Humans Assemble!

by Mistershield


Interlude III

Interlude III- Sidekicks Assemble



“Alright, alright, everypony settle down now,” Mayor Mare said. The public speaker smiled at the ponies gathered inside the Ponyville’s City Hall Pavillion. A special meeting had been called asking for the ponies that had human partners to show up. Most of the mares were chatting, leaving the odd ones of the group to talk among each other. Little Strongheart and Zecora picked up their heads to smile at the Mayor, while Braeburn, Fancy Pants, Caramel, and Big Mac to look up from the guy’s corner. Even all the royal ponies had gathered, taking a spot for themselves near the refreshment table. Little Spike was left to take notes for the meeting, next to the Mayor.

“Excellent. Now I’m sure you all know why we’re gathered here,” Mayor said, moving her head to look down at the faces of them all.

“Actually- no,” Scootaloo said, the fillies and colts at the kiddie table nodding with her. “No one tells us anything. Sweetie Belle just got all of us together.”

“Is that so...” Princess Celestia raised her eyebrows at the ponies with siblings. “Well, the meeting was sudden.” ‘Least she was trying to be understanding, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash managed a weak smile.

“We are gathered here today in order to find a name for the human’s team. I think it unfair for our partners to go around without a name to present themselves by,” Mayor explained.

“Yeah, it’ll be like the Wonderbolts calling themselves “Pegasi” all the time,” Rainbow Dash explained. A few murmurs and nods spread through the ponies.

“It does lack originality, not to mention we need a name to separate our precious partners from those horrible evil ones,” Rarity added.

“So... are we here to give ideas?” Fancy Pants called out, lifting his eyebrows.

“What’s wrong with Equestria’s Champions?” Lyra called out.

“Actually, we do believe this name was taken already by ponies, for the humans to take such a name may bring some dissention to the memory of our past defenders,” Princess Luna responded.

“So everypony, we will give you a moment to think about names. Feel free to talk and share if you think a name will suit them all,” Twilight Sparkle added.

“A team name,” Caramel said, his head lowered to think. “I guess it’s to reintroduce the humans to Equestria and try to throw-off the slander from the newspaper article.”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac said. “I like the name, Cool Beans.”

“Not Apple related?” Fancy Pants asked. “I would’ve called them Bipedal Knights.

“Can’t all be about apples,” Big Mac replied. “How about you Caramel?”

“Hmm. A name,” Caramel sat down on his haunches to think. “Unforgettable.”

“A bit poetic, eh?” Shining Armor said as he walked over to the group. “Nice to spend some time with the guys for once.”

“Nice of you to join us Prince,” their heads bowed in mock courtesy.

“Whatever,” Armor rolled his eyes. “My suggestion was the Honor Guards.”

“Stick to what you know, huh?” Caramel asked. “Why aren’t you with the princesses?”

“You should hear the names they’re coming up with...”

“I still think we should call them Sunbros,” Princess Celestia frowned a bit.

“That is boring. We should call them Team Three Star,” Luna added.

“That name makes no sense,” Princess Cadence said. “I like Team Badass.”

“Cadence!”

“So it’s decided then?” Rumble picked up his head, looking around the table at the group of youngsters. They all nodded, moving to jump up together.

“SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME!” They all cried out together.

Zecora and Little Strongheart looked at each other, a bit startled by their reaction. Still, they looked back at each other. Neither had a chance to talk to each other’s race.

“I like the name Spirit Warriors,” Strongheart said, looking back up to the zebra.

“A team name most profound. I’d just call them Duty Bound,” Zecora chuckled.

“Alright. We need suggestions,” Twilight said as her friends gathered around her. “I think Harmony’s Defender sounds good.”

“I like the Elements of Awesome!” Rainbow Dash said.

“How about a sport name, like them Wonderbolts? Let’s call them the Wild Stallions,” Applejack suggested.

“Oh my...” Fluttershy blushed at the name. “I just wanted to call them Friends.”

“Come Fluttershy, that will hardly demand respect. I think Rough Diamonds,” Rarity smiled.

“Why not something funny! Like ‘Team Nostalgia Put Together By One Guy Because He Loves Them All With Ponies’!” Pinkie Pie shouted.

The Mane six turned to look at Pinkie Pie, deadpanned.

