//------------------------------// // 37. CMC ALCHEMISTS YAY! // Story: Scootaloo the Fugitive // by Kaidan //------------------------------// “Ah don’t see the point. Even with Zecora helpin’, nopony will trust anything we make,” Apple Bloom complained. Scootaloo kept her eyes on the road as she drove the crusaders out to Zecora’s cottage on her scooter. “Well, it can’t be worse than the day spa, can it?” Sweetie asked. “My sis told me not to say ‘it can’t be any worse’. It’s bad luck!” “Nonsense! Why just the oth—” “Look out!” Scootaloo shouted. In front of them, Zecora jumped to the side. Scootaloo swerved to avoid her, and hit a rock. While Scootaloo was able to turn right-side up and slow herself with her wings, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle weren’t so lucky. They hit the side of Zecora’s hut with a thud. Dizzily they got to their hooves and took their helmets off. “Cutie Mark Crusader Crash Test Dummies Yablaargh!” Apple Bloom vomited on the ground and shook her head. “Ew, gross!” Sweetie said. “Awesome!” Scootaloo cheered. “Perhaps you three should come inside, and next time choose a safer ride,” Zecora said. She opened the door and let the Crusaders in. “Cool. Do we get to make potions with anything we want?” Scootaloo asked. “Take it easy, Scootaloo. Some of those herbs could harm you,” she replied. The fillies spread out and began to look at the various herbs and reagents on the shelves. In the middle of the room was Zecora’s large cauldron, and some small alchemy sets she got for the fillies. “Now, sit down my fillies three, and I shall teach you alchemy.” Each Crusader sat down next to an alchemy set. There was a small cauldron, mortar and pestle, and beakers. “I bet I’m so good at this I’ll get an extra cutie mark,” Scootaloo said. Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. “Trust me, ya don’t want more than one cutie mark.” “Maybe there’s a potion that’ll help find out cutie marks,” Sweetie stated. ”Cutie Mark Crusader Alchemists Yay!” Zecora took a moment to recover and rub her sore ears. “If talent was so easily found, you would not still be crusading around,” Zecora lectured. “Now with sage, herbthistle, and eyes of a bat, we shall soon brew a potion to temporarily make a skinny pony fat.” “Awesome, prank potions!” Scootaloo cheered. “What? Ya brought us here to do pranks?” Apple Bloom pouted. “Children, calm down, you misunderstood. Some ponies are to skinny and this will liven their mood. For every ailment, disease, or trouble, there is a potion to make healing speed double.” “Oh, so they must have potions to make ponies skinnier too, and maybe taller and shorter, and turn their mane blue,” Sweetie said. Scootaloo moaned and facehoofed. “Was it something I said?” she asked. “Ah think it was the rhymin’,” Apple Bloom suggested. “Now girls pay attention and you may learn a think or two. I will teach you the basics of alchemy, and my recipe for pony stew.” Zecora laughed and it took the crusaders a second to get the joke. As they rode back to town, each Crusader had a saddlebag full of potions they had made. Most of them were simple and would change their hair or eye color temporarily. They had a few more creative ones as well. “You were really good at that, Apple Bloom,” Sweetie said. “Ah shucks, ah just know a lot about plants on account o’ all the plantin’ and harvestin’ ah do.” she replied. “I bet her potions are the only ones that work right,” Scootaloo stated. “How are we gonna test them out? I don’t want to have to drink them all, and nopony in town will want to try anything we cooked.” “Hmm, I think my sister might try one,” Sweetie said. “Hah, ya’d have ta sneak it into her oatmeal,” Apple Bloom replied. “I wonder if we can bake potions in cupcakes?” Scootaloo asked. “Cupcakes?” Pinkie said. The girls moaned. “Oh no, she heard ya, speed up!” Apple Bloom shouted. Scootaloo put her hooves to the wood and beat her wings quickly. She sped down the dirt road towards town going at least eighty miles per hour. Were it not for the rope hoof holds in the wagon, her friends would have flown out by now. As she neared the relative safety of town, they heard Pinkie behind them. “Hey, get back here! Somepony said cupcakes, and I’m hungry! Plus, I have to throw this whole cutie mark party for you, Scootaloo, so slow down!” “Wait, why are we running again Apple Bloom?” Scootaloo shouted back over the wind. “Because ah don’t wanna be stuffed full of cupcakes!” “Yeah,” Sweetie agreed. “I love a good party but I still feel sick from Opalesence’s birthday party. I must have ate two dozen cupcakes in one night.” Scootaloo chuckled, and turned into an alleyway. As she rapidly slowed down, the crusaders were thrown about the wagon wildly. They barely managed to hang on. “Whew, I’m glad that’s over. I’m going to get a drink of water.” Sweetie