//------------------------------//
// Return of Mr. Anti-Mane 6 
// Story: South-Pony Collision 
// by misterawesome 
//------------------------------//




"Imma tell you twice cause it's Gucci two times
Fuck your clique and fuck your wife
If you got drama nigga, you can meet me outside
Get your head bust open for your old man's pride"
-Radric "Gucci Mane" Davis
from "Mouth Full of Gold" off of Return of Mr. Zone 6, 2011







The ball of white light disappears, making Discord visible, alive and well.  He first feels frustration, as he says, “Grrr.  Who would be despicable enough to awaken me from my dream?  I was so close to killing Celestia…”  He looks around, but I, Spike, and the ponies hid in time so he doesn’t see us.  He saw the kids, however.  He appears confused at first sight because he had never seen humans before.  He asks them, “You.  Yes, you five.”  From their facial expressions and insides, all my boys look scared as fuck.
“Ah, hello sir?” asks Kyle.
“Greetings, foreigner.  Allow me to introduce myself.  I am the one and only, Discord.  The bringer of evil.  The darkness in a light.  The party douchebag.  The cause of melancholy and rage.  The master of chaos.  And you all are…”
“Well, I’m Kyle.”
“I’m Stan.”
“I’m Butters.”
“I’m Kenny.”
“And I am Sir Derpingham III,” says Cartman, who removes his hat and bows in front of Discord.
“Ah, good.  You creatures do communicate with an understandable dialect.”  They boys look at each other as they’re all thinking “WTF is up with this guy?”  “Now, Sir Derpingham,” Discord continues, “you seem to be the head of this parade.  Are you?”
“Indeed, I am,” Cartman says.
“Very well then.  So do you know if any of your tribesmen here argued in front of my statue?”
At this time, the Mane Six, Spike, and I are watching Discord and the kids talk.  We’re so nervous, we drench in sweat.
“Indeed,” Cartman says.  “These four idiots were fighting to see who would take a hit of my joint first.”
“Your what?” asks Discord.
“This thing, right here.”  He holds up the joint for Discord to see.  Discord looks down at and examines it.  He says, “What is this thing, and how does it work?”
“You light up the end,” explains Cartman, “then you inhale from the other end, and exhale.  Then you get the best feeling in the world.  It’s so relaxing…”
“Well that seems nice, Sir Derpingham, but I have no time to relax right now.  I need to take your naughty friends to play an impossible game.”
“Ha!  Yeah, give them shit!”  Stan, Butters, Kyle, and Kenny get scared as hell.
“Oh I will, Sir.  As for the rest of you, please.  Follow me.”  Discord walks to the start of the maze, and the boys follow him.  He stops in front of the start, which is where the boys start.  “Now if you four could please align yourselves arms-length apart?”  So the boys nervously do that.  Discord continues, “Alright, creatures.”
“We’re humans!” interrupts Butters.
“Okay, human.  That’s what you’re called.  Very well, then.  Ahem.  I have for you four a challenge.  Each of you are to find these gems.”  He shows four gems out so the boys could see.  “Stan, you find the purple gem.  Butters, go find the orange gem.  Kyle finds the red gem, which leaves Kenny to find the green gem.”  He throws the gems out into random places.  “My only other two rules are, no lights are allowed to be used.  And every human……FOR HIMSELF!  Hahahahahaha!”  As he laughs, Discord Summons a thunderstorm and three extra hedges that separate the four kids.
Back where I rest at, Pinkie Pie rushes over to me and says, “Oh shit!  He’s doing to your friends what he did to us!”  Then she shrieks and faints.

********************************************************************************

Back at the maze, Discord flees away to somewhere behind the maze.  Then Butters says, “Oh hamburgers!  If I don’t come out alive, please-”
“Butters,” implies Stan, “This challenge doesn’t seem hard at all.  If that dude really thinks he’s that badass, he does not know how to be a real villain.  Now come on, there’s nothing to worry about.  Let’s go, people.”  The four start their individual searches for their gems.
Kyle finds his gem right beside a pond.  As he picks it up, Discord takes a dive into the pond.  He returns as a reflection in the lake, but this time, dressed as a Mormon missionary.  He has on a white shirt, black tie, carrying a book and all.  Kyle looks at “Elder” Discord and says, “Now I did not know you were a Mormon.  Weird.”
