//------------------------------// // 5. Clan of Apple (and Orange) assassins // Story: Stallions of Harmony - Longest Night // by Jetto //------------------------------// After finding a better source of information that didn’t gasp, jump and run, the duo found themselves at the entrance to a rather large property. From the distance they could see a small, two story cottage, with a large barn right next to it. No mistaking it, they were in the place. And a large sign next to the entrance that said “Sweet Apple Acres”, confirming their thoughts. It was exactly what Prince Blueblood expected it to be- a rundown, smelly farm far away from civilization, even worse than Ponyville itself. He could already say goodbye to his suit now, there was not a way in the world he would get the smell of this horrible place out. He just wanted to meet the pony responsible and get out while he’s still not throwing up. They quickly found a strong looking, if rather young, blonde ponytail, orange coated mare with cowboy hat on her head and three small apples cutie mark, as she was dragging a cart full of apples. A cute one too, for a commoner at least. Blueblood approached the mare. "Excuse me, miss," he said, as the mare noticed him and took off the reigns. "My name is Prince Blueblood, I'm here to inspect your products for..." "Oh, the summer sun celebration," interrupted the mare with thick accent "Why howdy there, fancy meetin’ ya, welcome to Sweet Apple Acres!" She started shaking his hoof before he could interrpt. Once she ended with Prince Blueblood, she did the same to Shining Armor, although he wasn’t at all shaken from it as much as Blueblood, who still massaged his hoof, for the first time realizing how strong a country mare could be. Nothing like sophisticated mares he used to date. Not so cute anymore. "The name’s Applejack," the mare continued "me and mah fam’ly prepared a feast worthy of a princess, if ah do say so m’self. Lemme call'em right away." she took a small breath and then screamed from out of her lungs "GATHER UP, EVERYPONY, WE HAVE CANTERLOT GUESTS!!" Before their ears stopped ringing, two unicorns felt a slight tremor on the ground, which intensified by the second. Before they could duck and cover for incoming earthquake, it stopped. When they opened their eyes again, they were surrounded by ponies. Ponies everywhere, earth ponies of all age, gender and color, though they did share one thing in common- their cutie marks were all somehow apple related. And a few oranges, for some reason. "Apples," once again said Applejack "meet Prince Blueblood and... uhm, did’n quite catch yer name, gentlecolt." "Shining Armor, m’am." "... yes, Shining Armor. Mr Blueblood, Mr Armor, meet mah family." And so started the countdown of at least a few dozen ponies, each introduced in about ten seconds by Applejack. There was Apple Strudel, Apple Pie, Apple Cake, Apple Fritter, Apple Dazzle, Apple Bumpkin, Caramel Apple, Crimson Gala, Golden Delicious, Peachy Sweet, Red Delicious, Naval Orange, some other apples... " ..., mah little sister Applebloom.- she notioned to a tiny, yellow filly with red hair tied by a large ribbon, her flank absent of a cutie mark of any description. She said a healthy “howdy”, almost overloading their cuteness level to critical state, while Applejack continued. "...mah big ol’brother, Big Macintosh." True to his name, he was a big, strong earth pony stallion with dark red coat and ginger hair, wearing an old work horse collar. His cutie mark was a big, green apple cut in half. "Eeyup." said simply stallion. "And of course" continued Applejack, as she approached a sleeping on a chair old green mare with white hair tied in a bun (was she here before? thought Blueblood) "...Granny Smith. Granny, wake up, we have guests." she gently shook the old mare, who suddenly woke up and looked around with panicked eyes. "Whoa, where, what? Darn kids, get out of my lawn!" Applejack softly patted her back and quickly came back to the Canterlot duo. "Uhm, don't mind her, she's plenty tired after all the work we put inta our good'ol apple delicacies." said Applecjack and turned towards her family "Come on, everypony, let's show them two gentlecolts how we Apples roll!" there was a loud cheer and neither unicorn dared to interrupt it. "Wow." stated Prince Bleblood. Shining Armor nodded. Prince Blueblood never much cared for common folks or farmers especially, always assuming they were lower class citizens with simple ways and nothing special to offer. Never in his life did he manage to underestimate an entire demographic as much as today. He expected Apples to serve him, well, apples. And that much was true, but only partially. What he did not expect, however, was a giant table, easily enough to serve the entire lineage of Bluebloods, managing to feed everypony till they drop dead once again from gluttony. What his eyes met, were all sorts of treats. Caramel apples, apple pies, apple cakes, apple strudels, apple fritters, apple cider, apple “I have no idea what it is but looks good” and generally anything you could associate with apples. Along with two or three orange based dishes, which bothered him a little, but not enough to raise an objections. Both him and Shining Armor were seated right in the middle of the table as guests of honor, while each Apple family member introduced their famed products. He looked over