//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: The majestic midget horses // Story: Hank Hill Goes to Equestria: Propane is magic! // by Desert Salad //------------------------------// Chapter 2 -- The Majestic Midget Horses Twilight was confused at Hank’s sudden outburst, and was confused that he had called them midget horses. They were ponies, so of course they would be shorter than regular, non-midget horses. But none of that mattered to Hank. He was still freaking out that he was....well wasn’t in Arlen. He didn’t know where he was. The only thing he knew about the place he was in was that it had talking, multicolored, midget horses in it. “Uhhhh.....what’s a Texan?”, asked Twilight while raising an eyebrow. Hank rolled his eyes, “Are you idiots? What do you mean you haven’t heard of Texas?” “What’s Texas?”, Twilight asked while her eyebrow was still raised. “What’s Texas?!?!”, Hank yelled. “Texas is a state in the greatest country on Earth! The United States of America!” “America?”, Twilight asked. Twilight’s facial muscles were now beginning to tire since they were being stressed out with all facial movements. “You haven’t heard of America either? What am I surrounded by? A bunch of communist midget horses?”, Hank yelled while raising his arms up in anger. And surprise. “First of all, we’re not “midget horses”, we’re ponies”, Twilight said, finally lowering her eyebrow. “Ponies? Talking multi-colored ponies? Am I in some kind of world meant for little girls?” Hank yelled. By now he was frustrated at the fact that he wasn’t home. He wasn’t able to grill up those steaks to get his mind off of his son, who had disappointed him yet again by telling him he didn’t want to get into the propane business. “What are you talking about?”, Twilight said. She would have raised her eyebrow again, but her facial muscles were still tired. “I’m describing the....place that I’m in right now! This place is just...weird”, Hank shuddered in between “just” and “weird” “You’re in Equestria. This is a land populated of ponies. There’s pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns.”, Twilight said. “Pegasai? Unicorns? I am in world meant for little girls! Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaa!”, Hank yelled. Hank by now was starting to come to the conclusion that yes, he was in a world meant for little girls, and yes, it was populated by talking, multicolored midget horses.....or ponies. “Little girl? Is that what your kind calls their young?”, Twilight asked. She was now very intent on learning more about this strange, tall, bipedal species that likes to yell and call ponies midget horses. “Well, yes and no. But that doesn't matter! I got to find a way home!”, Hank said, finally calming himself down. “Yes, we do have to find a way to get you home. Scientific research will have to wait. Oh, we never properly introduced ourselves. I’m Twilight Sparkle.”, Twilight smiled while she finished that last sentence. “I am Hank Hill. Assitant manager at Strickland Propane”, Hank held out his hand expecting it to be shaken. “Fluttershy,” Twilight said, “would you like to introduce yourself to...Hank here?” Fluttershy was on the ground, shaking in fear of this very loud creature. Her eyes were clenched shut. She refused to say anything. Twilight looked at Fluttershy, “Fluttershy … aren't you going to introduce yourself to our … guest?” Fluttershy slowly looked up, uncovering her eyes, “Uh, h-hello” Hank looked down at her, causing her to yelp and cover her face again. Hank Hill sighed, “Alright, this is just asinine. Now stand up and shake my hand like a true Texan would”, Hank Hill then slowly crouched over and grabbed Fluttershy, bringing her to all four hoofs. She trembled and Hank rolled his eyes again. “Fine, don’t shake my hand, be disrespectful”, Hank hissed. Twilight walked closer to the two and looked directly at Hank, “Hey! There’s no reason to be rude” “Rude?!”, Hank slowly turned his head to Twilight. Hank then points to Fluttershy. “She’s the one being rude” Twilight looked at Hank square in the eyes. “That may be true, but that’s still no reason to act rude”, Twilight said in a calm and rational voice. Hank began to ponder the fact that he’s arguing with a multi-colored horse, “Wait … what hell him I doing talking to horses in the first place?”, Hank raised his voice in anger. “Ponies,” Twilight corrected, “we’re ponies. Not horses.” “Fine, ponies”, Hank said. He shuddered while he said the word “ponies” “Alright, now we got to find a way to get me out of here”, Hank said. “I think if I cast the spell again you may be able to go through the portal to get back to...where is that you said you were from? Mexas?”, Twilight said while trying to recall the place where Hank said he was from. “Texas. I’m from Texas. Texas is apart of the United States of America.”, Hank said while rolling his eyes. The purple midget horse had annoyed him by forgetting that he was from Texas and not some place called “Mexas” “....Buck. I can’t remember the exact way how to do it....Give me a second.”, Twilight tried to remember the exact way how to cast her spell. After a few failed attempts, she gave up. “Ugghhh! It’s not working!”, Twilight said with an annoyed voice. “What do you mean it’s not working? Didn't you use your midget horse...er pony magic?!?!”, Hank yelled, angered yet again. “I just used my magic! It’s a spell, after all. Ughh! Why can’t I get it to work? It worked twenty minutes ago!”, Twilight yelled. “Wait...it was you who sent me here? You....you....I’ll kick your ass!”, Hank yelled while approaching Twilight. “Kick my....donkey? What?”, Twilight said. She was confused. She hadn’t heard the word ass before, unless