“Oh yes, I am,” Discord says.  “Now, how much commitment do you put into your religion?”
“Uh, very little.  I wish I could convert to another religion.  Preferably Christian.”
“Good.  Now there are a lot of Mormons in your state of Colorado, I suppose.  It’s spreading pretty quickly up there.”  Discord then says in a condescending manner, “I could tell you why the Mormons kick ass, and I could go on for hours.”
That last sentence Discord had just said starts to cast a spell on Kyle.  It gets his eyes to swirl for a short time, as if he was being hypnotized.  He also turns gray.  Then he says to himself, “This is probably the coolest religion ever.  Sign me up, Elder Discord!”
“As you wish,” Discord replies.  He comes out of the pond and dresses Kyle up in a missionary uniform, with a nametag reading from top to bottom "Elder Broflovski/The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.”  He is also given a backpack and The Book of Mormon.  “All your instructions start on the first page of the book,” continues Discord.  “And happy travels.”
“God bless you, Elder Discord,” Kyle replies, as he leaves for Ponyville to convert, and reads through The Book of Mormon.
Kenny finds his gem on the ground between a naked stripper’s legs.  She was just twerking it for Kenny.  He stares at the ass for a while, happy and aroused, then she walks backwards and gives him a lapdance.  However, when she gets up, turns around  and dances facing Kenny, he screams and runs around in circles horrified.  The face of the dancer is actually that of a guy, and he’s wearing a wig by the way.  The dude quickly says to Kenny in Discord’s voice, “Fear not, Kenneth.”
The jokester stripper turns into Discord.  He says, “Now, do you know what you just saw?”
“A fucking nightmare!” Kenny yells.  “That’s what I saw.”
“No, no, I assure you, Kenny.  You being aroused by that guy is actually the right thing to do.”
“What? How is that possible, Mr. Mean Guy?”
Discord talks down to Kenny, just like he had did with Kyle.  He looks down at Kenny and tells him a false idea about how it’s the males that are supposed to give birth in the human species.  He goes on to say that the vag is “just for the straight man’s pleasure, and if she gets pregnant, that just mean’s he is a dumbass.”
Now this time, Kenny’s eyes swirl for a few seconds like Kyle, and turns gray, just like Kyle.  After that happens to him, he says to himself, “Hm.  I wonder if I can get a vibrator in this town.”
Discord tells him, “Well what are you waiting for?  Go on and get it in!”  Kenny walks out to Ponyville in search of an adult shop.
Butters finds his gem on a small table.  Sitting at that table is his mom, who is pouring him a glass of milk.  She says, “Hello, Butters.  Would you like to care for a glass of milk?”
“Sure thing,” says Butters.  “I love milk!”  So he rushes over to the table, and grabs the glass of milk.  But as he first gets a grip of it, his mom grabs him by the arm.  She says, “Whoa there, sweetie.”
“Huh?”  says Butters.  “What did I do wrong?”  Then his mom transforms into Discord.  He tells Butters, “You silly, little, naïve child.”
Butters shakes.  He says, “But Sir Discord, I didn’t do anything!”
“Look, Butters-hehe!  ‘Butt’-ers!  That milk is expired, for Pete’s sake.  Look at the date, kid!”
Butters reads the date.  “Ah…Oct 8.”  He literally pronounces it as “Oct” instead of saying “October.”
“And do you know what today’s date is?  Oct 13.  That milk is five days expired!  If you drink expired milk, you will get very sick and die.  That milk was a bad choice!”
“Aw shucks, Sir Discord.  You got me good.”
“Indeed.  And do you know why you believed me when I asked you for a glass?  You just simply believed it was safe right away!”  He turns to speak in hid condescending voice, “It’s you accepting every opportunity, everything you’ve been told, no matter how logically inaccurate it is.  The only way for you to stay out of trouble, is to say ‘no’ to everything.”
And now Butters’ eyes swirl for a bit, and his whole self turns gray.  Then he says, “They say ‘never say never,’ but I say, ‘never say always!’”
“That’s right, my little Butters.  Now stay!”
“Aw, hell naw.”  He leaves the maze to head back to Ponyville.
