consumed by brightly colored packages, some important-looking papers… and an open bag of potato chips.  

A spotlight turns on, revealing a humanoid female with long pink hair that had been tied into a large ponytail save her bangs and also partially styled to appear as overly large “ears”, despite the pink-furred cat-like ones directly in front of them and she also had amber cat’s eyes.  She wore a strange coat that looked similar to the ones doctors wear, except this one had long sleeves that ended in comically over-sized cat’s paws with several large slit-like openings at the ends of each and was partly undone in the middle, showing a fairly immodest amount of her midriff, a pair of red Capri pants that were held up by an overlarge black leather belt with a bell on it and had an opening on the back to allow her two-pronged tail to go through, and a pair of white, slip-on shoes on her feet and glasses on her face, standing in the center.  She stares straight ahead and smiles sweetly.

“Greetings, lost children.” the woman began soothingly.	

“I am Professor Kokonoe, genius scientist and ruler of the Sector Seven laboratory.” She continued, then glanced around “…Well, okay, we aren’t in the lab at the moment.  This place can sort of be temporarily moved into the Boundary.”

As if this was met with confusion, she began to pace back and forth on stage slowly, as one would if giving a lecture.

“Well, simply put, it’s a mysterious room.  A room where you can do anything you want.”

She turned and stared ahead again, a serious look on her face.

“To be honest, it’s a paradise for all those sad, little lost children who couldn’t make it to the true ending.  A sort of ‘Avalon’.”

She paced back to her original spot on stage, a slightly annoyed look on her face.

“If you’re one of those nutbars who’s all like ‘I don’t need help’ or ‘I only wanna unlock hidden stuff’ or ‘I’ll just look for a flowchart online,’ then you can piss off!” she exclaimed, pointing sharply off stage.

She looked straight ahead once more and sighed in resignation.

“Very well.  Lost child of the day… you may enter.”

The spotlight dims and Kokonoe walks over to the desk and turns to face the other side of the room.  After a moment, the lights come back on and Kokonoe gives a sigh.

“Looks like I lucked out, it’s gonna be a slow day.  Maybe Luna wouldn’t mind if I ended the show early just this once…” she said to herself but after a short pause, she burst out laughing.

“Like there’s anything she can do about it, she’s not here today, right Lambda?” she said in-between gasps of air as a light flashed next to her, revealing a young, blonde girl wearing a grey skin-tight body suit with metallic thigh-high boots that whirred and a metallic visor with antenna and a red “eye” in the center and she had several blades floating in the air behind her in a wing-like pattern.

“Affirmative, Professor.  Princess Luna has taken a personal day and requested that you host today’s-“ but Lambda was interrupted by the sound of music coming from behind them, as well as a feminine voice calling out:




Ulala’s Swingin’ Report Show!




Almost immediately a young woman with pink hair style in pig-tails, wearing a micro skirt and tight-fitting shirt with a blue five in a blue circle that revealed most of her midriff and plenty of leg, white knee-high boots, white elbow-length gloves, a white headset, and what appeared to be a jetpack on her back, came sauntering into the lab, her arms swinging and her hips swaying in time with the music.  She was followed closely by some kind of floating robot that flew around her, filming her every step.

“Hey there, space cats!” she said into a microphone she was holding “This is Ulala, reporting live from a mysterious place called the “Boundary”, where some kind of really weird help show has been set-up for people who’ve failed in some way, shape or form!”

She turned towards Lambda and Kokonoe (who had a very grumpy look on her face) and smiled brightly.

“Well, it looks like the hosts of the show are on set today!  Why don’t you two introduce yourselves to our groovy viewers out there!” she said, holding her mic out to Lambda, who merely looked at the device, and then back at Ulala.

“...Request acknowledged.  This Murakumo unit has been designated as ‘Lambda Eleven’ by Professor Kokonoe.” Lambda replied robotically.

“It’s totally cool to meet you, Lambda Eleven!” Ulala said cheerfully into her mic “Is it alright if I just called you ‘Lambda’?”

“…Affirmative.”

“Awesome!  Maybe you can tell the viewers a little bit about yourself, Lambda?”

“…Request denied.”

“What’s wrong, are you shy, Lambda?” Ulala asks, her smile never fading.  Lambda merely stares at her.

“…”

“O-kay!” Kokonoe exclaims, trying to keep Ulala from pestering Lambda too much “So, what brings Space Channel 5 on to my set today, Ulala?”

Ulala turns toward Kokonoe and gives her another picturesque smile.