pulled out her thermos and unscrewed the lid. She flipped it over, turning it into a cup. She then filled it with water. Right as she was about to life the water up and drink it, Scootaloo stopped her. “Wait.” The crusaders looked at the water. For a moment, it looked like it had rippled. After a few tense seconds of holding their breath, it rippled again. “Did ya—” “I saw it! Sh—” “—could be here any—” “Shh!” Scootaloo whispered. The water rippled again from the vibrations, then again, and again. It was getting quicker. The bouncing was only half a second apart, and the ripples were going constantly. The girls could feel the wagon shaking. “Ah don’t wanna eat cupcakes!” Apple Bloom screamed. Pinkie poked her head up out of the nearby trashcan. “Oh, silly, why didn’t you say so? Have some jelly beans instead!” She leapt out and tackled Apple Bloom to the ground. “Uncle! Uncle! I give up!” “I didn’t know you had an Uncle. Did you invite him to Scootaloo’s party? Did ya?” Pinkie got off of Apple Bloom and helped fix her bow. “Silly fillies, I was just playing Jurassic Party with you. Come on, let’s go party!” The girls moaned and Scootaloo had an idea. “Psst,” she whispered, “Let’s spike everypony’s drinks and cupcakes with our potions. That way we can test them out and nopony will know!” “Ah don’t know,” Apple Bloom said. “It’s brilliant!” Sweetie stated. “Then it’s settled by a vote of two to one.” Scootaloo grinned wickedly. “Cutie Mark Crusader Cupcake Spikers yay!” The party for Scootaloo’s cutie mark had started, and the girls had spiked everypony’s cupcakes. Sweetie was tasked with remembering which potions went where, but they had made at least two dozen of them all together. After pouring the potions onto the cupcakes and letting them absorb the elixirs, all they had to do was watch. Sugarcube Corner was packed with ponies. Pinkie was already passing out sweets to all of them. Lyra was the first to notice something wrong. “That’s the red cupcake, it has the spell in it to make you fat,” Sweetie explained. She shrieked, and began twitching her nose. Whiskers grew out of her muzzle, and Lyra’s tail turned into a leathery rope. Her legs shortened and grew claws just as she grew fangs. “Uh, Apple Bloom, I think you were right. This is a bad idea,” Scootaloo whimpered. “Yeah, now she’s a rat instead of fat!” Sweetie said. Apple Bloom moaned. “Well, at least I did my potions right, maybe nopony will notice.” “Lyra!” Bon Bon screamed. “What happened to you?” She opened her mouth and answered in a high pitched whine. “I just ate a cupcake! I swear, this isn’t another one of my spells!” “But I ate a cupcake too and I didn’t tu—oh—maybe it isn’t a spell,” Bon Bon said. She arched her back up and her hair stood on end. She hissed at Lyra, as her mane vanished and her tail turned into a single, long, hairy appendage. Her eyes turned to vertical slits as she grew whiskers and pointy ears. In seconds, she had turned into a pony sized cat. “You look so tasty, darling, why don’t we see if there’s an open bedroom so I can eat you,” Bon Bon said. Lyra gasped and backed away. “But I don’t wanna be eaten!” Bon Bon licked her lips. “It’s about time I paid you back for last night, you were so. . . thorough.” “What on Equestria are they talkin’ ‘bout?” Apple Bloom asked. “She’s gonna kill her?” Scootaloo pondered. Just then they saw her pounce Lyra and start kissing her. “This is ba—” “Gah! No! I knew they’d go to my hips! Pinkie Pie!” Dash screamed. She trudged out into the living room and had put on nearly double her body weight. large fat calves hid her hooves, and rolls of fat cascaded from her back towards the floor. Her mane seemed small in comparison to the tree trunk that was her neck, and her muzzle was nearly hidden by her large cheeks. “I’m gonna kill you, Pinkie!” She stomped towards the kitchen as Apple Bloom began to laugh. “Hah! At least my potion worked!” Scootaloo sighed and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, way to go. You made Dash fat, there’s no way she’ll get mad at me now.” “Maybe we should leave while we can,” Sweetie offered. “Leave? But you haven’t had cupcakes!” Pinkie shouted. Before the crusaders could react, Pinkie shoved cupcakes into their mouths. In their shock, they chewed and swallowed them least the pony shove more in their mouth. That was when they began to feel tingly. “Oh crap, ah’m too young to be fat!” Apple Bloom cried. “Of course you are,” Pinkie said. She ate four cupcakes. “Delicious! And such a unique aftertaste!” As she trotted off they heard Twilight screaming. “Great what now?” Scootaloo asked. “Didn’t she have a green cupcake?” Sweetie said. Twilight was casting spells on herself, trying to change her color. She was now bright yellow with black stripes. “This isn’t possible! This isn’t scientifically possible! I can’t be turning into