//------------------------------// // Chapter 39 // Story: Ponystuck // by confoundtheseponies //------------------------------// A/N: Right then. First things first, there's a small matter to take care of, in the form of three homicidal ponies who have taken control of the study. This might be a problem if they were capable of seeing you, but luckily there are only three entities within the narrative scope of this story capable of viewing both the story and the audience. And one of them, a close friend of mine, has just died. But don't worry, I'm holding up just fine, thanks for asking. Regardless, this is still a bit of a problem. Luckily there is a solution, a backup plan which was badly hinted at some time ago. I will venture once more into the depths of the Infinite Hotel, but for the time being I am afraid that - although you will be quite safe - I must leave the narration in the rather malicious hands of perhaps my greatest foe, besides deadlines and Lunatic-mode Utsuho Reiuji. Sorry about that. "What's" this, "?". I ask, "poking experimentally" at the odd type-writer "like device, lying on the" table. Looks "like it's a type-writer," Silver says, "approaching the table to" , inspect the machine "." Move over, let me have a look at it. I do so, and *** I look carefully at the machine that Golden was looking at. It is clearly some kind of type-writer, although there is a multitude of strange devices attached to it that suggest it is something far more significant. "Well, I can't really see what it - huh. That's interesting." I pause, peering at the machine intently. Several keys pressed by themselves while I was speaking, updating the text printed on the page. I read the last few lines over quickly. "Well, I can't really see what it - huh. That's interesting." I pause, peering at the machine intently. Several keys pressed by themselves while I was speaking, updating the text printed on the page. I read the last few lines over quickly. "Well, I can't really see what it - huh. That's- I tear my vision away from the page, my head beginning to ache as the entire room seems to spin. Whatever this type-writer machine is, it is clearly very powerful and not to be trifled with. "Ow..." I manage, and Golden looks over from another piece of curious machinery in my general direction. "What is it?" he asks, returning with a renewed interest in the type-writer. "N-nothing," I say quickly. "Just... it looks like the type-writer's kind of powerful. We should probably leave it be." He looks at me incredulously. "Let me see that," he says, brushing away my concerns and peering at the type-writer. *** It "takes a while to get used to" reading, the text. Eventually I "figure out what this machine is, and how big a deal this discovery really is." "Silver," I say excitedly. "We've done it ." We've fucking done it. "Done what?" Silver "asks me curiously". "What even is that". Thing? It hurts my "head to look at it." I nod. "Neither of us," are very good at using it. "You're not strong enough to handle the paradoxes, and it just picks up on" "every little thing you think about." Whereas, I'm not rational enough. You can't. Make. "Good storytelling" without a plan. Or proper "grammar". "But whoever cared about that?" I grin, and Silver looks at me with concern. "I'll be the pilot of this story from now on. You just sit at the type- "writer and listen to me, it'll handle all the " rest. You and me are going to make "storytelling history, and become fanfiction famous." "You didn't know you could be fanfiction famous, did you Silver". She shakes her head, and I laugh." me neither. I don't even know what i'm talking about; just sit at the type-writer already." *** "OK," I say, unsure of where this is going. I sit at the type-writer, although I am careful not to glance at the text which is spouting from the machine. "I still don't really get what's happening." "Let me explain," Golden says happily, clearly incredibly thrilled about his discovery, whatever it is. "Or rather, let me demonstrate just what that type-writer can do. As you may have guessed, it records everything said or thought or experienced by the writer, which is currently you. While we're in this room, it just writes down what happens. In here, it's 'protected', so to speak. But outside..." he pauses his explanation to cackle evilly. "Let me tell you a story." The mood seems to change, and I find myself suddenly drawn to his words as he begins to talk. "One day, there was a flock of geese loose in the Infinite Hotel. They were very lost and lonely, but eventually they found their way to a door, behind which you and I are currently sitting. One of the geese, who was braver than all the other geese, knocked on the door." At this, there was a sudden knocking sound from the way we had entered, causing Golden to grin even wider. "Ember, could you get the door?" he asks the silent Prince of Space, who had been quietly standing in the corner this whole time. Ember nods, and then makes his way over to the large grey door. Opening it, a group of large white birds are waiting outside rather patiently. "But sadly," Golden says, resuming his story, "it turned out that the geese were actually just cardboard cut-outs." Without anything