//------------------------------// // The Melancholy of Pinkie Pie, Chapter 4 // Story: The Melancholy of Pinkie Pie // by Kris Overstreet //------------------------------// The Melancholy of Pinkie Pie by Kris Overstreet a blending of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya by Nagaru Tanigawa and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic developed by Lauren Faust Chapter 4 Tea and cupcakes make for a fine combination, as the SOP Brigade learned the Wednesday that the oven was installed. Fluttershy isn’t that bad at baking when she’s not under pressure, and Pinkie Pie was at her side guiding her every step of the way... whether she wanted the help or not. And the tea… well, if there were any such thing as apple tea, that might possibly be better than what Fluttershy brews, but I can’t imagine anything else even close. The only thing strange about that snack was Fluttershy herself… or, I should say, Fluttershy’s clothes. Yet again she wore that bunny girl costume. Even Rainbow Dash, the self-proclaimed member number one of the Fluttershy Fan Club, looked a little weirded out by this, though she might just have thought Fluttershy shouldn’t be quite so easily visible by the unwashed masses. Even someone totally into fillies could only look at the same butterfly-marked flank for so long. So I wasn’t surprised when Pinkie Pie, after sipping her tea, said, “That doesn’t look right,” she said. “Bunny girls only serve snacks and drinks in night clubs.” Then she did surprise me: “We need a different outfit for when you serve meals here in the club room.” Wait a minute. Fluttershy’s tea might be the best I’ve ever tasted, but that doesn’t give you the right to turn her into your own part-time waitress! “But I like bunnies,” Fluttershy said in that tiny voice that could be ignored so very easily… and of course Pinkie did just that. “I’ll go get something more appropriate!” she said, bounding out of the room and slamming the door in Rainbow Dash’s face as she followed. Dash opened the door again and trotted after her, calling to Pinkie Pie to wait up, leaving Fluttershy and myself to look at one another in bewilderment. Twilight Sparkle, of course, kept reading her book. About ten minutes later Pinkie and Dash rushed back into the room carrying something black and white with her. “Here!” she chirped. “Change into this, quick!” “Now hold on a minute!” I shouted. “If whatever that is is all that, why don’t you wear it?” “Because I’m not the SOP Brigade’s mascot, silly!” Pinkie said. “It wouldn’t be proper for a brigade leader to dress up in a maid uniform!” “Besides,” Dash added, “Fluttershy is going to look SO AWESOME in it! We’ll turn the adorable level up to eleven!” I stood between Fluttershy and the two grinning fillies. “If Fluttershy doesn’t want to wear it, you’re not gonna make her!” I said. “Strong words, Applejack…” Rainbow Dash said, grinning evilly. “… but there’s only one of you…” Pinkie continued, her smile a carbon copy of Rainbow’s. “… and two of us!” Dash finished. The two ponies stepped forward in unison. What happened next I’m not going to describe, except that it was at least half as humiliating for me as it must have been for Fluttershy. It ended with me on the outside of the club room door, locked out while high-pitched squeaks and whimpers, punctuated by thumps and clattering of hooves, seeped through the door and into my ears. After a couple minutes the club door unlocked, and I stepped back into the room. The maid costume was surprisingly modest, the skirt reaching almost to Fluttershy’s fetlocks, the apron neckline right up to her throat. Rainbow Dash had just finished tying the apron ties behind Fluttershy's wings, nodding to herself with satisfaction. “Yep,” she said to her self, “just as I thought, about twenty percent cuter.” “See? That wasn’t so bad, now was it?” Pinkie Pie chirped. “Now let’s have some more tea, okay?” Fluttershy looked ready to shrink in on herself until she either vanished or turned into a tiny yellow black hole, collapsed under the gravitational pull of infinite mortification. Still trembling, she managed to unfold herself enough to walk over to the stove. As she passed me, she shot me a single glance of absolute reproach. I’m sorry, Fluttershy. I couldn’t protect you after all. I wouldn't have mentioned any of that except that that little scene probably derailed what was supposed to have happened the very next day... when the final member of the SOP Brigade was recruited, or more accurately drafted. Thursday went about as normal until third period, when Pinkie got my attention by yanking on my hair. I hate when ponies that. I do not let my mane grow long just so some obnoxious filly can rein me in like a rodeo steer! “What is it, Pinkie?” I asked, pulling my mane out of her grip with one hoof. “Haven’t you heard the news?” Pinkie snapped. “Everyone’s talking about the new transfer student in class 1-9!” I don’t pay much attention to idle gossip. “If you don’t listen, you miss everything!” I shrugged. “So there’s a new transfer student. We lose one, we gain one. What’s the difference?” “Are you kidding? Trixie transferring out of this school was suspicious! But a student transferring INTO a public high school only a few weeks into first term? And into the advanced math and sciences class? That’s SUPER DOUBLE suspicious!” Pinkie folded her forelegs and nodded decisively. “That makes the new student SOP Brigade business!” Super double SOP Brigade business, no doubt. “Exactly!” So, does that mean we go to their home and ask embarrassing questions? Or do we do five circuits of the school hoping to spot them? “You just leave it all to me!” Pinkie replied. “This calls for a careful, diplomatic touch, so I’ll take care of it myself.” That suited me fine. In fact, I withheld the comments that came to mind concerning Pinkie Pie’s diplomatic skills, or rather the lack thereof. Later I realized it wasn’t as much of a joke as I’d thought. After all, who else would Pinkie send? Twilight Sparkle would just stare silently until the new student, whoever he or she was, got scared off. Fluttershy would mumble in her softest voice, getting more and more embarrassed until her throat finally seized up out of mortification. Rainbow Dash… diplomatic? No. She’d just grab one hoof while Pinkie grabbed the other and haul the victim away. And me? I’d tell whoever it was to run away from us on sight. Every pony