a bee!” As she panicked, some of the other ponies began to laugh. She looked hilarious as she ran in circles trying to somehow fix her hideous mane and hair. Diamond Tiara was the next at the party to scream. By the time Scootaloo turned to face her, all she could see was a giant ball of fur. She looked like a cotton ball, and judging by the screams, Diamond was inside it somewhere. Silver wasn’t far away, and had swollen up into a blueberry. She wiggled her hooves but they no longer reached the ground. “Wait, but we didn’t make any potions that do that,” Scootaloo said. “We must be a lot worse than we thought,” Sweetie observed. Apple Bloom hit her head with a hoof. “Ya don’t think? Wait—” Apple Bloom hit herself again. “Ah’m rubber!” The two girls watched as she bounced up and down. She fell on her side, and bounced off it back in the air. “Awesome!” Scootaloo yelled. “I bet I am too!” She hit herself in the head, and fell onto her back. “Ouch!” “Girls, help!” Sweetie shouted. Her skin was turning silver and shiny, and her voice sounded like a robot. “This isn’t funny anymore!” “I’ll help! I’ll haha! I’ll,” Scootaloo burst out into laughter. “What’s wrong, Scoots?” Apple Bloom asked. She had landed and came over to check on Sweetie. Scootaloo was rolling around on the floor, being tickled by invisible fingers. “The—cupcakes—potions make—it stop!” The was a cacophony of sounds behind them. Rarity had been frozen solid and turned into a table. Gummy was now the size of Celestia, and was chewing on Spike. The dragon looked like a bronze statue, and apparently tasted like one because Gummy spit him out. Fluttershy was running around the room yelling as all her feathers fell out. Big Mac didn’t escape either. He was hiding in a corner, his normally square muzzle looking very round. He seemed to have shrunk and turned more feminine. Featherweight had been transformed into a paper weight. Snips had been turned into a snail, and Snails had been turned into a pair of safety scissors. Then Pinkie rounded the corner. She had eaten more cupcakes then everypony else combined. Her mane had turned to serpents, her tail was that of a wyvern, and each leg belonged to a different animal. There was a loud laughter in the room and the girls turned to face it. Scootaloo laughed, Apple Bloom bounced, and Sweetie Belle stared robotically. “My, my, you girls certainly know how to put on a good show,” Discord said. “Discord!” Apple Bloom shouted. “But ah thought ya were a statue!” “Tsk, tsk, didn’t Fluttershy tell you? She reformed me, and I must say. . . behaving might actually be worth it to watch you three destroy the town!” Discord laughed. “It was an accident!” Sweetie stated. Discord curled up around her and smiled. “Why of course it was, and what a delightful accident it was. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you three deserve cutie marks in chaos!” Dash noticed Discord on the other side of the room and started pounding her way over there one hoof at a time. “I should have known! Make me skinny or so help me, I’ll crush you!” Dash said. Her tiny wings were beating furiously but couldn’t support her weight. “Haha! The Element of Obesity, ordering me around?” Discord said. “My girls, I have a feeling we’re going to be best frie—” “Discord! Cease this at once!” Celestia yelled. Discord stiffened up, and turned to face her. “But I did—” “No excuses! I could sense the chaos here from Canterlot! I’m disappointed in you, after Fluttershy worked so hard to reform you!” “But it was them!” Discord pointed at the crusaders. “I was just watching, honest!” “You’d have me believe three fillies could do all this?” Celestia waved a hoof around. “Now, you’ll change them back this instant or I’ll slap the elements on them and turn you back to stone.” Discord turned to the crusaders for help, but they just stood there awestruck. “Ugh, fine, but it still wasn’t my fault!” He snapped his fingers, turning everypony back to normal. “Honestly, if I can’t even watch chaos then what’s the point?” “We’re going to have a long talk about your behavior, mister, unless you really do want to go back in my garden to guard the petunias.” Discord rolled his eyes and snapped a finger hidden behind his back. He stormed out of Sugarcube Corner with Celestia. With a bright flash from her horn, she teleported them back to Canterlot. Scootaloo looked down, realizing he had created a business card in her hoof. It listed the address he was staying at in Canterlot, with a short message: Crusaders, if you change your minds about the chaos cutie marks, now you know where to find me. I promise it’ll be fun! Dash walked up and hugged Scootaloo. “Thank Celestia you’re alright. And to think, for a minute there I thought this had to do with your visit to Zecora to try alchemy!” Dash laughed, and the crusaders nervously joined in.