“Well, we all wanted to see what happens on the set of ‘Assist me!!  Princess Luna!’ so I figured I’d come sit in on a session with you, Professor!  It’s just too bad the Princess, herself, couldn’t be here with us today!”  Ulala responds cheerfully.  Kokonoe gave a sigh and started to tell her that she couldn’t be in there when someone else was, but Lambda suddenly perked up and jerked her head toward the other side of the room.

“Energy spike detected, Professor.” Lambda reported, but when Kokonoe and Ulala glanced over where she was looking, the door didn’t open.

“What the hell…?” Kokonoe murmured, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“Uh-oh, space cats, it appears our friend Lambda is picking up some kind of energy signature, but nothing seems to be coming out!” Ulala reported into her mic, and then she shivered slightly “And is it just me or is it starting to get really cold in here?”

“It’s not just you, Ulala… Lambda, status report!” Kokonoe commanded and Lambda’s red eye froze as she scanned the room, before finally looking back at the beastkin.

“Scanners indicate that internal room temperature is at fifteen degrees Celsius and falling rapidly, Professor.” Lambda replied and Kokonoe stared at her.

“What the hell?!  This room isn’t designed to become a freezer!” Kokonoe exclaimed and pulled a phone out of her sleeve “Tager, come in Tager!”  she glanced at the phone screen and groaned “Why do these things never have a damn signal when you need them too?!”

“It looks like w-we’re in t-trouble here, everyb-body!  I-it’s s-starting to g-get really c-cold in here a-and…” Ulala said through chattering teeth, but her eyes narrowed and she touched Kokonoe’s shoulder and pointed “P-Professor, w-what’s that over th-there?”

Kokonoe looked at Ulala and then where she was pointing and her jaw dropped.

Directly in front of the tank full of a, now-frozen, substance was a circle of ice that rapidly began climbing to the ceiling from the floor, stopping once it had done so and immediately frosted over.

“Professor.” Lambda said, completely oblivious to the cold “Scanners indicate that the room temperature has stabilized and is now beginning to return to normal… currently at minus five degrees Celsius and rising.”

Ulala looked at the android, surprised.

“Wait, are you saying it’s over now and we’re not going to freeze to death?” she asked Lambda, who nodded.

“Affirmative.”

Ulala gave a sigh of relief just as they all heard a click and suddenly heat began pouring into the room.  Kokonoe, however, strode over to the column of ice and looked at it.

“Lambda, get over here.” She said and the android immediately hovered over to her “I need you to run a scan on this ice for me.”

“Command acknowledged, initiating scan, please wait a moment.” She replied and then her eye disappeared entirely for a moment before reappearing and focusing on Kokonoe “I have completed my scan, Professor.”

“Well, what are you waiting for?  Give it to me, Lambda.” Kokonoe commanded.

“Command acknowledged.  Scans indicate that the energy source detected earlier is now radiating from within this structure, Professor.”

Kokonoe rapped on the ice as she thought it over.  Ulala merely strode over, her music playing once more.

“Alright, space cats!  Sorry for the interrupted newscast, we nearly got turned into popsicles but don’t you worry, everything’s groovy now and it looks like our guest has arrived!” she exclaimed in to the mic as she struck a pose, pointing at the ice.

“Whoa, hold on.  You’re saying there’s somebody inside this thing?” Kokonoe asked and Ulala nodded, smiling brightly.  Kokonoe turned to Lambda.

“Affirmative, Professor, bio-scanners indicate living tissue and a heartbeat within the structure.”

Kokonoe gaped at the android.

“A heartbeat?!  Are your scanners on the fritz again, Lambda?” she asked and Lambda’s eye disappeared for a moment before reappearing again.

“Scanning... diagnostics indicate that all systems are nominal, Professor.” She replied and Kokonoe sighed just as Tager walked in.

“Kokonoe, I detected that the temperature in here fell to dangerous levels, but I couldn’t get in so I turned on the heaters.  Are you, Lambda and Miss Ulala alright?” he asked and Kokonoe nodded.

“Yep, we’re all okay in here!  Thanks for the rescue, big guy!” Ulala exclaimed, winking at Tager, who scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

“Yes yes, now that we’re done with the e-peen stroking, can you get whoever’s in this giant popsicle out, Tager?” Kokonoe asked with a huff.

“I suppose I could try.” He replied “I’ll have to be careful, though, I don’t want to hurt- Kokonoe, Miss Ulala, get back!“he exclaimed and immediately grabbed the two, pulling them away from the pillar just as Lambda assumed some kind of battle stance.

“Energy spike detected, initiating Defensive Subroutine.”