“What?”

“I kinda like Greased Lightning,” Nurse Redheart squeed. “I loved that musical.”

“Does anyone want to know my opinion?” Blueblood picked up his head to look around. “Team Valiant.”

“Blueblood?” Princess Celestia picked up her head.

“Yes Auntie?”

“Who let you out of the basement?”

________________________________

So what are the summoned champions doing while this meeting is going on? Pet sitting.

Dan blinked once, looking down at Gummy. The jerk had a newspaper and turned the page, letting the baby alligator just stand still in their new home.

“You move from that spot, and I’ll turn you into luggage. You’re no Mr. Mumbles,” Dan idly threatened the toothless wonder. Gummy only opened his mouth once, and then closed it, staring into space.

__________________________________


“So what do you feed a tortoise,” Phoenix asked. He had both arms crossed on his chest, looking at how Tank could fly with a propeller on his back. Tank merely bumped into clouds, trying to fly better.

“I wonder if Tank will eat cheeseburgers.”

__________________________________


“Stop humping Dovahkiin’s leg, bad Winona!” Samus called out with a newspaper in her hands.

“Heel girl!” Hoagie called out, trying to fight back the urge to laugh.

“FUS RO DAH!”

__________________________________


“Who?”

“No no, The Doctor is not here,” Otacon replied. He was looking at Owlicious as he tried feeding it.

“Who?”

“You know, that guy that tried to kill Nate.”

“Who?”

“Wears a necktie? Suit? He’s got brown hair.”

“Who?”

“Owns a blue police box? Likes to pretend he knows everything?

“Who?”

Samurai Jack rolled his eyes and turned back to look at Peewee. He smiled, petting the baby phoenix as it sang a melody.

_________________________________


“Come back here Philomena!” The Doctor frowned, chasing after the naughty bird.

The adult Phoenix chirped.

“Oh don’t you use that tone of voice with me! If Celestia could hear your voice, she would be so mad! Honestly, you’re worse than a baby!”

“You think you got it bad?” Travis said with a frown. “I gotta babysit a pet rock.” The assassin picked up his left hand, holding up a lunar pebble. “He’s called Jeoffrey.”

__________________________________


“Oh come on Nigel, Opalessence won’t scratch you,” Nate said, smiling as he petted the white cat on his lap.

“You’re joking, right?” Number One said. In his hand he held a lock of Sweetie Belle’s hair that had been clawed off.

“Just try it, you baby.”

“Never!”

__________________________________


“Angel?” Soma asked, his right eyebrow raised. The white bunny had kicked Soma’s left leg repeatedly. The soul hunter though, felt nothing. “What is it?”

Angel moved to hop away for a second, making Soma tilt his head to the side. A second later, Fluttershy’s pet came back with something in his mouth.

“What’s this?” Soma got down on his left knee and moved a hand out.

Angel moved to stand on his haunches. He then begun to stick his hips in and out, as if indicating for Soma to get it on. He then pointed at Fluttershy’s picture.

“Oh! Is this gum from Fluttershy’s collection?” Soma smiled. He ripped open the condom package and popped it into his mouth. A second later, Soma blew a very long and pink bubble out.

Angel moved his left paw out to hit his forehead.

“Not bad, gum flavored,” Soma added with a smile.

________________________________


“Mr Bojangles!” Bon Bon called out. A small monkey with a long tail was flinging poop at the walls. “Sephiroth, do something!”

“I’m not sure what should I do though,” The Cetra said. Mr. Bojangles jumped out and grabbed his hair. Grabbing a lock of hair, Mr. Bojangles begun to chew on Sephiroth’s hair.

“Is this normal?”

“No! Mr. Bojangles is a really nice monkey! Lyra just got him because of her obsession with hands! It must be you that has him so wound up!” Bon Bon frowned.

“I know what to do,” Sephiroth said. He began to strip.

“What are you doing?!” Bon Bon asked, moving her hooves up to cover her face. Still, both Mr. Bojangles and Bon Bon calmed down as Sephiroth stood topless.

“Now for the pants.”

__________________________________


Vergil and Terra sat down on a bench, overlooking a small pond. Each one of them had a brush, combing a pink and a blue sheep.