really changing, it suddenly occurred to me that the geese were completely still. They were, as Golden had said, cardboard cut-outs, and I suddenly found myself questioning whether they had ever been anything more. "Do you get it yet?" He asks, unable to keep the glee from his voice. "While we're here, while you're sitting at that type-writer, the world we live in... is ours. All of it. We can do whatever we want. If we want something to happen, we just say it. It happens. If it gets written by that type-writer, then it's done. Happened. I believe the technical term is 'canon'. The three of us now have access to the narrative to the whole of reality, in the form of this type-writer." "So," I say slowly, unsure whether to feel ecstatic or incredibly anxious about this revelation. "What happens next?" "What do cannons do?" Golden asks. "Explode. Destroy things. Smash well-laid foundations into a thousand million fragments that in no way relate or resemble each other." He glanced down at the type-writer, which seemed to have taken on an almost god-like aura of respect since its nature had been revealed. "And with this... this reality canon, we are going to destroy absolutely everything. And then rebuild the universe we want in its place." Holy fuck, I think to myself. Have we won? Golden glances over my shoulder at the page. "Why yes," he says happily. "Yes we have. But first, let's have ourselves a little fun." Tearing off the page from an earlier portion, he reads over the pre-existing manuscript with increasing glee. "Oh yes, oh, very good... Right then. Sit down, everypony, and let me tell you a story." He sits back in a large armchair and smiles widely. "Act 4..." ***ACT 4*** "So as I was saying," Mild Darkness said, bringing his speech to a close - which was just as well, since the patience of the assembled ponies was running somewhat thin. Many of them, most notably Comet and Twilight, were keen to return to their scheduled program of brutally murdering their arch-nemesis. And then Mild, if there was time remaining. "I'm a stupid dumbfuck who should just stay at home and cry," Mild finished. There was an awkward silence. "Huh?" Comet blinked. "Was that what you were saying?" "I don't think that's what it was at all," Acapella said thoughtfully. "Although I feel much more in agreement with this new direction." "No no no, wait a minute," Mild said hurriedly, "what's going on. Why did I just say that?" "... you tell us," Comet said. "Otherwise, in response to your plan, I think we have to respectfully decline. But feel free to come back and try again once you've thought it through some more, preferably in between killing yourself repeatedly." "You seem rather tense, Comet," Diamond noted. "I do, don't I," Comet said. "That's odd. I don't really feel very tense. In fact I feel like I was just about to tell Mild that I agree with him completely." He frowned. "Or was I? You know, I'm really not sure now." "What the hell are you idiots talking about?" Celestia asked. "All I know is that every moment we spend here wasting time, we're not chasing after Golden and Silver. It doesn’t matter if Mild tags along, let's just shut up and waste time playing basketball." She blinked. "Uh. I mean what?" It slowly began to dawn on everypony that they really needed to chill out and play basketball. "Guys," Star Swirl said, a confused look on his face, "Is it me or is something really strange going on?" Everypony was in agreement that there absolutely wasn't anything strange going on. Not anything. "I feel like I disagree," Luna disagreed. She paused. "But I don't know why, and that makes me agree that something strange is definitely going on." "OK, what the hell is wrong with everyone," Twilight asked angrily. "You're all talking oddly." The Mage of Time seemed very agitated, and it occurred to everypony - particularly Comet - that she was clearly feeling very hormonal and could do with a nice cup of tea. "What." Comet shook his head furiously. "What the hell. I don't think like that. That would never happen. Get the fuck out of my head." "Who are you talking to now?" Twilight asked. It seemed immediately obvious to everyone that Comet had gone crazy and should be ignored. "The bastard who's screwing my head up," Comet said. "Everyone else is getting it too, right? Feeling like thoughts are being shoved into your heads?" Everyone remained silent because they were ignoring him. "Guys?" "I agree," Acapella said, despite the fact that she was ignoring him. Maybe everyone should ignore her too since she must also be crazy. "Something's not right here." The other ponies mumbled their agreement, which they shouldn't really do since we already established that no one believed Comet that something strange was happening. "OK, let's all just-" Star Swirl began, before stopping mid-sentence because no one gives a fuck what Star Swirl has to say. Everypony is going to do exactly what the narration damn well tells them to do and so help me I will spontaneously combust anyone who even thinks of stepping out of line do I make myself absolutely fucking clear on this!?? Ahem. Silver, I think we could do with a quick intermission. ***ACT 4 ACT 1 INTERMISSION*** "It doesn't look like we have complete