in the SOP Brigade is CRAZY. Including me, because I haven’t run away yet myself. Compared to the other options, Pinkie Pie could be secretary-general of the United Neightions. So when Pinkie vanished at lunchtime as usual I paid no attention, except to banter words with Lyra and Bon Bon about Pinkie’s apparent interest in the new student. According to them, the new student was a mare with some kind of elegant foreign accent- possibly Trottingham, or at least high-class Mareican. She had transferred in from a private school, one of the ones that took pride in claiming to train the future leaders of the nation. And Pinkie Pie intends to recruit that into a renegade club with an insane name and even more insane goals? Good luck, I thought to myself. When I went to the club room after classes there was a spring in my step all the way up the stairs. Rainbow Dash wasn’t there; she was practicing with the track team. Nor was Pinkie, even though she’d vanished from class the instant homeroom was dismissed. Twilight Sparkle, of course, sat in her chair reading yet another book, looking more like a strange piece of furniture than a living pony. And Fluttershy was just squeezing into that black-and-white maid costume, with a teapot already on the boil on the club’s new stovetop. I found a chair and dropped into it gratefully, taking the cup offered by Fluttershy and sipping the delicious tea, savoring the taste. For this brief moment, the literature club room held nothing but peace and quiet. If it could remain like this, I thought, I’d be perfectly happy with being part of the SOP Brigade. Of course that was a foal's hope, dashed when the door slammed open and Pinkie Pie strutted in on hind legs, one foreleg hugging a picture of sheer elegance. The newcomer's half-lidded eyes fluttered with long, carefully curled eyelashes, eyeshadow precisely and perfectly applied on the lids. Her North High uniform had been subtly altered, with extra embroidered trim running along the collar and sleeve cuffs. The blouse had been adjusted to taper in slightly behind the barrel. Her coat, such as we could see of it, was so pristine a white it would have looked like she had been painted that color, if her deep blue-violet mane hadn’t given the rest of her fur a slight blue tint from reflection. “Hi, everyone!” Pinkie half-guided, half-dragged the strange filly into the club room. “I’ve brought us the SOP Brigade’s newest recruit! This is Rarity Belle!” Rarity took a step forward and said, “I’m honored to join you. I ho-oh-oh- OH MY WORD!” Her eyes, which had been half-lidded when she walked in, bugged wide open the instant she looked at Fluttershy. She zipped up in front of the SOP Brigade mascot, looking her up and down with ever-increasing horror. “Oh, no, no, NO! This simply will NOT do! Stark black and white with THAT coat and THAT mane? This is a fashion emergency!” Before Fluttershy could do more than give out a strangled peep of protest Rarity grabbed her and hauled her to the door, where Pinkie still stood, just as dumbfounded as the rest of us… well, just as dumbfounded as me. I would pay good bits to see Twilight dumbfounded… or maybe not, since anything that would- but I’m getting away from the point. “I DO beg your pardon, Pinkie Pie,” Rarity gasped hurriedly, “but I have to get this poor fashion victim down to the sewing club room IMMEDIATELY! Oh, I only hope they have some spare bolts of silk...” “Um… okay?” Pinkie just blinked and stared as Rarity dragged a rigid Fluttershy off behind her. In the silence that followed we could all hear Twilight Sparkle turning a page. And that, for all practical purposes, ended the SOP Brigade’s Thursday meeting. Pinkie recovered in time for the Friday meeting, which she began by once more introducing Rarity all over again as if nothing had happened. “This is Rarity Belle! She’s going to be the newest member of the SOP Brigade! I want all of you to make her feel welcome!” This time Rainbow Dash was with us, and she spoke for all of us: “Where’s Fluttershy? She didn’t show up for afternoon homeroom.” “Well!” Rarity posed, placing one forehoof on her chest in a stereotypically dramatic fashion. “When I briefly visited yesterday I saw a horrible sight that simply demanded action! I did most of the work at home, but I needed Fluttershy for the final fitting… and now I unveil to you my latest masterpiece! Simple, but elegant and functional!” Fluttershy stepped out from behind a changing screen in the corner of the room. The maid costume she’d worn had been changed from black and white to a pink and white outfit that matched her mane perfectly. Her sleeves had been poofed up slightly, while at the same time her skirt had been tailored to fit somewhat closer around her flanks. Her hind legs were encased in elegant, perfectly-fitting white stockings. And- most interesting of all- Rarity had incorporated the bunny ears and tail from the bunny-filly outfit into the new maid costume. All in all, the dress seemed more fitting for a waitress at some strange café, but Fluttershy smiled as she showed it off to us. And I had to admit, as cute as she looked in the standard maid outfit, she looked so much better in this specially made costume. “The apron is off-the-peg, I’m afraid, same with the stockings, but everything else I sewed myself. Fluttershy made some interesting suggestions with the stitches on the pleating- I think she knows more about sewing even than I do, and I’ve been studying to be a fashionista ever since I was eight!” Fluttershy blushed and tried to hide her face in her mane. Rainbow Dash slumped forward on a table, holding her head in both forehooves as she gaped in wonder. "So... so... ADORABLY... AWESOME!!" she gasped at last. “Wow… that is incredible!” For about two whole seconds Pinkie Pie stood in the same jaw-dropped astonishment as Rainbow Dash. Then she trotted over to her desk and pulled out her Palamino camera. “We have GOT to capture this for posterity!” “I’m gonna have to get more membership cards printed!” Rainbow Dash said, bouncing up to stand beside the cosplaying filly. “When the Fluttershy Fan Club hears about this, EVERYBODY’s gonna wanna join!” The two designing mares took Fluttershy away from the designer mare and began putting her through pose after pose, going through roll after roll of film. It didn’t take all that long before the poses became more revealing than Fluttershy was comfortable with. “Come