at his bodyguard sitting nearby. Obviously, he was lavishly gazing at the food, not even bothering to wipe the saliva dripping from his mouth. "R-right, I guess the catering looks fine." stated Prince, once all the Apples (and Oranges) finished their presentations. He got up from his seat and tried to walk away, but found Applejack standing in his way. "Aren't ya gonna, ya know, try some o'those?" she asked curiously "No, I believe that is not necessary," he waved her away " I trust your skills, but I must go now. Come on, servant." he grabbed Shining Armor by ear via telekinesis, interrupting his attempt to grab a bite of a rather big cake. There was a massive groan of disappointment from the entire clan. But as soon as he passed by Applejack, there was an obstacle much more dangerous right behind her. One that could potentially kill an unprepared rookie from big city. "Aren't ya gonna stay for the brunch?" asked Applebloom. With puppy eyes. No chance. "Hnghhh." Blueblood suddenly felt a pain in his chest. He pressed his hoof in the general area where his heart was, fighting the urge to die. Not like this, not by... THAT! He could hear the whispers from the crowd. "Oh boy, she done it again." "Poor lad has no chance." "Eeyup." "Ain't ever seen a pony able to resist our lil'l Applebloom." He averted his eyes away from little blank filly and faced Applejack again. "F-fine, I'll stay, just... just make her stop." Applejack smiled brightly and her eyes shined. "Sure thing, sugarcube." "No... no more... I’ll die..." "Seconds please!" No sooner then he said that, another slice of Apple Cake (the pastry,not cousin) found itself on Shining Armor’s plate, which he swallowed in few bites as well, just like anything that was there before it. Apple fritters. Apple Pies. Caramel Apples. Orange Apples, whatever that was. Apples Apples. Curry Apples, odd as they might seem. He could not get enough, and yet there seemed to be enough not just for him and his boss, but for celebration as well. He was in heaven. "This... is... hell..." Prince Blueblood on the other hoof struggled with many things. He struggled with the amount of sugar all those deserts had him take. He struggled from having a very small stomach, used to small but exquisite dishes served in the palace. But the thing he struggled with the most, was the fact that out of all the ponies serving him today, one particular yellow filly kept coming back with another plate of something. He dared not to refuse, worried about his weak little heart having a stroke in the middle of the job. It continued for a long time, until he finally had enough and just did not care anymore, he was ready for Tartarus. "No! I-I won’t take any more, or I’ll explode." Applebloom looked at him for a moment. Their eyes met, Blueblood was staring right into his doom. "Okay." answered little filly and took away the plate. So, apparently all it took to make the little devil stop, was to ask. Typical. At least it ended and he didn’t have to eat anything else. "Ah hope ya’ll enjoyin’ the treat, gentlecolts?" asked Applejack "This is delicious!" answered Shining Armor, licking his lips and patting his belly, now full of apples "Can I get some for later?" "Sure thing, sugarcube, take as much as ya’ll need, plenty more where that came froml. But, before ya’ll leave, there’s one more thing." The two could swear they heard fanfares, but it was probably just their imagination going wild. They saw Big Macintosh walking towards them, with a plate full of cupcakes on his back. They had this weird feelings as if it was something big, something they could not comprehend by their own logic minds. The aura of the cupcake bowl was just too strong. That, or it was sugar poisoning. "Don’t forget dessert!"explained Applejack, putting a single cupcake on each of their plates. Blueblood looked at it. It was a cupcake, with rainbow colored frosting. He looked at Applejack. She observed him expectedly. So did the rest of the family. Was he missing something? He looked over at Shining Armor, who already swallowed his cupcake and was now... absent. Just sitting there, looking blindly into the sky, a single tear going out of his eyes. "That..." said Shining Armor, but stooped and couldn’t find any other words. For a moment, Prince wondered if the cupcake was poisoned and Apple family was actually a hired clan of assassins. They tried to take his life by overload of cuteness (which almost worked), overload of sugar (which was painful, but horribly inefficient) and now, desperate for success, just used poisoned pastries. If that doesn’t work, will they just take out knives and get it over with? Finally, Shining Armor spoke. "That was... like I never knew what taste was before... and now I found out." A single tear shed just a moment ago was just now being joined by many other drops, which he didn’t even bother to stop. Big Macintosh, who happened to be right next to him, passed him a box of tissues, which unicorn gladly accepted. "No way!" shouted Blueblood, once again facing his cupcake. There was no way a single pastry could be so powerful and so tasty to make a pony shed tears. Besides, he already saw Shining Armor cry over nothing (well, punching him wasn't exactly nothing), this was no big deal. A dimwit like him had no account for taste anyway, or an idea of what true delicacy is. This was a child’s food, a snack