//------------------------------// // Now // Story: It's Not If, It's When. It Just Ain't Now. // by Bysen //------------------------------// AJ went right to bed. It was early in the night still, even by her standard of going to sleep early to wait up near dawn. And as cliché as she thought it was, she couldn’t sleep. She simply cried. It had to have been hours, two or three at the least. She’d heard them talking for a few minutes after she left but could only make out the occasional shouts that Applebloom made. An hour or so after that they’d all gone to sleep as well. Now it was just quiet and eventually, AJ fell asleep too. She wasn’t asleep for very long though. Or maybe she was, she had no idea what time it was. It just didn’t feel like very long. She couldn’t remember exactly what she’d dreamt about, just that it hadn’t been pleasant. And that was made all too clear when she realised she was already crying; it had been what woke her up. She hadn’t felt this bad in years, what she wanted to do now, she’d done a few times in the past. The last time that wasn even remotely close to how she felt now was during the ‘AppleDash’ thing and that had only been because she was hurt her friends wouldn’t believe her. Before that, the time she had to drop out of school when Granny Smith had just become too old to work the farm anymore, even though she’d worked far past what she should’ve already by then. And once before, for no real reason… she’d just been depressed and she didn’t know what about. What she’d always done was go into Applebloom’s room, crawl into bed with her and hug her until she fell asleep. And cry. Appleboom had done the same a few times coming into AJ’s bed, but out of fear, not sadness. She was just a little filly after all and got scared sometimes. But AJ couldn’t do that now… Applebloom was part of thing causing this. What AJ did instead of that, she hadn’t done since before Applebloom was even born. “Big Mac?” she whisper as she opened the door to his room just enough to speak threw it. The same but with her big brother instead. She hadn’t done this since she was smaller than Applebloom was now. When she had been just a scared little filly herself and didn’t want to be alone in her dark room. Though it felt like she was a scared little filly now. She didn’t know how he felt about her relationship with Fluttershy. He’d kept quiet during the whole argument. He yawned as she woke him. “What time is it AJ?” “Ah’m sorry big bro. Could ah come in?” she asked, still standing outside his room speaking through the only slightly cracked door. “O’course ya can.” “Thanks” AJ said as she opened the door, walked in and closed it behind her. She went over and stood beside him as he sat up on his bed. “Big Mac… do you hate me too?” “Don’t you be stupid. Ah don’t hate cha. None’a us do.” “Oh come on now… ya heard what they said about me. I’m dating a mare for the love of Celestia… and, and ah’m ashamed’a it. Ah don’t know what made me think y’all wouldn’t be ‘shamed of me too.” “Ah ain’t ashamed of you sis… ah’m proud o’ you. It musta took a lot ta tell us, ah’m sure.” “Thank you Big Mac.” AJ sighed and she took a seat on the edge of the bed. She wasn’t scared anymore at least, but she was still just as depressed. “Have you ever… been with another colt.” “Nope. Not at all. Never.” Big Mac said as she raised a hoof to his mouth and coughed “Caramel” then coughed once more. AJ wasn’t sure it was a joke or not but it didn’t really matter. That wasn’t what she took away from him saying that. “Ya see? You are ashamed of it. I don’t know if that were true or not but ya still denied it. Ya clearly ashamed of it, ain’t cha?” “Well, ah am ah guess.” Big Mac said before putting a hoof on his sister’s shoulder. “But ah don’t think you are. You said ya loved her didn’t ya? Ya wouldn’ta said that if you weren’t proud of it. Tell me that ya ain’t proud ta say you love Fluttershy.” “Ah do… and… ah am.” AJ blushed as she looked away from him. Then returned to him and with a smile said “Tomorrow’s our one month anniversary. She wants ta tell all our friends. But ah don’t think I’m that proud of it. One of them will flip out, another will just wanna throw us a coming-out party and the other two’ll just say ‘called it’. And that’s the best case situation. What Applebloom said… she…” “She’s just a filly. Going off’a school-yard talk and teasin’. You know she don’t really think you’re evil don't ya?” “Yur right, ah know, but still… ah can guarantee she’ll be following me around all tomorrow now anyway.” “No she won’t. She’s grounded. Ah understand she don’t know what she where talkin’ about but she said a thing that went just a bit too far and she’d grounded fer a few days.” “That she could even say something about me…” AJ sighed. “Wha’did she say that ya grounded her for?” “Ah didn’t ground her. Granny did.” Big Mac said as he moved his hoof from her shoulder to around her neck and pulled her into a hug. “She may not be happy with what ya chose but she ain’t ganna let that get in the way of being ya family. You know ‘swell as ah do that no matter what you did she would stand up fer ya and would never stop lovin’ ya. Neither would ya sister or brother.” “You, ya mean it?” AJ asked, tearing up once more. She didn’t need an answer. She felt the same way about all three of them. Maybe even the four of them, because she loved Fluttershy just as much. She returned the hug. “’Course ah mean it sis.” he said as she gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Now if ya don’t mind, ah gotta get back ta sleep. We both got a busy day tomorrow. Ah gotta harvest the south-west field. And you gotta tell all ya friends about you and Fluttershy.” he proclaimed with pride. “Thank ya bro. But could ah stay here fer the night?” AJ asked, falling back onto the bed beside Big Mac, not needing to wait for his answer. “Sure thing AJ.” he said as he threw the blanket over her and lay back down himself. He put a hoof over her and closed his eye as he let his head sink into his pillow. She fidgeted a little in the bed before rolling over to face him. “Um… Big Mac… is that a flash-light ah can feel…” AJ paused, thinking it would be in really bad taste to say ‘or are you just happy to see me?’ and instead said “or should ah get out of this bed right now?” Big Mac pulled away, though his face remained blank as usual, with the slight inkling he was nervous that only somepony who knew him as well as AJ did would be able to notice from her brother’s stoic face. She was about he get out of the bed when Big Mac reach down and pulled out a flash-light. “It gets dark sometimes, ya know…” he said. AJ just laughed… “It was hard to think that such a big stallion like you could be scared of anything.” She sighed as she got back to being comfortable in her brothers hooves once more before they fell asleep together.