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// Chapter Thirty Three- Regards from Chaos 
// Story: STAR TREK: EQUESTRIA 
// by Alicorne 
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CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE



REGARDS FROM CHAOS



I snapped my head around to look at Stimbolt so fast that my mane swung!
“A Federation Ship?” I considered the damage to the Alien. “Now who could be out here besides us?”
“P’raps ‘tis another Civilian outfit like yon Cestus Corporation?” Sunny offered.
Stimbolt wandered closer toward the hull, still scanning. “Might be… could be a rival business concern. A planet like this would be worth, well, an astronomical amount of credits! Enough to indulge in a little hardball out where they think nopony is looking. Ponies have been killed for a whole lot less!”
Maybe the wildlife had recovered a bit since the shock of our arrival, or maybe I just hadn’t noticed before. As we came up to the ship I was suddenly conscious of the assorted quiet tweets and muted whoops coming from the trees around us. Something tiny, looking like a cross between a miniature deer and a rabbit with a dappled brown and white hide vacated the copse we’d circled. It took a few cautious steps among the tall grass and paused to look our way, it’s willow leaf-shaped ears cocked in our direction as it regarded us for a long second. It flicked its ears and startled as something from the hive flew too close. An instant later it bounded away on a zigzag course among the tufts, lost to sight almost at once. I could just make out the sound of water chuckling over rocks in the stream on the far side of the Alien ship. 
As I came up to it I laid a hoof on the hull. It was cold, not freezing, just cold. Not surprising, there were probably thermal superconducting elements in the hull to help keep hot spots from developing during re-entry or combat. The Hermes had just such a system incorporated into its being.  I looked around an noticed a patch of withered  grass here and there next to the hull. For all its weight the ship still lay on the ground rather than being sunk into it. Their inertial dampeners were still online and they seem to have landed on maneuvering thrusters. Landed, not crashed.
I slapped the hull and looked up along its looming expanse. “That doesn’t explain these guys!” I said. “This ship doesn’t come from the Federation. And this planet is uninhabited! The nearest inhabited world is still pre-spaceflight. If somepony was trying to jump the Cestus Corporation claim why shoot these guys up?” I was struck by a sudden thought that made the Mare in my head frown. “Unless…”
“These are the claim jumpers!” Stimbolt finished for me.
“Or th’ jumpees!” Sunny chimed in. “Could be th’ Survey ship scrapped wi’ yon while in orbit. Like th’ laddie says there’s enough credits at stake t’ risk bendin’ th’ rules a wee. Oh, dinna look like a scandalized virgin, Starry-me-Dear! Th’ Federation holds itself t’ higher standards than businessponies t’ be sure! Open yer Starry Eyes just a mickle bit wider, dear.” She smiled at me fondly. I hate being condescended to!
“Some business concern is willing to risk an interstellar incident for the sake of a few billion credits?” I spat before calming down just a little. “Besides, the Survey ship was unarmed.”
“Officially, maybe.” Stimbolt didn’t quite flinch as I glared at him. “A weapons system wouldn’t take up that much room, what’s mass when you’re using a warp field? Freighters carry low-yield balefire weapons, why not the Survey Ship? It would explain why the balefire went out…” He nodded thoughtfully. “They wouldn’t have Military-Grade spell matrices. The balefire would be unstable.” He explained.
“The Survey Ship was automated.” I protested. “I can’t believe that anypony, no matter how much greed is involved, would put an Artificial Intelligence in charge of any sort of balefire weapon! Look what happened with the Bolo Project during the Eugenics Wars! That’s a level of reckless corruption I refuse to accept even from Corporate Executives!”
“I hope yer right!” Sunny said as she contemplated a pale brown and green butterfly that paused to sun itself on the back of her hoof. “But I’ve been around a wee bit…” She rolled her eyes away. Stimbolt looked at her doubtfully…but I knew her better! “N’ I’ve come to know firsthoof wha’ some ponies r’ capable of when it comes t’ th’ temptation o’ riches!”
“’Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of Ponies?’, eh?”
We all looked up as Dazzle rejoined us, rubbing her forehead just below her horn.
