The Inconveniencing Adventures of a Washout Kicker

by IC1s5


10

Spray struggled as he was rammed into the dirt. A pony lowered his head next to his, peering into his eyes, whispering into his ear.

“Please give me a reason to kill you.”

Spray’s front hooves were bound behind his back. A hoof was pressing down on his body, grinding him into the ground. He could see Velvet being guarded by two ponies, Pinion and Mace separate from her. Mace was moaning, returning to the world. Pinion looked scared.

The pony looming over him was as grey as slate. His smile was wide and full of crooked teeth. “Scorpio, sir. We got a live one.”

The pony Spray intimated was Scorpio sauntered over. His snout was scared, his yellow eyes were wide. He surveyed Spray for a moment, and then examined the other ponies.

“You’re a very eclectic patrol,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Scorpio. This was what we found.”

“Any pony get away?”

“No sir. We got them all. Strange: they were huddling around a cave, not paying attention at all. I don’t know what they were thinking.”

“Well,” Scorpio tossed his mane back, “their problem, not ours.”

Scorpio’s mane was long, tied back with several rings. He was fairly gaunt and his skin under his dark fur looked like it would resemble leather and not flesh. A pony who had spent much of his time in the desert, under the sun.

“You are not in guard uniform,” Scorpio said. “Explain.”

A hoof was driven into Spray’s back slightly harder than before. “We’re not. We’re civilians. We’ve embedded with the guard.”

“Unique,” Scorpio said. “I never realized that the San Paolomino was the must see destination for Canterlot nobility.”

Spray grimaced. Mistreat me all you want, don’t lump me in with those useless...”I’m an artist, she’s an author.”

“Author?” Scorpio raised an eyebrow. “That’s new.”

Spray was half certain he was dooming them all. In his mind he kicked himself. It didn’t feel like they had a choice: either they start getting on their good side, or Spray did not believe there would be a happy ending. Whatever they did, Spray knew he would end up talking.

Scorpio did not sound impressed. “What are you here for?”

Spray could almost hear the pony behind him growing more sadistic. “We embedded,” he explained, “because we wanted to see what it was like here.”

Being civilians, Spray hoped that their interest would wane quickly, and was finding that the opposite was occurring. He was realizing fast that these were not guard ponies. That did not appear to impress Scorpio and he got kicked in his flank for his trouble.

Scorpio looked up to address his troops. “Is anypony around here literate?”

Nopony spoke.

“Literate means ‘reads books.’ Does anypony around here read books?”

Nopony spoke. Scorpio sighed.

“Mister Mesa?”

“Sir!”

“You said you had a bookworm in your squad?” Scorpio asked.

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Find him. Get him here.”

“Sir!”

The pony scrambled away. Scorpio was left eying Spray. “An artist,” he said, shaking his head.

Spray grunted under the sadistic hoof on his back. Having to defend his work from incredulous family members and obtuse critics was one thing. Spray felt the pressure on his back grow harder. He was terrified that the hoof pressing him into the ground would find his wound. “My name is Spray Kicker,” he admitted. “You may have heard of me.”

“Your work,” Scorpio said, leaning in closer, “I have not. Kicker? That means...”

Scorpio began to chuckle. Spray cursed himself for his loose tongue.

“Your family is going to be quite anxious to get you back.”

“I doubt it.” Spray was trying to sound defiant, and no doubt came across as something else entirely. The family has a policy of never negotiating with criminals or other hostile agents. Then again, we never needed to. In more than one way, Spray was certain he was establishing precedent.

“Scorpio, this is...”

Mesa had reappeared with a stallion at his side. The stallion looked confused.

“You read?” Scorpio demanded.

The stallion nodded. “Oh yeah! I really like Twilight Velevet, she’s...”

“Yes,” Scorpio snapped, “I applaud your tastes, now get to the point.”

Mesa nudged the stallion forwards. “Well?” he ordered. “Is this her?”

The stallion studied Velvet for a moment. Velvet’s face emerged from behind her hooves; there was no way she could have hidden what her identity was, not here, not now. His eyes began to widen.

“Oh my...Twilight Velvet? Crystal Mountain, Quest for the Lost Palace?”

“Yes,” Velvet weakly said, not certain if she was guaranteeing her salvation or her destruction.

“Oh my...I am such a fan! I mean, I don’t know if you know that your books are on sale in the Silver nation, you’ve probably never seen a bit...”

“Great,” Mesa sighed. “Go away.”

“But sir...”

“Go away!” Mesa shrieked as close to his face as possible. “Go away, go away, go away....”

Mesa chased the pony for several strides until he was definitely away. Scorpio shook his head. Velvet sighed: she just couldn’t get away from them.

“Twilight Velvet...you remind of something. But what?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Velvet tried hard not to project fear, which she knew would immediately be seized upon. All the antagonists in her stories did that, and were capable of incredible perception.

Twilight Velvet. I know that name. From where? The words ran through Scorpio’s head, trying to remember why the name sounded familiar. Scorpio nodded when everything fell into place.

“Mother of the captain of the Equestrian Royal Guard, and Celestia’s protege.”

Velvet said nothing, tears beginning to well in her eyes. Her thoughts were of her husband and foals. How long would it be before they saw each other again---if ever?

Scorpio was almost giddy. There were good days, and there were days like this, he thought. The wheels were turning behind his eyes. “All right. Bring them back with us.”

Velvet’s head sank. Spray closed his eyes and sighed. This was not what he expected at all. The pony standing behind him disappeared, and he was surrounded. He was not getting away that easily.

“Sir?” Mesa asked. “Our orders are to secure this area in preparation for an invasion of the Dusty River...”

