“Hey mom! I'm heading out with Wink to practice magic, I think we got another break though in the time spectrum!” I yelled to to my mom as I headed out of our quaint house in Canterlot while passing my brother without thought opening the door with my horn in a hurry.
“Don't forget to say 'bye' to your brother, Highstar.” My mom scolded sharply flipping her long golden mane out of her eyes stopping me mid trot as I looked at my autistic brother in shame.
He was the same color as me, a dark auburn with a black mane, and practically my twin except for the difference in age. He was 7 years of age with the mentality of a 4 year old and I was 21 and on the path to a huge magic break through. I felt I didn't have time for trivial matter such as this but my mom was harsh and it was easy for her to remember something small as a fuax pas like this.
I looked down and put on my best fake face looking him in his mirror like green eyes.
“I love you Wind Breeze.” I stated blandly.
“I lo'er you broer!” He said smiling and rushing up to hug me.
I felt genuine guilt every time he touched me, a sadness I tried my hardest to hide as I felt nothing but his simple affection on me even though his intentions were nothing but love.
Yet...
Yet I treated him like an infection. An infection I wanted nothing to deal with.
I patted him on the back slowly, signaling the time for hugs was over. He pulled back from me with a wide buck toothed grin covering his face and his emerald eyes lit up with the simple happiness he had gained from his favorite pony in the whole wide world.
My mother smiled, satisfied with our interaction and began lifting another plate up out of the sink with her magic and washing it slowly whilst humming to herself.
I took that moment of acceptance in stride and hurried out the door quickly, hoping to catch Wink before he got to the new salon known as “Logic & Cake” so we may be able to find a booth and discuss my new idea before we grabbed a cup of coco and waited for some crumb cake as usual.
Just as I was beginning to lose hope of catching up to him, I rounded the final corner and found my long time companion already in line and sighed in relief. I walked up next to him and immediately began to discuss my theory on how one could relive the past with the right applications in the throngs and mechanics of magics hitting the explanation right before our warm chocolate beverages arrived to our booth.
While I was having the time of my life enjoying the company of my companion stallion; my mother was at work. She had just convinced my brother to get out of the bathtub and had toweled off his body before putting him to bed and wishing him good night with a mother loving kiss before a silent apology she made to him. After words she went to her empty double bed and tried her hardest to not break out in tears, failing and curled up into ball attempting to muffle her tears and cries of pain and loneliness.
She was living in her own trapped version of hell. Feeling nothing but guilt for bringing this foal into a world were people like him were subjected to a social “quarantine” for not being a normal healthy pony.
She shoved her hoof in her mouth wiping the tears of pain on her pillow as she thought back to what the Doctor had told her when he had been diagnosed.
“Miss Heather, we would like to preform some tests on your son when he is older. He is showing early signs of autis-...” The tan Doctors young voice began to muffle and grow silent as she zoned out and her vision grew blurry of the check up room on her three year mark of giving birth.
Then she remembered my voice, her older son asking the doctor a question.
“Is there any magical treatment for autism?” My young eighteen year old voice asking as I saw my moms focus break and turn to the young foal she was holding in her hooves.
“No, the brain is a very sensitive organ. Even if someone developed a way to fix a specific issue it can sometimes just be a result of unlucky genetics[*1]” He said looking down adjusting his wide rimmed spectacles.
At the end of that conversation my mom always took the genetics part as being her fault. She constantly blamed herself for his defect and had to be prescribed heavy doses of medication to keep her from spiraling into a pool of self hating depression.
And on that night it wasn't enough.
I came home promptly at midnight, happy that my friend couldn't find a flaw in my theory and suggested we experiment with it on the weekend and attempt to put it to practice. I whistled softly locking the door and dropping my keys into a bowl before gingerly stepping my way up the staircase to my room.
On the way there I noticed something was off as I passed my mothers room. I saw the door was open and saw the moonlight reflecting off of something pooling on the ground. My mind didn't register what is was until I stepped inside, heart beating faster and cold sweat beading down my legs as I saw a letter opener on the floor and a note with two words hastily written in blood with an ink pen.
“Mom... No. Mom!” I yelled removing the blanket off of her and laying my head on her chest listening for a pulse.
There was none.
I cried out, tears streaming down my face as I foolishly kept repeating her name in hopes she would hear me. After thirty minutes of this I slide down the side of the bed, fully covered in my mothers blood and looked at the note I was clutching.
It said two words that spoke more pain then I could ever understand.
I'm Sorry