Twilight Ships Rainbow Dash With Everything In The Universe
Chapter 4: Total Immersion
"RAINBOW DASH!"
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and found herself back in Twilight's laboratory - the small one, under the library. She shook her head and shakily rose to a sitting position. "Twilight?"
"Oh Rainbow Dash, I'm so glad you're ok! I came down here and saw you lying on the ground and I didn't know if you were breathing or not and it was so scary and I didn't know what to do and I had to ventilate the fumes before I could get to you and—"
"Whoa whoa whoa, what? Where am I?" Rainbow Dash felt like she'd gotten hit by a truck, and was running dangerously low on common sense. "What happened to your enormous underground laboratory? Where's the giant robot ballerina?"
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Underground laboratory? Giant... robot... ballerina? Rainbow Dash, this is my laboratory, and there aren't any robots in here."
"Huh, cuz I coulda sworn I just helped you shut off a giant rampaging robotic ballerina." Rainbow Dash rubbed her temple with a forehoof. "Uuuggggghhhh, it seemed so real... was I just dreaming?"
Twilight's eyes widened, "Starswirl's Beard, I had no idea Total Immersion Potions produced hallucinogenic fumes!"
"Hallucinowhatsits?"
"Oh dear, oh dear ohdearohdearohdearohdear," Twilight seemed more interested in pacing back and forth than listening to Rainbow Dash. "Zecora didn't mention this! Then again, I haven't attempted such a large brew until tonight, either. Maybe it's a cumulative effect brought on by a self-sustaining exothermic airborne reaction—"
Under normal circumstances, Rainbow Dash had difficulty paying attention to Twilight's paranoia-fueled techno-rants. Right now, it was like trying to force herself to do homework that wasn't due for a week. Her brain exited stage right, and Rainbow Dash's eyes glazed over, her thoughts pre-occupied with things like ‘why does Twilight talk so much’, ‘I need a bath’, and ‘why is wood brown? If wood was like, blue, it'd make the library much more awesome. I'm blue and look how awesome I am.’
Actually, Rainbow Dash was cyan, but nopony ever pointed this out, except for Twilight. After five minutes of incoherent rambling involving copious amounts of advanced scientific terms, Twilight booped Rainbow Dash on the nose. This would have been adorable, except it was Rainbow Dash, so it was automatically cool instead.
"Rainbow Dash?"
Rainbow Dash was abruptly dragged back into reality. "Bu-wah? Oh, Twilight, um, sure, that was uh, very interesting. Yeah."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Nevermind, look, I need to check you in to the hospital—"
"What?! I'm dying? What did you do to mmmmmrrrrrrppppph—" Rainbow Dash's panic attack was cut short by a purple hoof getting stuffed in her mouth.
"You aren’t dying, Rainbow Dash," Twilight nearly shouted, before lowering her voice. "It's just a precaution. The potion is supposed to be completely harmless, but I've never had somepony pass out after inhaling the fumes."
"If I die, I'll kill you." Rainbow Dash had managed to separate her face from Twilight's hoof, and was now shooting an acidic look at the alicorn. Her threat drew nothing more than an amused snort out of Twilight, so Rainbow Dash decided to ask another question that had bubbled its way up into her consciousness. "So, what exactly was this potion for, anyway?"
At this, Twilight's ears folded back and she looked like she'd been caught raiding the cookie jar. A smirk quickly spread across Rainbow Dash's face in anticipation of whatever naughty things Twilight had been toying with.
"It's... ah... a potion for inducing vivid dreams, that's all."
Rainbow Dash just sat there, grinning like a maniac. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...?"
"Ugggggh.” Twilight dragged a hoof down her face. "Look, it's just that, Rarity's been begging me—"
"Rarity...?" Somehow, Rainbow Dash's grin grew even wider.
"Yes, Rarity. She's been begging me to make something like this for months now, because it induces a very specific kind of vivid dreaming. It sends you into a dream using the nearest piece of literature. This potion was sitting next to a comedy I wrote about giant robots. It did not, however, involve 'rampaging robotic ballerinas', so apparently the potion gets a lot of artistic license."
Rainbow Dash spontaneously started giggling, amazed at how perfect this all was. Oh the things she would do to Rarity tomorrow...
"I'm sure you can figure out what Rarity was going to do with it," Twilight deadpanned.
