The day night started out like any other night. The moon in all her pale and ghostly glory rose in the east, a great milky orb turning the evening sky from a deep orange much akin to a certain apple farmer's coat, to deep purple, and then a deep, dark blue. The stars began to shine faintly over head, and the clouds, mere vapors of mist, set the moonlight to glowing in eerie and fantastic ways. The city was bustling and crowded by day, the sun beeting down on the streets, causing many a pony to wilt in the heat, but at night, the city glowed. It was a warm and gentle light, coming up from every theatre, club, restaurant, and, who could ever forget, down from the stars and the moon above. Many a night the princess of Nox could be seen flying over the city, taking in the sights and smells, and talking to her subjects, never out of reach of her meatshields *cough* *cough* I mean faithful body guards; the vampony people, who were created when Discord first tried to make changelings. The Princess of Diem at first wished to rid the lands of Equestria of these "creatures", But Luna had taken pity on them, for she had seen something of a kindred spirit in them; they had been shunned as well as she. So from then on, Princess Luna decried that the Vamponies were under her protection, and were her personal guard, and from then on they served her faithfully. Many ponies were quite eager to see the Princess, as was usual for a night in Canterlot. Tonight, however, was going to be far from normal.
Deep in the bowels of the mountain on which Canterlot was perched, lay a hidden cell, that no pony, save the two alicorn princesses, the captain of the Guard, and a select few eliete soldiers, knew about. It was inlaid with thousands upon thousands of magical runes, designed to keep the creature inside at bay. Guards were posted at every interval, and they were equipped with the most advanced form of weaponry known to pony kind.....The Boomstick; a metal conduit through which any pony could channel magic, depending on their species: Earth ponies could cause mountains to form, and vines to ensnare their enemies, Unicorns could transform you into an apple, or simply lock all your joints, etc, and Pegasuseses...Pegasi? Whatever, Pegasi could shoot mother b*cking SHURIKENS AND LIGHTENING!! I WISH I COULD MAKE UP SOMETHING THAT AWESOME BUT NO, THEY COULD SHOOT SHURIKENS AND LIGHTENING!!!
Any way, the runes, tunnels, walls, and guards were, for the most part, to prevent the creature from breaking out......however, no pony had planned for someone to break IN.......Y'all know what's coming next.
It was a routine day for Stone Wall, an earth pony guard of the hidden order; Patrol same square foot of dirt 25 times, stare at rock a, look at wall b, listen to voice c.....wait, voice c?
"And so then that same crazy fuck with the horn comes back but now he wants a magical crystal glass plate for his skull and the doctor fuckin' does it! He makes a WINDOW! You can see the fucker's brain and shit! The pony's a FREAK!!!
"Shut up. The stream of drivel pours from your mouth before every job! Can't you just this once try for calm focused and cool?"
"Yeah Yeah I'll get right on that."
Now this is where Stone Wall came in, all of his guards instincts telling him to repel these two odd looking ponies. One was a white pegasus, with a long blond mane and tail, which here artfully tied with a ribbon, a white trench coat, and a pair of slim steel-frame glasses. The other was a brown unicorn, with shaggy black hair, piercings, and a strange eye for a cutie mark. It looked like an ancient hayrogliph.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!! IDENTIFY YOURSELVES!!"
"Oh? Look brother, it seems this individual wishes to STOP us...isn't that cute."
"Yeah, that's cute alright, but what about his friends?"
"I'll leave them to you."
"Awwww shit bro, you know I love a good slaughter....*sniff* love ya."
"YOU'RE SURROUNDED!! SURRENDER NOW OR YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED!!"
"Ah yeah, well I got something to say to that."
"OH YEAH, YOU AND WHAT AR- is that a boom stick?"
And with that the unicorn grinned and began to pull the trigger, saying his rebuttal as such:
"UP, UP!!" *BANG* *BANG*
"DOWN, DOWN!!" *BANG* *BANG*
"LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT!" *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
"......bring in the motherfucking death by Konami....."
GET HIM!!!
and with that, the remaining guards rushed the brown unicorn, each firing a shot only to have it miss, and in turn be taken down by the brown blur the unicorn had become.
"W-what is going on?" uttered a wounded guard, who had crawled away from the massive carnage.
"Nothing that you need worry about, as you currently have a horribly fatal case of knife-in-the-throat."
said the pegasus, slashing his butterfly knife into the guards exposed neck, spraying his blood all over the wall and, by extension, the white trench coat the pegasus had on.
"Ah damn it. That's the third one this week!...I really have to stop going for the flashy kills."
"HEY BRO WHAT'S YOUR KILL COUNT?!" shouted the brown unicorn as he trotted over, his hooves covered in blood. "Nah don't tell me....I'm winnin."
"*sigh* enough of your antics brother, let's just do what we came here for."
"Alright Alright! jeez....you're such a buzzkill."