“What did you find out, Dazzle?” I asked.
“That was a good call, Starry. Wish I’d thought of it! Somepony out to propose a Magic Sweep whenever we come up on an Unknown. Make it part of the Regs!” She rested her rifle on her hip and watched Sunny’s butterfly flutter away before continuing.
“I scanned the Ship… twice… and I’ve got six Magical Resonances from what I’m calling the Bridge. Nothing from the equipment. I’d bet my next Shore Leave there’s no Arcane enhancement to their systems, the only hits I got were from living bodies. Not unlike what we picked up on the Cimarron!” She looked at me significantly. “With the Little Fidget!”
My ears drooped despite myself and Stimbolt whistled softly.
“You mean we could be looking at a ship full of Faeries?” He asked, chuckling. Sunny… unsuccessfully… hid a smirk.
“Luna lob me into a crater, I hope not!” Dazzle looked sour. “One’s enough!”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here!” I cautioned. I paused and regarded the impassive hulk in front of us. “What can you tell us about the crew, Dazzle? Were you able to get any impressions of them?”
“They’re big, Starry! About your size but not as, uh, well padded!” She rolled her eyes away for a moment while Sunny tittered. She snapped her eyes back in an instant while I glared at her. “Thick, heavy and lean.  Bipeds with Plantigrade feet instead of Digitigrade like ours.” She lifted a booted hoof to illustrate. “ I’m not good at farsensing, but it’s my guess that they’re put together along Reptilian lines. At least, that’s the impression I got. Like nothing I’ve even heard about before, that’s for sure!” She spread her hooves at me. “That’s my report.”
I mentally ran down a checklist of known sentient species in the Federation… and came up blank.
“Sunny? Is there anything in the Medical Database about Reptilian sapients?”
“Bide a wee!” Sunny opened the cylindrical storage compartment at the back of her tricorder and fished out a data disk. She checked the label and inserted it, then paused to fiddle the controls below the readout on her small screen. After a bit she shut it down.
“Nary a thing! Th’ indigenous tribes on Deneb Three r’ protomammalian wi’ reptilian traits. That’s as close an I can find, Commander Darlin’.” She smiled, mainly with her improbable lavender eyes. “Sure n’ there’s nothin’ left t’ do but t’ have a look inside, innit?”
“Well we’re not going to find out anything else from out here!” I conceded. “Stimbolt, is there any way inside or do we try to beam in?”
I kept the smirk to myself as Sunny sighed. ‘Commander Darlin’, indeed! Stimbolt consulted his tricorder.
“I’m showing an airlock on the other side of the ship. Circuitry seems to be active. We should be able to get in without too much trouble.”
“Good enough for me!” I nodded and fished my communicator out as the others hitched their equipment onto their shoulders. I flipped open the lid.
“Landing Party to Hermes.”
Caper himself came back a second or so later. “Hermes here, Commander. How goes it?”
“We’re showing six Reptilian lifeforms inside, on what appears to be their Bridge. As far as we can make out they’re in some of some sort of Arcane stasis. The ship is damaged but not crippled. They seem to have soft-landed without incident. Caper, the ship was hit by balefire weaponry.”
“ Is so?” Caper grunted. “Somepony has lot to explain for, da? No notice has been taken of Landing Party, then?”
“None whatsoever. I take it they still aren’t responding to our hails?”
“Nyet. Quiet as tomb. Can you ascertain crew status?”
“Not from out here. We’ve found a way to get inside and we’re about to try and board the ship. Advise Sickbay we may have new arrivals.”
“Da. Will also have Security on standby, just in case.”
“You’re a cynical old Pegasus, Caper.” I smiled up at where the Hermes orbited.
“Is old Rushin proverb that tells us, ‘Better safe than sorry!’ How else did Valiant Captain get to be so old, eh?  Carry on and be careful, Starry-pushka!” I could hear him shift around in his seat before he added. “Oh, did not mention before! Have been watching Landing Party from orbit. Sky is very clear over your location! Is good to know Good Doctor can be reasoned with, da? Commander’s motivational technique is inspiration to all crew!” We all could hear the chuckle in his voice. “Hermes out!”
