//------------------------------// // Chapter 13 : Banana // Story: A Twilight Landing // by MerlosTheMad //------------------------------// "Stop that." Jo glared across the kitchen at Alice, the blonde woman busy in the act of eating a banana right at that moment. "Stop what?" Alice tilted her head in a curious fashion, before smiling coyly and opening her mouth again, hovering it over the berry, but not quite taking a bite. The suggestive manner in which she moved the fruit up and down earned a groan of disgust from the other woman facing her down. "You're like an infant." Jo replied, shaking her head. She didn't bother saying that being so annoying in her home, was as far as she was concerned perfectly acceptable grounds for beating her up. With Alice, it was better to ignore whatever was being done, or move the conversation on past it. Addressing anything with her usually meant getting more than you bargained for. That made the other girl an entertaining friend, but one most people got tired of quick, or at least that's what Jo thought. Alice finally stuck the banana in her mouth and took a healthy bite. "Mmmhm," she hummed in satisfaction. "You know, you never used to keep healthy food around. I think Twilight might be the best thing that's ever happened to you." "You know, instead of distracting me, you could help me figure this out." Jo massaged one side of her head, desperately trying to come up with a solution to the situation she found herself in. Alice stared at the half eaten fruit in her hand. "I wonder if bananas taste better in Equestria. I bet they do, did you know that all bananas sold in stores are actually clones? The originals died out a long time ago from a fungus or something, but the clone bananas are immune to it. The only downside to this is they say that the bananas we have left are more bland. I wonder what pre-1970s bananas tasted li-" "Alice, would you focus?" Jo glared over at the girl, who was obviously content to entertain an entirely different conversation. She was having trouble thinking over the other girl's rambling. I can't believe this is happening, it's my fault too. I should have just been straight with her from the get go... Of course then she probably would have been... or maybe Twilight would have- "Well excuse me for wondering," Alice pouted back. "You've already insisted I leave Twilight alone about the show and I have. Do you know I've been literally bursting at the seams to ask her questions?" "You've asked her enough questions about her home, Alice, she has a lot on her mind. Especially now that I've screwed up..." Jo scowled while talking, but it shifted into a frown once finished. Feeling at a loss, Jo wiped a hand down her face. The giant blue eyes of Alice popped up in front of her the moment she opened her own again. "GAH!?" "Jo you didn't screw up." Alice stared flatly, while Jo pulled herself back up by the kitchen counter after successfully half falling over. "Maybe you could have gotten 'luckier'. Or we could have done like a cute little puppet show to teach her about humans and stuff and that wouldn't have made it seem quite as bad but-" Recovered from nearly having a heart attack, Jo snorted out a brief laugh, "Alice, enough with the puppets." She said warningly. The only thing the other girl had gone on more about than asking Twilight of aspects of the show and what Equestria was really like, was her puppet show scheme. "Hey, that was a good idea! Just because you think it's stupid, doesn't mean that it is." Alice folded her arms defiantly, standing firm for her shot down plan. That lasted a split second, then she went limp against the counter and sighed quickly. She knew if she let Jo respond, things would keep going back and forth like they were. "Jo, really though, you didn't screw up at all. You're not responsible for people or what humanity's done! Once Twilight comes around all we should say is the truth, and things will be fine. She's incredibly smart after all. I'm thinking we point out that we're all just creatures of habit and the product of our environment, that's not wrong after all, right?" Jo watched Alice silently while her friend spoke. "I guess, and I don't know about that, my opinion's always been a little closer to what Twilight said, that we're driven by instinct and evolution-" "Aren't they both kind of factors?" Alice held a hand out, palm facing up while trying to compromise. "Uggh! I don't know." Jo began pacing, wanting desperately to get off the topic altogether and make sure Twilight was alright. "All I know, is that people are complicated, with tendencies ranging from selfishness all the way to needless violence as the norm. Just turn on the news any day of the week and you hear about a new war somewhere or terrorism in any country at all." She shook her