"Know that motherfucker-well, what you gonna do now?
Whatever I want to do, gosh! It's cool now
Know I'm gonna do-AHHH-it's the new now
Think you motherfuckers really really need to cool out"
-Kanye West
from "Monster" off of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, 2010
After two hours of tasing bronies, the five boys find themselves in the rich neighborhood of Bel-Mare. Cartman seems happy to be in the neighborhood because he says, “Aw yeah! Now we can tase the most famous people in Bronyapolis!”
Stan searches for the house that is richest in his mind. When he finds that house, he tells the rest, “Guys! Let’s go to that one, over there. He seems like the richest guy here.” He points to my house on a hill and leads the others over there.
As they walk to my door, Kenny asks Stan, “What makes you think THAT house is the richest of them all?” Stan tells him, “Well first of all, the bitch has a freaking sports field with a soccer net, field goal, and giant net behind it. Second, his fence is as tall as Lebron James. Plus his garage is HUGE, which means he inevitably has multiple sweet rides.”
The boys approach to the gate to my garage. Stan hesitates in front of it, which is for some reason left open, and says, “Now you all know how only one person goes up to the door? We should all go. Because the one guy who tases will have to run this long distance and back himself.” So Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters all go through the gate and arrive at my front door.
My house is only two floors tall, but is indeed huge. The garage lies to the right of the boys and is large enough to fit four cars. Above the garage door is a basketball hoop, where I, well, shoot hoops. The house is a large cobblestone house with some glass walls and a silver roof. On the boys’ left is the field I use with friends or for personal use. It also has a huge net set up behind it, so I never lose the balls into my backyard, A.K.A. Everfree Forest. There's also a pool and home gym on the roof.
Anyway, the boys arrive at my front door and Butters rings the doorbell. The others pull out their tasers ready to go after me. I open the door, but didn't get tased when they first saw me. The five boys stand and stare at me in shock, mainly because I look and dress so much more different and appealing than most bronies in town. I have on no glasses, but I do have headwear, a New York Knicks snapback cap. I am also wearing an unbuttoned purple dress shirt from Calvin Klein, black Christian Dior pants, two gold chains: one from Gucci that's just links and another that has the word "KING" filled with diamonds hanging from it, and silver Rolex wristwatch along with my pony transformation wristband. I''ve also got a fat Swisher Sweet in my hand. Instead of having messed up hair, it’s simply a black crew cut. In addition to clothing, I have my arm around a girl in a bath robe whom I have recently had sex with, holding a bottle of Ciroc Premium. I'm known for my promiscuity.(That is, fucking human girls as a person and girl ponies as a pony.) The boys can also clearly hear a song from my amps inside, which is Whatever You Like by T.I. Indeed, I am one of the more socially successful bronies in town. And I’m not even old enough to legally drink.
I look down at the boys and tell them, “Whatsup?”
They stay in shock. I get a first response from Cartman, who says, “Dude…are you the brony at this house?”
“Well heheh,” I reply, “Why wouldn’t I be? Why else would I live here? Hahahahah!”
Cartman orders to the other boys, "Everybody...please put away your tasers.” The four kids with tasers turn them off and slowly slip them into their pockets.
Then Butters looks at me and says, “Sir, we all really like you. And we’re sorry for threatening to tase you-”
“Butters!” angrily yells Cartman. “God damn you!”
I get confused, then suspicious as to why Butters had said that. I tell them, “What the?...Waiiit a second. Are you five little douches trying to TASE ME?! What the hell is going through yo damn minds, you little cockroaches? You came all the way to Illinois from your homes JUST so you can tase people here? WHY?!”
Stan exclaims, “Well I don’t know about you, but we’re going around tasing various people here-basically so they'll stop obsessing over a fucking little girls’ show!”
“Aw man! You wanna play rough, you piece of shit?” I yell back.
“Are you going to do anything to us, sir?” asks Butters timidly.