on!” Pinkie shouted. “All we want is just a glimpse of that cutie mark! Dashie, can you make it look like she’s just tripped?” “On it!” Dash dragged Fluttershy to the ground and threw her skirts up, much to Fluttershy’s horror. Pinkie’s camera clicked and clicked and clicked. I reached down and pulled Fluttershy’s skirts back into place. “All right, that’s enough,” I said. “You two fillies have had your fun. Now let her be.” “Oh, come on!” Pinkie Pie said. “It’s just getting to be fun!” She looked up at Rarity and asked, “Why don’t you join us? You deserve a turn playing with Fluttershy!” Rarity looked at me for a moment and then shook her head. “Considering the possible consequences, dears, I really must beg off.” Pinkie pouted, then looked over at the mare sitting in the corner. “What about you, Twilight?” Flip. Twilight’s eyes stayed locked on her book. “Okay, then,” Pinkie shrugged. “I guess three rolls of film will have to do. We’ll use the best shots to promote the SOP Brigade!” “And the Fluttershy Fan Club!” Flip. “Er… and the Literature Club too!” Pinkie said. “But that’s for next week! It’s time to discuss tomorrow’s SOP Brigade activities!” Wait a minute… tomorrow is Saturday. As in, no school for two days. What is this about activities for tomorrow? “It’s time the SOP Brigade expanded our patrols into the city! The mysteries of the unknown are just sitting out there, waiting for us to uncover them!” I looked around at the others. Twilight’s eyes were still glued to the book. As for the others, Rainbow Dash seemed eager to try whatever was in Pinkie’s head. Fluttershy looked as timid as ever, but she wouldn’t meet my eyes when she saw me looking at her. And Rarity smiled some sort of enigmatic smile, as if she had some secret nobody else knew. So, support for telling Pinkie Pie where she could stuff her mysteries: right about zero. “So everyone meet up in front of Joe’s Donuts and Cakes across from the shopping district train station, 9:00 sharp tomorrow morning!” Pinkie got up on her hind legs and crossed her arms. “Anyone who’s late will receive a penalty!” I arrived at the station at 8:55 AM the next morning. All the way to the station I grumbled to myself about the stupidity of it all. I ought to be spending the day with Applebloom, or on the train to spend the weekend with Big MacIntosh and Granny Smith upcountry in the orchard. If all else failed, I ought to be in my room catching up on studies that were already suffering on account of letting myself be dragged around by a pink pony who, by any definition, was certifiable. Instead I was trotting a couple miles out of my way on a Saturday morning, with no explanation to my family, just so I could indulge Pinkie Pie in a hopeless effort to find things that didn’t exist. Or… I remembered what had happened in the classroom with Trixie. And how Twilight had put a stop to it. If aliens and magic existed… what other mysterious things that Pinkie Pie believed in really existed? Anyway, I got to the station five minutes early… and I was still the last to arrive. All five of the other SOP Brigade ponies stood under the station clock. One in particular stepped forward, brand-name T-shirt and denim skirt bouncing along with her poofy pink mane, and shouted, “Penalty!” “What do you mean, penalty?” I asked. “Look up- it’s still four minutes of nine!” I pointed to the station clock for evidence. “The last person to arrive always pays a penalty!” Pinkie pie replied. “Since when?” “Since about ten minutes ago! It’s a new brigade rule I just made!” Pinkie Pie rose on her hind legs, one forehoof on her hips and the other pointing straight at me. “And for being late, you’re going to buy drinks for everyone!” Of course. How could I ever have thought- “Wait a minute,” I said, “Maybe you can spare the money for all those drinks, but I can’t!” I didn’t get all that much pocket money from the folks, because most of what the family earned went back to the farm to keep it going. Even at as affordable a place as Joe’s Donuts and Cakes, my purse would empty out before the day even began. “If it were easy, it wouldn’t be a penalty, now would it?” Pinkie grinned. “Come on, everybody!” She swiveled on one hoof like a dancer, then dropped back down on all fours and bounced over to the café. Fluttershy followed, wearing a pink dress with a yellow cardigan pulled over it. Rainbow Dash, wearing a tank top and sweat pants, kept step with Fluttershy, playing the loyal guard to the hilt. Twilight Sparkle still wore her North High uniform- doesn’t that filly have anything else in her closet? Anyway, she followed the others, brushing past me without turning her head or saying a word. A moment after Twilight brushed past me I felt something brush against me on the other side. My saddlebag, the one with my purse in it, suddenly felt a little heavier. “Don’t worry about the drinks, darling,” Rarity whispered in my ear. “And don’t tell Pinkie Pie about this.” For one brief instance I was ready to make a scene in the middle of the street, with dozens of passers-by watching, never mind Pinkie Pie and the others. An Apple has her pride, you know! I might be hard up for cash with this demanding, cloud-brained earth pony around, but that doesn’t mean I’m asking for a handout! Before I could open my mouth to say those words, my brain caught up with my pride. Are you that eager to foot the bill for Pinkie’s demands? it said. She gets to enforce her penalty and get her free drink, and nobody’s the wiser except you and Rarity. So where, exactly, do you get hurt in this? So I kept my mouth shut and brought up the rear as we all walked into Joe’s and took a booth in the back. We all ordered our drinks as soon as we sat down… except for Twilight Sparkle. She asked for a menu and then spent five or six minutes looking over each and every option. It’s rude to rush someone when they’re ordering at a restaurant, but eventually all of us were silently watching Sparkle as she read that menu, wondering what she’d finally pick at the end- “Apricot.” The whole table let out a long sigh of relief, and Pinkie complimented her on her choice. Meanwhile I took the menu and skimmed over the drinks list on a hunch. Sure enough, she’d picked the option that came first in alphabetical order, there being no such thing as apple tea and apple juice not being available. While the rest of us sipped our drinks, Pinkie took six toothpicks, pulled out a marker, and made