head with a grimace, gritting her teeth. "Can we drop it? I'm starting to remember why I tried not bringing this up and hiding it from her in the first place. For the record I'm not blaming anyone, either, least of all myself." As Jo turned around in order to pace back across the kitchen floor, Alice poked her in the chest with a finger, blocking her path. The blonde girl had followed and trapped her against the fridge. "I get that this isn't about blame, Jo, but don't worry about it, everything'll work out fine. I can feel it. Twilight is, like, incredibly nice. She's just like from the show, only a thousand times better!" A smile crept onto the girl's twinkling eyes while she spoke to Jo. "Only...better. Real." Her gaze slid to the side. Jo raised an eyebrow, her expression finally smoothing from the sour look it had worn almost constantly for an hour. "Yeah, she is, which is why we owe it to her to make her comfortable here, Alice." Jo bit her lip in thought of what else to say, then settled on backtracking when nothing new or groundbreaking came to mind. "And that means no pestering her about Equestria, besides, what if you don't like what you have to hear from her?" Alice made a pbbhtt noise and waved a hand at Jo's face. "Anything about Equestria is awesome, I don't care if Princess Celestia is actually a donkey named Bill that has a pink and black polka dot fur coat. It's. Real, Jo, real, that's crazy. Way crazier than our boring world, I mean, it's fun and exciting sometimes thanks to awesome people like me," Jo rolled her eyes at Alice, "and the normalcy of everything does give the few fun things we get a certain special quality..." Drifting off in her speech, Jo supposed Alice was quite finished, and opened her mouth to tell her for the thousandth time how weird her brain was. When suddenly, the blonde girl grabbed her shoulders. "Nothing can compare to how overwhelmingly awesome this is Jo, and I feel terrible because it's at Twilight's expense, but magic. Is. Real!" After her voice reached a pitch high enough to become a squeal rather than words, she added, "I'm gonna go play with the crystals. I'll be right back." "Alice, no! Hell no, just no!" Jo quickly grabbed the other girl by the shoulders and flipped her around, then took puppy dog eyes to the face. "But magic Joooo, magic!" Alice began crying and leaned on the other girl's chest, fake tears streaming down her face. "As soon as I find a place where I can bury you and no one will find the body, I'm doing it." Jo pulled the other girl up from slowly sliding down the front of her body, and losing an internal battle to stay serious. Once back on her feet, Alice studied Jo's face for a split second, then abandoned the false sad routine after spotting something. "Whoop, made you smile." She taunted, grinning crazily. Jo's scowl tripled in deepness after successfully making a saving throw vs. friendliness. "Uuh, no. My face just twitched from how radioactive you are after growing up in a government lab." Quite finished with talking in circles and wanting to thinking of something concrete, she whirled around, facing away from Alice to take several steps out of the kitchen. "Jo." Alice said emotionlessly. Hesitantly, the brown haired girl turned around. The serious tone in Alice's voice had caught her completely off guard. "You know... If I had to explain humanity to someone... I wouldn't sit back and worry about explaining it. Morality is such a difficult subject to talk about with someone who lacks a human's perspective on it. For them it's like when you walk into a room where something terrible happened to someone and you feel your blood turn to ice, then later you find out the inhumane horrors that happen there. That's a powerful moment in a person's life, and it reminds them how good of a person they really are." Alice put a tilted smile on her face. "But Twilight? She's different, you can tell just by watching her. I don't think we need to worry about her at all." Walking up to Jo while talking, she patted her friend on the shoulder and smirked. Jo had stared back wide eyed at first, then let her emotions calm down and soaked in what was said. ...She's right. Alice then sighed in an obnoxiously loud manner and stretched. "More than that, I've seen enough to know this Twilight isn't one of those kooky versions from all those fan-fiction stories that exploded all over the internet. So I'd say we've got nothing to worry about, just give her a little while, she'll come around." An image of evil scientist Twilight flashed through Jo's mind, causing her to shake her head. Oh god, the idea of something like that had never even crossed her mind, and a shiver ran up her spine. No universe is ready for the things that nerds have cooked up on the internet over the years. "Cold, Jo?" Jo