//------------------------------//
// Errands 
// Story: The Human Side of Things 
// by Gylden Glor 
//------------------------------//

	"So, Peter, would you like to go shopping with us?"
"What? No, fuck off. I'm trying to read this book."
Rarity scoffs at me. "That is no way to treat a group of ladies, Peter!"
Rainbow Dash floats over to the side of the couch. "Besides, it'll be fun! At least, if ya' hang with me it'll be fun. I'm gonna head straight for that new shop to pick up one of them fancy Plasma-Screen televisions!"
I cock an eyebrow at the cyan Pegasus. "You guys have plasma screen televisions in Equestria?"
"They were only recently developed," Twilight announces. "They're the first ever screens to be sold to the public! Before this, video feed was reserved for security, and for public areas so ponies could go there to watch the news. But now, they're going to be broadcasting sports, comedies, dramas, and more!"
I smile to myself as I dog-ear the page I'm on (much to Twilight's horror) and stand. "Y'know what...that sounds pretty cool. I'll think I'll go with you guys. I wanna check out these televisions - see how you came to such an advanced point of technology so quickly."
"Peter, it's mostly magic," Twilight informs me as Rarity grins in success. "I mean, it's a bit technology...but not much."
I shrug. "Good enough for me. I'll go with Rainbow Dash, and anypony else who's going to that shop she's talking about."
"Ah think Ah might, too," Applejack announces. "It'll be easier t' get th' weather schedule fer' the weak, an' check the apple sales, than t' lug mahself t' the town hall every mornin'..."
I nod in agreement. "Alright. Well, let's get going."

A few minutes later, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and I are walking into the hardware store. I'm shocked to find that they have a gaming system already out, and I'm excited when I find out that it's named the "Magnavox Odyssey".
"Oh my fucking god!" I exclaim as I jump in front of the console, bringing a few surprised heads to swivel in my direction. "Holy shit, you guys really have just started on your home consoles! Wow, I can't believe you're only at the fucking Magnavox Odyssey!"
"Yeah, but I wouldn't waste my time on it," Rainbow Dash announces, dismissively. "Besides, it's not like there's a future to home gaming..."
I swivel around to glare at her. "Rainbow Dash, I'm going to make you eat those words. I'm going to find the equivalent of Nintendo in this world, and I am going to make the NES. It will be so awesome, your eyes will melt out."
"Now, hold on for a ding-dang second," Applejack announces. "Ah thought ya' said ya' didn't know much about the past o' technology where yer' from. But yer' actin' like the Magnavox is some ol' relic!"
"I don't know much about basic technology; that's true," I agree. "But I know a lot about video gaming technology. For example -"
"Oh, jeeze, here we go," Rainbow Dash sighs. I ignore her.
"The first home console, in terms of an actual console that could play games besides Pong and its variations, was the Atari. I think. I'm not one hundred percent sure on that, my knowledge is limited at best. Anyway, it was a huge hit, and eventually Atari made the shittiest console ever and totally died in the console battle."
"See? Told ya' there's no future in 'em!" I ignore Dash.
"Then the NES came along, from Nintendo. Sega made the Genesis...I think that was their first console...yeah. And then they started an all-out war. R.O.B. saved the video game industry at one point, but I won't bore you with the details."
"Really? You're doing a pretty good job boring us with the rest of the details..."
"Fuck you, Rainbow Dash. Anyway, pretty soon, the Super Nintendo Entertainment System came along. So did the Sega Genesis 32x and the Phillips CDi. Which sucked dick." A few heads turn in disgust. I ignore them. "I'm not one hundred percent sure about that order. Anyway, awesome games came out, like Castlevania, Sonic the Hedgehog - which you would love, Dash - and, uh...I'm not so familiar with old games. Just the consoles.
"Anyway, skipping ahead to 1996, the Nintendo 64 came out, and it was the first console to have 3D graphics. It started a new era of gaming, and it was awesome.
"Later, the Playstation and Playstation 2 came out. Sega was all but dead in the water at this point.
"Sony got big, and so did Microsoft. Nintendo remained on casual gaming, and Pokemon is like fucking legendary."
"Language," Applejack sighs. "Ah'm fine with cursin', but this is gettin' t' be a bit much..."
"Go eat a dick, Applejack. In any case, with the Wii came motion controlled gaming, where you could control the motions of the in-game characters. You could do things like control sword strikes, use a bow and arrow, and several other things.
"Then the Playstation 3 and XBox 360 came out. Awesome consoles. God of War 3 is one of my favorite games for Playstation 3 - you can just endlessly wail on enemies with your freakin' Blades of Chaos. It's absolutely amazing. Plus, with this era of gaming came the more brutal games. Games meant only for adults."
"Oh, this I gotta hear," Rainbow Dash remarks sarcastically.
"Alright then. Imagine playing a game where a minotaur attacks you. You use a reaction command to dodge it, jump on its back, bury your blades into its chest, and tear it open, spilling its intestines and vital organs everywhere."
"That's, uh..."
"And then you attack the god of the sea. After beating the shit out of him, you gouge his eyes out, and break his neck before throwing him off a cliff."
"Uhm..."
"And then, you unceremoniously shoot up everything in your path, pick up prostitutes, and then kill them for your money back."
"Wait, what!?"
"That's not all of it. Imagine playing a game where you have to shoot the limbs off of enemies to kill them, and when they kill you, you get absolutely gruesome scenes of gore and violence. Absolutely brilliant."
"But-"
"And going back to the PS2 - Silent Hill 3. Running from Insane Cancers, which are basically giant deformed miscarriages. Or running from Closers, which are basically walking vaginal lips. Or fighting off the Missionary, a tortured monster that murdered your father. Or eating...agapholaphis? I don't remember what it's called. anyway, taking the red pill to make yourself vomit up Gods' fetus, and then watching as Claudia eats God's fetus so she can give birth to it, and then having to fight that God in the final boss fight. Oh, oh - and don't forget the giant penis monster you fight at the end of the mall. Meant to symbolize rape and sexual harassment."

