I bite my lower lip as I stare at the letter.
"Hey, Peter, is something the matter? You're never this quiet," Twilight points out.
I sigh as I bend to pick up the parchment on the table in front of me. I hand it to Twilight, who starts to read it out loud.
"'Princess Celestia, I would like to talk to you about Equestrian technology. I believe I can assist in developing technology due to my technical knowledge. I sincerely hope I can help push Equestria into a modern age. Yours truly, Peter...'" Twilight pauses. "'Kenpachi-Ramasama'? That's your full name? Peter Kenpachi-Ramasama?"
"Yeah, it sucks I know," I mutter. "But it's the name I was born with, and it's the name I'm gonna keep."
"Okay," Twilight responds innocently. "So, I'm guessing you want me to send this to Celestia?"
"Yeah," I sigh. "I'm hoping to land a job in technological development, y'know?"
Twilight nods. "Okay. Well, this letter is very well-written - I'll have Spike send it, along with a good word of my own."
I stand from the couch with an excited grin. "Really!? Oh, thanks Twilight, you're the best!" I accentuate this expression by throwing my arms around her in a tight hug. She coughs as she attempts to pry my arms off of herself.
"Can't...breathe..." She wheezes. I let go of her with a blush and a sheepish smile.
"Heh, sorry," I mutter. "Anyway, thank you so much - this really means a lot to me."
Twilight nods. "No problem. I'll go ahead and write out my good word, and have Spike send it immediately."
"Thanks...you know, I'm actually sorta surprised that you're so willing to do this, after how awful I've been..."
"Please, you've only been awful on certain days," she dismisses me. "Besides, even when you are, it's in a playful sort of way."
"I'm glad you guys get that," I sigh in relief. "And thanks, Twi'. I'll be sure to repay you for this, I promise."
"I'll hold you to that," Twilight teases. I grin at her as she goes to her writing desk, and decide to flop down on the couch.
About a half hour later, Twilight stands with a pleased exclamation. She calls Spike, and has him send both scrolls at the same time. We sit with bated breath as we wait for the response.
"You do realize that she won't reply immediately, right?" Twilight asks me.
"Yep."
"And that she's probably very busy?"
"Mm-hm."
"And that we probably shouldn't wait like this?"
"Oh, yeah, definitely."
We return to silence, staring at Spike expectantly. He starts to blush a bit in embarrassment as he scuffs his claws on the wood floor.
"Uh...could you two stop staring?" He asks, meekly. "It's making me feel a bit uncomforta-BLEGH!"
I can't help but laugh, but the laughter disappears as the fire reveals a single scroll with the royal seal. I feel like a rapper with my dapper...fuck it.
I tear open the scroll, and eagerly read the flowing script. After the fourth time reading it over to make sure I got it exactly right, I read it aloud to Twilight.
"'Dear Peter Kenpachi-Ramasama, I am very interested in this subject, and I will breach it with you shortly. Perhaps you and Twilight should come to Canterlot tomorrow so we can discuss a possible position of employment that would suit your knowledge? I sincerely look forward to discussing this with you. Signed, Princess Celestia.'"
Twilight and I are about to start squealing in excitement when Spike burps a second time. I snatch the letter out of thin air, and make sure to keep it away from Twilight after reading the first sentence. It reads:
This is for Peter Kenpachi-Ramasama's eyes only. Nopony else will be able to see these words. Peter, I find your surname hilarious, and I will definitely make sure that each of the Elements of Harmony know it. I don't want Twilight to see this because I don't know how she would think of me if she saw this playful side of my personality. She's a bit pedantic, have you noticed? Anyway, I seem to have misplaced your Element of Harmony. I believe it may have been magically transported to your belongings. That, or Princess Luna is wearing it. She always has liked the Yin-Yang symbol. In any case, I find that I have been rambling for much too long. I look forward to speaking with you in person.
"What's it say what's it say what's it say what's it say!?" Twilight shrieks.
"Hear, read it, Jesus fuck..." I breathe as I shove it to her. She frowns as she sees that it's a blank piece of paper.
"She must've sent this by accident," Twilight mutters. "I'll be sure to send it back to her right away! Oh, and I'll write on it explaining that I sent it back so she knows that I sent it back because she accidentally sent it...wait, what if she didn't accidentally send it!? What if it's intentional!? What if this is a test!?"
I roll my eyes as I mentally agree with Celestia. She is pedantic as all fuck...
"I'm gonna go visit Applejack," I announce. "You have fun with that."
I walk out of the library, shivers running down my spine as Twilight begins to ramble about what the test could possibly be. I accelerate my departure as I hear her hypothesizing that she's got to use magic to destroy it, and that it's enchanted to withstand normal destruction spells.
I think that's the last time I'll ever send mail again.