marks on four of them. “We’re going to divide up into three teams!” she said. “Everyone draws a toothpick to pick pairs! We’ll go patrol the shopping district, and we’ll meet back here at 12:30 for lunch!” She juggled the toothpicks around in her forehooves to mix them up, then held them out for each of us, starting with me. When it was done, Fluttershy and I had drawn the blank toothpicks. Rainbow Dash and Rarity had drawn the toothpicks with a single mark. Pinkie Pie was left holding one of the toothpicks with a double mark, which paired her up with Twilight Sparkle. Her face fell slightly as she realized this, I noticed. What? Were you hoping to pair up with someone in particular? Then why didn’t you just name your pairs? Anyway, the bill came, and I fished around in my saddlebag until I found the bits Rarity had dropped in. The little bag had a lot more than were needed to cover the tab. Remembering Rarity’s request to keep her involvement secret, I tried to keep a straight face as I paid the bill, but as we walked out I got next to her and whispered, “You gave me way too much money.” “Keep it for the next penalty,” Rarity whispered back, quickly stepping away from me and over to Rainbow Dash. I considered the matter carefully, not that it needed much considering. What odds that Pinkie would find some reason to demand more free drinks, or even free lunch? Pretty good. In fact, the more I thought about those odds, the more they approached unity. Besides, it’d look funny if I paid out of two different coin purses in the same day, right? A long row of cherry trees runs along the river, separated from the water by a broad cobbled path. The last of the cherry blossoms had fallen a couple weeks before, but the trees were still beautiful to me- not as nice as apple trees, but the green leaves and thick trunks always made me feel better. Fluttershy and I had gone into the park while the other two pairs had headed to the mall and the business district, respectively. For a few minutes I made a pretense of looking around for strange things- I don’t know what, since Pinkie didn’t say. Once I was sure the others were well and truly gone, though, I just tried to enjoy the morning stroll on a beautiful spring day. Fluttershy, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be enjoying herself at all. In fact, she seemed to get more tense with every step we took along the cobblestone walkways. Finally, as we passed a park bench, she murmured, “Could we sit down for a few minutes, please?” I’m not much of a person for sitting around, really. Even the idle walking had begun to get on my nerves. There were all sorts of things I could be doing, productive things, instead of catering to the latest brainstorm of a certain bossy pony. Sitting down and doing nothing whatever appealed to me about as much as a pear parfait topped with hot sauce. But I wasn’t going to take it out on Fluttershy. “Sure,” I said, and we sat together on that bench, haunches down, forelegs straight, as proper fillies should. For several minutes we sat in silence and watched the passersby, families with children, couples obviously out on dates, even an artist or two with painting supplies balanced on their backs and pouring from their saddlebags. Then, just before I gave in to the urge to start fidgeting my forehooves to relieve the strain of doing nothing, my companion on the bench looked at her own hooves and whispered, “Applejack? I have something important to tell you… if you don’t mind… um… where do I start… I’m sorry… I’m no good at things like this… it’s so hard to explain… I may not even be able to say it… and it’s not like you’ll believe me…” “Let a filly get in a word edgewise, ‘Shy,” I said. “Just spit it out and we can go from there, OK?” “All right.” She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then looked right at me. Those eyes pinned me to the bench. I would never, not until the sun refused to shine, never have thought such a stare could come from such a shy, introverted, nonconfrontational mare like Fluttershy. It was like she’d packed up all her dithering and lack of self-confidence in a little box and put it away for the summer, and all that was left was rock solid determination. That stare said, one way or another, I was going to learn something. Her voice didn’t quite match the stare, but it was stronger than I could remember hearing it before. “I do not belong in this epoch,” she said. “I’ve come here from the future.” O… kay. Definitely learned something, all right. I wish I knew what. Once Fluttershy got started, it seemed like she wasn’t going to stop. “I’m not allowed to tell you anything about the time I come from, or anything about your future. People like me are restricted from talking about those things. I’ll tell you as much as I can, but if I try to say anything that’s not strictly necessary to my mission, it will automatically be blocked. I can’t help it. Please remember that as you listen, okay? “First, time isn’t a linear process. It’s not fluid, either, not as you understand it. It works like an accumulation of punctuated planes, with one past not necessarily leading to any other future. Do you understand?” “Nope. Sorry, not a bit.” “Oh… let’s see, then- I know! Did you ever have a flip-book as a little filly?” “I think I’ve seen one, yeah.” “Well, time is like that. Each frame of animation is a different time frame. There are breaks between each frame, but those breaks occur so often that the rate is very nearly zero- billions and billions in each second. Time travel means moving from one frame to another, across those breaks. A time traveler is like adding a drawing into one page of the flip book. It doesn’t change the other pages. It doesn’t change the story as it was, except for that one frame. “So you see, the flow of time isn’t analog like the river,” she gestured to the river. “It’s digital, an emergent phenomenon caused by the accumulation of a nearly infinite number of time frames. However, for a long time we have known that there is some defect in the flow of time. We’ve never been able to pinpoint it, but the future I live in, and your time frame as well, should not exist in the shape that they do. The main purpose of time travel has been to seek out the discontinuity in the accumulated time frames that would account for the...” Fluttershy trailed off as she finally noticed my confusion. I shook my head slowly. “Nope. Still not getting