-Meanwhile, in the underground headquarters, Princess Luna was holding a meeting of national security...let's see what they're talking about-
"-nd I completely agree with you Stout Heart, but I must insist that when eating peach cobbler, you eat the ice cream and THEN the cobbler."
"Dammit Sir Siege Tower! There's only one way to peach cobbler, and that's with ice cream at the same time!"
This conversation had been going on for hours now, and Princess Luna was becoming quite irate. Her two chief of staff, Stout Heart, leader of the secret order of the Hidden Guard, and Siege Tower, the pony in charge of all the labyrinth's defenses. The original purpose of coming down here was to investigate a patrol unit that had failed to touch base, but the two commanders had been reduced to squabbling over which way one should eat dessert, which was preposterous....besides, everypony knows you're supposed to eat the cobbler first, and then the ice cream.....absurd.
"*ahem* I BELIEVE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DISCUSSING THE WHEREABOUTS OF THINE MISSING PATROLS, ARE WE NOT, CAPTAINS?! " aahhh, Luna loved using the Canterlot Voice. It never ceased to amaze what a little volume could do in the right place.
"Our apologies your grace."
"Yeah, what Siege said."
"So, Captains, doth we, or doth we not, have any sign of our missing soldiers?"
"I'm afraid not your grace."
"Very well then. We shall call the checkpoint known as bravo, and inquire as to our missing troupe's whereabouts."
Luna then pushed the ruby on the desk labeled "Point Bravo". It shimmered with a greenish tint of magic, before a hologram of the outpost's interior comms room, a simple square room with a table, two chairs, and a window. However, something was wrong; where there should have been clean white floors were patches of something red..... and the sound of laughter, manic, and insane.
"AHA HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh god did you see how he squealed? Aaahhh what a buckin' pig."
"Really brother, must you be so grotesque?"
"Are you bucking kidding me? This sh*t is GREAT for my glaucoma!!"
"Who art thou? Show thine selves!!"
"Aaahh!!! Who the buck said that?!"
And with that, a brown unicorn with a black mane, and a white pegasus with a blonde mane, both splattered with blood stepped into the hologram's view.
"Hey look bro, it's that thousand year old dusty cunt with the blue mane...what was her name again?"
"WHAT?!?!?!"
"*sigh* It's Luna, brother. At least show some respect to her before you kill her."
"Buck that, who cares about this fatflank here! I bet she hasn't gotten laid in a good ttthhooouuussaaannnddd yyyeeeaaarrrsss HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."
As tempting as it was to sic Ragnarok, her pet hell weirm on them, it would mean the end of equestria as they knew it....so instead of turning these two plebeians into a pile of cytoplasmic goo, along with half of the planet, which, coincidentally was on the back of four elephants, riding atop a sea turtle, she gritted her teeth, reined in her anger, and said through clenched teeth;
"Why art thou here? No pony should know of this place with the exception of mine self, mine sister, and the Secret Guard! WHO ART THOU!!!"
"We are no pony, your highness. What we are though, are ponies paid for a certain job, one that we will see through to the end...no matter the cost."
"Yeah you old b*tch! We're gonna buck you UP!!! So pray to you're impotent sister for all I care, cause once we're done with you, I'm gonna buck your corpse until I've filled every hole in you're body, and then, well I'll just keep making more holes, until there's nothing left of your corpse but blood, and SEEEEMMEEEENNNN!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
And with that brown unicorn smashed his hoof into the ruby, ending the transmission. The three of them sat in stunned silence, digesting what just happened. Their eyes were wide, and their jaws agape.....pretty much looking like this:
Being a princess, Luna was the first to snap out her trance. Wasting no time, she began casting a spell. An old and complex spell... on that she hadn't used in over a thousand years.
"Y-your highness, what are we going to do?"
"You heard what the scoundrel said Captain Tower, it appears that those brutes wish to have a fight on their hands....very well, then we shall give them HELL!!"
And with that, Luna finished her spell with a flourish, and summoned from the void an old favorite of hers. Inside the magical glyph which she had created floated two gauntlets, named Biter, and Beater. Forged in the heart of the earth's core, from the dragon scales of the Great Elder, each link interwoven with an array of deadly spells, with dark runes runes emblazoned on the front, they were both beautiful, and terrible, to behold. On Biter was enscribed "CAVETE A NOQTESQUE": Beware the Night, whilst on Beater was carved "Justice Through Annihilation". Let my sister keep her guns thought Luna These are all the weapons I'll ever need.
"Ahhh, I've missed you both. Did you miss me?"
As if in response, the air around the gauntlets hissed and crackled, and the runes glowed a deep dark blue.
"Captains, ready your men, and prepare your battle stations.... we have a fight on our hands."
"YES MA'M" came the two-fold response.
As the captains hurried from the room, the gauntlets floated over to the princess, and strapped themselves onto Luna's for-legs.
"What doth thou say boys?" Said Luna walking towards the door, pounding one hoof onto the other. "Let's go kick some flank."
~End of Part One~