returned to reality and looked at Alice, impressed that her bubble headed friend had managed to say something deep enough to get her lost in her own thoughts. "Ah, no, not cold. Hungry though, actually... Let's make dinner, alright? Twilight'll be hungry when she gets out of there I bet. I don't think she's had anything to eat since breakfast..." Jo glanced at the kitchen again, then back to Alice with a tired look. Alice gave Jo a coy smile. "Should've eaten a banana." The two felines meowed up at her, only ceasing once they were being petted. The moment that her hands stopped, for either of them, they began their mewling once again. It seemed there were some distinct similarities between the two worlds of Earth and Equestria—such as the bossy nature of cats—no matter how much else was different. Twilight sighed and looked up at the door, still hesitating to walk back out into the rest of the house, and confront the two humans. There is a chance that it will just be Jo, she considered, perhaps Alice has left to go home... Whether that was a good thing or not, she couldn't decide. I guess I would prefer them both being here after all. I do like them both... She meant it, too, it had pained her to be so critical with them earlier. After all, they had never done anything like what she had seen... Admittedly, I can't be sure of that, Twilight sighed the thought out, but that's no reason to assume so. Augh, alright, stop hiding, Twilight. Moping never helped anypony, and just hypothesizing never completed an experiment. You learned that lesson of friendship—and science— a long, long time ago. A flash went through her mind's eye, a flash of five ponies and one little dragon, all of them different colors and filled with beautiful, unique personalities. Twilight opened the door to the back office and stepped into the living room, keen on finding her two human friends, and making up with them. Her thoughts entertained her while she looked. Alice is a very light hearted girl... Whether that was normal for a human or not, Twilight wasn't exactly sure. Hm, she reminds me of other ponies now that I think about it. More than Jo or anypony er- anybody else I've met here, anyway. The sound of voices from the opposite end of Jo's gigantic house reached Twilight's short, inefficient human ears, and she began walking towards the faint chatter. Jo...hm, the only pony I think I could compare Jo to would be Luna. They're both so anti-social and awkward... She felt a twinge of guilt, but she still recalled when Luna had requested her to visit Canterlot after Nightmare Night in order to...hang out. Frankly, Twilight had been surprised the lunar princess had even known that term, and was just as surprised by the letter. I hope I get another chance to relax with her. I still feel bad about not having more fun...with...Luna? Her thoughts trailed off. Twilight pressed an ear to the wall, listening, or eaves dropping, rather, to the human girls she could now hear more clearly. They were definitely talking about her. It was Alice's voice. "Twilight's an adult, Jo, she's rational and mature in her own way and she's just learning about humanity's dark side. Imagine how happy she'll be when she finds out all the good and beautiful things people have done, and I'm not just talking artists, but the charities and helpful kinds of people out there." Twilight wasn't sure what sort of conversation she had just stumbled upon, but she immediately felt a very warm, positive set of emotions towards the humans. Her hands rested on the door frame while she listened, only feeling a little guilty while listening to her friends sitting in the darkened room and chatting. It was late now, the sun well past set, but they had waited for her to reappear on top of being so kind. "I was, actually." Twilight said from across the room, answering what Alice had speculated. Both of the other girls looked up from where they sat, relaxing in the dim room after getting dinner started. They found Twilight, standing in the doorway where she leaned against it, a relaxed, weary smile on her face. "I found a few more...recent bad things, of course, looking for the good. But those acts of selflessness exist because of the bad things that do happen." Twilight looked down at the floor, still smiling. "It cheered me up a little bit. I'm sorry for walking out on you girls like that, I should've stayed and talked it out some-" "Twilight it's...you don't have to apologize, really." Jo said simply, lazily resting her head on one arm while she studied the unicorn she kept fretting over. "But I am really sorry you had to- well..." She swallowed and tried to start again. "In all honesty, I don't think it was right of me to try and keep all that a secret from you, Twilight, I'm sorry about that. You were going to