it. Sorry, Fluttershy.” The stare faltered, and Fluttershy spent a couple moments looking at her hooves again. “Oh… um… well, do you understand that I come from the future? And that I don’t really, well, belong in your time frame?” I think I can just barely get a bite on that, yes. For the sake of discussion. “Okay. Then I can tell you why I came to your time in the first place.” For a few seconds Fluttershy paused, gathering herself. All this time ponies continued to pass by on the sidewalk, but nobody paid us the least bit of attention. “Three years ago my people detected a large timequake… um, that’s a phenomenon that happens when the time frames are altered or shifted or… oh, right, you said you didn’t understand that. Also, I need to point out that it was three years ago counting back from the current time, more or less. Actually, almost exactly three years ago. Anyway, the timequake originated from this city while you and Pinkie Pie were middle school students.” Three years ago… something familiar there, for some reason, but I couldn’t place it exactly. “We sent agents back to that point in time to investigate. When we got there, we were shocked. Since the timequake, all time travel prior to the epicenter is impossible. We cannot go back in time farther than three years ago. “We decided that something created an enormous time fault at that point in history. But time faults usually cross more than one time frame and can be worked around. We couldn’t figure out why the fault was limited to this epoch- indeed, that one day. That is, we couldn’t figure it out until just recently. Um, just recently back in my home time frame.” The tiny bells that rang for the phrase three years ago became huge heavy brass bells that sank into the pit of my stomach. “And the reason is?” “Pinkie Pie.” I figured. First Twilight Sparkle, then Trixie, and now you. If Pinkie Pie thinks half as much of herself as you ponies do of her, she’d be the most conceited filly on Earth. Three years ago- I remembered now. Twilight Sparkle had mentioned some kind of “data flood” happening three years ago, coming from Pinkie Pie. Now Fluttershy was saying pretty near the same thing, translated from one form of gobbledygook to another. “We narrowed the epicenter of the timequake all the way down to one person. She was at the center. Please don’t ask how we did this, it’s all classified information and I certainly won’t be allowed to explain. But we are definitely certain.” The stare was back, serious and sincere. “Pinkie Pie is the one who closed the door to the past.” I can't believe any one pony could do such a thing. Not even the Great and Powerful Pinkie Pie. “We didn’t think so either. We don’t know how she did it, either. And so far as we can tell, she did it without any conscious desire or overt act. She has no idea that there ever was a timequake, much less that she caused it. “And she might…” The stare faltered and vanished, and the confident voice fled with it. When Fluttershy completed the sentence, staring at her forelegs and shaking slightly, it was in the voice I was accustomed to hearing from her. “She might do it again at any moment. And next time it might not be just a simple time fault. That’s why I was sent here.” “To stop her from doing it?” “No,” Fluttershy whispered. “I’m not an expert. I’m not an elite agent. I’m just an observer.” She slumped forward, pretty much lying on the bench now. “All I can do is watch and report home. That’s all I’m trained for.” I sat in silence and tried to swallow everything I’d just heard. It was a mightly hard swallow, but recent events had opened my eyes, to mix metaphors. “I guess you don’t believe a word of this.” “I won’t say yes or no about that,” I said. “But supposing I do believe you. Why tell me?” “Classified information,” she said, and then twitched in surprise. The words came out of her mouth in a different inflection than anything that came before, either the shy whisper or the calm, firm not-quite-whisper. “I mean…” The old voice came back again. “Um… we believe everything Pinkie Pie does is for a reason, even if she doesn’t know it. She chose you, first and foremost, so you must be important to her in some way.” “What about Twilight Sparkle? Rainbow Dash? Rarity?” “Pinkie Pie didn’t pick Rainbow Dash. Dash just tagged along with me, and Pinkie accepted her. But Twilight Sparkle and Rarity are classified information-“ There was that strange voice again. “Um… they’re a lot like me, in a different way. I was surprised to see Twilight already recruited, and I was shocked when she found Rarity too. She must have known… but she didn’t… but…” “Do you know what Twilight Sparkle is?” The strange voice responded, “Classified information.” “What about Rarity?” “Classified information.” “What happens if I tell Pinkie Pie everything you just told me?” “Classified information.” “Uh huh.” “I’m sorry,” Fluttershy squeaked in her normal voice, lying back down on the bench and trying to hide under her long mane. “I know you don’t believe me… I just… I just…” “Hold on a minute, sugarcube.” I put a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. She flinched, and if she hadn’t been lying down she would have jerked away. “I ain’t saying yes, and I ain’t saying no. You’ve given me a lot to think about, so let’s just leave it there for the time being, all right.” “All… all right,” Fluttershy agreed, slowly lifting herself back up on her haunches. A smile peeped shyly around her bangs. “Just act normally around me, please. I’m counting on you.” “Why should I act any other way?” Fluttershy actually blushed and looked away from me. “Can I ask you one more question?” “What is it?” “How old are you- really?” The smile quit hiding behind her bangs. “That’s classified,” she said in her own voice. Of course we were the last pair back at Joe’s, but before Pinkie could say anything about more penalties, Rainbow Dash offered to treat us all to lunch. “It’s no problem!” she said. “Why, for all I know my family might own this diner! I don’t exactly keep track…” Fluttershy and I both raised our eyebrows at this, but Pinkie didn’t seem to notice. Her mind was focused on composing a song to be sung in the key of Bored Flat, and she proceeded to sing it to us, at length, as we all ate. Out of the six of us, Pinkie and Twilight had apparently had the least eventful morning, wandering around the steel spires of the business district. To hear Pinkie tell