It took the better half of a minute for Rainbow Dash to get her snickering under control. "Oh I know what—*snerk*—Rarity intends to do, but what I want to know is, what did you want to do with it?"
Twilight fell silent, and mostly just stared at the floor.
"Awww, come on, Twi', it can't possibly be as bad as Rarity."
The only sound in the room was the quiet beeping of a machine and the faint gurgling of potions.
"...Twi'? Look, if it's like, really personal, you don't have to tell me about it."
A small whine emanated from the purple pony. A pregnant silence echoed through the lab, eventually interrupted by a sigh.
"No no no, I'll tell you," mumbled Twilight, "It's just that, well, earlier today, I tried to make a parallel universe viewing machine—"
"Is that the annoying beeping thing over in the corner?"
"Yes, but I couldn't get it to work. It kept showing me perpendicular universes instead."
Rainbow Dash tried not to think about that too hard.
"At least, I think they were perpendicular universes; there was a lot of static. So anyway, when that failed, I remembered Rarity's potion, and decided to give it a shot. I really should've locked the basement door, but I was going out for a quick errand and thought I'd be right back."
"Waaaaaaait a minute, why were you building a parallel universe thingamabob in the first place?"
Twilight looked back at her friend with teary eyes.
"B-because, I... I thought, maybe in one of those parallel universes, my boyfriend s-still loves me for who I am, instead of who he thinks I should be."
Rainbow Dash's giddy anticipation of exacting her revenge against Rarity was instantly crushed. Memories of all those colts from Flight School rocketed through her mind, and she struggled to maintain a façade of composure in front of Twilight. She felt like she'd been punched in the chest.
Those words had hit far too close to home.
"O-oh," stuttered Rainbow Dash, "I, uh... sorry. I know how that is." Do I ever.
Thankfully, Twilight was only half paying attention to her. "So, yeah, the entire point of the potions is to let you explore a fictional world. I'm sure you can guess what fictional world I wanted to explore." She chuckled bitterly, "I'm such a hopeless romantic."
"No!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash, interrupting Twilight's attempt to sink into the floor.
Instead of turning into a puddle of misery, Twilight sat bolt upright. "What?!"
"Uhhhhh...." Rainbow Dash didn't actually know why she had reacted so strongly to that statement. Right now, however, Twilight was staring at her, expectantly, so she needed to come up with some grade-A horseapples. "You're not hopeless! Or, it's not hopeless, or, not hopeless to me? Uh..."
That was like, grade-D horseapples, tops. Rainbow Dash gave up trying to say things, trotted over to Twilight, and gave her a hug. "Look, I'm not as good with words as you are, but trying to find somepony who loves you for who you are is worth it, ok?"
Twilight sniffled and hugged her back. "I... I guess. Thanks, Rainbow."
The pegasus smiled weakly. "Hey, what are friends for?"
It was at this incredibly inopportune moment that the door to the library decided to get knocked on.
Thunk, thunk, thunk.
"Oh no, that must be Rarity! She's come for the potions! Quick, you have to get out of here!"
"I, er, why? Am I not supposed to be here?"
"No! She doesn't want anypony to know about this! She'll freak out if she realizes you know about the potion!"
Rainbow Dash groaned. Why were all her friends slightly... off? More importantly, what did that say about herself?
Twilight started pushing Rainbow Dash towards the stairs. "Quick, fly out through the skylight or something! And do it quietly!"
"I— But—" Rainbow Dash threw up her hooves. "Oh, fine, whatever, I'll see you tomorrow, blah blah blah." The pegasus flew up the stairs, and then smashed into the skylight. "Twilight!" she hissed, "Unlock your stupid skylight so I can get out of here!"
"Sorry!" Twilight whisper-shouted back, a magenta glow momentarily enveloping the window's hatch. "There, now get out of here!"
The pegasus vanished through the portal, and Twilight quickly closed it again, as another round of incessant knocking pounded at the door. "I'm coming!" she called out, briefly organizing the cluttered library floor as she walked towards the door.
Creak.
"Rarity!" Twilight chirped, "I didn't expect you this early!"
"Quiet!" Rarity hissed, "I didn't sneak all the way over here in the dead of night to be caught like some scoundrel!"