Sunny blanched, blushed, then turned her face to the sky and stuck out her orange tongue!
I suppressed a smirk, Dazzle and Stimbolt didn’t. “Acknowledged. Landing Party out!” I put the communicator away. 
“Quit mugging for the camera, Sunny! Time to get some answers! Stimbolt you’re with me at the airlock. Dazzle, you and Ms. Mime here take up a position where you can cover the airlock about ten yards distant. Let’s go!”
I needed Augment hearing to pick up on Sunny’s muttering as I pulled out ahead with Stimbolt in tow.
“ ‘Ms. Mime’, is it? Well here’s a mime fer ye!” I could just imagine the ancient and venerable gesture she made. “Not loud enough? Lemme turn it up fer ye!” The same gesture, no doubt made higher in the air. I let her rant, though I was curious about the rapid hoofsteps I heard immediately afterward. I almost turned around to see what was happening when I heard Sunny ask Dazzle.
“Where’re ye goin’?”
“About one balefire blast away, Doc. You take too many chances! That ain’t Pinky Pie watching us up there!” I turned just far enough to catch Sunny dart a glance at the sky. She gave a meek wave and hurried to catch up with the snickering Dazzle!
The airlock was on the shady side of the ship, a good ten degrees cooler than out of the direct sunlight. Times like this make me wish I wore a bra in light gravity! I tugged my jacket closer with predictable results as we studied the nine foot tall, four-foot wide, trapezoidal panel nearly three feet above ground level. To the right as we faced it was what appeared to be a control mechanism set about head-high on Stimbolt. He trained his tricorder on it and scanned. I looked over my shoulder to where Sunny peered out from behind Dazzle who covered us with her rifle precisely ten yards back and off to our side. Dazzle nodded and knelt, Sunny hurrying to copy her position!
“This is it, Starry.” He announced. “Direct live circuitry to the door mechanism. Do you want the honors?”
I nodded and reached out to tap the rectangular plate as big as my hoof. …Nothing happened. I tapped it harder with no result.
“Well, so much for that!” I said. “They must have locked it. We’ll have to bypass it somehow. Think you can open it up enough to get us in, or would we be farther ahead just to burn our way in?”
Stimbolt consulted his readings one last time then put his tricorder away. 
“It’d be a shame to have to compromise a perfectly good spaceframe…” Experimentally, he reached up to touch the plate. Instead of tapping it, though, he pressed in and tried to slide it to the right. When that didn’t work he slid it to the left… and the whole thing moved aside to reveal a slightly smaller touch-pad!
“Protective cover!” Stimbolt pointed out smugly. “Don’t want your airlock controls to burn off during re-entry!”
“Ok, wiseapple! You found it so you open it up!” I gave the Middie a Grand Gesture of permission.
He tapped the touch-pad and it glowed amber-yellow. I stepped out of the way as the big trapezoid lowered itself outward from the top onto the ground, forming a ramp. As it did so, two other panels nested beneath one another slid away in opposite directions to reveal the chamber of the airlock itself with a soft hum of choreographed mechanics.
“I thought that was a mighty big first step.” Stimbolt commented as the ramp laid down. “That’s an elegant design. You know, you can tell a lot about a species just by the way they build the most practical things!”
“Well, I prefer not to judge a species by its airlocks!” I peered around the doorway and took in the large chamber beyond. It was rectangular and roomy. Maybe twenty feet long and twelve wide with an eight foot ceiling. The deck was black and the walls were medium-brown up to four feet, painted beige from that point up to the off-white ceiling. The short walls bore lockers with pale orange covers, vented against vacuum. Most of them looked large enough to contain environmental suits. I counted six big lockers, suits for the entire crew if I was right, and four smaller ones. Tools perhaps. A cluster of three hexagonal panels on the ceiling threw down a bright light shifted down to the yellow section of the spectrum compared to the outside. The far wall held another trapezoidal door and an (Uncovered!) touch-pad.
“The airlock’s clear!” I called over my shoulder to Dazzle and stepped up the ramp to get inside, Stimbolt following closely. I noticed that it was pleasantly warmer inside, something in the order of the mid-eighties, and the air was drier and carried an almost flinty flavor almost like the aftermath of blasting back Home.