“No, but I know two people who might." I pull out two loaded 9mm revolvers on them. "Say hello to my little friends: two problem solvers, and they're both named Revolver!” That turns the boys from aggressive to scared, and back off my doorstep thinking I’ll shoot them. Kenny repeatedly says “No!” Kyle yells “Please, we’re just kids!” Butters cries.
However, Cartman gets frustrated instead of scared. He then asks me, “Come on, man. Can’t you just take it sleazy?” That makes me laugh. His last three words he had just said are from Workaholics, one of my favorite shows up there with MLP. “Yo redcoat,” I say to get Eric’s attention.
“Yeah?” he answers.
“You watch Workaholics?”
“Hell yeah I watch Workaholics! That's the funniest show ever.”
The other four take note of our conversation and start to join in. We then have a good, five minute discussion about the show. Then Stan says, “Well man, it’s been nice knowing ya. But we got to get going.”
I laugh and say, “No way you kids can get back home without anywhere to sleep. It’s not like you can afford a hotel room without parents’ money ahahahaha! So it’s best you come in and stay here for a while. Don't want to leave you kids sleeping on the damn street.”
“I mean,” says Kyle, “Since you seem like the coolest brony ever…”
“Oh thanks, man.”
“And you’re rich…do you have any extra beds?”
“Oh sure. I got six guest beds in my house upstairs.”
They talk it over, and all agree to stay at my house for a while. My slut asks me in a sassy manner, “Uh! Do we really need to let these losers stay with us?”
I answer, “Of course, Jessica-just chill out for a second. Come right in bros. You all look like you badly need to rest.” So they all enter my house and sit down in my living room.
********************************************************************************
I enter the living room and catch Cartman fucking with my Netflix. I ask him, “Hey, whatcha you doing on my Netflix?”
“I’m trying to find Workaholics,” he says.
“Okay, I’m fine with that.”
“Pete, why did you let these these losers in here,” says Jessica, “especially when they think they can watch adult shit like that. I’m leaving.” She goes back to my room, gets dressed, and then heads out the door. Just before she leaves my sight, I tell her, “Hey, Imma call you sometime today. Alright?”
“Sure, whatever. Hey, but thanks for the good time sexy!” she replies.
"Ay, ya welcome, girl," I say. She leaves the house to call a cab, and I close the door then sit back down with the boys. Right as I sit down, Stan says to me, “So you’re a pimp. And barely 20. And you’re rich. Sporty, too. And behind all that, you’re somehow a…brony.”
“That’s right,” I say.
“How is there even a person like you? I feel like you’re a complete phony.”
“Well, I guess I should say my job is a music producer in the rap industry. So I'm homies with lots of big names out there, no lie. So of course I'm loaded with that cash, those clothes, the women, and a busy schedule when I'm not chillin here at the crib.
“Wait, you've got to be kidding. That's awesome! How can you even keep up with that life?”
“Well unlike most bros my age, I know what I want to do in life. That is-make dope music, get lots of money, go out a lot, and travel the world. I'm so lucky to be here-for real, but I've just been smarter about life and know what I want to do with the one life I've got. So I gotta make the most of it-can't be more greatful for doing that now.”
“Wow, that’s unbelievable man. Now tell me-why you make sick beats, pick up chicks, look fly, like to blast hip-hop, are the sporty kind of kid, and happen to like…ponies?”
“Well, being a huge brony used to be my guilty pleasure-but I go after what I want in life, so I bought a place here after getting rich. I like to listen to those kinds of guys and watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic for two different reasons. Sure we like these ponies for how cute and happy they are, but we don’t associate them with sunshine, flowers, hearts, and shit. Also, the show’s main producer, Lauren Faust, originally made the animation for not only little girls, but also for hopes of mature audiences. That means these episodes actually have plotlines that aren't only real, but appeal to us older viewers. What's also awesome is that all the ponies have distinct personalities we can relate to in some way, shape or form. Look bro, we don’t watch this show because we are all a bunch of-well some actually are, but…pussies, gays and furries. There are much better and more legit reasons why than those generic, ignorant, shitty suggestions.”