control," Golden says irritably as he reads over the printout from the reality canon. Clearly, as much as he is able to influence events, things are happening by themselves at the same time. I try not to think too hard about this. Golden sighs dramatically, summoning a cup of tea from somewhere and sipping it thoughtfully. "We can't push the main players too far out of their usual direction without some kind of justification for it." He sits in thought for a moment. "Hm... interesting. What we need is a new threat to throw at them, either to suitably alter their priorities or to just kill them outright. Ember, any ideas?" The Prince looks up at the mention of his name, pausing for a moment to think. "I might have a few ideas," he says, smiling in a way that makes me desperately want to punch him. *** "Huh," Luna said, shaking the weariness from her eyes. "I suddenly feel a whole lot better." "Yeah, me too," Celestia agreed. She turned back to Mild. "So anyway, to summarise, we're all going to join forces because you've finally realised that the one thing you really can't stand is karma getting one over you." "Pretty much," Mild admitted. "All I know is that unless someone does something, all of reality is going to be at the hands of Silver and Discord. Mostly Discord." He scowled. "And I don't particularly want to let anyone who isn't me take over all of reality." "Well then, all aboard the idiot-mobile," Comet said cheerily. "Let's all hop on the boat and head over to... wherever it is that we're going. Does anyone have any objections?" He waited for a few minutes. "Good. Now, can we finally get going? It feels like we've been sitting around talking about what we're going to do for the last month. With three heroes of time you'd think we'd be able to speed things up a little." He shrugged. "Well, it doesn't really matter. Let's get this show on the road." "Fine with me," Twilight said. "But, I feel like I should ask. What are we planning to do once we get there? Can we really stop Discord, especially when he has the King with him? I mean, that thing has more prototyping’s than anything we've ever seen, powerful enough to break through the barrier to the centre of the Paradox Loop. Can we really stand against something like that?" The others fell silent. "Of course you can't," Ember said smugly, materialising out of thin air in front of the group of startled ponies. His cape fluttered dramatically in the wind, and the light seemed to catch his warhammer at just the right angles to look as epic as possible. This was, in fact, because it was catching it at just the right angles, which was entirely Ember's doing. "No chance at all. But if it makes you feel any better, you're not going to live long enough to worry about that." "Ember?" Acapella gasped in surprise, as everypony took a few cautious steps backwards. "Aren't you supposed to be removed from existence?" "Nice to see you too," Ember said joylessly. "Honestly, now that I think about it, I don't know why I was ever counted in our group of 'friends'." He shook his head. "Hey Comet, listen up." "What is it, moron?" Comet asked sourly. He had managed, through a series of highly contrived lucky gaps in the plot, been able to navigate his way from the brink of a dying session and returned triumphant. What the hell had Ember done to survive this? It rather lowered the standards needed to be able to survive a Scratch, which made the whole thing rather less impressive. And that was irritating. "I am not a moron!" Ember roared, swinging his warhammer into Skaia with a deafening crunch, sending huge chunks of rock flying into the air. Ponies and large sections of chessboard were sent flying in all directions. Luna, flying into the wind which was pushing everything away from the enraged Prince, quickly dodged around the smaller boulders while Voiding any impending collisions. "Ember!" She yelled into the wind, desperately trying to figure out what the hell was going on. "What's gotten into you? We're on the same side!" "Not any more, we're not," Ember said, cleaving great gaps in the fabric of space around the two ponies. "Why not?" Luna asked, a sense of dread filling her. "What happened?" A gap in space opened behind her, and she turned quickly to find herself staring straight into Ember's fierce expression. "... Ember?" "Shut up," Ember said quietly, swinging his warhammer towards her. Luna didn't even attempt to dodge it - against a Prince of Space such activities were futile. Instead, she once again tried to perform her Voidy thing, causing the hammer to pass straight through her. Unfazed, Ember continued his swing, bending space so that the hammer once against approached Luna from the other side. Quickly spinning around, she barely managed to block the second swing. In a similar manner, the third, fourth, and fifth swings barely failed to connect. Luna was a God, and it wasn't as if she was becoming tired from exerting her powers. Ember, on the other hand, seemed only to be gaining energy as the fight continued, as his swings grew more powerful and closer together. Almost immediately after missing a swing, the path of the hammer was twisted so that it was once again heading towards Luna. To an independent