run into it eventually, you sort of already had..." Scrubbing a frantic hand behind her head, Jo sped up in talking, getting nervous talking about it period. "Anyway if you ever need anyone to talk about that serious stuff you saw, please don't hesitate, we're here for you." "I will Jo, and thank you." Twilight nodded, grinning widely. "You're both my friends, I know I can trust you both very much." Jo returned the grin with one of her own, more rare examples. "Wow...thanks Twi', likewise." Nearby, Alice aawed from the other chair suddenly, holding her hands up to her mouth in a display of cuteness. Jo glared at her, barely resisting the urge to punch the blonde girl. Twilight laughed at the entire display. Alice was already laughing too, and slowly Jo joined them. “So," Twilight started by speaking slowly again. "If anypo- anybody’s going to teach me about humanity, and how to help... It’s humanity itself, and you two.” She affirmed her thoughts confidently to them both, her studious, trademarked voice making them sound as though she were back to one hundred and twenty percent. Surprising both Alice and Jo, she also hopped into the room, spreading her arms wide. “Well!” She started saying more cheerfully, building up momentum. “It helps that I also found some awesome things on the internet. When I was searching, I found these places called TV Tropes and Wikipedia. I’m not really sure what happened after that, but after clicking some links I somehow got to pictures of fluffy kittens, so I guess things turned out okay, in the end...” Alice awkwardly broke the new silence that had begun. “Yeah! That’s the spirit!...” She looked around at the other two women. The unicorn-girl smiled back, then paced across the room. She sat on the couch with Alice, pulling her strange legs up and hugging them to herself. It was a sitting position that she liked. Jo on the other hand, wore a frightened look, suddenly thinking of something that she had not considered yet. "Uh Twilight, did you find anything...hm, uh, embarrassing on the internet? To do with humans, maybe?" She addressed her purple-haired hesitantly. Twilight tilted her head curiously at Jo, not quite understanding. "You mean...besides all of the other stuff? Uhm, I dunno, Jo, could you be more specific?" Jo's eyes squinted in thought, thinking how best to word things without coming out and saying it. Alice beat her to it though. "She's asking if you found anything sexual about humans online, Twilight. The internet is full of random, crazy things that humans do. If you aren't careful about where you go, you can stumble onto that stuff." "Really Alice, could you try a little harder not to corrupt Twilight!? I-" Jo blinked and looked back at Twi', giving her a sheepish look. "N-nevermind Twilight, just, when you're on the internet, be mindful of where you go, if it looks like a bad website you should leave it. There are dangerous things on there too, called viruses." More and more she successfully steered the conversation away from something she really, didn't want to go over with Twilight. Oh god, there's so much stuff on the internet that- No, don't even consider that scenario, Jo. Already, she was beginning to consider that war, famine, and disease, were the lesser of evils that Twilight Sparkle had yet discovered... "I...See." Twilight answered, looking back and forth between a giggling Alice and the disheveled Jo. "Well, I plan on only sticking to areas of academic study Jo, that should be safe, right?" Jo let out a breath of relief. "Yeah, yeah... that should be perfectly, eh, watchable, Twilight." The kitchen timer for dinner chose then to ring. Alice leaped off of the couch and sprinted madly across the room, blonde hair flailing behind her. The rest of the night lightened up in mood. For now, they managed to eat dinner and decide on watching some light hearted human entertainment. Together, they all settled on something to try and paint humans in a better light, as well as what they could be capable of. Ideas of what movies to watch or shows already spun through Jo's and Alice's heads. Twilight desperately did want to see some more nice things that humanity had to offer, even more so after hearing the jokes that she couldn't make any sense of that Jo and Alice kept telling each other. Altogether, the unicorn felt very much like she was on the outside of one of Pinkie Pie's and Rainbow Dash's jokes, they way Jo and Alice laughed with one another, talking about obscure words like 'tribbles' and comparing them to parasprites, or flux capacitors and something about Jo's car. There were too many odd references to name, and as she thought back on it, there had been hundreds over the last two weeks, as well. Perhaps taking a break from the studying for a few days would do her some good, she resolved