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// Meetings With Politicians and Other Headaches 
// Story: The Unwilling Command 
// by KGBCowgirl 
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	The effects of alcohol are such that many first-time drinkers tend to overestimate their capacity and tolerance for its intoxicating effects. I'm no lightweight, at least not anymore. Back then, however, I was done after less than a whole bottle of straight liquor. I knew that morning was going to be interesting when I woke up with Luna, but now that I think about it, I consider myself lucky that she even consented to letting me sleep with her. To this day, she won't say if we did anything.

I'm certainly happy that I didn't end up bedding Cloud Kicker or one of the other promiscuous Equestrians. I don't think I'd ever hear the end of it. I could only hope at the time that Vinyl would forgive me... Or at least not demand that the Princess of the Night share the next time she and I ended up getting frisky.

That morning was to bring a number of exasperating dilemmas, but I think I'll return to my reaction after what Luna now refers to as my "Flight Amongst the Stars"...





"Maximus Cross, this hour is not suitable for such clamor, now please return to the bed. We are feeling a chill." Luna grumbled loudly as I flattened myself against the wall, hyperventilating.

Hangovers may suck, but the bad decisions that result from drinking too much are far worse. I had no problems with Luna whatsoever. I did, however have problems with the fact that I couldn't remember a damn thing from after we left the bar. "What the hell!? Did we...? Did I...? What happened last night?" I couldn't really form a long sentence that early in the morning, and my impending panic attack was doing me no good in that department.

"Maximus. We command you to return to this bed immediately, or we will force you to do so." Luna looked so cute with the tired, albeit irritated pout she was sending my way. "What happened this past evening is of no concern. A more pressing matter is at hand."

"What the hell could be more pressing than me worrying about whether or not I spent last night getting freaky with the Princess of the Night!?" I fired back.

Luna got up from the bed, exposing her nude body. I blushed so hard that I think my face could've been mistaken for a ripe tomato. She walked right up to me, put her face in mine and said, "You. Bed. Now." The fact that she was so close, and she seemed to be projecting enough authority that she could've made my drill instructors piss themselves was enough for me to fall back into my formerly latent military habits, as short lived as they had been.

I'm one of the lucky few people in the world who has a decent set of lungs, and I can be heard when I want to be. What I had failed to take into account, however, was the magic that had mixed into my body and I still had yet to learn full control of. I snapped to attention, stared Luna in the eye and yelled at the top of my lungs. "PROCEEDING, MA'AM!"

The resulting concussive explosion of sound from my moderately deep voice, enhanced by magic, caused the window in the room to not only shatter, it outright exploded. Several pieces of furniture in the room were flipped into nearby walls, and the door connecting Luna's room to Celestia's blew off its hinges, embedding itself in the opposite wall, just over the head of the room's occupant. Miraculously, Luna stood her ground, still naked, still glaring at me, and still scaring the hell out of me with nothing but pure authority.

We both stood there for a few seconds before I sprinted to the flipped over bed, corrected it's position, and jumped back under the covers, hiding from the angry Luna. I felt her slide back into her own spot, cuddle up next to me, and within a few minutes, heard her quiet snoring.

Yeah. Today was going to be interesting.





I could hear the loud tapping of someone's foot against the floor, but I was comfortable, and after the shenanigans of the early morning, I was unwilling to leave the bed without Luna's say-so. I squeezed my eyes shut and scooted closer to Luna's slight frame, pulling her closer. I heard a quiet, contented sigh from her as I tried to get comfortable again, only for me to be levitated out of the bed, still very naked, and dropped on the floor next to my clothes, which were piled next to the shattered window of the room.

"Maximus, would you care to explain why an entire door was stuck in the wall over my head when I woke this morning?" Celestia asked in a falsely sweet voice tinged with undertones of malicious glee.

As I tiredly pulled my underwear on, I pointed at Luna. "She made me do it." Okay, I was acting childish, but I was already planning on getting back at Fireball Flank for waking me up. "Hey! Luna!" I called over to the still drowsy woman. "Sun Buns wants to hear about this morning's fun."

Luna sat up in her bed and stretched, yawning cutely with a tiny squeak. She rubbed her eyes as she spoke, "Tia, you never told me that Maximus Cross could utilize the Royal Canterlot Voice."

"It wasn't your overglorified caps lock..." I grumbled as I pulled my boots on, fighting with the laces as they tried to take refuge inside the footwear.

Celestia's eye's widened as she looked at me. "You did this," She gestured around the room. "With your voice?"

After I pulled my shirt over my head, I gave her a flat look. "Well, when I was refueling jets, I had to sound off like I had a pair. Add that to the fact that I can't control this damn magic you stuck me with, and yeah. I made this mess." I shrugged, not in a dismissive manner, but to make sure my shirt was seated properly before I pulled on my trench coat.