It took a couple minutes of fiddling with the inside controls to get the outside doors to stay down and locked. I stationed Sunny and Dazzle just outside before I triggered the far door. Beyond it six steps, with risers a foot tall, led up into a long hallway running fore and aft. Open bulkheads on either side of the landing gave us a clear view along the entire length. Doors capped either end with half a dozen more scattered along either side. We heard the gentle blowing of the life support but nothing else. I took off my glasses and tucked them away as Stimbolt consulted his tricorder.
“There’s one deck beneath us smaller than this one. Engines are down there.” He nodded forward. “The Bridge is at the end of this hall.”
I called Dazzle forward again to take up position in the hallway. I told Sunny to stand by as I clapped Stimbolt on the shoulder.
“Let’s see what there is to see!” I drew my sidearm and double-checked the setting. Stimbolt did the same, looking almost absurdly grim. 
“Stimbolt?”
“Commander, uh, Commander Starry?”
I smiled to reassure the young buck. “I’m guessing you’ve never seen combat before.” Before he would have to admit anything I cut him off. “I’m not saying that we’re expecting a fight. It’s just that this whole situation stinks on a cryo-slab! If it’s a trap it’s the most over-elaborate and unnecessarily complicated one in the history of traps. They could have had us cold any point after beam-down. No, I think we’re dealing with some sort of freak malfunction here. Maybe these guys go into hibernation every so often. Maybe they picked up an alien parasite that put ‘em into a coma or something.” I suppressed the gory memories of one of Sunny’s ancient movies. “Point is, we’re gonna do this nice and easy and by the numbers. I’ll go in first to check things out then I’ll call you in and we get Sunny to figure out what’s happening with the crew while you dope out their computers and maybe download their logs. Easy-peasy! But…” I fixed the Middie with my eyes. “If anything does go sour I want you to gather the others up and get back outside so fast your hooves won’t have time to touch the ground before beam-up! No heroics, no making the pickup, just get yourselves out of here and get back to the Ship. Got that, Mister?”
Before Stimbolt finished his nod Dazzle spoke up.
“Don’t let her fool ya, kid! She’s just looking for an excuse to lounge around this flying greenhouse a while, is all! If these clowns try anything, well,  I’ll make it a whole lot hotter for them!”
“Let’s be a-gettin’ on wi’ it, already!” Sunny said peevishly. “Or are ye no done wi’ melodrama yet?”
“Shut up and stand by, Sunny.” I rolled an eye at her, then counted down from three on the fingers of my free hoof. At ‘zero’ I nodded to Stimbolt who triggered the door. I stepped onto the Bridge.
It was… dark! The only light in the room came from the displays and the wraparound windows forward. This Bridge was long and narrow compared to the Hermes. The Pilot and his console sat up by the windows. Behind him was a pentagonal station where most of the rest of the crew were stationed. Behind that was a single station with multiple displays. The Captain, perhaps.
Dazzle wasn’t kidding, they were big! Nearly Equestrin-style tall but more massively built, especially around the neck and shoulders. They had large heads, egg-shaped with the smaller end containing blunt muzzles with powerful jaws and conical teeth showing from under the dewlaps. Their heads sported crests and ridges, no two quite alike, splashed with shades of green and tawny-brown. A pale, nearly completely transparent silver-green aura flickered over each of them as they stood.
Their eyes were… arresting! Quite large and either amber or yellow, they seemed to be compound eyes like some sort of insect writ incredibly large. The way they caught the light they seemed to glow from within! It was impossible to tell just what they were looking at. Given the placement of those eyes they had a one hundred and sixty degree field of vision! With no pupils I had the uncomfortable suspicion they were all watching me!
Their skin was smooth and tough-looking… I had half-expected scales… and came in all shades of light-brown to green. They all of them wore tunics made of leather dyed in different colors. Who I assumed to be the Captain wore bronze. Another steel-gray. There were two who wore copper, one who wore green, another rust-red, while the Pilot had on cobalt-blue. Each of them wore corresponding arm wraps. The tunics extended well below the waist and their legs were bare right down to their bare, clawed feet.