for poor ponies without any perspective of the culinary world. And he was going to prove it by eating it and showing them that no matter how well made, how tasty, sweet and delicious, a pastry is just a... His brain stopped. Apple family and Shining Armor looked at Prince Blueblood and smiled brightly. "Ah guess that means you like it, ah presume?" asked Applejack "Are you kidding me?" answered Shining Armor "This is the best thing I ever had in my life, like, EVER! It’s... it’s like nothing I ever tasted!" "Oh shucks, now ya’ll makin’ me blush." she scratched the back of her head, blushing a bit as other Apples and Oranges cheered and high-hoofed in the background. "What is this?" asked Shining Armor, looking over other cupcakes on Big Mac's plate "It doesn’t feel like any apple I tried." "Glad you ask, sugarcube. This aint no normal apple ye tried there," as she talked, fanfares could be heard from somewhere "...but a “ZAP APPLE CUPCAKE!” "Zap apple cupcake?" repeated puzzled Shining Armor, to which all Apples nodded. "Eyup, Granny Smith original recipe," answered happily Applejack "might seem like a normal cupcake to any other pony, but the secret is on the inside. Ya see, Zap Apples are no normal things growin’ on da trees like any other apples. They appear only once every year, have ta be harvested in a very specific way and prepared carefully using only the proper type of tools, techniques and ingredients that make zap apples satisfied." "Satisfied?" asked Shining Armor "Damn straight, pardner," answered Applejack, lightly smacking him on the back "Zap apples are magical, with minds o'their own, only evah listenin' and workin' for those that show dem proper respect. This is a secret passed in Apple family for generations, since we settled in this land not so long ago, way before it was even named “Ponyville” in the first place. Granny here was among the settlers who first found themselves here and she discovered the zap apples herself as well." "Wow." all Shining Armor could do was gasp in awe. As weird as it sounded, he couldn’t deny that the cupcake he tried just a moment ago was too good to be just a regular food. It denied explanations, it just was. Like a new law of reality was invented just to explain why they taste so good. And apparently Prince Blueblood was even more impressed then he was. "Oh shucks, Ah knew it was good, but this fella must really enjoy a good Zap Apple Cupcake." Prince was sitting on his seat like he did before. His face was already covered in tears, flowing like a river from his eyes, his mouth twitching. He went silent for even longer then Shining Armor did and they all expected him to eventually recover and explode with praise. That did not happen. He was in fact tearing up even more, twitching harder and his coat was becoming more red by the second. Big Macintosh was the first one to react, as he quickly dashed toward Prince and grabbed him over his belly and started squeezing violently. "He’s chocking!" somepony in the crowd announced. Few moment later, after several squeezes, Prince finally gave in and puked last 10 minutes of Apples. It was one image nopony will ever erase from their heads. "Are you okay, Mister Blueblood?" asked Macintosh, once Prince stopped twitching. He mumbled something incomprehensive and lost conciousness. Big Mac quickly put the unicorn on his back. "Applejack, Ah’ll take’em to hospital. This ain't just chocking 'ere." And so he ran towards Ponyville Hospital, with Shining Armor quickly joining, leaving one worried Apple family behind. "Why is this happening again?" asked himself quietly Shining Armor, as he sat down on a bench in a waiting room of Ponyville Hospital. One day job, barely afternoon and he already let his employer almost DIE from eating too many apples- that took quite a lot of incompetence. He tried to keep his nerves on the check, but all he could think of was how he just sat there and watched as Prince almost choked to death, right now probably fighting for his life in doctors office. His train of thought was interrupted when a giant, red hoof handed him a can of soda. "Y’okay?" asked Big Mac. Shining Armor looked at the farmer and after a long sigh, accepted his offer and telekinetically grabbed the can of soda and put it on his lap. "Yeah, I’m fine. Unlike somepony I was supposed to protect." answered Shining as he looked down at the ground. Big Macintosh sat next to him. "Ahm mighty sorry about what happened, Ah’ll take all the responsibility for everythin’." "What, no! No, no, no!" refused Shining Armor "You're not the ones to blame here" "And you are? Shining stopped for a moment. "To be honest, yes. I... I can’t do anything right!" "Look here, pardner, it was an accident." "Not just that! Everything I do is just... argh!" Shining Armor groaned and hit the wall with his hoof "All this week, I’ve done nothing but fail. I failed as a guard, I couldn’t go a day without a major screw up, then yesterday I just... I blew it big time! I lost lost my job because I’m too stupid to think before I act. I dissapointed my comrades, my superiors, Princess Celestia, my parents, my little sister, and most of all, I dissapointed Prince Blueblood. Again!" Macintosh listened in silence. He opened his own can and took a sip of cold soda before asking. "Y’have a little sister? What’s she like?" "Oh, Twiley?" he perked up "Heh, she’s great. The