it they avoided all the proper streets and sidewalks while patrolling pretty much every back alley in the place. I didn’t bother to make comments about the dangers of young fillies alone in alleys. I didn’t think Pinkie Pie knew the meaning of fear, and after seeing Twilight in action against Trixie I felt sorry for any mugger who targeted her. Rainbow Dash and Rarity had taken the mall and boutiques for their patrol, and each of them had ended up spending a good bit of money, to judge from the extra bags each of them carried. Apparently they’d also spent some time in a games arcade, since Rainbow’s main subject of conversation was the epic competition in the batting booths and the hoofball nets, where Rarity had given Rainbow Dash a surprising challenge for an underclassman. My report, of course, was short and to the point. Went to the park, saw nothing, the end. Not a word about the conversation I’d had with Fluttershy. By the time Rainbow Dash paid the bill for lunch (Joe’s turned out to be independently owned), Pinkie’s mane was drooping a bit, though it wasn’t completely flat and straight yet. She pulled out the same toothpicks from earlier, and again we all drew lots for new pairings. This time Pinkie paired with Rainbow Dash, and though both fillies covered up disappointment, I could see Pinkie’s mane droop a little more as Dash stared at Fluttershy, who’d paired off with Rarity. That left me with Twilight Sparkle. “All right!” Pinkie Pie said. “Everybody meet back at the station at four! There’s gotta be something out there for us to find!” Twilight and I lingered by the train station while the other split up, going north and south to patrol the remaining section of the commercial district and the seashore. After a few minutes of silent standing and watching, I muttered, “Um… Twilight?” She stared at me, silently, expressionless. It didn’t seem creepy anymore, not so soon after having had a true master of staring looking directly into my soul. “That stuff you were trying to tell me about in your apartment… I think I’m starting to believe it.” When this produced no reaction, I added, "But if you don't mind, I've got a few questions that are bugging me." Twilight nodded, then began walking without a word. Once across the street she stopped to look at me for a moment, then continued walking, headed towards the riverside and the park. Obviously I was supposed to follow, and so I did, wondering what she was thinking. I soon found out. In ten minutes we were both sitting on a park bench- the same park bench Fluttershy had given her little confession on. Once we were settled, Twilight watched a last few passersby walk along the sidewalk. After a minute or so the path was empty except for the fading sound of departing hoofsteps. “We will not be overheard,” she said quietly. “Good,” I said. Not that I expected anyone would pay attention to our conversation, or think we were anything other than nuts if they did listen. “I want to talk about data losses,” I said quietly. “You were sent here from wherever you came from, like that picture the computer club was fooling with. But something went wrong. What happened?” “The Integrated Magic Thought Alicorn is made entirely of data,” Twilight Sparkle replied. “As yet the process of duplicating the mind of part of the Overmind into an organic equiform interface is imperfect. This unit is highly functional and suited for its assigned task of observing Pinkamena Pie. Thus it was retained despite the data losses incurred in translation. Units which did not function were deleted.” “Deleted?!” I jumped up, standing on the bench, shouting down at Twilight, who just looked back at me, unruffled. “You mean you people kill your own kind just because they’re imperfect?” “No personality death has occurred,” Twilight Sparkle said, her voice as dull and lifeless as ever. “All data is retained after deletion and reintegrated into the original. I am merely an extension of the Twilight Sparkle which is part of the Overmind. When this unit is deleted, my data will be merged with hers.” In one sense I felt a bit better for hearing that. In another sense… it sounded like religious mumbo-jumbo again. I settled back onto the bench. “So you’re a copy?” Twilight cocked her head again. “That term is not wholly inaccurate.” “Um… yeah. Anyway… what was your data loss? Trixie was predicting four percent for me, going the other direction.” “This unit suffered six percent degradation.” “So, what are you missing?” I asked. “A kidney? Your liver?” “All organic interfaces are fully functional on the physical level. Data transfer is limited to mind and personality. My social skills and emotional controls were corrupted.” “I don’t get it,” I said. Well, I did get the social skills part, but saying that out loud would have been cruel.“You’ve got the best emotional control of anyone I’ve ever seen.” “No,” Twilight said. “My mode of expression is not voluntary.” Oh. Oh. Oh, buck me. I imagined Applebloom taking my favorite blouse to make doll dresses out of, being furious at losing a fifty-bit top to her scissors. Then I imagined being that angry… and being absolutely, completely incapable of doing anything about it. Imagine the sadness you felt when a parent or grandparent you loved very much died… and now imagine being completely incapable of crying, shouting, or doing anything at all to get it out of your system. But… but I’d seen hints, time and again, of emotion in Twilight’s face. Once I’d seen honest surprise, just over a week before, when I hugged her. Maybe Twilight wasn’t all that broken. Or maybe she had to get a good long run up to have an emotion strong enough to break through the wall in her head. Or maybe I was really, really regretting having asked the questions. “Okay, forget all that for now,” I said. “I cannot-“ “I meant, let’s change the subject,” I said hurriedly. “Pinkie Pie changes the world around her, I think you said. I saw her create that illusion of Trixie to say goodbye to. You say she does a lot more- that’s she’s capable of a lot more, right? And you were sent here from the Integrated, um… you said her name was Celestia or whoever… whatever… to watch and see if she does it again. Have I got the basics down?” “Your summary is sufficient. Celestia is merely the dominant entity. The personalities together make up the Data Overmind. There are other leading factions, less dominant at the moment.” “Good. Now here comes a