Whether they were all male of female I couldn’t say. There was no evidence of sexual dimorphism I could detect… though I had no clue as to what to look for! I noticed with some curiosity that four of them had three-digited hands while the other two sported four! Where they the females/males?
The Bridge was silent except for some muted chirps and almost bird-like tones from the instrumentation at all stations. I made my cautiously toward the four aliens clustered at their stations and stopped at Copper-Tunic’s display where a rhythmic orange light pulsed in time with a  high-pitched warble. None of them stirred. I wasn’t about to touch him, if this was indeed Magic I didn’t care to break the Spell just then! Instead, I waved a hoof in front of his face. No reaction.
I checked the translation matrix on my tricorder and set it to record before touching the orange light on the display. Unseen speakers came to life!
“Attention on planet surface. Is Captain Cloud Caper of Federation Starship, Hermes, in synchronous orbit above you. In name of Federation of Pastures I greet you and ask if you are in need of assistance. Please to respond… Attention on planet surface. Is Captain Cloud Caper of…”
I shut off the repeating message. Nobody down here was in condition to answer it. I backed a step away and called to Stimbolt.
“Stimbolt? Better get Sunny and Dazzle in here and get to work. I think I’ve found their Communications console.”
The others hustled into the room, their faces registering curiosity, shock, and suspicion depending on who was looking. Sunny stopped at the nearest alien, the one I thought was the Captain, and unshipped her tricorder. She waved the remote pickup over him. I motioned Stimbolt over to where I stood and indicated the console I got the playback from.
“See if you can access their Logs from here. They’re receiving our hails all right, they’re just not able to respond.”
“Shouldn’t be too much of a problem.” Stimbolt edged cautiously nearer the console, keeping a wary eye on the being before him. “A logic circuit is a logic circuit no matter who makes it! Just give me a few minutes to feel things out here.”
“You got it!” I stepped away to stand near Dazzle who’d taken up a position where she could cover the entire Bridge. Her gun was at low port and her eyes scanned everything continuously.
“Starry?” She asked. “With your permission I’m changing to a Heavy Stun setting. I’ve got a feeling that plain stun would just piss them off!”
“I think you’re right, Chief!” I agreed. “Go ahead.” We both re-set our weapons. I had just got my communicator out when Dazzle commented.
“Did you get a load of those eyes? Creepy! It’s like their blind yet still watching you!”
“I hear you!” I flipped open the communicator. “Landing Party to Hermes.”
“Go ahead, Starry-pushka.”
“We’re on the Bridge. The crew seems to be in what I’m assuming is Arcane stasis. They’re frozen at their stations, apparently while performing their duties! Sunny is getting readings while Stimbolt is attempting to access their systems. Stand by for uplink.”
I activated the video pickup on the communicator and panned it across the Bridge. I heard Caper grunt out “Put on Main Viewer.”
I kept panning back and forth while speaking.
“Their equipment is picking up your recorded message just fine. As you can see, though…”
“Da.” Caper acknowledged. “Message falls on deaf ears! Is chance of safely reviving crew?”
“We’ll know as soon as Sunny checks them out. I’ll keep you posted. Landing Party, out.”
“Hermes, out.” 
I left Dazzle standing guard and made my way to Sunny’s patient. If he was the Captain I had the idea that his displays were repeaters from the other stations. If I could establish the relationship it would help in identifying the individual systems. I noticed that one of the displays had the same orange light on the communications console. I spent some time tracing the circuitry on the next display. Most of the circuits ran to points on the outer hull. I touched a control and a graphic display sprang up, surrounded by angular glyphs in stark white that looked like stylized carnivore teeth. The notion almost caused me to ignore the fact that the display was showing the Survey Marker buried in the meadow in front of the ship!
I applied more power and the graphic showed greater detail, the notations on the screen multiplying at a dizzy rate. A blinking cursor alerted me to something else. I accessed it and the display dissolved and reformed into a graphic of the Hermes as seen from this angle. On an impulse I increased the power…
As I watched our Ship sharpen in detail my communicator beeped. I flipped it open, not taking my eyes off the screen.
“Landing Party here.”