four-dimensional observer, the space around the two ponies would appear as a great twisting trail that doubled back on itself in impossible ways, like an infinitely long ouroboros of hammery doom. This would have no doubt continued for some time, except that it suddenly occurred to Ember to release his hold on the space-time surrounding the two ponies. Space reverted to its normal state, the various paradoxes resolved themselves in tiny puffs of logic, and Luna was spun into a disoriented heap, towards which Ember's warhammer was now flying on its final, true path. "Bugger," Luna said, just before everything went dark. *** "She'll just get back up again in a few minutes," I point out, trying to bring some order to the celebration Golden has broken into. "That wasn't very Heroic of her." Golden pauses. "Hm. You're right. What we need is something really really important that they have to protect, so that being killed by Ember while defending it counts as Heroic." He falls into silence, while I run the idea through my head. "You have a lot of faith in Ember," I say. Golden nods. "Of course. He's one of those that doesn't want much out of life, but will get deadly serious if you try and mess with what little he does care about. And in this case, we've managed to turn all of his anger from Fluttershy dying onto Twilight and her merry little gang." He laughs quietly. "Which is fair enough, actually. It certainly wasn't our fault that her dream self was killed so quickly." "Even so," I say, deciding that it's not worth the effort to wonder about Ember's trustworthiness just yet. "What are we going to do? What could they be protecting that all of them will care enough about to fight to the death for?" Golden suddenly jumps up, grinning widely and practically buzzing with excitement. "I've got it!" He cries with glee, clapping his hands together and dancing around the room. I wait patiently for a while, before he calms down and faces me with a serious expression. "Get the King and tell him to head back to the session. We're going to have ourselves a little Reckoning of our own..." *** "Urgh... that hurt," Luna complained, picking herself off what appeared to be the ground. After coming to her senses she was no longer convinced it really was the ground, because much of the ground had now been sent flying through the air in large slabs, one of which was currently carrying Luna very quickly back towards the rest of the ground. Head first. "Oh come on," Luna protested, before falling silent as she was crushed into Skaia with a horrifying crunching noise. Meanwhile, Ember was slowly picking off the rest of the ponies. "Damn it," Comet said through gritted teeth, appearing briefly to knock Ember over the head with his Encyclopaedia before vanishing once again. He reappeared a few moments later to do the same thing, only this time he had several cuts from later on in the fight. "I really hate people like you. Idiots, who can't do anything as well as anyone else, yet keep struggling on and just refuse to give up. That's what really annoys me about you." "I can't do anything as well as anyone else?" Ember asked, carving a large ravine into Skaia just as Comet materialised, causing him to fall down in surprise into the chasm below. "Try doing that." In response, Comet spun in mid-air to regain control, flying back up towards the top of the ravine. Equipping his almanac and furiously chanting the words within, he focused his entire Timey thing onto the rock beneath Ember's feet. In a few nanoseconds, entire eras flew by, countless millennia of erosion and decay cut down to the time it took Ember to blink in surprise, before finding himself thrown into the chasm in much the same manner as Comet had been moments before. Comet collapsed onto the ground, utterly drained by the exercise. Using his powers for something as inefficient as that was remarkably stupid, and he wondered whose idea it had been to try it. Oh right, Ember's. He made a half-hearted attempt to get to his feet, before collapsing again. He was going to feel this in the morning. The ground around him cracked and splintered as Ember suddenly materialised next to him, carrying all his momentum into the solid rock. He stood in silence for a few moments. "I hope that was worth it," he said quietly, his warhammer beginning to arc through the air towards Comet. This wasn't Heroic either, Comet reasoned, but it was still going to hurt like a bitch. And then, quite unexpectedly, Twilight and Star Swirl suddenly appeared next to Ember. "Love Sign - MASTER SPARK!" They yelled in unison, shooting an enormous laser of brilliant light in a manner similar to the technique carried out earlier. Mild, who was some distance away, watched as the laser smashed into Ember, knocking him away and engulfing him in a blaze of light and heat. "Oh, not that again," he said quietly. *** "He's on his way," I say, as I return from speaking with the King. "But he's not happy about this. It wasn't what you said it would be." "I know," Golden admits. "But that can't be helped. Once we've defeated those irritating ponies and there isn't anything left to interfere, we can take as long as we want to bring whatever we want into existence. I've been thinking, and