The five boys like what I'm saying a lot, and are all amused by my rich and famous lifestyle and what the bronies actually find appealing in MLP. So they slightly applause me for that out of thanks and gratitude.
“My God, you're even more awesome,” says Kyle, “By the way, I'm just saying it’s funny how you’re like the only cool guy in a land full of nerds.”
I laugh and say, “Yeah, I know. I mean, I got some respect for them, but there's just no way I can hang out with them. I really don’t mind living alone much, as long as things are just chill. And since I ball hard and get so much pussy, I’m never really alone anyway. I even got a girlfriend, but don't wanna get into that now.”
"Was it that girl that just left?" asks Cartman.
"Nah, she's no hoe. Cause I hang out with her when I'm not travelling somewhere for parties or studio recording."
“So you often go clubbing?” Kyle asks.
“Hell yeah. I go to places all across the country, and even the world. I mean, if there was a club here in B-Polis, it would be so nerdy. All the booze, walls, music, etc. would be themed of anything most nerds worship-Pokémon, anime, Sci-Fi, video games, all that kind of stuff man. Not that I don’t like or anything, I'm just tired of all that getting shoved in my face all the time. It’s like you expect every last person to like it as much as you do. Chill out.”
“Well anyway,” says Stan, “I have to owe you one big apology, man. I was searching pictures for a project, and I found out about your people through a couple of them, and reacted like most people would when they first find out about you. So I and my friends got the idea to sneak up on a bus, come here and tase your neighbors because they like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Now you showed us such a bright side of yourselves. I feel like…a complete dumbass.”
“Oh, it’s all fine,” I reply. “Of course not everyone is fond of us, big deal. Sometimes you just gotta accept the hate. But enough of that, let’s just chill and watch some Workaholics.” I pick up the remote, and browse through some episodes to watch.
********************************************************************************
After a couple episodes, I get up and tell the kids, “Well I don't wanna turn this day into a Netflix marathon. How about I take you to Ponyville and meet my best friends over here, and stars of FIM-the Mane Six.”
“No way!” Cartman blurts out. "What are you even talking about?" He has been high for quite a while because while we were watching Workaholics, he stole from my weed stash without my knowledge.
"Cartman," says Stan, "those were the main characters I told you about. Don't you remember?"
"No, I don't remember!" Cartman continues. "That was weeks ago."
"Oh my God, it was just two days ago! It was that long talk I gave before class."
"Let me handle this," I tell Stan. I trick Cartman into going by telling him, “Cartman, I’ll get you some Taco Bell if you decide to go.”
“Okay fine, I’ll take it,” says Cartman. This gets the others to say they would go with me. Then I say, “Alright then, everybody hop into one of my cars.”
The five smile knowing they'll be checking out my garage. I put on a pair of Jordans, and open the door in the living room leading to the garage. I head in and the boys run right behind me. I have four cars: Audi R8 convertible, Mercedes E450, Ford Super Duty, and Cadillac Escalade. All cars also have tinted windows and custom rims.
"See, I told you guys," says Stan. "This guy has some awesome cars."
"I know," Kyle replies, "too bad we could prolly only ride in the Cadillac. I wanna take a joyride in his Audi."
"Yeah, me too," Kenny muffles. "That would be the best."
"Your friend's right," I tell the boys. "Everybody hop in the Caddie." So we all get in the SUV and drive myself and these kids down to a local train station. Then we take the train to Ponyville. As we get off, half the passengers run out and cheer. Kyle asks me, “Dude, why are all these people on ecstasy?”
I reply, “Well, Ponyville is the town where MLP takes place, so fans are always pretty excited to be here.”
Cartman looks around Ponyville and says, “This place sucks titties. It’s mostly old shit and there’s no Taco Bell! What’s a town without that?”
I say to him, “Well haha, I have to agree, but it’s much more active than it looks like to you. Besides, all the main characters live here.”