“Commander.” Caper said quietly. “Sensors show we are being scanned from you location. Is everything hokey-dokey?”
“Sorry, Caper. That was just me. I just found their Sensory Station is all. They had their sensors focused on the Survey Marker when whatever happened to them happened. It’s my belief that they saw it from orbit and came down to investigate.”
Caper grunted thoughtfully. “Question is did they knock Marker down in first place?”
“That wouldn’t make sense.” I replied. “If it was in orbit when they got here they could have taken it onboard to study it… or destroyed it where they found it. The Marker is in surprisingly good shape considering it took a five-hundred mile high dive!”
Somehow I could hear Caper frown! “Da. Why bring Marker to surface at all? Must have been on surface when they found it. Is Good Doctor ready with report yet… or is more ‘inspiration’ in order to improve performance?”
I caught Sunny’s eye and offered her my communicator, being careful not to smile!
“I’ll no dignify yon remark wi’ an answer!” She said stuffily. “As to th’ person I’ve checked out I have t’ report tha there’s summat strange goin’ on. Shi… and it’s a Hermaphrodite, by th’ by… seems t’ be in perfect health wi’ no sign o’ injury or disease I can make out. Shi’s indeed under a state o’ Arcane stasis, but it’s a type o’ stasis I’ve never seen in me Medical career! Shi seems t’ be in a stutterin’ state o’ …what d’ye call it… ‘time dilation’! Ever so often shi pops into real time n’ draws a breath. There! Shi’s a-takin’ one now!” She pointed to the Captain.
My ears flicked forward as my eyes locked on its face then its diaphragm. Concentrating hard, I could just pick up the inhalation… though it was just barely louder than the sound of the ventilation system! 
“Then it, er, shi is in real time now?” I took a step back, pulling Sunny with me, waiting for some sign of reaction from the Captain. Sunny shot me an annoyed look.
“If ye’d let me finish!” She shook my arm off and continued. “Aye, shi’s in real time all right. Sure n’ shi’d be well aware o’ us but fer th’ fact tha’ I’m gettin’ readins’ o’ intense cranial activity. A braw, great amount more’n ye’d expect from an unconscious mind. Summat’s goin’ on in there…” She stabbed a finger at the crested cranium. “Keepin hir occupied! N’ tisn’t pleasant! If it were a Pony brain I’d be sayin’ shi’d be havin’ a nightmare r’ summat similarly traumatic. I’d like t’ hae a go at bringin’ hir out o’ it. No tellin’ how long shi’s been in this state.”
I cocked a wary eye at the being seated in front of us. It was difficult to read expression on such an alien face. Were those fangs exposed in a rictus of fear, or was that hir normal expression.
“Think it through, Sunny.” I cautioned. “What do you think you’d do if you woke up from a nightmare to find a crowd of aliens in our bedroom?”
“Um…” Sunny conceded. “Well all I’d do would be t’ wake ye up n’ let ye mop th’ floor wi’ them! I see wha’ ye mean, though.” She chewed her lip for a moment. “But shi’s still sufferin’ n’ I’m morally bound t’ give hir relief, alien or no!” She got that stubborn look in her lavender eyes I knew all too well.
“And it’s my responsibility to keep all of us safe.” I said reasonably. “And I’m in Command here. They all stay just as they are until we can bring them out with no risk to us. We’ll figure something out. Don’t worry, Sunny!” I gave her arm a squeeze.
“An if it were ye in her state?” She objected. “Look, why do ye lot go back into hallway n’ leave me here alone. I’ll have a bash at wakin’ hir up. It’ll be just me, then, n’ I’m hardly th’ threatnin’ type. Sure n’ I’ll take full responsibility fer it! Look, we’re riskin’ th’ possibility o’ possible permanent trauma, th’ readins’ r’ that high! Fer me money shi’s goin’ through Hell in there!”
“Sunny, you can’t even talk with them!”
“Then leave me yer gizmo there!” She pointed to my tricorder. “Sure n’ we’ll be bosom buddies in no time ‘tall!”
“I said no, Sunny! I’ll note your objections in my report but until we can figure out a better way to rouse them, they stay put!”
