//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: Pointless Pursuits // by JC //------------------------------// Fluttershy was relaxing on her couch, hooves tucked beneath her, when she heard a knock at the door. “Who is it?” she called out. “It’s Pinkie Pie,” the voice at the door replied. “Can I come in?” Fluttershy perked up at the sound of Pinkie’s voice. “Of course,” she answered as she hopped down and walked over to the door. Pushing it open with a hoof, she smiled. “How are you doing, Pinkie?” “Pretty well, thanks Fluttershy.” Pretty well? Pinkie generally proclaimed herself to feel nothing less than “absolutastically amazing” or something similar. Fluttershy looked more closely at Pinkie’s face. She was smiling, but it wasn’t her customary ear-to-ear grin that made her visible from a mile away. “For some reason Sugarcube Corner’s not nearly as busy this morning as it usually is, so I thought I’d come over and see what you were up to,” Pinkie continued. “Oh, I’m not really doing much at the moment either,” said Fluttershy. “The animals have all been fed and are mostly sleeping right now, so I’m taking a little break.” “Sounds like I came at a great time, then! You got a few minutes to chat?” “Sure thing, Pinkie!” Fluttershy resumed her place on the couch and gestured to the side she wasn’t using. “Come join me!” Pinkie came over and climbed up, making herself comfortable. “Anything in particular you want to talk about?” Fluttershy asked. “Well, actually…yeah, there is.” She sounded tentative and her smile had been replaced with an expression of uncertainty, perhaps even anxiety. “You seem kind of down. Is there something wrong?” “I…don’t know. That’s what I came here to find out.” Fluttershy felt more than a bit disconcerted at this point, but she was glad that if Pinkie was upset about something she was at least talking to someone about it, instead of isolating herself like she did with that awful birthday party incident. “Pinkie, you know if there’s anything wrong I’ll do whatever I can to help you, right? That’s what friends do, after all.” At this Pinkie gave a small smile. “I know you will, Fluttershy. It’s just kind of a hard topic to bring up…” She trailed off, lowering her eyes. If Pinkie had trouble talking about it, it must be serious. Fluttershy waited patiently for her to resume. After a few moments, Pinkie looked at her again. “Do you remember that time when you tried too hard to be assertive and just ended up being mean and nasty to everypony?” Fluttershy’s face reddened. That had definitely not been one of her proudest moments, and she hated to have it brought up. “Y-Yes, I do. I don’t like to think about it, but I certainly remember it. Why do you ask?” Pinkie breathed in slowly as though she were steadying herself, then continued. “Do you also remember when you told Rarity and me that fashion and parties are pointless?” Fluttershy felt the overwhelming urge to look at anywhere other than Pinkie. Out of all the horrible things she had said and done at the time, that one haunted her the most. She had apologized in the end and her friends had at least outwardly forgiven her, but the memory still nagged at her. “Yes,” Fluttershy whispered, feeling a rising sense of dread at the turn this conversation was taking. “Did…Did you really mean it?” Fluttershy felt her heart drop into her stomach. She had hoped they would never follow up on that issue. “O-Of course not! I just said all those hurtful things because I was so desperate to be assertive and not get pushed around by others anymore. I hardly knew what I was saying by that point!” Fluttershy fought to keep her composure, but she was finding it difficult with Pinkie’s pained but steady gaze fixed on her. “That’s what I thought too, at first. I figured you had just gone overboard with the assertiveness training, but later I wondered, ‘What in the wide, wide world of Equestria does insulting your friends’ careers have to do with asserting yourself?’” Fluttershy was under the distinct impression that even if she had had an answer ready for that question, Pinkie wouldn’t have been in any mood to hear it. “I came here because I wanted to ask again: do you think what I do is meaningless?” Fluttershy felt trapped. She didn’t want to lie, but telling the truth would inevitably involve causing Pinkie more pain. She took a deep breath and began to speak. “Well… I’ve sometimes thought that, yes, but—” “I knew it.” Pinkie’s eyes had turned dangerously watery and she was clearly struggling to keep her mouth from trembling. “All this time you really thought that my parties were worthless. That I was worthless!” “Pinkie, that’s not true—” “Isn’t it?” Pinkie snapped in a flash of anger. “You’ve said it twice now. Once as ‘New Fluttershy,’ now again as ‘Old Fluttershy.’ What else do I need to hear?” It was as though Fluttershy were paralyzed from the sorrow and hurt emanating from her friend, unable to respond, but before she could rally herself Pinkie spoke again. “Just never mind, Fluttershy. I found out what I wanted to know.” Her voice was deeply sad again. She slowly let herself down from the sofa and walked toward the door. “Pinkie, where are you going?” “Away. So you don’t have to be around my pointless self anymore.” Pinkie’s voice was breaking as her hoof reached for the door. Without even thinking, Fluttershy leaped off the couch and raced toward her. “Pinkie Pie, wait!” Pinkie paused, still looking ready to walk out and never come back. “I have sometimes thought that what you do is pointless, but I only felt that way when I was trying to make myself feel better about what I do.” Pinkie turned to stare at Fluttershy, eyes still full of unshed tears, unsure of what she meant. “I don’t have what most ponies would call a ‘proper job,’” Fluttershy pressed on. “I live out here in this cottage, on the edge of a dangerous forest nopony in their right mind would even set hoof into, and I take care of my animals. Other than spending time with you and the other girls, caring for these creatures is almost my entire life. And others look at that and think, ‘What a waste!’” Fluttershy was now near tears herself, but she continued. “Almost nopony has ever said that to my face, but I know it’s what some of them say about me to each other. I shouldn’t care, really, but I’ve often comforted myself by thinking that at least what I do really helps other living things. Parties are nice, but they’re forgotten by the next morning. Ponies may enjoy them, but they can definitely live without them, too, and if that’s the case, what’s the real point to what you do?” Overcome with shame for her own malicious thoughts and pain from recalling the scorn of others, Fluttershy fell back on her haunches and allowed a few tears to fall and dampen the cottage floor. Her confession to feelings of inadequacy had caught Pinkie by surprise, but by the end of it she betrayed no emotion other than an air of unusual earnestness. She walked over to Fluttershy and put a hoof around her neck. “Fluttershy,” Pinkie began, hesitating before going on, “I know that nopony needs my parties. But that’s kind of like saying that nopony needs to smile. Sure, you can live without smiles, but life’s a lot more empty without them.” Pinkie turned and looked straight into Fluttershy’s eyes before continuing. “I lived that way for a long time, you know. Back on my parents’ rock farm, I didn’t really know what joy was until I saw the rainbow from Dashie’s sonic rainboom. Did that feeling last forever? Of course not. But it was enough to keep me going, enough to show me that life could be so much more than what I had known.” As Pinkie talked, Fluttershy was having her own moment of frank surprise. She had never heard her sound so serious before. “That’s why I throw parties, Fluttershy. I want to help everyone keep going. The feelings may not last forever, but if anyone at one of my parties has felt happy for even a moment, then not one balloon, not one cupcake, not one confetti bomb has been wasted, and certainly not one moment of my life!” At the climax of this declaration Pinkie stood up, dragging Fluttershy with her, and dramatically flung her free hoof into the air. After a couple seconds she lost her balance and they both ended up on the floor again. Fluttershy, taken aback at Pinkie’s sudden burst of eloquence and passion, took some time to collect her thoughts before responding. “That makes sense, Pinkie. And I think when I’ve felt the most confident and happy about what I’ve chosen to do, I’ve understood that on some level. It’s just that sometimes I get insecure about what I’m doing with my life, and when that happens I…well, you already heard me say it.” Fluttershy cast her eyes downward briefly before looking at her friend again. “Pinkie Pie…I owe you another apology.” Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “What for?” “For letting myself think I’m better than you just because I’ve made different life choices. I may not have felt that way all the time, but I have some of the time, and that’s already too often.” “Maybe, but you’ve been through a lot too, you know. You may sometimes feel like what you’re doing isn’t important in other ponies’ eyes, but you don’t have to keep having those thoughts. After all, the other girls and I will love you no matter what!” With these words Pinkie wrapped her friend in a tight embrace. After getting over the initial shock, Fluttershy happily reciprocated, enjoying the softness and warmth of close contact. “Pinkie Pie, will you forgive me?” “Of course I do, you silly filly!” A few more tears escaped from Fluttershy’s eyes, but this time for a different reason. “Thank you, Pinkie. You’re a true friend.” “Aww, you know us true friends have gotta stick by each other, in good times and bad.” After another minute or so, Pinkie stepped back from Fluttershy and gave her a much more Pinkie-like smile. “It’s great that we had this talk, but I need to get back to Sugarcube Corner. By now, Mr. and Mrs. Cake could be swamped in there for all I know!” “Okay, Pinkie, I’ll let you go. Thanks again for being so understanding!” “Think nothing of it, my mellow-yellow, animal-loving friend!” Pinkie gave her a wink and a one-hoof salute, then bounded out the door. Fluttershy watched her progress down the hill and over the bridge until she was finally out of sight. “I really do forget,” she said to herself, “how valuable it can be to open up to your friends.” She looked at the pastoral scenery around her as though it were one such companion. “And yet…” she ruminated, “Even now, I didn’t tell the full story.” The sound from the innocuous but constant flow of the nearby brook was almost like a response, but not quite.