Stan finds his gem in a fake African wildlife reserve, fake because Discord had created it.  He finds the gem more specifically in a leopard’s food bowl.  As he picks it up, the leopard that regularly eats out of that bowl says to Stan in Discord’s voice, “Hey kid, whatcha doin’ snatching up my food?”
“Wait-WHAT?” exclaims Stan.  “Is that you, Discord?”  The leopard changes back into Discord.  He says, “Why, of course.  Now do you want to know about the truth of this place?”
“Uh, sure,” says Stan.  Discord snaps his fingers, and everything disappears.  The animals are still out there, but they fall down and die.  Stan is incredibly shocked by this, screaming, “WHATVAHAK?”
“Yes, these animals sadly can't be healed,” says Discord.  He continues in his condescending manner, “You see, animals are stupid.  They were created so that humans could have resources to get what they need for survival, innovation, and much more.  Also, the only reason why preservation organizations exist is so there can be more animals on this planet, just for the humans.  Hm?”
Finally, Stan falls under Discord’s spell, as his eyes swirl for some seconds, and then he turns gray.  He says to himself, “Must.  Kill.  The.  Wild.  Must.  Stay.  Alive.  Stay.  Alive.  Ah.  Ah.  Ah.  Yeah.  Stay.  Alive.”  He walks out of the maze and heads toward Everfree Forest.  Discord looks at Stan walking in the distance, rubs his hands together and says, “Yes, little boy.  Kill every animal.”  Then he does an evil laugh.
When all the boys leave the maze hypnotized, Cartman is walking around the statues, still high.  Suddenly Discord comes up to him and says, “So, Sir Derpingham III.  How would you like it if we destroyed that town?”  He points to Ponyville.
“Aw, hell yeah!” Cartman replies.  “I’m so in, it’s gonna be awesome!  That town is a motherfucking poor, girly little lowlife that deserves to get its ass kicked.”
“That’s my boy,” says Discord.  “Come on, Sir Derpingham.  Hop on my back, and together we will buttfuck Ponyville.”  Cartman jumps onto Discord’s back, and the two are headed into town.

********************************************************************************

The Mane Six, Spike, and I regroup in Everfree Forest.  Because we were seeing everything going on, we don’t say a word for a minute, out of shock.  We just look at each other nervously.  Then Spike finally says, “So…I guess we all agree that we will get our asses kicked by Discord again?”
The six ponies sorrowfully nod their heads in agreement.  “And Peter,” says Twilight, “all your kids are out on the loose.  I guess we should just let them die.”
“Chill out, Twilight baby,” I say.  “Don’t get all your magic in a bunch yet, I-”
Suddenly Stan jumps out from a bush and yells, “Halt!  Can you creatures speak English?”  He also has a rock in his hand.  We all respond with a bunch of “Yeah”s and “Uh-huh”s.
“Very well then,” Stan says.  “I must go deeper into the forest.”  He walks away from us while letting out an Indian chant.  We all sigh in relief.
“So, Peter,” continues Twilight, “What is your master plan or whatever?”
“It better be good, partner,” implies Applejack, “cause with Discord on the loose, we’re too afraid to even enter Ponyville.”
“So true,” says Fluttershy, “cause all my animals might die!  Eeeee!”  She faints.
I tell everybody, “Well, your fears influence some of my plan.  I’ll have the seven of you stay at my place and chill out.  Once you guys feel better, we can go check the town out, while I find and kill that stupid son of a bitch.  Then of course, we gotta put the town back together.  That means getting the Elements of Harmony, and you six do your thing.  As for the boys, I don’t know how that’s gonna turn out.  But they seem like they can handle themselves, considering the fact that they came from their land, all by themselves, to here.”
“But Pete,” says Rarity, “you’re just going to let those boys die in the cold?”
“Naw, not at all.  Besides, the guards should probably catch them anyways.  Rarity, you know I’m always right like this.”
“Ha.  I suppose you do, dear.”  She hugs me.
“Excuse me Peter,” says Spike, “But I want to tell you something.”
“Go right ahead,” I tell him.
“Are you in love with Rarity?”  He makes all the ponies look at us both.