to just have fun and hang out with Jo and Alice for a while. Alice at least, really seemed to like that idea. Curiously, however, Jo had started eying Alice in what looked like a worried fashion, and for a reason Twilight couldn't think of. Nevertheless, Jo and Alice debated on during dinner about just what it would be that they would all watch. Once their dishes were all cleaned and put up in the sink, Twilight began to make popcorn, while the knowledgeable humans chose a film to brighten everypony's mood. The unicorn wasn’t much of a cook, but after a little instruction over the last two weeks she could at least use the oven and microwave without setting things on fire. There had been a couple incidents, but it had only cost Jo one cooking pot and a coffee cup thus far. After that, Twilight wasn't allowed to 'research' the microwave first hand anymore. The two humans shifted methodically through the vast collections of old DVDs and Blu-Ray discs, trying to figure out what might be the best choice. Twilight was of course, their top concern over what to choose, not their own moods or interests at the moment. Alice wanted something raunchy and comedic, and Jo wanted to watch some of Arnold Schwarzenegger's old action movies. Neither of those would do though. Instead, animated films seemed like an obvious avenue to take, the two of them thinking that a child’s movie may be the best way to go. However, even some of those seemed a bit risky after looking into them. "Holy crap," Alice exclaimed. She shuddered and put the DVD 'Ferngully' back on the shelf. "It's like every movie that does kinda cover the stuff we want, is either too violent, or terrible. I wonder if that says something about us as a species?" Jo raised an eyebrow at Alice. "I think we have some good choices still..." She glanced at the maybe pile, which was about three DVDs high. "What about Halloweentown?" Alice made a thoughtful look, pursing her lips and flapped the movie at Jo. "Stop that," Jo grimaced and leaned away from the attack. "And no, let's avoid any films that have magic, or she'll go nuts pointing out the inaccuracies. I'm still dreading watching anymore of Friendship is Magic with her." Alice cackled with laughter and shelved the movie. Another caught her eye quickly. "Oh, I know! Shrek! Shrek is perfect!" "Yeah," Jo began immediately. "We definitely can't choose that one, I think it's still too dark, not to mention the whole locking up anything magical thing that we do in it." Jo flipped a couple more of her huge collection over, still scouring. Alice grunted and sat back on her butt, moping on the cold floor. "Well! If you don't expand your parameters a little, then we're going to end up watch the friggin' Wiggles movies or something." She folded her arms and scowled at all of the movies she'd looked at and discarded already. "The who?" Jo glanced over, then picked up a movie, tuning out her friends complaints. “What about this one?” Jo held up a movie she had enjoyed with her grandparents over and over again towards Alice. “‘Batteries Not Included’?” Alice read aloud. “I dunno Jo, Twilight just watched a sci fi movie. I think we should avoid aliens of any kind, even peaceful space faring ones.” She turned away and knelt back down towards the rows of media. Jo frowned at the movie she’d held and set it back on the bookcase. It did show a nice side of people, but maybe it was too generic she decided. Alice and her had both decided to try an pick something out that would fit the mood of the day. “Alright, but don’t over think this, we just want something that will be... good, and stuff.” Alice rolled her eyes. "You have nooo idea what you're looking for. Twilight could reorganize her library faster than-" "I am going to stab you, so hard, right in the baby ma-" Twilight poked her head around the corner, having heard her name. She strained her ear to try and pick up on the trade between the humans, making a discontented noise when she couldn’t. “Did you girls say my name?” The bowls of popcorn in her arms shifted in her grasp, making sure to not drop them while walking on two legs. Jo snapped her mouth shut. Alice looked up while choosing another movie, grinning merrily. “Oh, yeah, just looking through our options, Twilight. We’ll meet you upstairs." She held up another old Blu-Ray case and offered it to Jo. "What about this?” Jo sighed, watching Twilight, then peered at the cover. After seeing it, she leaned back and raised an incredulous eyebrow at Alice. “The Emperor's New Groove? Really?” Twilight raised an eyebrow, curious, and moved closer to the two. Alice shrugged and looked back at the case. “What? When I was a kid I loved it. Plus it’s the only neutral movie I could find... And it has the hilarious circumstances of being cursed and changing booood- ies..." She