//------------------------------//
// Ticket Masters 
// Story: The Human Side of Things 
// by Gylden Glor 
//------------------------------//

	I look up in surprise as Twilight darts into the library and starts to seal all the openings off with plywood. I cock an eyebrow at her as she pants.
"Want any help with that?" I ask as she collects herself.
"A bit late now," she mutters. "But no. I'm perfectly fine."
I nod as I return to my book. I can feel her staring at me. "Aren't you going to ask what I'm freaking out about!?"
"The tickets to the Gala," I deadpan.
"Yes, the tickets to the Gala..." She sighs.
"If they're such a big problem for you, sell them," I suggest.  I turn the page.
"Sell them!? They're a gift from Celestia, I can't just sell them!"
"Then charge double because they're gifts from Celestia," I respond. "What the fuck do you want me to tell you, Twilight? You could either choose a friend, or just get rid of them and not have to deal with this shit. I'm partial for the first - you could get mad laid if you choose the right guy."
Twilight blushes as she glares at me. "Are you suggesting that we sleep together!?" She demands.
"I'd rather sleep with a cactus," I inform her. "I was talking about any stallion in Ponyville."
Twilight sighs. "No, Peter - I won't take a stallion so I can partake in coitus..." She sits in silence, and I read in silence, not really caring much about what she decides to do.

"Hey, Twi'!"
"Holyfuckingshit!" I cry as I roll off of the couch, completely taken unawares by the cry. I hear a mare giggling, and I peak my head over the couch to see that Rainbow Dash is laughing at me. I toss the book at her, hitting her squarely in the face. I grin in victory as a red mark appears, which she begins to rub.
"So, who're you gonna take?" Applejack asks, ignoring Rainbow Dash's pain. Twilight starts to freak out, and I sigh as I bend down, and snatch the tickets away from the lavender unicorn.
I tear the tickets in half, then in quarters, then in eights, then in sixteenths. I throw them into the air, and let the fragments fall to the ground. I return to the couch, and pick up a new book to read, as I'm too lazy to get the one I threw at Dash. "You're welcome," I grumble above my book. Stunned silence meets my ears.
"Uh...Spike?"
"Yeah?"
"T-take a letter..."
"Uh, sure..."
"Dear Princess Celestia, I couldn't decide who to take out of all my friends to the Gala. I was about to decide to abdicate from the invitation so that I wouldn't hurt any of them...but Peter tore the tickets to bits before I could do anything."
"Damn straight!" I call out.
"So...yeah...uh...I don't know what to do. I'm thoroughly confused. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
Spike sends the letter, and I wait patiently for the mares to start shouting at me and interrupt my reading. However, it seems they're all too stunned to do anything.

A few moments later, Spike belches, and Twilight pulls out a letter. "She sent us all tickets!" Twilight cries. "Six tickets - one for each of us!"
The mares cheer, and Spike seems disappointed. Twilight gives Spike the fragments to send back, since Celestia asked that she does so. A moment later, two repaired tickets are on the floor.
"Oh, wow! One for me, and one for Peter!"
I sigh as I accept the ticket. "Great, I get to waste my time at a party without alcohol," I grumble. "And without hot girls. So I have no chance to get my dick wet..." I ignore Rarity's abashed gasp. I close the book and drop it to the ground. "Three things. First off, Twilight, a lot of the books you have suck absolute cock. Secondly, Pinkie Pie...maybe you could spike the punch at the gala? Thirdly, I'm going to go to sleep. Bother me and I'll deck the halls with your intestinal tracks. Toodaloo."
With that I make my way to the guest bedroom. I feel surprised eyes watching me, and I turn to say one last thing.
"Oh, by the way, Fluttershy - I love what you did with your mane," I announce with a small smile. And it's true - she made it a bit thinner so it's not covering so much of her right eye. She blushes and mumbles a thanks. I shout my farewells as I crawl into bed.
"Excuse me," I hear Rainbow Dash announce.

The next thing I know, Rainbow is in my room with a glare. "Peter, you've pissed me off quite a lot recently," she announces. I shrug. "You've been cursing and acting like a complete asshole. I think it's about time you have a personality shift." I shrug again.
"Dash, I don't care," I announce. "I didn't get any sleep last night. Please, just let me sleep..."
"Yeah, I'll let you sleep..." She approaches me, and I immediately begin to feel nervous. "Sweet dreams," she growls, before knocking me out with a blow to the face.
...
Maybe I will alter my attitude...