//------------------------------// // From My Own Personal Computer // Story: Chaos is in the Eye of the Beholder // by MaeceusMan //------------------------------// Hello Equestria! This is your favorite being of chaos Discord here, coming to you from my own personal computer! How did I finally get a keyboard that works with my hands you ask? Simple! I put my new computer in the middle of my room, and then I just made half of my room bigger! Problem solved! At last, I am not dependant on those infuriating librarians and their public computers! Also, what is with all the clopfics online? There were so many linked to on those public computers that I am beginning to grow concerned. Either the library doubles as an adult bookstore at night, or there are some very lonely ponies in Canterlot who really need to get out more. Also, I found out that Prince Blueblood himself is a purveyor of the clopfics. I mean seriously, I saw him walk into an adult clopstore in the seedy underbelly of Canterlot the other day in this big old trench coat so nopony could recognize him. And the jackass forgot to cover his cutie mark of a compass rose! Seriously, he was hiding his face, but waving that house crest on his rump around for the whole world to see. Nice one bro. Oh yes, and I must not forget the best part of getting to type my blog entry's myself now. No more ghost writer! Oh ya! I can't begin to describe how great it is not to have every little thing I say aloud get typed out! I mean seriously, MaeceusMan was just so boring. And who does he think he is asking me to explain the things that I do? It's chaos! There is no explanation I could give that wouldn't not be less malchaotic than the thing I am not having explained itself forthwith! See? Even that barely made sense, and that was just me talking about the idea of explaining chaos. But that's all in the past now, which is just awesome. Oh yes, speaking of the past, I realize that it has been three and a half months I have been away, not a week. I was only banned from the library a week, and then I had that awesome interview on The Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Show, which MaeceusMan was actually kind enough to transcribe and post online for me while I was busy. Huh, maybe he was alright after all. Not that it did him much good. All his work to make sure that nopony was driven crazy upon reading the unfiltered word of chaos, and he went crazy himself. And not just a little bit, I am talking paint the walls with his own waste tastefully trimmed in his own freshly shaved off mane level crazy. How bad was it you ask? I'll tell you how bad it was! It was so bad that he quit his job and moved to the country to, "live my days in peace away from Discord in order to finish my book, Eldritch Designs." Like I said, he is clearly insane. Who would want to get away from me? I'm awesome! Anyways, once MaeceusMan had his little breakdown, I was stuck, unable to write anything. Oh, and don't get me started on this useless tail, all it does is insult me when I try to type with it. So yeah, I got so frustrated in the end that I went off and did some big important mission that Celestia had been bugging me about recently. She probably wouldn't appreciate me talking about it, so all I will say is that an ancient evil has returned to flay the flesh of mere mortals as he drinks their blood and blah blah spiritual mumbo jumbo blah blah something about space. So yeah, that went well, I plugged the demon hole or whatever, should hold for a little while I guess. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah that's right, so I get back from the mission and I'm psyched cause I can answer all these great new questions I got posted on my blog right but what should happen but I got sued by Octavia! I know right? What gives? I do an awesome show while she is off sick with the Chaospox, and how does she thank me? She sues me! Me, Discord, claiming that I poisoned her chaos cookies! Now I of course argued that she bought and ate chaos cookies therefore she essentially signed a contract accepting any and all risk inherent in the consumption of said cookies. That would be like a fat person suing a fast food restaurant for their food making you fat! Unfortunately, it seems there may be some legal precedent where that very situation may or may not have occurred, so long story short I was ordered back into a stone body suit for three months and I had to pay damages and issue a formal apology. This time while I was frozen I gave everypony the finger. For three months baby! Classic! Too bad it went over those ponies heads. Seems the gesture doesn't have meaning for Equines. But my dragon readers know what I'm talkin' about! Wazzup! Oh right, and I am legally required to state that any and all perishable goods acquired from the Chaoshood of Discord may contain trace amounts, (or possibly significantly more), of chaos or chaos based substances. Okay then! With all that legal crap out of the way, back at last to the questions! Okay, first question.... this one from a TEP. The question reads: "Cookies that radiate chaos energy". How do you get that type of food anyways? the type that radiates chaos energy i mean. Confused and laughing like a madpony~ Diplomat of the Ender Legion and leader of the Equestrian branch Okay TEP, as you may have read previously in this blog, any and all questions regarding chaos based culinary delights and the means of their acquisition are related to a freshly completed prison sentence and are therefore questions I have no further intention of answering. Having said that, I congratulate you on your position as leader of the Equestrian branch of the Diplomats of the Ender Legion. Also, I fear the only reason you think you are confused about laughing like a madpony is because you are in fact a madpony. You are simply too mad to see it. Enjoy your madness sir, it suits you. Okay, next question! This one is from a.... DarqFox. DarqFox asks, Um...Discord? Why would you bake cookies for Octavia, and make them entropy-active? That's not how you go about making friends to join you in your madness. I'd know. I have seventeen Discordian friends. <3 DarqFox My Dear DarqFox. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRGGGG!!!!!!! ME SAY AGAIN. PRISON SENTENCE. COURT CASE. ME NO TALK ABOUT CHAOS COOKIES!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! Having said that, you present a good point. Entropy active cookies, or entropy active foods of any sort, are not a traditional form of friendship making gift. In fact, it turns out Chaospox are in fact a near guaranteed result of the consumption of chaos by non chaos based beings. Who knew? So yeah, you were right. Bad move. However, the fact that you have 17 Discordian friends intrigues me. Do any of you come to the group meetings? Oh yeah, I should mention. Part of my parole from the stone suit is I have to go to these group meetings regarding my quote unquote desperate need for attention coupled with a supposedly colossal ego and what they like to call a super-villain/god complex. Or, you know, being me. Anyways DarqFox, I look forward to meeting you all at the next meeting, I figure we get enough chaos together, and who knows what could happen? Muahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Next question! Oh, I'm sorry DarqFox, I see I have another question from you here from a while ago I somehow managed to miss regarding my highly effective project to clean the streets of Canterlot by increasing the size of the cities ponyflies and houseflies to the sizes of ponies and houses and setting half of the city on fire. For the benefit of my other readers, the question reads, Discord? Why not make the trash cans around Canterlot walk around and hunt the garbage? Wouldn't that be fun AND not completely freak everypony out? <3 DarqFox Okay DarqFox, let me just say how hopelessly foolish that idea is. I mean, trash cans? HA! I laugh at you sir! Can you imagine an unstoppable army of metallic hoof soldiers marching around the city demanding the forced removal of all things they deem to be garbage?! I mean, I can imagine it easily and it sounds like fun but what can possibly make you think that such a thing would scare the citizens of Canterlot any less than giant monstrous bugs eating everything in sight? No, I fear that such a scheme would lead to some kind of Time Traveler in a Blue Box appearing in some ill conceived attempt to save the day thinking the Cyberponies were invading again. No DarqFox, A for effort, F for everything else about what you said. And finally, we have one more question! Huzzah! This one is from a Poison Leaf, a long time commenter of mine who is apparently still in denial regarding his becoming his own father in a chaos based incident that I was surprisingly not a part of. His message reads. Oh you know what, first, I know somepony is going to say it, so I will just say it first. I can't read gender from titles, so I will use the basis of he to mean he or she. I apologize in advance, I am not getting sued again! So anyways, back to Poison Leaf's question. It reads: Discord, my flowers have stopped squirting acid Now they just emit this stupid deadly toxin Is this bad? Now Poison Leaf, I would like to thank you first of all for your question. In the case of any chaos based stuff, I am indeed the very chaos you should come to first. Now, seeing as you asked me this question 14 weeks and 4 days ago, I have to assume that the deadly toxin killed you. We all will morn your loss and your pointless death. Now, if anypony else finds themselves in the same unfortunate situation as the dearly departed Poison Leaf was in before his horrible, painful, and slow death, I will give them some advice. Do not breath in the stupid deadly toxin. It makes you stupid and is deadly. The toxin will not kill you right away. In fact, if you were to walk into a room with fresh air and cough a little bit, you would make a full recovery. But you see, the gas also makes you stupid. So with your each breath you will grow dumber until you become so stupid it will not occur to you to get away from the gas and into fresh air. The smarter you are to begin with, the longer you can stay in the gas before you grow so stupid you do not leave the gas and it kills you. Unfortunately, as was probably the case with our dear friend Poison Leaf, the first breath of the gas was all it took, and he never left that room alive. Tragic. Well, it looks like we are out of questions and I am sick of you all, so good night, and may chaos reign forever! The Lawyers of Discord, Lord of Chaos, wish to inform you that any and all words, written or verbal, do not dictate any form of legal advice or binding form of contract and that any and all words spoken by the here-to-in referred to Master of Chaos are meant for entertainment purposes only. One entry per person. Viewer discretion is advised. Void where prohibited.