I think I know what the problem was with our initial approach." "You said, didn't you?" I ask. "You said we can't force them to do something that's just completely unlike them." "Not within reason," Golden points out. "The thing is, you can't break their personality, but you can change it. The longer running, the deeper buried an idea is, the stronger and more difficult to defeat it becomes. As things begin to move in a certain direction, it becomes harder and harder for the people involved to deviate from the plan. So if we want to gain control, we have a couple of options. One, we kill them and start afresh with new ponies who are easier to manipulate. Two, we slowly and painfully wear them down until they come around to our way of thinking, through the complex and delicate introduction of new elements and relationships." "I like the sound of option one," I say. "Yes," Golden muses. "So do I." *** "Ember?" Acapella stepped forwards bravely, kneeling down to the Prince of Space as he began to wake up. The spark had torn up much of his clothing, although the only remaining damage to Ember was a few burns and cuts. More than being damaged by the laser, he seemed to have simply lost the will to give a shit. "Are you OK?" She blinked in surprise as she noticed a few small tears appearing on the edge of his eyes. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore," Ember said slowly. "I was just minding my own business in my house, playing games. I had work the next day, but it wasn't going to be too bad. I only had to keep it up for a few more months and then I'd probably have gotten promoted, and then I'd have been sitting pretty. I didn't want much more than that, you know. Not much more. Why am I even here?" "Ember..." Acapella looked away. She couldn't answer that question, because she had already tried to answer it for herself many times. This game had never been something she'd wanted to play, just a way to kill time for a few hours. She hadn't realised what she was getting herself into. "... stop. Please, just stop. We're all the same, you know. We're all hurting, and tired, and missing the life we'll never see again. I don't-" she paused, collecting her thoughts before she began crying as well. "I don't want to die here. I... I want to believe that I can get out. Not home, not now, but somewhere where the sky is blue and the trees are green and no one wants to drop a fucking meteor on me. I just... want to go somewhere safe. I have to believe that I can get there." "She's right," Diamond said, approaching the two ponies. The others were a way behind them, debating what their next move should be. "If we just turn to killing each other ceaselessly now, then what will that achieve? We need to move on, to find a way out. And the only way we'll manage to do that is if we work together." She smiled. "Having another Hero of Space couldn't hurt, you know." Ember held her gaze for a few minutes, and then closed his eyes, smiling peacefully. "Yeah, I guess you're right." That was when the meteor hit. ***END OF ACT 4 ACT 1 INTERMISSION*** "What the hell is it this time?" Celestia roared, as she deposited the entire group of ponies a safe distance away from the impact which had just obliterated a tenth of the Battlefield. "I've had just about enough of this. Who the hell thinks they can just throw a meteor at me and get away with it?" "Oh... wait, I think I can see something..." Luna said, peering through the smoke which had been thrown up by the explosion. "I... oh shit. Guys? What do we do?" The smoke drew away, revealing what the meteor had actually been. A towering, gigantic black carapace loomed above them, entirely too many prototyping’s bristling their various teeth, scales, and flashing lights at the hapless ponies. The King had arrived. It seemed to everypony that the answer to Luna's question was, quite simply, nothing. There was nothing they could do to stop the King. He was the second most powerful being in the Paradox Loop. Nothing they could do would ever hope to stand up to its- "Urgh, I'm getting that voice in my head again," Mild complained. "Anyone else?" They all murmured their agreement, despite disagreeing completely. "I feel fine," Ember said. "Leave it to me." With that, he took off towards the King, the others protesting and chasing after him. Wait, what? Why is Ember- hey Silver, let me just have a quick look at what's been happening. ... Oh you are fucking kidding me. No. Just, just no. Stop it. Ember, stop it. Ember suddenly felt a great and powerful urge to sit down and cry like the little triple-crossing bitch he really is. "Like hell!" Ember yelled, warping space to neatly catch the first of the King's attacks. Even so, as he held the fabric of space open for the King's fist to fly into, he could feel the sheer heat and power emanating from the attack. It would be a struggle even to remain close to the King, let alone deal enough damage with his hammer to actually begin to overpower him. In fact he felt like just giving up because of how underpowered he clearly was. "Shut the hell up!" Ember yelled again, swinging his warhammer with all of his strength into the King's shoulder. Absolutely nothing happened, as expected. I don't think