it was used to informally say the species of somepony (Or would it be somebody now that there’s a human in Equestria?) “What? How do you not understand that I’m gonna kick your ass for sending me here?!?!” Hank yelled, his face now turning into a tomato....again. Fluttershy was scared by Hank’s recent outburst and she had gone back into the corner to cry and cover her eyes. “I don’t even know a donkey so how are you going to kick it?” Twilight said, still confused over Hank’s word choice. Hank by now had realised that Twilight didn’t understand that when he said “ass” he meant her plot. So Hank thought about how should he word his threat of kicking Twilight’s plot in a way she could understand. “I’m gonna kick your flank for sending me here!” Hank yelled while feeling a slight sense of accomplishment that Twilight could now understand his threat. “Why? It was just a spell that just happened to send you here! I didn’t mean to send you here!”, Twilight yelled. “Well....I....kick....your...ass.....augghhh!” Hank said, now realising that kicking Twilight’s as- err, plot wouldn’t get him anywhere. So he thought about what he should do. “Well then, what should we do?”, Hank asked, now calming himself down. “Huh, I don’t really know. I haven’t really given it much thought.”, Twilight said while pondering what to do about Hank. “Maybe I should take you to Princess Celestia, I think she could probably help you”, Twilight said before realising that a strange, loud, bipedal creature would probably cause a commotion in Ponyville. “I’m assuming this “Princess” of yours is your leader or something?”, Hank said. “Ehh, yeah something like that”, Twilight said while running about trying to find a fresh piece of parchment, a good quill, and some ink. Hank became confused while looking at Twilight rummaging around for writing materials. “So who’s the king?”, Hank said in a sharp voice. Twilight only glimpsed at him for a second before going back to looking for her materials. “Uh, we don’t have one” She replied. Hank scratched his head before asking another question, “Well, who’s the queen?”, He said slowly becoming more impatient. Twilight found a quill and finally stopped, she then turns her head upward to look at Hank. “... We don’t have one either”, she replied with a slight shrug. Hank became more confused. “What? That just sounds ... asinine, if there’s no queen or king then wouldn’t that make your princess the queen?” “Well uh … it’s a little more complicated than that”, Twilight said while walking over to a table. Hank’s voice became a little more aggressive. “How the hell would it be ‘complicated’ look at it like this, if we have no president and a vice-president then that vice-president becomes the president”, Hank said with an agitated voice. Twilight looked back up at him. “Wha- what’s a president?”, Twilight looked with curiosity. Hank rolled his eyes, then released a sigh. “How stupid can you midget horses be?” Twilight looked offended, then completely turned to him. “Stop calling us midget horses, we are PONIES, and I will have you know that I am very intelligent. Besides who are you to judge?”, Twilight's voice became more hostile. Hank looked menacingly down at her. “For one: you don’t know who the president is, which just baffles me. If you didn’t know he’s the leader of the most powerful nation of the free world! Two: it seems as though you all ignorantly follow this ‘princess’ of yours. And three: You ARE a midget-horse, so I will not stop calling YOU a midget-horse”, At this time Hank’s face was pure red, like a tomato and his eyes were widened. Fluttershy was cowering in the corner, before quickly getting up with a slight scowl on her face. She then stated in a slightly audible tone. “I’m tired of you acting so mean to my friends” She then slowly trotted directly to him, looked up and stared him in the eyes and began to perform the “stare” on him. Hank’s face soon turned with an extremely angered look. Fluttershy soon froze. Realizing that the “stare” had no effect on Hank, but instead he was intern giving her the “stare” Before anything else could happen Fluttershy began to softly whimper. Spike quickly looked at Hank and said, “Hey! Leave Fluttershy alone” Hank’s vision slowly turned to the dragon. Spike’s facial features quickly turned to those of fright. He then began to mumble “Well uh, i-if you’re fine with doing uh that of course” He then jolted for Twilight, trying to hide behind her. Twilight looked down at the now frightened Spike and back up to Hank. “What’s YOUR problem”, she sneered at Hank. Hank began to rub his forehead, before taking a deep breath. “MY problem!?” Hank’s eyes narrowed on the small purple pony. He then raises his left arm and begins to point at Twilight with his index-finger. YOU’RE my problem. YOU’RE the one who brought me here! YOU’RE the one who’s uh … who’s trying to force their communist ideologies on me! And furthermore YOU’RE the one who’s going to get a boot up your ass, if YOU don’t get me home soon!”, Hank finally finished trying to catch his breath. Twilight took a breath and began to speak, “I apologised for sending you here, it was an honest mistake, and finally on that note. What’s a communist?” Hank couldn’t believe what he had just heard, he felt as though he just finished listening to one of Dales crazy conspiracy theories on how Ronald Reagan was working with the Martians to destroy the world. Hank then pulled his glasses off and pinched the skin on his nose bridge. “J- just send that damn message to your princess” “Alright”, Twilight said with a sigh. She turned back to the table, picked up the quill from the small ink pot and started to write a letter to the princess.