trailed off and set down the movie slowly. "Okay, I can already see why this one's out.” She tugged on her hair and looked down at the pile of discarded movies she was fast acquiring. “Oh I know, what about Bones The Wonder Detective, that movie about the talking dog?” Jo groaned in disgust immediately. “Alice, no movies or shows from the last ten years, either, please. Cinema really went down the toilet in 2016 and I’d rather not think about any of the unoriginal crap they started pumping out back then. Let’s stick to the classics.” "But Back to the Future part five was so funny! Christopher Walken was a great medieval Biff..." Alice snickered and dodged an attack from her friend, then resumed looking. Twilight watched both girls balancing skillfully on just their toes, squatting to look at the bottom rows of movies while also attacking one another in a fashion similar to AJ and Rainbow. Wow, that’s really impressive balance. Intrigued by the acts of alacrity, she looked down at her own legs, partially shrouded in one of the multiple pairs of the ‘shorts’ that Jo had bought for her. The human legs bent at Twilight's command, then immediately straightened up again after she felt herself begin to tip over. Ooookay, I’m thinking about it too much! Her shoulder thumped against the doorway and her teeth gritted as she balanced herself on the wall. Of course, the two bowls of popcorn in her arms hadn’t helped her stay steady any. “Uh girls? I hate to rush you, but I’m fine with anything, really. I’m even a little curious about what ‘normal’ human entertainment is. Nothing war related maybe, please...but don’t fret over it too much. I'm perfectly alright with anything.” Twilight wobbled where she stood, smiling at the two humans reassuringly. Jo shrugged and held two more films from the maybe pile. “Well, how about Wall-E, or Ice Age.” She turned to face the other short girl. “Alice? One sort of redeems how much we pollute, and the other...has a squirrel obsessed with an acorn? Actually I can’t remember what Ice Age was about...” She gave the second DVD a funny look and scratched her head. “Oh, nonono,” Alice poked Jo in the stomach with another case, getting a surprised grunt as a result. “We should watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit! Pleaaase, oh please, it’s so good, and it’s cartoons, and if you think about it, you’re like Eddie Valiant and Twilight is like Roger! It’s perfect, and also Mickey Mouse-” Twilight raised an eyebrow at the strange trade between the human girls, a smile creeping onto her muzzle naturally. They’re such good friends. Jo swiped a hand at Alice, then growled aloud like some kind of wild animal and set down one of her movies. "Alice, that movie has tons of...you know, in it, we can't watch that." "No, I- I want to watch it." Twilight stood tall and confidently looked at the other two girls. Alice and Jo traded looks. "Are you sure Twilight?" Jo asked. "Yup," Twilight nodded, smiling. "I'm gonna live here, I want to acclimate to things. Not overly so...but I want to know things, I need to know things. Something I realized Jo...is if I do want to help Earth one day?" She sighed, scanning the floor, then looked up with a weak smile at Alice and Jo. "Then I need to know how. It's my decision to make too, and I've made it. Can...I count on your help? When you can offer it?" Jo smiled back. "Yeah, you sure can Twi'- Wait, did you just compare me to a fat, balding detective?” She spun her head around and glared instant daggers at Alice. The blonde girl whooped triumphantly and put an arm around Twilight’s shoulder, suddenly behind the unicorn-girl. “Then it’s decided, I pick one and Jo gets one! Onwards fellow adventurers!” She twirled in place, leading a wide-eyed Twilight, stammering in confusion, around the corner and up the stairs. At the same time Alice ducked her head into the popcorn that Twilight held, getting a mouthful and still somehow walking in a straight line. The look of confusion Twilight gave over her shoulder at Jo made her frown, but in a content way, a happy light in her eyes. Oh well, I guess this is what we’re watching then. Twi's going to be confused as all hell, and not just from all of the other characters she won't recognize...Yeesh, she's going to want to study all of them after this, probably. Jo had to clean up before joining them, she would reorganize the films into their spots later. For now, she picked up the mess and...hesitated as one last movie caught her eye. The old comedy from the eighties clicked in her head, and she decided the jokes and morals to the film were...relevant. Leaning over, she plucked 'Short Circuit' from the shelf, and looked over the cover. "Heh, yeah, Twilight will love this." Satisfied, she jogged through the house after her two... friends.