//------------------------------// // I Have No Princess, So I Must Scream // Story: Sunflower // by Anal Invader //------------------------------// Sunflower Chapter One: I Have No Princess, So I Must Scream Princess Celestia. In all of Equestria, there is no mare that can compare to her. Her kind and caring heart is known well throughout the minds of her subjects, and her beauty shines radiantly every single day, just as the sun she controls. Countless stallions have asked for her hoof in marriage during her many centuries ruling Equestria, but none have succeeded in taming her heart. In today's age, she is considered the most unobtainable mare alive, and all have given up hope of obtaining her...well...almost all... "Get back here, you insect!" yelled one of the ten Canterlot Guards in pursuit. "Ha, catch me if you can, slowpokes!" The pony now running from the Canterlot Guard is named Escape. He would best be described as a stallion of average build with emerald green fur, piercing blue eyes and a winning smile. His mane is long for a stallion and is fairly messy with a dark grey colour, but his appearance however, is not the issue. The issue currently is the brigade of guard ponies chasing him out of The Canterlot Castle. Why might this be happening you ask? It all started five minutes ago... Princess Celestia had been going about a dreadfully boring day. Day Court had been nothing but tax problems and ponies trying to convince of her of going through with ideas that could do nothing else but eventually crash and burn. "I'm sorry," the Princess apologized. "But I'm afraid I cannot fund money into a museum on silly putty. Next, please!" The guards escorted the business mare with her projections for the museum away, and brought in the next citizen. Peculiarly, this pony was draped in a black cape with a large top hat covering their head and face. That kind of concealment wasn't allowed in Day Court, so the Princess was required to tell the pony to reveal themselves before they could continue with their problem. The Princess held out her hoof to stop the pony. "Wait, before you begin with your request, I must ask you to take off your hat. It's protocol here in Day Court." "Well of course," the pony replied in turn. The pony took off their top hap and placed in directly by their hooves. Upon seeing the pony's face, she realized the pony looked quite familiar, but she couldn't quite place where she remembered the green earth-pony stallion from. "May I speak now. Your Highness?" "You may." The stallion picked up his hat and moved closer to the Princess until the two were within a reasonable speaking distance. "I believe," he started, tapping his hat with a hoof. "That you, Your Highness, stole something from my possession." The two guards that were stationed beside Celestia glared daggers into the stallion. "You dare accuse the Princess of thievery?!" asked one of the guards angrily. "Stop," Celestia said to her guard calmly. "Let the stallion speak; what is it that you claim I've taken from you? I assure you, there must be some sort of mistake, as I have done no such thing." "What did you steal?" The stallion repeated. "You stole...my heart!" A bouquet of red roses suddenly poked their way out of the stallion's top hat. He swiftly took them from the hat and placed them before Celestia. "Princess Celestia...I...love you! Please, would you go on a date with me?" With that, there was pin-drop silence in the courtroom. Even the previously rowdy guards were stupefied at the development. All eyes turned to Celestia, who was trying her best not to appear dumbfounded. A faint glowing red stained the Princess' cheeks, but by covering her mouth with her hoof, she managed to hide it. Her response however, was not quite as concise. "W-Wha-I umm...w-well that's not to...I umm...t-this is just so sudden... " The stallion chuckled. "As expected of the Princess. You're even more beautiful when you're flustered. Don't worry about telling me your answer right now. I promise you, this won't be our last meeti-" Finally coming out of the shock of the situation, Celestia's guards grabbed the stallion by his black cape. "Oho, I remember you now," one of them said menacingly. "You think you can just say things like that to our Princess?! I'll make sure you never get within three blocks of the Princess ever again! The stallion smiled at the guard. "Hey, would you do me a favour?" he said, maintaining his smile. "Hold on to my coat for me, would ya?" Before the guard could respond, the stallion slipped out of his cape and jumped out a nearby window into the Royal Garden. The guard surged with anger. "Every guard in this room! After that stallion, now!" This brings the stallion, Escape, back to his current predicament. A large gathering of guards was right on his tail, and Escape couldn't care less. He was still experiencing the joy of having worked up the nerve to confess to the Princess. Escape had never been one to shy away from a challenge, and he was one step closer to completing one of the hardest challenges of all time: marrying Celestia. "Get back here, maggot!" yelled another guard furiously. "I'll teach you to say heart-felt things like that to our Princess!" Escape could do nothing but laugh at the guards. Well...besides running from them. Unfortunately, completely wrapped up in his good mood, Escape ran right into a dead-end alleyway. He turned back to see the smiling mugs of the guards. "Nowhere left to go now, hey punk?" said one smugly. "On the contrary." Escape reached into the saddle-bag he'd been wearing and pulled out a small black ball. "I enjoyed our little chase, but I have ponies to brag to. Better luck next time!" Escape slammed the ball into the ground, creating a cloud of white smoke. The guards looked around wildly, trying to find a glimpse of the stallion who had just stood right before their eyes, but after the cloud of smoke dissipated, he had vanished without a trace. Celestia gave a deep sigh. It had been about an hour since that mysterious stallion's confession, and Day Court was finally wrapping up for the evening, but Celestia still couldn't shake the memory from her head. Getting up from the throne, she stretched herself out and exited the door to the throne room, intent on a good night's rest, but stopped suddenly on account of her sister, Luna, waiting for her on the other side. "Sister, I heard about what happened in Day Court today," said Luna with a grin plastered across her face. "Luna," she said weakly. "Please, don't do this now. I'm exhausted and I'm pretty sure I hear my pillow calling my name." "Oh come on, Tia," exclaimed the Night Princess playfully. "When was the last time somepony confessed their love for you? In the middle of Day Court?" "216 years ago, why?" "...That was rhetorical, but what I'm trying to say is give this one a chance. What was this, the third time that same stallion tried something ridiculous to get your attention?" Celestia rolled her eyes. "Fourth time, actually. Yesterday, he hung down from a tree during a stroll in the Royal Garden just to tell me how gorgeous he thought my hair was. You should have seen how uppity the guards got." Luna stifled back a giggle. "Seriously?! It's amusing how dedicated this one is." The Solar Princess shook her head. "I hope this one just gives up. In the end, I know the reason every stallion desires me, because it is the very same reason every time. By marrying me, they wish to become prince and take the money and power the position holds. There's been so many stallions that desire me for this reason, that I can practically smell the greed of one if I'm near somepony like that. Canterlot doesn't need a prince like that, and I won't give them one..." Exhausted, Celestia walked down the hallway that led to her bedroom, while Luna rubbed her hooves mischievously. "Oh Tia, if you think I'm going to let you give up on this one that easily, you're dead wrong. I will find out myself if this one is genuine or not..."