whopper of a question: why tell me?” I threw up my forehooves in a shrug. “I’m just an ordinary farm mare. I’m not an alien, I’m not a time traveler, and I think I’d know by now if I were a superhero of some kind. Even if all you say is true, what could I possibly do about it?” “You are not ordinary,” Twilight Sparkle said. Was it my imagination that I heard a slight emphasis in that sentence? “You are an irregular factor in a formerly stable condition. Celestia believes that this is due to Pinkamena Pie. She chose you. Consciously she chose you to be the first member of the SOP Brigade. Subconsciously she chose you to be in her classroom, seated directly in front of her, where you would be present as an unknown factor. “We believe that you are the key to solving the mystery of Pinkamena Pie. This is why Trixie wished to banish you. Likewise this is why Celestia wishes you to remain unharmed. We do not know what effect may arise if conditions between Pinkamena Pie and yourself are altered. For the time being the Overmind’s consensus is to maintain the new status quo and observe passively.” I considered all those words- more words than Twilight Sparkle normally used in a day, from what I’d seen of her. And all those many, many words boiled down to: We don’t know why, but you’re important. I could do without being that kind of important. Ponies began walking past us again. I was out of questions, and Twilight was apparently out of words, so I led her out of the park and over to the new branch library on the north side of the commercial district. I was familiar enough with the main library, having spent a good bit of time there as a younger filly reading practically everything I could get my hooves on, but somewhere along the line I’d lost my interest in books. Working on the farm, or even working on homework, seemed more real than any fairy stories with brightly colored illustrations. It took about ten minutes for me to realize that Twilight had frozen in the middle of the library lobby. So far as I could tell, she hadn’t budged an inch since I went browsing the shelves. While other ponies walked around her, she simply stood and stared at all the shelves, all the books, everything. Well, I thought to myself, she did say she was an alien- and only three years old, or at least only three years in this body. I walked over to her and muttered, “Um, Twilight, this is what we call a ‘library.’ It’s a place where people can borrow books and-“ “I know what a library is.” That wasn’t Twilight’s voice. That was a voice full of anger and bitterness, a young mare not willing to be talked down to by anyone. But it didn’t show on her face. That face expressed no anger, no irony, nothing but the blank- Flicker For an instant it shifted, and I saw tears running down the sides of Twilight’s muzzle. Flicker And then the tears were gone- the tears had never even been there. Flicker flicker Back, and gone again. “Shhhh!” said somepony reading a magazine in a corner nook. “Shhh!” Two ponies at a study table shushed the first pony. “Shh! Shh shh! Shh shh!” The shushings began to spread around the library. Over in the children’s section, a foal kicked the wooden table leg, producing a steady rhythm. The shushings became a kind of chant, syncopating over the beat of the foal’s kicking. Shhshhssh shh, shh shh shh Shhshhssh shh, shh shh shh The main doors opened just wide enough to let the sound of a street musician in, laying down a rapid line with a battery-powered synthesizer. It blended in perfectly with the chorus of shushing and the loud wooden beat of the table leg. Something similar had happened the previous Monday, when Pinkie Pie had poured her soul out to me in song. Background sounds blurred together until background music rose up like surf on an ocean wave. At the time it had been strange, scary… and, at the same time, fundamentally right, as if that song were the only right thing in the world. And it was happening here again, in a library, with Pinkie Pie at least a mile away. And then Twilight Sparkle began to sing in her hushed monotone, her voice managing to ride over the harmony of unrelated sounds like an airship resting on clouds. Mysterious people Pass me by Unnoticing people Walking by I observe, silent and alone Magic and wonder Calling me Harmony and friendship Taunting me I listen, silent and alone All by myself observing this world My silent voice fades away unheard I left a world made of dreams, but I Don’t want to leave all my dreams behind From out of nowhere an electric guitar joined the background music, and the instant it did so Twilight Sparkle’s voice changed again, pouring raw, ragged, desperate emotion into the lyrics. Do I exist if no one can see Do I exist if no one can hear Do I exist if I can’t be me Dreams calling me but I don’t say a word Home calling me but I can’t return If I can’t act what is there for me To be or not to be Twilight stopped for a few moments, looking straight at me as the music swung back around to the first rhythm, slightly faster, more intense. Miraculous people Pass my way Undeterred people Every day I see them, I want to be one Broken mental process Muzzles me Purpose and duty Shackle me I remain silent and alone I want to change, but I can’t be changed I want to leave, but I stay behind I volunteered, left my home for love Now I want peace, but my peace is denied Twilight’s face was flickering again, the teary, emotional Twilight replacing the stoic, stone-faced version more and more often as she built to what I could feel was the climactic chorus. Do I exist if no one can see Do I exist if no one can hear Do I exist if I can’t be me The song was asking something of me- of me specifically, not just the ponies who had gathered around in what looked like a cross between an audience and dance line. Just like Pinkie’s song had asked something of me… and I’d failed to answer, because the emotion of the moment had stolen my tongue. Give me a dream, let me join the world Give me a home that I can make my own Consarn it. I’ve always been an actions-over-words pony. Open a place I belong for me To be- Before she could say the word or my forelegs were wrapped around her, and I hugged Twilight Sparkle as tightly as I possibly could. For an instant the music, the rhythmic shushing, all of it went absolutely dead silent, and the universe took a long, deep breath. Then, across the street, clock bells gonged the hour; three