we've really established just how powerful this King is. "AAAARGH!" Ember cried. Something did happen, actually. Ember, in his rush to deal as much damage as possible to something he cannot hope to shatter with his flimsy warhammer, has managed to dislocate his shoulder. Way to go, champ. "Ember!" Celestia called, quickly teleporting him out of the way before the King managed to stab him with one of his sword-wielding arms. "Honestly, we're not going to beat this thing head on. We need some kind of plan." She turned back to Comet and Twilight, who were deliberating furiously. "Any ideas, you two?" "Yeah," Twilight said angrily. "I think that Mr Don't mess with the timeline because that's bad except when I do it then it's perfectly OK over here needs to shut the hell up and let me think straight!" "Well I think," Comet retorted, "that Little Miss No shut up I'm the chosen one so I get to be the one who does the super special plan all by myself over here needs a bit of perspective on our current situation. We do not have time for her to be indulging in her little princess fantasies by coming up with stupid unworkable plans!" "... guys? None of what you're saying really seems to fit the mood," Celestia said. "In fact I kind of hoped you'd be able to pull it together and be a bit friendlier with each other while we're trying to save all of our lives." Comet and Twilight both paused, and blinked. "... what were we doing?" Comet asked. Twilight shook her head. "I don't know. It feels kind of like when we had thoughts put into our head, except I could have sworn I thought them." Of course it did, that's because you two hate each other so much! Come on, this is perfectly in-character! Get back to arguing right this minute! "Urgh, whatever, this isn't helping," Comet said. "Friends? For now, at least?" Twilight nodded. Oh for crying out loud, I really despair with these ponies sometimes, I really do. "Great," Celestia said happily. "Let me know if you get anywhere. For now..." she turned her attention back to the King. "Swirly? Luna? Let's do this." ***END OF ACT 4 ACT 1*** "Well, they're still rebelling a lot," Golden says. "Still, we have our incredibly powerful King to back us up here. I don't think they have enough power or intelligence to defeat it." He smiled thinly. "And even if they did, we can distract them sufficiently so that they'll die as planned." He pauses, noticing my worried expression. "What's wrong?" "I just worry," I say. "Suppose they defeat the King. Actually, suppose they don't. Suppose they just manage to get away from him. If they manage to begin travelling to the Hotel... they have Ember with them now. He knows where we are." Golden freezes on the spot. "Hm. That's true enough," he says, a brief moment of panic quickly fading. "But let us suppose that they do manage to reach us. What happens then? We all have a big showdown?" His face darkens, and for the first time in a while I remember that he really is someone to be feared. "I don't care if they have the power to kill that King. If they think for one moment that they can defeat me... then I will show them the true meaning of fear." *** A/N: Ha... I... made it... finally. That shouldn't have taken so long, but I'm terribly out of shape. That's just what I get for sitting around all day watching anime instead of going for long morning runs in the park with two amusingly small dogs, like all proper authors do. Regardless, I have managed to make it to this back room through the longest route possible - avoiding any spots where Discord may have been able to see me. I can't very well let myself get killed at this stage, after all. The room I am in is small and dark, a couple of monitors flickering away brightly in the corner. In the centre of the room is a large metal cylinder with many complicated sciencey bits stuck on at odd and exciting angles. This machine was briefly mentioned earlier, but now it is with great satisfaction that I am able to spring the trap which has been completely forgotten about for the last thirty chapters I mean carefully concealed. Everything is proceeding within acceptable parameters. I activate the primary de-phasing mechanism, which to the untrained eye involved pushing the big red button which is very handily labelled with 'DO NOT PUSH'. This is handy because both of my eyes are untrained. The machine lights up in a billion different colours (this is not true, actually, because there are only 6 colours which make any difference in the long run) and begins making all sorts of fascinating yet irrelevant noises. Finally, it becomes silent, the lights all switch off, and the front of the cylinder rises. My Narrator is dead, my cast is shattered, there's a damn-near omnipotent Heir of Rage in my study, yet I am not afraid. For I have one final trick up my sleeve, one final kick in this shins for my nemesis. The ultimate technique, the 10th level spell, the Noble Phantasm of all authors. I can only hope that somewhere, somehow, I can atone for the literary sin I have just committed. For now, it is time. As the smoke clears, and the figure within the cylinder appears before me, I know it is time. Time, to let the God out of the machine. "Hi!” Pinkie Pie says, grinning madly.