“Wait a second,” says Stan. “We never exchanged names. What's yours?”
“Me? Call me Peter LeShay...or Peter, Pete, LeShay, what the hell ever.”
“Well I’m Stan.”
“I’m Kyle.”
“Wha? Oh, I’m Eric. But everyone calls me Cartman. I don’t know why.”
“Howdy! My name’s Butters!”
“And I’m Kenny.”
“Excuse me?” I reply. “I can’t hear you because your big-ass hoodie covers your face, which is weird…”
“Kenny.”
“Wha?”
“KENNY.”
“One more time.”
He waves his arms in the air and says, “Mother fucking KENNY, you BITCH!”
Stan finally tells me, “His name’s Kenny.”
“Man, thank you. Now Kenny, why didn’t you just put your hood down?”
“He told us it’s a secret that nobody except him should know.”
“Okaaaaay…Anyway Eric, what color is SpongeBob?” I ask this question only so if I can see if he’s still high from the weed he stole from me.
“Uh...yellow,” he replies. Then he looks around the town and tells me, “Dude Peter, fuck this place, let’s go get food.”
“Dammit,” I say. “Just behave yourself okay? This place is pretty innocent so don’t do anything fucking stupid.”
Then Butters says, “Ya know what, Cartman’s right. This town is so girly and-”
I put my mouth over Butters’ mouth and tell him, “Okay yeah this town may seem like its lame, but tons of shit has happened here. I told you, the plots in Friendship is Magic are much more better than the MLP versions of the past. Now calm down while I just show you around town and let you meet the awesome main characters.”
“Are they any cool?” asks Butters.
“Yeah they all do pretty sweet stuff,” I reply. “Now come on, let’s go.” I take the boys through the streets, but they remain unimpressed. Then Applejack spots me while she’s at her apple stand. She shouts, “Hey Pete! Over here!” I turn around and move towards her, and say, “Whatsup, AJ?”
“Howdy, rider,” she replies.
“So how’s business going today?” I ask.
“Ah, same as usual. Wait-you got some brothers with you?”
“They aren’t my brothers haha. But they’re my new friends.”
“Yee-haw, count me in with your new friends. Besides, my brother’s gonna replace me in a few minutes, so I’ll come with you anyway if you’re cool with it.”
“Oh yeah, we’re just meeting everyone else. Let’s go.” Applejack and I walk back to the boys standing to the side. We keep on walking, and Stan asks Applejack, “So, what do you do that’s awesome?”
“Hey little orchard, my name’s Applejack. I run a family apple business that’s been in existence ever since the founding of Ponyville.”
“Is it any cool of a business?”
“Well my grandmother actually founded this town, so yeah. We’re awesome.”
“Now that’s actually pretty cool.”
“Yep…what they hay are these rabbits doing here?” Some rabbits were hopping toward Applejack and the boys and grabbing on to them. I turn stop to turn around, and get a weird facial expression from the rabbits. Then I see Fluttershy running towards us in the distance panting. I yell out to her, “Fluttershy! What’s going on?”
She comes up to us and tries to regroup the rabbits. Kyle turns to her and says, “Are all these rabbits yours?”
“Oh, yes yes,” Fluttershy responds. “I am so sorry-I just can’t keep them under control today.” Then she regroups the rabbits, then comes up to me with them and says, “Hello Peter, I am so very sorry. These bunnies are just crazy today-“
“Fluttershy,” I say, “it’s all fine. I honestly thought it was funny.”
“Oh, good. Hey, who are your cute little friends over here?”
“Oh, they’re just some kids that came to my house and needed a place to stay.” She goes over to look at Kenny and says, “Aw, this one is cute with his orange thing.” She rubs her hoof on Kenny’s hood. The boys and I stare at her and say, “Ya know, Fluttershy, let’s just find the rest of the girls.” So we keep on walking.
Soon I stop in front of Rarity’s hose. I say to everyone, “Okay guys, now Imma talk this next one alone, so please stay out here.”