best. And I mean it, she’s like a better half of me. She’s a great magician, studies in the most prestigious school, she’s tutored by Princess Celestia herself!" "Sounds like a nice filly." "Not just nice, she’s talented, friendly, smart and... and she even asked Princess to give me another chance, so she made me a bodyguard of her nephew. ONE JOB!" screamed suddenly Shining Armor. The nurse walking nearby walked to him and shushed him, showing a sign “quiet please” on the wall. "I had one job." repeated with a hushed tone "Keep him safe for one. Bucking. Day. We were supposed to be walking around Ponyville, inspecting preparations, but where am I instead? A bucking hospital!" Big Mac listened carefully, his face showing no emotions at all. He raised his hoof to pat the back of a poor bodyguard. "Listen, Shinin’ Armor. Ah dunno what ya been through before, but Ah can sure as hay tell you this." he grabbed Shining’s face and turned it toward his, looking him deep into his eyes "This is an accident. You were unlucky and there ain’t nothin' you can do about it. As Ah see it, Yer mistake’s is not reacting fast enough. Ya say yer a guard, right? Then buckle up, stop foolin’ around and get youself together!" The unicorn ex-guard took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. He tried to remember what happened just a few minutes ago. And truth be told, Big Mac was right. While Blueblood was hurting, it was his job to notice it right away and do something. If Big Macintosh wasn’t fast enough, it wouldn’t be just his job on the line. It was a ponies life, one thing he swore to protect. Not as a temporary bodyguard, not as a royal guard, but as Shining Armor. A stallion. "You’re right." said Shining Armor, then wiped away his tears, opened his can and drank all the soda in one go, throwing empty can to trash can nearby. "I need to get myself together! Princess Celestia counts on us and we sure as hay won't let her down!" Big Mac smiled and nodded. Just as they were done talking, the door to the doctor’s office opened and a white, earth pony nurse with red cross as a cutie mark notioned toward them. Him and Big Macintosh quickly stood up and walked toward her. "Nurse, is he going to be okay?" asked terrified Shining Armor Nurse Redheart smiled lightly and nodded. "He’ll be fine, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing serious." Both stallions sighed deeply. "So, what happened to him?" "Allergy." answered nurse quickly. "Allergy?" Both stallions looked at each other and then at nurse "Yes, simple allergic reactions to something he recently ate. Apparently, he’s allergic to honey." "Honey?" "Eeyup," interrupted Big Macintosh "Zap Apples Cupcakes has honey in’em. Ah’m terribly sorry, if we knew we would’a never given it to him." "To be honest, I didn’t know either." answered Shining Armor.. Seemed like Big Macintosh was right, thouht Shining, it wasn’t his fault at all. He barely met Prince Blueblood, there was no way he could know such a thing. Or maybe it was his fault for not asking about those kind of things, especially right before tasting a bunch of dishes? He shook his head. Whatever happened, happened, but lesson learned- next time, be more careful, even if Prince is not. "Thankfully he only swallowed a little bit of it" continued nurse "I already gave him some medicine to counteract the symptoms. He should be fine and healthy tomorrow morning." "What? Tomorrow?" asked shocked bodyguard. He stopped on his track and panicked. Prince was not in any shape to carry his orders anymore, so it pretty much left only him to finish the job himself. It wasn’t all that hard, he saw the list, it was just a matter of walking around the town and filling the blanks on the sheet of paper. He could just go now, leave Prince under qualified supervision and once he woke up, everything would be taken care of. It’s the least he could do. But on the other hoof, was he really qualified to finish the inspection? What if the word comes by and Prince gets into trouble? It would still be better then walking around with half dead noble unicorn, but maybe, just maybe, there was a way. "Nurse, isn’t there anything you could do?" "I’m sorry, but I did what I could. He should stay in bed and rest." "But he can’t! He has an important job to finish today. Maybe you could find something, a spell or anything?" Nurse Redheart deadpanned. He should’ve bit his tongue and realize that earth pony nurse might have a limited array of magical possibilities. He continued. "I’m sorry, but it’s really important. It’s for summer sun celebration, we don’t have any time to spare! If we don't finish the inspection, the entire celebration could be cancelled!" pleaded Shining Armor, almot falling on his kneew before Nurse Redheart. She thought for a moment and scratched her head. "I do have something that could get him up on his legs again, but..." "If it’s the price, Ah’ll cover it all." interrupted Big Macintosh "It’s not bits that’s a problem. We keep a magical potion for such emergencies, but it might have some..." she stopped for a moment, looking for a good choice of words "...unwanted side effects." Shining Armor gulped and asked "What side effects?" Few minutes later, streets of Ponyville. "Aaaayeeeee, loooooooooveeeeee, EVERY~THING!" sang Prince Blueblood, as he slid from the streetlamp he just jumped onto. "Me and my stupid ideas."