“Something’s happening with the pillar!  This is turning out to be one groovy trip, space cats!” Ulala exclaimed into her mic and Kokonoe gave her a deadpan stare.

“Groovy for who..?” she muttered as she returned her gaze to the pillar as the frost on it began to fade, revealing a pony held captive within it, curled up in a fetal position “Is that a pony?”

Tager hesitated for a moment before apprehensively reaching his hand out to touch the ice.  Before he could touch it, however, the pony’s eyes snapped open, causing all but Lambda to jump back.

“Motion detected, permission to terminate?”

“No Lambda, but stand by just in case.” Kokonoe replied as she stepped in front of Tager.

“Kokonoe, stay behind me!” he protested, but Kokonoe merely shot him a glare and continued forward.

Once she was close to the ice, the pony inside, who was female if the slight body was any guess, looked her in the eyes, suspicion clear on her face.

“Can you hear me?” Kokonoe asked and the mare nodded hesitantly “Okay, good.  You need some help getting out of that ice?  We’ve got medical supplies and stuff to help you warm up.”

The mare in the ice looked around contemplatively before uncurling and stepping forward.  Kokonoe took a step back and watched in amazement as the pony stepped through the ice as if it was just water and she was able to get a good look at the newcomer.

Her coat was an icy light-blue color and her mane and tail were a navy blue while her eyes were a cold silver color, almost like steel and her cutie mark was of a sparkling snowflake.  Her mane was long and styled to part over both sides of her muzzle, being held together near the ends by some kind of large, blue orb beads and her tail, while not parted, also had one of the beads on it near the end.  There was a navy blue spot on her forehead, directly between her eyes, which had something of a cold edge to them.  Finally, her entire body seemed to glint and shimmer like a well-cut jewel and gave her the impression of being made from diamonds and sapphires.  She looked around at her surroundings again.

“Where am I?” she asked in a dignified and accented voice “This is not the Crystal Empire or, at least, it is no part of the Crystal Empire that I know of.”

Ulala was first to act, immediately jumping in front of Kokonoe.

“Hey there newcomer, and welcome to ‘Ulala’s Swingin’ Report Show’!” she exclaimed happily, giving the pony a bright smile “I’m the host, Ulala from Space Channel 5!  What’s your name?”

The pony took a startled step back, then composed herself.

“My name is Diamond Dust, I am the Envoy of Water.” She replied, giving Ulala a stern glare “Where am I?”

“You didn’t hear my whole monologue at the start?” Kokonoe asks and Diamond Dust shakes her head “Eh, I don’t blame ya; it was, like, six pages ago so I’ll go ahead and recap for you.” She clears her throat “Mysterious room, sad little lost children, Avalon, nutbars, flowchart, piss off.  You get all that?”

“Umm… I’m sorry?”

“Ugh, are all you damn ponies so dense?! *sigh* We’re kinda, sorta in the Boundary, Diamond Dust.  Rules, Character traits, the Fourth Wall?  None of that shit applies here and since you’re in this room, it must mean you need my help for… something or another.” Kokonoe’s eyes suddenly lit up “Hey, you just said you were some kind of Envoy right?”

“Yes, I am the Envoy of Water.” Diamond Dust replied, a bored look on her muzzle.

“That must mean you’re some kind of heroine from another story, which also means you messed up somewhere and now you need my guidance to get back on track!” Kokonoe said excitedly.

Diamond Dust was silent for a moment.

“Excuse me?”

Tager cleared his throat and the crystal pony looked at him.

“She means to say that you’re now on the ‘wildly popular’ advice show, ‘Assist me!!  Princess Luna!’, Miss Diamond Dust, although the Princess is currently out right now.” He told her and the pony smiled at him.

“Thank you, Mister…”

“Tager, please.”

“Yes, of course.  Thank you, Mister Tager.  At least somepony in this room remembers their manners.” She said.

“Yeah, yeah, enough of the nice crap already, ROLL THE INTRO BOARD!” Kokonoe yelled and Lambda began to move.

“Command acknowledged, initiating subroutine ‘Showtime’.”

At that, she disappeared and the lights dimmed with a board dropping into place in front of the camera and Diamond Dust’s voice saying


I DO NOT NEED YOUR AID!!
PROFESSOR KOKONOE!


The board lifted up and the lights returned.  Tager had moved off-stage, leaving just Kokonoe and Ulala, with an annoyed look on the former and a confused look on the latter.

“We’ve had an unusual development, everybody!  The guest just said she didn’t need help!  Why is she on an advice show if she doesn’t actually need advice?  Let’s watch and see how this turn of events unfolds, space cats!” she said in to her mic as her drone hovered over towards Diamond Dust while Kokonoe shot Ulala an annoyed look for having spoken first.