o’clock. Behind the last gong I heard a carillion, playing the chimes I recognized from a few days before. I stepped back, forehooves still leaning on Twilight’s shoulders, as her flickering face smiled through the tears about sixty percent of the time and sang, in a much different- and familiar- melody… It’s the answer that has always been here in my heart… The crowd around us- I swear I am not making this up- began singing backgrounds. Sha Shalala shalalala la la la, ooooh… And then Twilight sang out: You reached out to me; you noticed me in the corner Well, it’s destiny, together we’ll make it better Harmony! We’ll make it happen, we’ll make the system change By your side! We can make the world whole, we can make the world smile, and we won’t be alone The background singers began singing again, dancing and making jazz hands around us. It’s an adventure! Adventure! In this broken world where harmony is always denied I’ll find a new place, growing, breaking the mold if you’ll only be by my side Won’t you help me break free Won’t you observe along with me Today’s the miracle In the now where tomorrow becomes yesterday… I believe in you… The group held Twilight’s last note for a good five seconds, and then the music ended. And then, as if absolutely nothing had happened, the library doors closed, the music from the street cut off, and the crowd of ponies around us walked on about their business. Ten seconds before they’d been part of a case of mass hysteria, or something like it, and now nobody remembered it had happened except for me. Me, and the pony still in my arms. “Um… so…” Physical gestures like a hug are well and good, but Twilight’s gaze- back to the normal, almost blank expressionless stare, no more flickering- demanded something more. “Um… do you have a library card at this library?” Blank stare, followed by the tiniest perceptible negative shake of her head. “Come on, then,” I said, and I guided Twilight over to the main counter. “Miss?” I asked the clerk, who apparently also remembered nothing of the mass musical number that had gone off less than twenty feet in front of her. “My friend,” I dropped the word like a hundred-pound weight, “Twilight Sparkle needs a library card. Please.” A few minutes later Twilight and I were sitting side by side in a corner nook, each one of us with our own book. Her book was Super Best Friends Forever; mine was A Tree Grows in Hooflyn, which turned out to be a lot less interesting than I’d expected. (By which I mean, not nearly as many trees as advertised.) Still, the silent company of Twilight Sparkle was pleasant enough that I began to lose track of time. At one point the clock said 3:26; five minutes later it read 3:54. Despite galloping as much as I could with the afternoon crowds and with making sure Twilight was keeping pace, we got back to the station a full ten minutes late. We were, of course, the last ones to arrive. Pinkie Pie was steaming mad… and, I noticed, her mane had gone completely flat again. Bad, bad sign. “Where have you two been?” she snapped. “I suppose you two went and investigated the spa like Rarity and Fluttershy did!” “No, we didn’t,” I said, stamping a hoof. “As it happens, we found something at the library! There were all these ponies in a circle, and some mare was in the middle of the group singing her heart out, and this strange music seemed to come together out of nowhere-“ “What’s mysterious about that?” Pinkie asked grumpily. “Heartsongs happen all the time. It’s perfectly natural! Applejack, if that’s the most mysterious thing you saw all day, then this patrol was a total waste!” I looked around in growing shock at the others. Rainbow Dash shrugged. Fluttershy looked at me as if I’d gone loco. Rarity smiled and said, “I’m sure Applejack was just being thorough. We all want to find something mysterious for you, Pinkie darling.” Pinkie snorted, not meeting Rarity’s eyes- or mine, come to it. Finally she said, “I’ll see you all in the club room on Monday.” She walked off, not towards the train station but back towards the mall. “Well, I thought that unicorn getting splashed by the bus was funny,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “C’mon, Fluttershy! I need to get in my training for the day before it gets dark, which means you need to get in your cheering practice!” Cheering practice? Is Fluttershy on the cheerleading squad? “They wish! No, but… well…” Rainbow Dash shifted on her hooves, then flapped her wings and rose up to hover above the rest of us. “You might as well just see. ‘Shy, give ‘em your best cheer!” Fluttershy took a couple of deep breaths, threw her chest forward, leaned her head back, and shouted: “…yay!...” I’ve heard louder spiders. “Yeah, I know!” Dash said. “C’mon, ‘Shy. You can have dinner at my place afterwards.” The two pegasi headed over to the train station, and after saying a more polite goodbye Rarity followed, leaving me alone again with Twilight Sparkle. “Um, Twilight?” I asked. “I, um, I don’t want to make light of, um, what happened back there. In fact, if you’re upset that I blabbed, I don’t blame you-“ “It is not a problem.” That face seemed a little blanker than usual. “But- but- how was that NOT weird??” I asked. “I mean yes it felt right, and yes you got your feelings across… but normal sane ponies do not just spontaneously join in, in perfect harmony by the way, singing and dancing and musicking along like that!” Twilight pondered my statement for a few seconds before answering, “Four days ago Pinkamena Pie caused a minor alteration in the world. Before that time such events as you describe were an extreme improbability. After that time, the phenomenon of the heartsong was not only possible but common enough to be seen as normal. Furthermore, this change was made retroactive, so that all ponies now believe heartsongs are a natural condition of pony existence.” Now Twilight’s gaze grew a little more intense, her eyes locked on mine like the big guns of a battleship. “Organic interfaces such as myself were protected from this retroactive change by our contact with the Integrated Magic Thought Alicorn. So far as we are aware, you are the only other pony aware that such a change has taken place.” “Including Pinkie Pie?” Imperceptible nod. Well. Guess I really am special, huh? Wonderful. “You have been chosen by Pinkamena Pie,” Twilight said, as if that explained everything. If it did, I wish someone would explain the explanation.