They stay put, and I go up to the door of Rarity’s house and ring her doorbell. Rarity opens the door, sees me, and gasps out of happiness. She says, “Petey! Hello!” and we hug each other.
“Ah, how’s my favorite pony doing?” I ask.
“Splendid, my darling! Come right inside!” Then she leads me into her house. When we get inside, I hand her back a fedora and say, “Here’s the fedora you asked me to model for in Fillydelphia last month.”
“It’s about time. Why haven’t you given it back sooner?”
“It’s just so awesome-I couldn’t get it off my head!”
Rarity chuckles. “I’d probably do the same.” She walks over to one of her pony mannequins; this one is wearing a white blazer decorated in gems. She points to it and tells me, “I just want you to wear this again.”
“You frontin? That’s the third time I’ve worn it in a month.”
“Well this next show in Manehattan is a bit casual, so I’d just let you wear my favorite jacket.”
“Okay I’m cool with that. And I really like it a lot to-“
“Well why didn’t you say so, sweetie? It’s yours.” She hands the blazer over to me. I change into pony form to put it on, and then change back into human form. I say, “Thank you so much, Rarity. It’s no secret your Element is generosity.”
“Oh, you’re quite welcome.” Then she looks out the open doorway and notices Applejack, Fluttersy with her rabbits, and the boys. She asks me, “Hey, isn’t that your crew out there?”
“It sure is .”
“You’ve got to include me in this, you know.” She waves at Fluttershy and AJ.
“Of course I’ll include you. Come on, leggo.” We walk towards the gang, where Rarity talks to AJ and Fluttershy, and the boys stare at my blazer. Says Stan, “Holy crap dude, you look like Michael Jackson in that thing.”
“I know,” I tell him. “Oh and that white pony, Rarity-is my girlfriend. She designs high-end fashion, and has flawless beauty. Sometimes I model for her designs, that's why you'd see me in somethings like this.”
“But she doesn't seem like any hot celebrity,” says Kenny as we start walking again.
“Exactly. Most celebrities aren't really beautiful-its mostly just marketing tools by the big businesses. Since Rarity’s the most attractive pony on the inside as well as the outside, I legit care for her.”
“Man I wish I was a pony,” says Cartman. “Then I could really fuck the white one!”
The boys and I give him an angry look. “What?” he says. “You guys know how sexy she is. Seriously, don’t be gay!”
“You’re still high,” I frustratingly say to him. “How much of that shit did you smoke?”
“Ahh…I guess most of those two bags.” I face palm.
Later we meet up Twilight Sparkle, who sits down on a bench reading A Game of Thrones. I look at the book in surprise and ask her, “Twilight? You’re really reading that in public?”
“Oh, Peter,” she says and takes a sigh of relief. “Thank Celestia you’ve come. Yeah…this book has some freaky things in it. I was just reading this part where this lord gets beheaded in front of his daughters by some ruthless tyrant!”
I laugh and reply, “Well why you bought it in the first place?”
“I hear bronies talk about the show all the time, and most of them have read the book. I didn’t know much though. Now I don’t even care if-”
Cartman rips off a page of the book and rolls up weed in it. Everyone stares. “Good,” says Twilight. “I don’t even care if somebody rips off pages in it. Fuck this; I want to hang with you guys.” She throws it on the ground and proceeds to talk to Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy. Then I tell Cartman, “Kid, you were lucky. But seriously, you don’t just rip out somebody’s book pages and make them rolling papers.”
“Look Pete,” he says, “I don’t give a fuck about anything in this city. All I want is some good food, okay?”
I roll my eyes and say, “Jesus kid, control yourself. Now I've been with some completely stoned out people before hahaha, but nobody would dare to get as high as you. That worries me.” Then we keep on walking through town, just after Cartman picks up the book.