“We are. But first we need to get these two back on our soil. The faster we do that, the better it will be for us.”

“But why?” Mesa asked. Scorpio snorted and shook his head at Mesa’s inability to see the bigger picture.

“If Equestria doesn't want them back, and I do believe that they will, maybe the griffons will be more charitable. Either way, we’re making sure that, one way or another, we’re getting leverage over Celestia.”

Silver strode ahead, gesturing for his ponies to follow him.

“What about those two?” Mesa gestured towards Mace and Pinion. Both guard ponies looked surprised that they had been singled out.

“Leave Chipper and Strong behind. Tell them they’re theirs.”

Two ponies strode out of the assembled Silver ponies. They chuckled to themselves, eyes wide like good little foals waking up to a rewarding Hearthswarming Eve day.

“For real?” one of them asked.

“Yes Chipper,” Scorpio said. “I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”

Chipper laughed to himself. Shiny made the same laugh during his bug tormenting phase. Velvet trembled. Those poor ponies....

“Just wait until we’re out of earshot,” Scorpio ordered.

Chipper smiled wickedly. “Sure thing.”

Scorpio gestured with his head. “Move out.”

Spray was hauled onto his hooves, given a rough shove to his flank, and began to follow the others are they marched back in the direction of the beam. Velvet followed, head low. Mace and Pinion quickly disappeared behind them.

#

“Chipper?”

“Yes, Strong?”

“Which do you think looks like he’ll be more fun?”

“I don’t know, Chipper.”

Mace, groggy as he was, began to realize he was in danger and began struggling a little bit harder. Pinion was breathing slowly, trying to conserve energy. If he could only get a hoof free...but these bounds were far too strong.

Chipper and Strong began to circle the ponies. So far they were interested in Mace, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible.

“That one looks like he’ll be some sport.”

He gestured at Mace. Mace stopped moving, didn’t speak.

“No, no Chipper,” Strong replied. “He looks half out of it.”

Chipper frowned. “That’s no good.”

Mace exhaled with relief.

“I know. It isn’t. But chin up.”

Their eyes were turning towards Pinion, and their evil, evil smiles came with them. Pinion’s heart fell into his stomach. He began to struggle a little harder.

“He’ll do,” Chipper said. He strode forwards, taking the rear bindings in his mouth and dragging Pinion onto flatter ground.

“Absolutely,” said Strong.

Pinion froze. He made a token struggle against his restraints, but he knew it was no use. He fought to suppress a whimper, and failed.

“I think this one is going to be most fun,” Chipper cackled. Slowly he pulled a knife from it’s sheath. “Most fun indeed.”

Chipper smiled widely, peering in closely. The blade glistened in the moonlight. Pinion closed his eyes, turning away from the blade. He prepared himself for the pain and readied the scream that would follow.

“What the...”

From above the ponies came a strange shriek. Chipper looked up to check it’s source, and was struck in the middle, flying out of view. Chipper gasped, the sick sound of metal entering a body and scraping across bone following.

The other Silver ponies immediately checked the sky above them. One of them fired his crossbow into the air, making a sudden gasping noise before something knocked him back. The others grunted and shouted, their voices suddenly silenced. Metal clacked against metal; then there were sudden gasping noises.

“Right! Get him! Look for the others!”

Pinion was spun around to face a familiar pony. Thunder Kicker.

“Chief!” Pinion cried. “Chief, you’ve come all this way to rescue us!”

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. “Where is Spray and Mrs. Velvet?”

Thunder snapped the ropes restraining Pinion, who got into a more comfortable position. Seven pegasus ponies were finishing their gruesome work, flocking behind their leader.

“They were taken away,” Pinion explained. “Like ten minutes ago, I think.”

Thunder cursed. They’re groundbound and have two half starved, weary captives. Silver ponies may go fast over ground, but they’ll be slower than they would have liked. Still, they had a head start.

“Where?” Thunder yelled. “Where did they go?”

“Back towards the beam,” Pinion said. “They said something about the griffons, or Equestria, I think.”

Great. Just what the Ministry of Foreign Affairs needs.

Pinion pointed at their tracks on the ground.

Thunder cursed. Shining Armour had made it clear that he wanted very much for this situation to be localized on Equestria’s side of the beam. Best for Equestria’s foreign relations to act defensively. Anything more wore be construed as too aggressive. If Thunder didn’t hurry they would have no choice to cross the beam. Things would get harder for Canterlot to handle, and they would reward him for the extra work.

They didn’t get them back tonight, it would take a lot of time and a lot of concessions to secure their freedom. No time to waste.

“Alright,” Thunder bellowed, “change of plans! We’ve got to go after them. Mace, how are you holding up?”

“Fine,” Mace croaked. “A little. Maybe. Sort of.”

“Rising Sun, Mace is yours.”

Rising Sun grunted, striding forwards, grasping Mace’s forelegs. Mace squeaked with surprised as he was lifted into the air.

“Pinion? You’re with me.”

“Okay.” Pinion didn’t sound assured. This wasn’t the time to argue, and he was smart enough to keep his trap shut.

“Delta formation! We’re coming in low and fast, hit the ground hard! Prioritize getting the civilians back. Grab them and go! Understand!”

“Yes sir!” the ponies barked.

“Move out!”

Thunder grunted as he took to the air. Pinion yelped. Thunder grimaced with all the extra weight.

“Do you even try keeping yourself fit?” Thunder muttered.

“I do pushups,” Pinion protested. “Occasionally.”

Thunder began to regret not dragging them out here sooner. Then again, think of all the poor ponies in the Fillydelphia fast food buisness that would suffer without him.

The ponies took off, flying fast as they could towards the gap in the beam.