“Look Sparkly, you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t need my help and you can’t leave until I have given you my advice.  That’s the one and only rule.” Kokonoe said sternly, but Diamond Dust merely gave her a deadpan stare.

“I do not need your help ‘Professor’ so I shall be taking my leave of this place.” And she turned and trotted to the door, opening it easily.  Kokonoe and Ulala’s jaws dropped and the only sound that could be heard was the whir made by Ulala’s camera drone, who was also watching what had happened.  They stayed this way even as the curtains fell and the lights dimmed, signaling the end of the broadcast.

Five minutes later, Kokonoe slams open the door to Hallowedsoul’s office and he jumps in his chair at the sudden noise.

“What the hell, Kokonoe?!” he cries but she merely jabs her finger at him.

“That’s my goddamn question!  We just had a pony appear on-stage inside of an ice pillar, which is still there mind you, and left without me giving her any damn advice whatsoever!” Kokonoe replied, to which Hallowedsoul merely arched an eyebrow in confusion.

“She appeared… on set… during show time?”

“Yes.”

“And she left?”

“Yep.”

“Without getting any advice at all?”

Kokonoe glared at him.

“You want me to write it down for you, too?  Yes, she just walked right out without getting any-“She was interrupted by a knock at the door and her, Hallowedsoul, and the Pinkie Pie in the poster looked at it as Ulala sauntered in with Diamond Dust behind her.

“Hey, boss cat, I ran into Diamond Dust as I was coming up here so I told her she could follow me.” Ulala said and the pony looked away, blushing.

“I am not lost, I merely cannot get out of here.  You do not appear to have an exit.” She said, not looking at Hallowedsoul or Kokonoe.

“Wait you said she left through the door, right Kokonoe?” Soul asked and Kokonoe nodded, looking at the crystal pony.

“Yeah, she should’ve just returned to the moment when she made the decision that brought her here.” Kokonoe replied.

“But she didn’t walk in through the door, did she?”

Kokonoe looked at Hallowedsoul confused for a moment before it hit her.

“Shit… she didn’t get in the right way so she can’t leave the right way either.” Kokonoe said astutely and Soul nodded.

“So we send her back the way she got in, easy.” He said, but Ulala raised her hand.

“Umm, if I could put my two credits in, Mister Boss-man?” she asked.

“What’s up, babe?” he replied.

“The ice pillar that Diamond Dust came out of kinda… shattered, after she left.” Ulala said and Kokonoe groaned.

“Dammit, so she’s stuck here huh?  Wonder how long that’s gonna be for.” Kokonoe deadpanned, but she noticed that Hallowedsoul looked thoughtful “Okay, Bright-light, what’s going through that head of yours?”

“I think it’s not that Diamond Dust can’t leave, it’s that she can’t leave just yet.” He replied and the crystal pony perked up at this.

“Whatever do you mean?” she asked and Soul looked at her.

“You’re a Crystal Pony, yes?” she nodded “Well, just before Celestia and Luna defeated King Sombra, he cast a curse on the Crystal Empire that phased it out of time for a thousand years.” He said.

“Wow, one thousand years?” Ulala asked “That’s a pretty epic wait.  I don’t even wanna know what I’d look like in a thousand years…”

Kokonoe sighed at this.

“She won’t be waiting nearly that long, Ulala.  This place exists in-between worlds, so the normal rules of time and space don’t really apply here.”

Diamond Dust looked thoughtfully at Kokonoe.

“So that means I could leave at any moment, Professor?” she asks, but Kokonoe shakes her head.

“No, Diamond Dust, you’ll go back when your world calls you back and that could be days, weeks, maybe even months from now.  The hell if I know when it’ll happen, just that it’ll eventually happen.”

Diamond Dust looked down at the floor forlornly.

“Hey, don’t worry.  I set up some temporary housing just in case.  This isn’t my first rodeo, y’ know.” Kokonoe said.

“And we can set you up as Luna’s assistant so that you have something to do around here that isn’t just sitting around.” Hallowedsoul chipped in.

“And I’ll bring you cupcakes every day!” finished the Pinkie Pie on the poster, though she spread her arms and accidentally let go of the branch, falling out of sight.

There was a moment of silence as Ulala stared at the poster while Hallowedsoul wrote something down on the papers in front of him.

“Uh… did that poster just talk?”  She asks.

“What poster?”  Hallowedsoul and Kokonoe reply immediately without looking at her,