Twilight recoiled. "I, erm, of course. Sorry, follow me."
The white unicorn slipped inside the library, and the door clicked shut behind them as a blue blur streaked across the night sky.
It was late in the afternoon morning evening, and the blue cyan whatever-nobody-cares-pegasus was frolicking about in the flowery meadow of flowers near some hill or something. Rainbow Dash had brought her book of 1432 axiomatic set theory postulates to a meadow in a disturbing romantic display of obsession affection. Why, with her makeshift crown of petals, one could say she would make for quite a dashing princess.
That pun was so bad, Rainbow Dash ran right into it.
"Ow!" said exclaimed Rainbow Dash, wondering how she managed to smack face-first into the fourth wall. When she saw them, those sentences, those words, that pun, she let out a low growl.
"Excuse me, Set Of All Sets, I need to go perform an exorcism on Common Equestrian."
The book did not respond.
The flowers, however, thought it was hilarious.
It was a calm, slightly chilly equestrian night. Rarity was trotting along a path on the outskirts of Ponyville, in an attempt to make it as difficult as possible for any prying eyes to figure out what her precious cargo was. First, she had walked away from the library in the exact opposite direction of her house, until she reached one of the trails leading outside the city. Now she was ever so carefully following another trail around Ponyville, and it was taking forever.
"Ugh, these potions had really better be worth all this trouble."
She still had a ways to go before she reached her destination: a place where the trail was just two blocks away from her house. Letting out a weary sigh, Rarity looked around. Apparently, she was just a quarter-mile away from the weather team's staging area. Hmmmm, that's strange, thought Rarity, I would have thought the weather team would have amassed a large number of clouds in preparation for tomorrow's afternoon shower. The pearly white unicorn shrugged. Oh well, maybe the staging area moved. I'm sure Rainbow Dash has it all under contr— "waaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Rarity, lost in thought as she was, hadn't been paying attention to where she was going, and had tripped on a branch sticking out of the path.
Thud.
She landed face-first in the dirt, which totally messed up her facial. It also might have damaged the highly volatile chemicals she was carrying, too, but that wasn't nearly as important.
"Oh, heavens no, my mane is completely ruined!" she moaned, "Oh, and I should check to see if the potions are all intact."
Rarity was pleased to find that only a single vial had slipped out. Regrettably, it had smashed against the ground, and was now dumping its contents into a tiny stream weaving its way across the path. The stream itself emptied into a nearby lake, but Rarity wasn't particularly concerned about that. Most of the potions had survived, and that's all that mattered. She used her magic to levitate the broken glass into one of her saddlebag pouches, dusted herself off, and continued down the path.
As the stars twinkled in the night sky, a faint green cloud began to spread out through the pond.
"Buck it all, Wind Whistler, it's five in the bucking morning!"
"I'm sorry, Rainbow—"
"You'd better be."
"—but this is an emergency!"
"On a scale of sleep to emergency, just how emergency is this?!"
Wind Whistler frowned. She was having trouble following Rainbow Dash's sleep-deprived logic. "...Very emergency, Captain!"
"Then tell me what it is, already!"
"Yes c—" Wind Whistler stopped herself mid-sentence. "We have no clouds!"
Rainbow Dash blanched, then let out a stream of cursing that probably would have landed her in the dungeon if she had been within a mile radius of a princess. Then again, Twilight was a princess now, so technically she was, but whatever. Seriously though, it was a lot of swearing. Like, whoa.
"... the Bucking Goddess herself! I can't make it rain without rainclouds! How many do we have in emergency staging?"
"Like, four, captain, and they're reserved for fires."
Rainbow Dash fell silent, tapping a hoof on her windowsill. As the gears turned inside that rainbow-maned head of hers, a plan slowly began to fall into place. "Ok, Whistler, wake up the entire weather crew and bring them to the staging area. I need to take out a loan."
Before long, a haphazard gathering of 30 or so very tired pegasi took up residence next to four lonely rainclouds. Somehow, those rainclouds needed to provide an entire afternoon shower by themselves, and also maintain an emergency fire reserve at the same time. According to the laws of physics, this was impossible.
Luckily, Rainbow Dash didn't believe in the laws of physics.
"Listen up, pegasi! We have a situation on our hooves. As you can plainly see, we only have four rainclouds today. This is a problem, because we need about 200 for today's afternoon shower, plus four rainclouds in our emergency fire reserve."
