//------------------------------// // Brace Yourselves; Awkwardness Inbound // Story: A Cybernetic Life // by AxtontheMechanist //------------------------------// Naturally, today had gone well; we (me and Trixie) performed our show, got paid and finally got some time to relax. After all, the last few days had been quite hectic; what with all the fighting (silly bandits), Magikarp impressions and nigh carnivorous blankets, which seem to have an affinity for attacking Trixie. So yes, very ‘hectic’. Not to mention, whole new planet, loads of new stuff. Like how I just found out I can ingest food, like a normal human (Mmmm, pizza). Speaking of pizza, Trixie and I (after finding out that there was nothing more to do at the hall), decided to go to a nearby restaurant. No, it was absolutely not a date, and there was absolutely no awkward moments at all. Nope. Not one. The dinner actually went quite smoothly; Trixie and I chatted to one another about casual topics such as magic in Equestria and other generalized subjects like economy, etc. After a few hours, we decided to head home; Luna’s moon hung high in the sky, a giant luminescent light bulb, bathing the land of Equestria in a silver glow of pure beauty. Trixie stood up, yawning. “Well, Trixie is quite tired, so- zzzzzzz” Trixie unceremoniously fell asleep at the table, narrowly avoiding her plate as her face slammed into the table with an audible ‘thud’. As if it wasn’t awkward enough that everyone was staring at me like some sort of alien. Honestly, what’s wrong with a little metal? Moving on. After paying the bill (and adding a small tip due to Trixie’s rather... inappropriate behavior), I placed the pouch of bits we had earned on a small hook which I attached to my leg plating, making it like an attachable coin purse. Which, let’s be honest; that is pretty cool. I hauled Trixie’s motionless sleeping form into my arms, in fireman position. Y’know, this was really awkward, considering that she was a girl, and I, being a gentlebot meant I was predominantly male. Not a bloody word or I swear... You know what? Fuck it, let’s just fast-forward a little. Ten minutes later... Okay, so I was walking through the streets, a still sleeping and exhausted Trixie in my arms. Ignoring the odd looks the passers-by gave me, I eventually reached the caravan/wagon that we stayed in. Naturally, as the gentlebot I am, I placed her in her bed. That’s when things started to go downhill. I was just tucking her in, when she decided to wake. “Wha..?” She noticed me, standing over her. Fuck. She decided the best course of action; throw the nearest item at me. “GET OUT OF TRIXIE’S ROOM THIS INSTANT!!!” She was blushing bright red by now, for some odd reason. “Look, you just happened to be the one who fell asleep! At the table, no less!” What, did she think I was, a pervert? "..." "..." ... Well, crap. I rushed out of the room, just in time to see a bunch of fluffy toys get thrown at me, along with multiple books. Seriously, was that it? I’ve had missiles, boulders and grenades thrown at me back on the Omega test facility. And all she had was a couple of toys and some boo- ow, bitch! One of the books had decided to go for my face, knocking me over. Bandits, I could take, but books are just goddamn nasty. Especially hardback books. Ugh. As I was saying, a book (specifically a book named ‘Ain't that a kick in the head?’. Oh, the irony) decided to dive-bomb in her magic grip (that of which was guiding the homing items of mass annoyance which she threw at me), hitting me smack bang in the face as it attacked me, somehow teleporting into my face. After finally getting all of the items away from me, I bolted into the bathroom of the wagon (How the hell does that work anyway?), locking the door behind me. Phew glad that was out of the way. After a few minutes, I heard the books and oh-so-deadly toys drop to the floor. I opened the door just a smidgen to check if there was anything behind there. And oh boy there was. And not just anyone; a very, VERY angry Trixie was glaring at me from the other side. Wait a minute. Why the bloody hell was I running from her again? I’m a robot, not a human. Deciding on a course of action (diplomacy), I walked out the door to face the Great and Angry Trixie. “Now, I know you think I’m a-“Before I could speak, I was interrupted once more; this time by a very hard slap to the face, which made a loud ‘CLANG!’