“Bloody paranoid maniacs, ye Militry types! Each n’ every bloody one o’ ye! Ye can be sure I’ll be mentionin’ this in me report as well!” She huffed. “There’s sich a thing as compassion…!”	
“And practicality!” I retorted. “End. Of. Discussion.” I glared at her meaningfully. She crossed her arms and dug her metaphorical hooves in, a threatening glare building up in her own eyes.
We locked gazes for a while. Then, I began to raise Corporal Punishment’s hoof once again…
Sunny’s eyes widened in alarm and she backed off, dropping her eyes and scrambling to salvage her dignity! She turned to put her bottom against the Captain’s console.
“All right! All right! Ye’re in Command! I ken tha’! Och! Now who’s th’ bloody Holy Terror? Struth, is this how ye deal wi’ all yer Ponies?”
“Only the ones that ask for it.” I said with a not unapologetic grin. “You have to admit, it has the virtue of saving a lot of time!” I got serious again. “Look, I’m not insensitive to their predicament. But if the situations were reversed I’m sure their Landing Party would take the same precautions!”
“Aye, well like they used t’ say back in th’ day, tis a Hell o’ a way t’ run a railroad!” She relaxed just a little, looking sheepish and resettling her wings.
“Starry.” Stimbolt coughed. “I think I’ve got their Bridge Recorder isolated.”
“Can you get me a playback?” I hefted my tricorder and made my way over to him. Sunny tagged along and began scanning Copper Tunic.
“Yes. It’s the most recent entry as far as I can tell.” He cautiously reached beneath the alien’s clawed hands and prepared to tab a control. He looked up at Copper Tunic. “Hermaphrodite, you say?”
“Aye.” Sunny said distractedly, waving her sensor over the form. “…N’ this one’s carryin’ an egg, fer all love!”
“Oh!” Stimbolt looked startled and nervously addressed the alien. “Congratulations and, uh, excuse me ma’am…mister…?”
“Kid.” Dazzle put in from behind. “I don’t think it can hear you. …Though she does seem to have her eye on you, doesn’t she?” The Chief grinned at Stimbolt’s nervousness.
“Shi, wi’ an ‘i’.” Sunny corrected. “Tis an Herm, ye ken. Tis all in th’ pronoun!”
“If it’s got an egg on board it’s a girl as far as I’m concerned, Doc!” Dazzle grinned and looked around at the motionless throng. “I wonder who’s the father? The one that bought her dinner? I wonder if they take turns being on top?”
“Settle down, Dazzle!” I cautioned. “You’re giving me a mental image that’s beginning to turn my stomach!”
Sunny replaced her scanner and mused. “Well, t’would be a case o’ th’ best o’ both worlds, wouldn’t it?”
“Reptile chassis.” I hooked a thumb at the alien. “No boobs.”
“Aye.” She considered Copper Tunic doubtfully, then gave my chest a fond glance. “There is that. Takes th’ fun right out o’ everythin’, dunnit?”
“Even I gotta admit the Doc has a bigger set than the Lizard!” Dazzle laughed.
“Technically speakin’, they’re no lizards!” Sunny said in her ‘lecturin’ voice’. “They’re endotherms, warm-blooded ye ken wi’ a high metabolic rate. Rather like what th’ Paleontological types call an ‘Archosaur’. Not unlike th’ Dragons that used t’ live on Earth. …N’ I’ll be thankin’ ye not to be comparin’ me assets t’ th’ likes o’ yon!”
“Take it easy, Doc! I’m just making an observation here.” Dazzle snickered. “Maybe you better look at the Recorder before poor Stimbolt dies of embarrassment!”
The Middie was looking definitely uncomfortable at that!
“Oooh, kay.” He said, blushing. “Here we go!”
He tripped the control and we watched as the screen before Copper Tunic sprang to life. It showed the Bridge from a vantage point above and just behind the Captain. I looked up in the dimness and could just make out the pickup.