In the middle of the road, Pinkie Pie looks down at us from a rooftop a bit away. When she spots us, she gets excited and says, “Oh my goodness, is that my boy Pete? With my friends? And new ones? Oh, yes! I gotta see them!” She hops along the rooftops towards us, and when she lands in the middle of the group, she scares away Fluttershy’s bunnies, as they run off in multiple directions. Fluttershy attempts to call them back, but gives up and says, “Oh, it’s no use. Pinkie, why did you have to scare them all away?”
“Hiya Fluttershy!” inadvertently says Pinkie. “Your bunnies were so cute. Why the hell did they have to run away when I came along? I hope they don’t hate me.”
“You scared them away, dumbass,” Applejack tells her. “Do you not realize the consequences of jumping in front of innocent creatures and make Fluttershy upset again?”
“Oooooooooooh…” says Pinkie. “Oops, my bad. Hahahahaha!” Then she runs to me like the Flash would, puts her front arm around me and says to my face, “Oh how are you doing, Mr. studly-pants? You got some new friends with you? Cause I’d love to meet them!”
“Uh,” I say timidly, “Yeah, these guys are awesome. You should really say hi to them.” So Pinkie rushes over to the boys and says to them, “Hi little kids, my name’s Pinkie Pie, and I’m your new friend. What can I do to make you smile?”
Butters and Kenny are frightened by Pinkie until she had just said that, so they look at each other and make arm gestures that indicate they’re thinking “whatever.” But Cartman asks first and tells Pinkie, “Can you kill every Jew you see?” Kyle slaps Cartman in the face and yells, “Don’t!”
Kenny asks her, “Can you get me some big-ass titties?” Pinkie Pie laughs at Cartman’s and Kenny’s questions and says, “Silly gooses. I would only give such grown-up stuff to your boy, Pete.” I turn back and smile. She replies with a bigger, creepier smile, and then proceeds to talk with the other ponies in the group.
Further up the road, Spike spits fire into the sky. He runs and pants while holding a plastic bag out in front of him. A burnt bird drops and lands a few inches away from the bag, and he quickly picks it up and puts it in the bag. Rainbow Dash walks towards Spike and says, “Wow, Spike. You didn’t miss one spit. You’re the most accurate fire-spitter I’ve seen!”
“I know,” Spike says. “Thanks, Rainbow!”
“No competitor in the Amateur Fire-Spitting Contest will stand against you.”
“Just like no guy stands against your agility.”
“Right, Spike. And, I got my eyes on one certain guy.” Rainbow carries Spike into the air, and points to me in the distance. “Lovely Pete,” she continues.
“Wait…isn’t he that one good-looking brony?”
“Yes, he is the one.” Rainbow puts a black belt around her neck. “The lucky bastard I’m finna have a good play date with,” she says seductively, as she takes out a whip and waves it in the air twice.
“But Rainbow,” says Spike, “don't you think you should treat him nicer that cracks and whips?”
Rainbow replies “Chill your dragon balls. I know how to deal with handsome ponies, and he's the most handsome brony a mare could possibly want.”
“Yeah I know that, but-“
“And that makes him the best. Plus, since I’m still no Wonderbolt, don’t I deserve the best for the time being?”
“Well of course! I mean you do, but-“
“You know what, Spike? Lesson’s over for today. Sorry little dude, but I got plans.” She flies over to the beauty spa and enters it, heading into the store there. The cashier, Aloe, sees Rainbow and says excitedly, “Holy crap! Is that the one and only Rainbow Dash? OMG. What can I do for you?”
“Don’t ask any questions,” Rainbow replies in a sinister manner. “I’m just getting ready for some action.” She heads over to the perfume counter and picks up a fragrance kept in a black glass container. Aloe is in shock at this point because the fragrance Rainbow had just picked up is known throughout Equestria as a popular perfume used for BDSM.
Rainbow brings the perfume right to the counter and Aloe, whom is nervous, says “Uh…is that all you’re getting?”