Celestia stepped in front of me as I made to walk towards the door. "We need to talk about this before it becomes a problem. There may have been some other side effects."

I glared at her. "Listen, you overbearing puttana. If I'm turning into some sort of Gary Stu alicorn knockoff, you had better fix it. I'd much rather be a pegasus, anyway. Popping a wing-boner is a lot less destructive than leveling a building with a magic flare." I shoved her out of the way. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to wait outside while you two get ready."

Luna looked at me curiously. "Ready for what?"

Before I walked out the door, I turned back to look at them both. "If I'm not mistaken, I need to be there when you two meet with my country's leader. You know, the President of the United States? I'm probably going to be flirting with Rainbow the whole time, but I still need to be there, since you saw fit to put me in charge of your little mini-army." I opened the door and slammed it so hard that the section of wall around it cracked. 'I ain't paying for that,' I thought before walking down the hall to wait in the lobby.





"Please, Max?" Twilight begged as I gave her a flat look.

"No."

"Please?

"No."

"Why not?"

I sighed, rubbing my eyes tiredly. "Because I don't want to deal with touring around a building and risk running into more politicians than is necessary. I'm already breaking rule 22 by being here."

Twilight Sparkle was one stubborn egghead. She was currently trying to beggar me into going on a tour of the White House. I'll admit, it was tempting because I was a bit of a history geek, but I hated the possibility of running into any members of the Presidential Cabinet before our meeting with the President herself. Loretta Reiser was a good leader in my opinion, and I was slightly eager to meet her. Unfortunately, her Secretary of Defense, Michael Grossman, was an absolute ass.

"Mister Cross, hello!" Speak of the devil...

"Mister Secretary. Do what do I owe this unwanted pleasure?" Okay, maybe I could've been a bit nicer, but I was still tired and wanted nothing to do with anyone until I'd had at least two pots of coffee. I'd only had a single cup that morning.

I turned around to face the Secretary of Defense. Michael was an older man, I'd guess he was in his mid-40's, but he could have been older. The wrinkles on his face were still minimal, but his German descent showed, what with the still brownish blonde hair that was half-laced with streaks of gray. His wire-frame glasses aided the sight of his beady green eyes. He was dressed in the stereotypical suit of a D.C. politician and had an American flag lapel pin... On the wrong side.

"Is there something wrong, Mister Cross?" Apparently my attention to detail had caused my distaste for his lack of proper etiquette to show.

I waved off-handedly. "Di niente, Mister Secretary." I saw a Secret Service agent approaching us, so I saw fit to be at least a little subtle. "Though I thought that those little lapel pins were supposed to be worn on the left side, do you mind if I fix it for you?"

Michael's eyes widened a bit as he realized his mistake. Why is it that almost everyone that I've met whose name is Michael or some variation of it seems to be either an ass, incompetent, or both? Its give people with the name Michael a bad reputation. He let his arms fall flat to his sides while I removed the pin. I caught a slight smirk from the agent as he passed by and saw what I was doing.

"So, Mister Secretary, since I have you here, mind if I grill you a bit about the situation with the Air Force?" I asked as I meticulously positioned the lapel pin on the left side as I had to with my old dress blues. He really needed to get this thing retailored. The guy was skinny as a rail, and the jacket was way too loose.

Michael looked at me in minor shock. "I didn't know that you would be interested in our military, Mister Cross. Would you care to tell me why you're so interested?"

I pushed the pin through the lapel, leaning back a bit to check my work. I needed to move it up a little bit. "Despite my outward appearance, Mister Secretary, I'm actually a former Airman. The military lifestyle may have not really been for me, but I'm still not too old to go back in. I want to make sure that I'm not going to have to worry about being booted out because of budget cuts like before." I finished positioning the pin and pressed it through, putting the frog on the back. I straightened out the Secretary's jacket and brushed off some errant dust.

I could tell that he was uncomfortable as I regarded him through my red glasses. "Well, I do think that you should schedule an appointment to speak to me about such... official matters." He held a hand out. "Thank you for fixing my pin, Mister Cross. I hope your meeting with the President goes well."

I grasped his hand and squeezed a bit tighter than was necessary while I shook it. "So do I, Mister Secretary. Maybe we can have a more productive conversation over a few drinks, if time and circumstances allow, hmm?" I released his hand and had to keep from chuckling as he flexed it a few times to reactivate the blood flow.

"I'll keep that in mind, Mister Cross. Now, I do have a meeting with the other cabinet members, so if you'll excuse me..." Grossman delivered a curt nod before hurrying off to gods know where.

I started chuckling as soon as he was out of earshot, which garnered Twilight's attention. "What's so funny?"

"I just made the Secretary of Defense piss himself. My day is now perfect."