"Alright, alright; that's enough!" Rainbow Dash cries, holding out her hooves in desperation. "Please, just stop fucking talking! I mean, Celestia damnit, Peter - you've gotta know when to shut the fuck up!"
I blush as I smile awkwardly. "Uh...sorry..."
"Yeah, whatever, but next time, don't ramble so damn much. Especially not about such stupid or gross stuff."
"Silent Hill is not stupid!" I cry.
"Shut the fuck up!"
"Break it up, y'all lovebirds," Applejack barks. Rainbow Dash and I glare daggers at her, both of us sporting furious blushes. "Also, d'you even realize where y'all have decided t' have this discussion?"
We look around, and blush as we see that we've come to the...adult part of the store. There are vibrators everywhere.
"Why isn't this closed off?" I wonder aloud. "Some poor kid could come walking in here..."
"It's partitioned by magic," Rainbow explains. "Anyway...let's get outta here..."
I nod in embarrassment. "Yeah...before we end up scarring some poor kids for life. Sorry for going on like that."
"It's fine. Just don't do it again, alright?"
"Fuck you, Rainbow."
Rainbow Dash scoffs at me in shock, and I smirk at Applejack as I shove my hands into my pockets. Rainbow Dash fumes as we leave the store.

The seven of us all meet at the local restaurant, and they ask how our shopping sprees went.
"Peter talked our ears off about videogames," Rainbow Dash grumbles.
"Really? That sounds interesting," Twilight remarks. I grin as I take a deep breath. Before I can speak, Rainbow Dash tackles me to the ground, clapping a hoof over my mouth as she does so.
"No, no, no! You will not start with that fucking bullshit again, d'you understand me!?" The mares laugh, and Rainbow snaps her head back in annoyance. "You shut the fuck up! D'you have any idea what I had to go through with this asshole!?" The mares immediately quiet down, and after a moment, I'm sitting as far away from Dash as I can.
The rest of the meal passes without any conversation between Dash and I. We only ask each other to pass certain condiments.

When we've finished, and we've paid the check, (I have a part-time job at the library, so I'm able to chip in,) we're about to leave when Spike comes running up to Twilight.
"Hey, Twi'!" He exclaims eagerly. "I got this letter from Celestia! There are only two tickets to the Grand Galloping Galla! Who will you take?"
Every single pony in Ponyville stops what they're doing and stares at Twilight. I clear my throat as I stand. "If you guys need me,I'll be hiding in the library's basement so I can avoid the shitstorm that will soon follow," I announce. Nopony notices, as they're already staring at Twilight expectantly. I sigh as I pat her on the back. "Good luck, Twi'. Might wanna think about letting 'em fight to the death for the tickets. Just sayin'."
Twilight gulps, and I none too slowly make my way back to the library, a prickling sensation tickling my spine as I struggle to get out of the epicenter of the soon-to-occur wave of ass-kissing.