The only response Rainbow Dash got was loud snoring. Pepper Dasher had fallen asleep in midair, and the rest of the pegasi seemed prone to follow suit. The weather captain sighed; unlike certain crazy ponies in charge of the educational department, she recognized that it's difficult to get somepony to focus at 6 AM in the morning, let alone effectively do their job.
"You know what, buck this. All of you, go back to bed. I'll get you up again in an hour." Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at a pale green pegasus. "Except you, Tinker Hooves. I've got something special for you. And somepony carry Pepper Dasher back to his house!"
An off-white mare fluttered over to Pepper Dash and picked him up, trying in vain to hide a faint blush. Rainbow Dash smirked, I knew Snow Burst had a crush on that guy. As the rest of the pegasi floated off to rediscover the joys of sleeping in a warm bed, Tinker Hooves flew up to Rainbow Dash, trying in vain to suppress a yawn.
"Alright, Tinker Hooves, here's the plan. I'm going to borrow our fire reserve clouds, and you're going to help me use them to jury-rig a cloud-making machine." Tinker Hooves looked ready to protest, but Rainbow Dash held up a hoof. "If we are extremely unlucky, and the fire we usually get about once every three months happens in the two hour window this will require, then we'll just rip the machine apart and use it to douse the fire."
"Rainbow Dash, how on earth can we build a cloud making machine with only four medium-sized rainclouds?" protested Tinker Hooves, "We have an entire factory for this in Cloudsdale!"
Rainbow Dash grinned. "That, my little genius friend, is what you're going to figure out. Let me get you started. First, we'll—" She paused. "I... need a chalkboard."
Five minutes later, Rainbow Dash was doing something she really, honestly never thought she'd be doing. She was scribbling on a chalkboard she had borrowed from Cheerilee.
"Clouds form when the air gets saturated with water. Colder air holds less water, so as air cools, it can no longer hold on to all the water it's carrying, and from this excess, tiny water droplets form. Clouds happen when these tiny water droplets decide to have a giant party together. Pegasus magic is density manipulation - we lower our effective density, which lets us fly and walk on clouds, even if we aren't necessarily consciously aware of it. Lowering the density of a gas cools it down, because math."
"Actually," piped up Tinker Hooves, "That's a consequence of the ideal gas law, which states that—"
"Yeah yeah yeah," Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in the air. "Like I said, lowering the density lowers the pressure, then math happens, and the gas cools down. In addition, it is well-known to pegasi that wind causes evaporation. One can only assume that water particles are deathly afraid of pressure. Consequently, we can efficiently create clouds by creating a wind tunnel across a large pool of water, saturate warm air with water, let it rise, and then rapidly cool it down by lowering its effective density. We do this on a massive scale in Cloudsdale, but we can also pull it off on a much smaller scale using just a few clouds. We just need a small lake, a lot of pegasus wings, a funnel, and a density-lowering machine."
Tinker Hooves gulped. "You want me to imbue pegasus magic into a tiny machine with only four clouds to work with?"
"Two clouds," corrected Rainbow Dash, "the other two are needed for the funnel."
"Ponies get PhDs for inventing stuff like this!" protested Tinker Hooves. "This is graduate level work, at least!"
"Well then, I'm fortunate to have somepony pining for graduate school on my team, aren't I?"
By a combination of brilliance and dumb luck, Tinker Hooves actually managed to miniaturize one of her professor's designs using a particularly ingenious gear construction derived from her friend's work in engineering. What was more impressive was the fact that she did this in an hour and a half, prompting Rainbow Dash to wake up the rest of the team again. If this thing was going to work, they needed wingpower, and lots of it.
"Alright, pegasi, our resident genius over here has invented a miniature cloud machine using our four reserve rainclouds. I'd like to ask everypony to please not set the town square on fire right now, because that would be extremely inconvenient. If you have a really bad urge to burn down the town, please refrain from doing so until this afternoon."
All she got out of her team was a few yawns. Well, at least they're not falling asleep this time.
"The device is manually powered, which means one pegasi will need to sit up there turning the crank. We will be using that lake over there for water vapor." Rainbow Dash pointed towards a nearby lake that also happened to be right next to a trail. "It's reasonably small, so we'll only need about 20 pegasi to surround it and generate a vortex."