“Heheh,” I say.  “Not that complicated, actually.  I love her a lot, and she loves me a lot, despite the fact that I go around and be with other girls outside the Mane Six.  But all those girls are a specific type of girl: a hoe.  And as pimps, we don't love them hoes.  So I can actually commit my love to one woman that way, while still being able to be with others.’”
“Huh?...Well screw you!  She’s the only thing I actually love.”
“Okay, Spike.  Let’s back up.  How do you really feel about Rarity?”
“Well uh, I really like her beauty, I suppose.”  She listens closely to him.
“Okay, now what about her personality?”
“Hmm.  I don’t really know.”  Rarity gets pissed off now.
“What about her fashion talents?  Anything nice?”
“I...well...I don’t like fancy things.”  She facehoofs.
“Wow, dude.  Is she the only pony you find beautiful?”
“Uhhh,…..no.  Not really.  Other fashion ponies might be beautiful.”
“God dammit, Spike.”
"Wha...what?"
“That feeling you have for her is plain wrong.  Look, nothing about Rarity interests you except how attractive she just appears.  That's all about her that interests you.  You don’t care for her, you don't explore her talents, and you barely know anything else about her-you think of her as a mere object of beauty.  Pretty much, fuck you!  She's mine, and I care about her enough to stand up for her in the worst of times.  And fo' real, think about all the times that feeling for her has gotten out of hand.  What made that time when she was trapped in the cave worse than she could have handled it?  You had no faith in her getting past those monsters and screamed back to the rest of us.  What about that time when you completely ruined her day when you told everyone you liked her, when she was already feeling down when she made Fluttershy a supermodel?  And don't even get me fuckin' started on your birthday-it's just that, even then you don't deserve to be a greedy shit.  You little dick.”
Spike thinks through those moments, and says, “You’re right.  I should apologize-AHWOHAOH!”  Rarity picks up Spike with her magic, and brings him in front of her face.  She gives him a mean look and angrily says, “You are such an idiot!  I will most certainly not be happy with you if you only like me for my looks.  I'm not just a beauty symbol, I am elegant, ambitious, and artistic.  Besides, I've been loving that handsome mare named Pete.  You are a weak, baby dragon who has too much to learn-there's no way I can possibly fall in love with you.  Spike, I can’t believe this.  I thought we were friends!  And don't mess with me and my boyfriend until you learn to treat me as such.”  She drops Spike.  He lands on his face, and he goes back to Twilight with tears in his eyes.  Twilight gives him a mad look.
I walk up to Rarity, fist-pump her and say, “Now that girl, is some impressive shit.  Putting that little douchebag in his place.”
“Thanks man,” she replies, “but I’m still worried about Discord.”  She wraps her front leg around me, closes her eyes, and says, “Mind if you cheer me up tonight?”
“You bet I will.”  Then I get kicked my some pony in the ass.  It’s Rainbow Dash, who puts on her belt again and tells me, “Eh, you two may get along, but I must have some fun tonight.  Cause I have to head back to Cloudsdale tomorrow for some training.”
Rarity proves her wrong as she tells her, “We just went to Cloudsdale with you all last week while you were in the Wonderbolts' elite camp.  Rainbow Dash, you’re a liar.”
“Oh, so you really have to take it this far?” Rainbow says.
“Yes.  Peter is not into S&M and you know it.”
“Well I don’t really care!  Besides, you can’t catch me cause I’m the fastest pony in all of Equestria.  You heard?”
“But I am a unicorn, and so is Petey.  Either one or both of us can fuck you over however we wish.”
“Ha!  You’re just jealous because-”
“Girls, shut up!” yells Twilight.  “We don’t have the time for arguing now.  Our little town’s in trouble...again.”  Rarity and Rainbow turn away from each other in frustration.  “Come on girls,” continues Twilight.  “Don’t you two see this is exactly what Discord wants us to be doing right now?”
The two look at Twilight and owe her a forced apology.  Then I say, “Wow that was scary.  We really should get going to my house, cause you all seem as if you need some damn rest.”  So we all hop on the train, and drive back to my house.

********************************************************************************

Back at my house, we all clam our nerves in beds and watch television.  Fluttersy, Twilight, Applejack, and Spike are in one room watching Adventure Time.  The other three ponies are in another room watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  I am below them in my own room, bumpin' my tunes while watching an NFL game, Chicago vs. Detroit.