“So why do they have pet sheep?” Vergil asked. The blue sheep “baaa” cutely, making the half-devil snort a bit in disgust.

“Apparently, they’re popular in the Crystal Kingdom. The new rulers thought it would be a good idea to get their own.”

“But why name them Buck and Futter?”

“What’s wrong with those names?” Terra asked, looking up from Futter.

“Put them together...”

The half-esper blinked once, and then took a moment to think about it. “Oh my...” Terra said with a blush.

__________________________________


Vash the Stampede and Toph sat together on a bench, feeding ducks. Because Little Strongheart and Braeburn didn’t have pets.


___________________________________


Kratos looked down at the fishbowl, his face distorted by the water. He was looking at Octavia’s pet goldfish.

“What was it that Octavia said?” Kratos thought out loud.

“ You must feed Mr. Tickles twice daily. Breakfast and a light afternoon snack. Be forewarned though. Three hams will kill him, Kratos.” Octavia’s said during the flashback in Kratos’ mind.

“Ah. Three hams,” Kratos said as he dropped three cooked hams inside the fishbowl.

__________________________________


Ash and Snake sat outside the cafe, enjoying a cup of joe. Mayor Mare’s pet Myna bird sitting on Ash’s left shoulder to squawk. She was a pretty little black bird.

“So, why does she have a tropical bird?” Snaked asked. Since Trixie traveled so much, she had no pets.

“Apparently so she can practice her speeches; Myna birds can talk,” Ash shrugged.

”Harder Ash! Do me harder,” Mrs. Birdie said. Snake stopped sipping his coffee to look over at Ash.

“You and the Mayor?” Snake moved his free hand up to lift his headband over his eyes.

“When was the last time you had sex?” Ash defended himself. Snake had to raise his eyebrows and nod.

“Touche.”

_________________________________


“Mission accomplished!” Blue Spy said, smiling as he had a little clown fish inside a bag.

“You think Zecora will like ze fishie?” Red Medic asked. In his own hands, he held a bird cage with a dove for Nurse Redheart.

“Why not? Slap my hand,” Spy raised his left hand for a high five.

“Nein.” Medic frowned a bit. He did have his hands full.

“Slap it now.” Blue Spy started to get upset.

“Nein nein nein!” Red Medic said, getting a bit angry. Both drew a knife and bonesaw out and moved to proceed to kill each other’s gift. They stopped after a moment, looking at the red splattered on their clothes.

“Merde, my suit.”

_________________________________


“Yer dead, you stupid gopher!” Merchant cried out with a giant hammer in his hands. He was playing bop a mole with the rodent that was eating Junebug’s daisies.

Little did he know that was her pet.

Whack.

“Oooowww! My foot! I’ll get you yet you stupid rodent!” Merchant tossed the hammer away and moved to slide out his magnum in order to take pot shots.

___________________________________


“How do I even...” Sokka shut both eyes, trying to give Derpy’s pet a bath. Whatever it was, it was pixilated to censor the beast on the table top.

___________________________________


Zeke, Snape, and Barry joined Eddie inside his roaster vehicle as they were being chased by a Hydra.

“Whose pet is this?” Eddie shouted, laughing as he hit the nitro. “This guy is so metal!”

“Just drive!” Zeke cried out, taking pot shots at the monster. “It’s supposed to be Discord’s!”

“You’re a wizard! Do something!” Barry pointed at the thing. If only his buddy dragon was here! This Hydra wouldn’t be a problem.

“Like what? Sing it a lullaby?” Snape shouted, his hands desperately hanging on to the vehicle. “I can already tell it hates me.” He added in a sad voice.

Edited by Holy Macintosh


Bonus:

“Miles? Do you have a partner?” Angelo asked, looking over at the stylish dressed lawyer.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not-

“PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT!”

“What the...” Miles blinked once, looking down at the pink fluffy pony.

“I’ve never seen a pony like this one...” Angelo raised his eyebrows.

Fluffle Puff moved her left front hoof out to Miles’ right leg. The lawyer lowered himself to his left leg and raise his eyebrows.

“What is-” Miles found himself silent, as the fluffy pony picked her head up to lick his lips. “Blah!” The attorney moved his right sleeve to wipe his mouth as his cheeks were flushed red. “It tastes like pie!”

“I think she likes you.”