At this point, Tinker Hooves cut in. "Generating a vortex over a simply-connected domain is a known solution of the Hoovier-Stokes equations. Given a vector field F, which is our lake, we give it an initial boundary condition approximating the wingbeats of our pegasi, represented by the parameterized curve g(ß). Our initial condition is zero eveywhere, and our continuity equation is , so if we plug this into the Wingbeat Theorem ..."
By this point, Rainbow Dash's brain had checked out and was currently somewhere over Manehatten. Rainbow Dash had no patience for math that wasn't directly related to either going really fast or managing weather systems.
"... and the derivative of Rainbow Dash is Scootaloo, so—"
"Wait, what?!" Rainbow Dash was not used to being a variable.
About half the weather team started snickering. "I-I, uh, it was just a temporary variable..." stuttered Tinker Hooves.
Math clearly wasn't taking its breakup with Rainbow Dash very well.
In a modest cottage outside the Everfree Forest, a small yellow pegasus was feeding a group of bluejays. Her eyes drooped, and a hint of red was still visible. Her posture was slouched, as she half-heartedly poured birdseed out of a bag into a feeding tray. It wasn't hard to tell she was feeling a bit down.
Ok, a lot down. Actually, she looked seriously depressed, and of course, nopony can look seriously depressed in Ponyville for more than five minutes without—
"Hey Fluttershy!" A pink party pony padded past the potted plants placed precariously upon the pastel pegasi's palisade. "Whatcha doin'?"
Fluttershy muttered something unintelligible, but Pinkie Pie didn't seem to notice. "Really? Well I thought I'd just hop right on over and see what's been getting you down, because I know everypony in Ponyville and I especially know when somepony isn't feeling super duper fabulous like yourself and it wasn't really that hard to—"
Pinkie Pie was interrupted by a small squeak emanating from the yellow pegasus, who dashed into her cottage and slammed the door shut.
"Hmmmm, maybe I shouldn't have come on so strong."
The pink pony bounced over to Fluttershy's door and cheerfully knocked. "Fluttershyyyyyy~ Are you hoooooooooooooome~?"
The only response was a terrified whine that worked its way under the door.
Pinkie giggled. "Oh Fluttershy, I thought you'd be more enthusiastic about seeing your bestest best friend forever!"
At this, the door started crying. Well, ok, the pony behind the door started crying, as muffled sobs filtering through the wooden cracks. Now, there are a great many things you can get away with in the vicinity of Pinkie Pie. The two things you can't get away with are transdimensional teleportation, and crying.
Instantly, Pinkie went into crisis-management mode. She pushed the door open (Fluttershy had never actually locked it), and found a despondent yellow pegasus lying on the welcome mat in front of her, bawling her eyes out. "Oh, Fluttershy!" Pinkie grabbed her in a hug and held her tightly, letting Fluttershy cry into her shoulder.
“I-I-*sniff* I’m s-such a bad p-pony, Pinkie Pie. I had this crush on R-Rainbow Dash and then s-she told me *sniff* she wasn’t a lesbian and she tried to comfort me and I just… just…” Fluttershy couldn’t finish, and started bawling again.
“Shhh, it’s ok, Flutters, it’s ok, you’re not a bad pony. Sombra was a bad pony; you’re the kindest, sweetest, most lovable—”
“No!” Fluttershy managed to get her crying under control again. “Y-you don’t understand, *sniff* Rainbow Dash tried to make me feel better and I just yelled at her for no reason and it wasn’t even her fault! It was all my fault and I just took it out on Rainbow Dash and I’m such a horrible terrible pony…”
“Oh, Fluttershy, that’s ok, you just had an itsy-bitsy episode, there. I’m sure Dashie will understand. She won’t hold it against you. I don’t hold it against you. We’re your friends, why would we ever let something like that get in the way?”
She wasn’t sure if Fluttershy had heard that, because she just started crying again. For several minutes, Pinkie Pie sat awkwardly, letting Fluttershy cry her heart out, unsure of what to do. She wasn't used to dealing with such a seriously depressed pony. What could she do to cheer up Fluttershy?