In the room with Adventure Time on, Spike's still bummed out from my and Rarity's rants.  "Hey Twilight?" he says.
"What is it, Spike?" she replies uninterestingly.
"There's no way I can get over Rarity not wanting to be around me.  How am I supposed to not even be around her anymore?  Sometimes, I don't do anything more than just helping her."
"Spike, I know this is very tough, but what those two said are true.  You're way out of her league, meaning she wouldn't even need you for much things, help is among them.  She'll go to ponies such as me, Peter, and her family.  Cause we're at that age where we understand what's useful for her.  It's not like Fluttershy talks to her pets about her problems, or like Applejack would make her younger sister watch the house for her."  The two shake their heads in agreement.
Spike understands Twilight's words, and bows down his head and sighs.  "Okay, Twilight," she says, "I get it now.  I won't help her or anypony else bigtime for a while.  Screw me."
"Hey little boy, at least I still find you useful in the library," says Twilight.  Spike gets cheered up a bit, getting a faint smile on his face.
Soon I hear somepony or someone knock on my room door.  I open it, and in comes Rarity looking sad and worried.  I ask her, “Whatsup girl?”
She hops onto my bed and I get back in, too.  She says, “I just need help getting things off my mind.”
“Like what?  Rainbow?  Discord?”
“Yes.  I know we’re in this relationship with benefits, but Dash is acting really desperate right now-as if she doesn’t want us to be in love.”
“I know, she sees it like there’s no second chance.”
“She doesn’t even care that you hate those ways-I feel she could end up raping you!”  She bawls and covers her face up with the covers.  I say, “Shh, shh,” pet her, and she calms down some.  Then I say, “Now that’s where you come in.  When she hits on me, or hits me-I will trick her into doing something she enjoys, then we can get it on shortly after so we can forget about it all, and show who the real mistress in town is.” 
“Pete my darling, there is no brony as wonderful as you.”  We then hug each other.  Then Rarity goes back upstairs feeling better.
When Rarity begins to lie back down, Rainbow asks her, “Did you guys do it?”
She sighs and says, “No.  We just talked."
“Very well then,” says Rainbow.  “But I need to tell you something: you are such a cockblock.  Did you know that?”
Rarity responds, “Augh!  You are such a loveblock.  Did you know that?”
“Well, I am an actual celebrity athlete, so I can rob thousands of bits in merchandise and nopony will give a shit.”
“Yes, they would!  Have you ever heard of paparazzi?  Or Ponies magazine?”
“The only reason why you read it is so you can find a new boyfriend.”
“What?  Am not!  Barely half those boys are single.”
"Why does that matter?  Whenever Peter's in his world,  he cheats on you so much-"
"Noooo!  He doesn't cheat me, he's just-"
“GIRLS!  QUIET!” interrupts Pinkie Pie.  She points to the TV and says, “Kim's in such a freakout right now, look!”  Rarity and Rainbow immediately stop arguing and turn to the TV screen to watch Kim acting all bitchy again.  They laugh along with Pinkie, and peace is restored to the room.
A couple hours later in the other room, Twilight gets startled from Fluttershy’s reactions to some of the trippy things she sees on Adventure Time.  Twilight also thinks it’s about time we all go check out what had happened to Ponyville.  So she heads downstairs, opens my bedroom door and walks toward me.  She says, “Pete, I can’t really rest any longer.  Discord’s driving me insane.”
“So?  Aren’t we all?” I say back.  I’m unsure of why she had said this.
“So…it has been a few hours now, and not everypony is in a sleeping mood.  I suggest that we should check out Ponyville and stop Discord now.”
“Nah.  This game's got six minutes left and the score’s tied.”
“Peter, think about those kids we walked through town with today.”
I sigh.  “Okay fine,” I say.  “Tell the rest to pack up cause we’re heading out.”
“Sure thing, boy.”  She gets everypony and Spike to head outside.  I get back in human form and put on a different outfit before I head out: high-end shoes from Margiela with no laces, multicolored Nike Elites, dark jeans from Dolce and Gabbana, blue Versace tee, the white gem blazer Rarity gave to me earlier, and a black Supreme snapback with a leopard skin bill, while keeping both chains, the Rolex, and the pony-transform wristband.  Then, the eight of us head out and catch the train again to Ponyville.