“Certainly is,” Rainbow boldly says. Then she makes the purchase awkwardly as Aloe has a WTF look on her face. As Rainbow turns around, she notices me through the door window walking with the boys and other five members of the Mane Six. She stares at me and says in a slow, sinister manner, “I am ready when you are, Pete. Come to me, and Imma make you my bitch.” Aloe faints from just witnessing Rainbow, and Rainbow laughs at that. Then she exits the spa.
********************************************************************************
The eleven of us finally stop walking and arrive at the park to calm down. Then the ponies and I sit down on a hill and talk for a little bit. Then out of nowhere, Spike flies down towards us. Me and the ponies react like “Holy crap!” As Spike nears us, Twilight catches him with her magic and slowly brings him down. She asks him, “Spike? What the hell is going on?”
Spike says, “Uh…” and rolls his eyes. “Me and-”
Rainbow Dash lands down near us while laughing. “We saw you guys walking down near the salon, so we’d figure we’d visit you all,” she says.
Twilight face hoofs and says, “But did you two really think launching each other at us is the best way to say ‘hi’ to us?”
“Oh, shut up!” replies Rainbow. “Hahahaha! How big of a deal is it?”
“How big of a deal is it?” Twilight sarcastically asks. “That was some complete bullshit! It’s like when you zapped me during that one Nightmare Night Festival.”
"Guys," says Fluttershy. But she's too quiet for Rainbow and Spike to hear. So she repeats it a couple times, but is still to quiet for them.
Rainbow says, “That was hilarious!” Spike says in agreement, “Yeah, Twilight. What’s not to hate about good humor?” He starts to laugh as well.
I notice Fluttershy trying to get their attention, and realize she's not doing enough. So I tell the two, “Can both of you please shut up? You know you’re being complete idiots right now.” After I say that, I look around and realize the kids are gone. I look around more, but couldn’t find them at all. I say, “Hey, you girls seen my friends anywhere?”
Cartman, Stan, Kyle, Butters, and Kenny are coming out of the hedge maze surrounded by stone statues. They are all mad because they couldn’t find its exit.
“Damn you Cartman,” says Kyle, “You said there would be an exit to this maze.”
“There is,” Cartman replies. “They probably just cut it down.” He takes another hit of his joint.
Then he stops in front of the statue of Discord and says in shock, “Whoa, nelly. This here is one big, bad monster.”
The other four kids look up at it with great interest. “Oh Jesus,” says Butters, “it’s so angry at me!” He starts to shake because the statue is looking right at him.
“Now, now Butters,” says Stan. “It’s just a lizard.”
“I know Stan, but it’s so scary!” Butters starts to cry. Then he hugs Stan for sympathy, who hugs him back.
“Actually,” Cartman says who’s sitting down with his back against the statue. “This thing…is actually Satan.”
Stan grows angry and replies, “Aw, you’re such a piece of crap, Eric!”
“Yes it iiiissss!” screams Butters, who continues to cry. “He’s the only non-pony and he’s the only angry one!”
“It’s sadly true,” says Cartman. “It’s all on Wikipedia.” He takes another hit.
“No way,” Kyle argues. “It’s just a dragon statue. What’s there to really be-”
“Dragon?” Stan exclaims. “I thought you guys would agree it’s a damn lizard.”
“No way Stan,” Kenny says. “It’s definitely a snake!”
Kyle yells back, “Kenny, are you retarded? There’s no way it’s a snake!” He, Kenny, Butters, and Stan continue to argue over which animal Discord is. At the same time, us eight walk up to the maze talking, and then I catch the boys fighting in front of the Discord statue. I jump back a little and exclaim, “Oh shit! We’re done!”
“What’s the matter, Pete?” asks Pinkie Pie.
Pieces of stone chip off Discord’s statue, while white light rays shoot out of the holes in it. The five kids stop their argument and stare at the breaking statue in complete disbelief. Cartman runs to get behind Stan. Soon, all the pieces come off as a ball of white light appears where the statue had just fallen apart. The boys' argument in front of the statue caused it to break open. My group runs into some nearby woods, close enough to see what is happening with the Discord statue. We hide behind trees and bushes, and watch all the action in peril.