Without warning, and without thinking, Fluttershy turned her head, and kissed Pinkie Pie. It was a deep, passionate kiss, filled with hope, and longing, and a lot of other things Fluttershy didn't have time to think about after suddenly pulling away in a panic.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I can't believe I just did that, I don't even know why I did that, I'm just doing the same thing all over again and I'm a terrible pony and—"
Fluttershy's self-deprecation was abruptly interrupted by Pinkie kissing her. The two ponies toppled over, locked in a romantic embrace, their hearts fluttering with excitement.
For once in that past three days, things seemed to be going well. The pegasi had taken shifts generating a gentle wind column across the small lake, directing water vapor into the cloud making apparatus. Rainbow Dash had used the first few clouds they'd gotten to widen the funnel, and then quickly paid back her loan of four clouds to the emergency fire reserve. By lunchtime, they had cranked out nearly enough clouds to handle the afternoon shower, and it was at this point Rainbow Dash realized she hadn't had anything to eat all day.
*grumble*
Her stomach wasn't particularly happy about that.
"Alright, great work guys. I'm starving right now, and I'm sure most of you are too. So, let's take a lunch break."
A few scattered “Woo’s” could be heard, but most of the weather team was too exhausted to do more than drop whatever they were doing and trot towards Ponyville.
"And I want all of you back here in an hour, we still have a few more clouds to make!" Rainbow Dash shouted after them. Satisfied, she began walking towards town herself, when a piece of paper lying on a nearby trail caught her eye. The fact that it was a piece of paper wasn't interesting, but it sure seemed familiar. It almost looked like the same paper Rarity had written... her... slashfics....... on?
Her hunger momentarily forgotten, she dashed towards the parchment and swept it off the ground. A quick glance at the title confirmed her worst fears.
Rainbow Dash's Birthday Present
The summer breeze blew through an open window as Rainbow Dash hovered in her cloud house. A large package sat in the middle of the room, courtesy of a certain wall-eyed mailmare. Rainbow Dash was almost drooling with anticipation, and after letting out a small squee of excitement, she tore into the package.
It was something special she'd gotten herself for her birthday. A little happy-birthday-to-me kind of thing. Something she'd been pining to have ever since she'd first started reading those amazing stories. A little something to have fun with.
Her very own giant Daring Doo blow-up doll.
Rainbow Dash couldn't read any further than that, and simply let out a howl of frustration. Did this really have to—
"Geeze Rainbow," interrupted a nearby stallion, "why are you so crusty today? You got something on your loaf?"
Rainbow Dash shot the stallion a sour look and bolted towards the library. She had completely forgotten to ask Twilight for help last night! Five minutes later, Rainbow Dash was catching her breath while sitting on the Ponyville Library welcome mat. Unfortunately, the librarian didn't seem to be in a very welcoming mood.
"Twilight? Twilight! It's Rainbow Dash, you gotta help me out here!"
Rainbow Dash heard a muffled shout behind the door that sounded suspiciously like "Buck off!”.
"Come ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnn, Twilight!" whined Rainbow Dash in the most obnoxious voice she could muster.
The door abruptly swung open, and a very tired and angry-looking Twilight stood behind it. "What?!"
"Wow, when did you get up this morning, Twilight?"
Twilight's eye twitched. "Twenty minutes ago. I still haven't had my morning coffee."
Rainbow Dash blanched, again. "What?! Just how late did you stay up last night?! And why?"
Twilight groaned and facehooved. "It's none-ah your buckin' beeswax, Rainbow, now either shut up or tell me why you insist on ruining my morning."
Part of Rainbow Dash wanted to correct Twilight, because as far as she was concerned, her morning had been far worse. That, however, would not get her any closer to fixing the slashfic problem. "Can you cast a spell to find pieces of paper that were really close together at one point?"
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Why do you need a proximity history detection spell? Actually," Twilight raised a hoof before Rainbow Dash could reply. "Hold that thought, I'm going to make myself breakfast, then we can talk about this."
At that moment, Rainbow Dash's stomach reminded her about certain aspects of her anatomy - primarily, her need to consume plant matter on a regular basis so she didn't starve to death. "Oh, ah, sure," Rainbow Dash followed Twilight into the library and watched her pick up some bread with her magic. "Actually, while you're at it, could you make me a sandwich? I'm really hungry."
Twilight twitched, that disturbing kind of twitch that traveled down her whole body, before slowly turning towards Rainbow Dash with a scowl. "What did you say?"