. Now don’t get me wrong; usually, this would hurt. IF I was a human. Now as I have mentioned very recently; I’m. a. Bloody. ROBOT! So all she really ended up doing was slapping my metallic face. And ending up hurting her hand in the process. She didn’t even speak; she just looked at her hand like it was the last human on Earth, all the while whimpering in pain. Honestly, you have no idea how amusing that was. Really, it was hilarious. “And the award for stupidest act of violence goes to....” I smirked, wiping the small hand print off my face. In hindsight, that’s probably what set her off. But of course, I turned serious, explaining the whole situation. After another ten minutes of explaining... “...And that is why you futile, yet annoying acts of violence are completely unnecessary, given the circumstances.” I finished explaining, after explaining the whole ‘you went to sleep at the bloody table’ scenario. I was quite proud of myself really; never had I given such a witty status report. She simply tossed her head with a small ‘hmph!’ and proceeded to walk out of the door of the wagon, tossing her long hair behind her. I face-palmed, sighing and sitting down on the couch, which currently resided in the living room of the wagon, which never failed to surprise me; it’s bigger on the inside, making it seem more like a moving bungalow. My wise and ponderous thoughts were interrupted by a scream piercing through the night air, cutting through said air like a knife through Swiss cheese. I sighed, moving my weary cybernetic limbs to stand; after all this bloody hoopla is over, I’m having a nice, long recharge. I ran out into the night air, my combat systems coming back online as I snapped out another one of my beta-stage weapons; the wrist mounted portal gun. Even in its prototype stage, it was damn good to have around. The air whipped against my metallic structure, making a badass whistling sound as my speed boosters skipped into overdrive, allowing me to run at least 50mph towards the source of the sound, whilst also letting me dodge the civilians that plagued the streets of Manehatten (I STILL think that’s a corny name. Now, back to me being badass). I dodged round a corner, finally reaching the source of the scream. And surprise sur-bloody-prise, I find Trixie, cornered by two thugs at the back of the alley I had just turned around to. “Now listen ‘ere girly, give us ya coin purse, or we’ll ‘ave ta find anotha’ form of ‘compensation’.” One of them sneered. Hell, my odour detectors could pick up his body odour from a whole ten feet away. Poor Trixie, she must be gagging right now. I guess that makes us even. “Leave Trix- I mean me, alone! I-I’ll turn you into a toad, and then you’ll regret it!” She yelled, splaying her hands, ready to cast a spell. Even I had to admit, that was terrible. Toads? Seriously? The thugs shared that feeling, as they tipped their heads back and roared in laughter. Now I realized; they weren’t thugs, they were simply drunk buggers. Not that I could tell the difference, there’s a fine line between being a violent drunk, and a thug (they kind of both act the same.) So, instead of hurting them, I simply decided to activate my stealth drives, turning invisible as I readied my portal gun. Now, the fun began. Just as the first drunk/thug (I have now dubbed him ‘Mr. Compensation’) advanced towards Trixie, an orange portal opened up beneath him, sending him as a yelling and cursing mess through to its blue counterpart, which deposited from a nearby wall, knocking him out as he slammed face first into the wall opposite, also being rewarded with a sickening crunch to the face as his nose took the full impact of going at high speeds into the old and aging bricks. Good thing this was a narrow alley, right? I closed up the portals, making it seem to the entire world that the second drunk’s drunken buddy had disappeared right in front of him, and appeared only seconds later to get knocked out. Probably super-creepy from his point of view. “W-who’s there?” The second drunkard bellowed, stumbling around to try see who had knocked out his buddy. Silly drunk. Just as he had his back turned to me, I disengaged my stealth drives, appearing behind him. He slowly turned around (this was almost comic, I tell you), facing up to all 6ft of my excellent metallic body, which gleamed ominously in the light. I leaned in toward the drunk, looming over him. “...” “...” “...” I continued to lean in, face to face with him now; I simply spoke one word to the drunken thug-like man. “Boo.” I grinned wolfishly at him, blue synthetic eyes twinkling creepily in the dank light of the alleyway. What I didn’t expect however, was for him to shriek like a five year old girl, and run off, jabbering something along the lines of; “ALIENS! RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY! ~” He ran off like a bolt of lightning, as fast as his drunken stumble/jog could take him. I watched him go, bemused at this strange human behaviour. I had seen some pretty strange things back at the facility, but this took the cake. I looked back at Trixie, who simply gaped at me (gotta love that Magikarp impression), wide eyed. I decided at that point in time to record a small note log in my memory banks. ‘Note to self; humans are fucking weird.’