It was somehow eerie to see the crew of the ship animate! They way they moved dispelled any lingering notion of reptilian sluggishness. The Pilot’s claws darted here and there on hir console as their ship made its descent through the atmosphere. The crew at the cluster of stations behind hir attended their stations, their heads moving in sudden, quick jerks as they scanned their displays. Their claws poised and ready to make adjustments with lightning-like jabs.  I was startled to see dark eyelids flash back and forth across their eyes now and then from both left and right instead of the more familiar up-and-down pattern Terrestrial life espoused. It occurred to me that it was like watching a group of sentient birds at work! The idea was bolstered a moment later when they began to talk amongst each other.
The sounds ran the gauntlet from gentle hisses to soft whoops and sudden, well, chirps! I made sure the translation matrix on my tricorder was picking this up.
We watched as Copper Tunic… the First Officer, maybe… turned hir entire body around to address the Captain. Their necks didn’t turn, apparently. She said something and made a gesture at hir display upon which a graphic representation of the terrain around the Survey Marker was displayed. The Captain dipped hir head once and replied as the First Officer turned back to her screen. We could just see out the Pilot’s windows as the ship broke through the clouds. Their bow was pointed at the ground below. As they neared touchdown the point of view leveled out as the ship assumed a parallel position relative to the ground. The tree line became visible as the ship sank further, rising up until the sky was no longer in sight and slowing all the time. The view stopped moving as the ship came to rest.
The Pilot began shutting down her systems as the others called out in turn from their stations, adjusting their controls as the ship grounded. They chatted among themselves, taking occasional glances out the viewports and I silently egged them on. The more they spoke, the more the translation matrix had to work with.
The Captain began speaking into her console and the crew deferentially refrained from talking, damnit! One of hir displays… the one I triggered… showed the Survey Marker in all its graphic glory.
We all jumped a little as a green light came on my tricorder as the matrix sank it’s electronic teeth into what it was picking up and began translating!
“… have landed the *Proper Name* at the site of the *orbiting machine*.” The translator was having trouble with technical terms and names and inserted corrections as it went. Hopefully it would get better as it went along and I found myself wishing we could pack a full duotronic processor in these things! But nopony would want to carry a tricorder half the size of a knapsack. I hoped future developments would be able to overcome that in years to come.
Herm or not, there was nothing marelike in the Captain’s voice. The translator gave hir a decidedly male tone with a gravelly element to it at odds to the tenor warbling of the being on the screen. I ignored the quirk of the mechanism and paid close attention as shi continued.
“This would seem to be the source of the *unnatural-calling* we received as we entered this *gathering-place-of-worlds*. Our *amassers-of-lore* have long been detecting *spoor* that this region of Space is inhabited an intelligent *form-of-life*. This *made-thing* may be first proof of that. Whether or not they are a threat to *The Hegemony* is not clear yet.”
“The *made-thing* is in remarkably good shape for all that it seems to have fallen from the sky. It’s *way-of-being-made* is simple and there are no *fighting-claws* in it. What damaged the *Proper Name* remains a mystery. This thing is little more than a *posted-message*. Why it has fallen down is not known. I intend to send out a *scouting-pack* to examine it and take it onboard for further study. *Pack-Leader*…”
The Alien gave a hiss as the sickeningly familiar face of ‘Admiral Quicksilver’ snarled out at them from all their screens.
“This is Admiral Quicksilver of the Federation of Pastures, whose space you have violated!” He declaimed. “For your action in destroying this claim marking this planet as property of the Federation I give notice that an immediate state of war now exists between the Gorn and Pony races! This atrocity will not go unpunished! Prepare for your doom, you bunch of pathetic geckoes!” Maniacal laughter persisted for seconds after the Captain’s screen went dark!
We watched as the startled ‘Gorn’ froze and were enveloped in the flickering auras we found them in! The playback went dark.
Sunny was the first to find her voice.
“Bloody Hell!”
“That motherbucking son of a bitch!” Dazzle swore.
“What now, Starry?” Stimbolt asked quietly.
“We’re sooo getting out of here, that’s what!” I reached for my communicator as the others clustered around me. A sudden flare of blue light from forward interrupted me and a nauseatingly familiar voice came from near the Pilot’s station.
“You thought you were all so clever, didn’t you?”
We whirled to regard ‘Admiral Quicksilver’ and his trademark crystal baton sneering at us!