"I-I, uh, could you make me a sandwich?"
Twilight just stared at her for a few moments, before her scowl abruptly flipped upside-down into a cold, unnerving smile. "Of course, I should have thought of this earlier!"
Rainbow Dash heaved a sigh of relief. Well, she tried to, anyway. She got about halfway through when her breath caught in her throat. A familiar tingling sensation was surrounding her body, and a purple haze had invaded her vision. Suddenly, she was three inches tall, staring up at a huge purple Twilight Sparkle, whose eye twitched again.
"There, I made you a sandwich." Twilight turned back to her kitchen counter and began laying daisies on to a slice of bread.
Rainbow Dash was about to protest that Twilight had instead shrunk her to the size of a mouse, but then she looked down. She did not see hooves. She did not see cyan fur. Instead, she saw a piece of bread. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash realized precisely what had happened - she’d been turned into a sandwich.
Naturally, Rainbow Dash did what anypony would do if they were suddenly turned into a sandwich.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"
She screamed.
"YOU TURNED ME INTO A SANDWICH! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!" wailed the little Rainbow-Sandwich as it hopped up and down.
Twilight shot her a sardonic look, and something clicked in Rainbow Dash's brain (which was currently occupying some unknown region of hyperspace).
"I didn’t mean literally make me into a sandwich! Change me back right now!"
“Hmmmmmm,” Twilight looked up, feigning indecision. “Nah, I like things better this way.”
Rainbow Dash attempted to walk forward, but quickly realized that, without legs, such locomotion was futile. So, she hopped forward, until she smacked into Twilight’s leg.
“This is an outrage!” protested Rainbow Dash, “I don’t even like tomato-and-daisy sandwiches!”
“On the contrary, Rainbow-Sandwich, this is hilarious.” Twilight retorted, while making a more traditional tomato-and-daisy sandwich on the kitchen counter. “Perhaps now would be a good time to expand your culinary tastes.”
The Rainbow-maned sandwich simply sputtered in rage as it angry hopped around Twilight’s hooves.
Twilight was about to consume her delicious vegetarian sandwich when she paused. “Hmmm, you know, I’ve never had a chance to taste Rainbow Dash before.”
The sandwich briefly froze in midair, before gravity remembered it had a job to do and dragged her back down to the floor. “I, uh, don’t like where this conversation is going.”
Without warning, a giant purple hoof had grabbed the Rainbow-Sandwich and was now lifting her, inexorably, towards the purple alicorn’s open maw. "No, wait! I’m allergic to being eaten!"
The sandwich’s death march halted. “Is that so? Seems like a rather unusual allergen, if you ask me.”
The sandwich went quiet for a moment, before speaking up in a much softer voice. “Twilight, this really, really isn’t funny anymore. I’m serious.”
Twilight let out an exaggerated sigh and rolled her eyes. “Oh fine, you pansy.” She chucked the sandwich towards the door.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-Whoa!” Rainbow Dash was turned back into a pegasus in midair, just in time for her to smash into the door. “Ow!”
Twilight had already gone back to her organic sandwich, and was now munching on it while eyeing the crumpled pile of cyan pegasus next to her front door. “Well, tha’ was ethucashunal,” she said with her mouth full.
Educational, my flank, thought Rainbow Dash. “Um, sure. I’ll just be going now.” Without waiting for an answer, the pegasus launched herself through the library’s front door and into the sky.
"Mental note: Never bug Twilight about anything before she's had her morning coffee. Ever," muttered Rainbow Dash as she flew away. Her stomach growled again, reminding her, once again, that she was hungry. This was very frustrating to Rainbow Dash’s stomach, because it had told the rebellious pegasus that it was hungry like ten times already and she still hadn’t listened.
Should I go for some Hayfries? Or maybe Fry’s Pantry? The pegasus fluttered to the ground in the middle of the food court, and was still mulling over where to eat when she heard a familiar buzz approaching from behind her.
"Hey, Rainbow Dash!” shouted Scootaloo, waving as she rode her scooter through the crowd.
Rainbow Dash turned around, glad to have a distraction from all the nonsense. "What's up, Scoots?"
The orange filly skid to a stop next to Rainbow Dash.
"Can I get shipped with you?”