Epic Rap Battles of MLP

by enigmaMystere


Slice of Life Arc, Pt. 1

Outside of Ponyville, in an apparently empty field, all was quiet. However, without warning, a muffled buzzing penetrated the silent air, slowly increasing in volume. As it did, a light began to appear out of nowhere, slowly opening to reveal a hole in the middle of the air. The buzzing turned to an unearthly and loud roar, which was abruptly silenced as the hole swiftly shut. In its place were two ponies.

One of them, a dark red pegasus with a brown mane and tail, was stretching his body as though he had just woken up. The other, a light blue unicorn with a green mane and tail, was more focused on looking around at where they had appeared. He sighed.

“Could you have made that thing any louder?” he sarcastically asked the other stallion.

“Hey, it sounds cool!” the pegasus responded defensively.

“We’re supposed to be keeping a low profile, Arrell. I tell you this every time we go somewhere new, but you always end up screwing it up.” The unicorn sighed again. “Where are we?”

Arrell, as the pegasus was evidently called, looked around. “Think we’re near Ponyville. Convenient!” He started walking. “Come on, Yah! There’s fighters to find!”

Stopping briefly to facehoof, Yah-Shee began following his partner towards the nearby town.

In front of them, a small pink unicorn emerged from the forest to their left. She squinted, her eyes adjusting to the sudden increase in light, turning towards the stallions. She blinked, staring blankly at them for a few moments. “...are you two new here? Because I’ve never seen you before...”

The two looked down at the filly, confused. “Uh...new, yeah, we’ll go with that,” Arrell replied hastily.

“Yay! New friends!” She giggled, skipping up to them and holding out a hoof. “I’m Berry Pinch! What are your names?”

Yah extended his hoof to meet hers. “I’m Yah-Shee and he’s Arrell.” He motioned to the pegasus. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too!” She tilted her head to the side, looking at them for a moment. “...why are you out here near the Everfree?”

“Just...sightseeing,” the blue stallion answered nervously, shrugging.

Pinchy laughed, shaking her head. “There’s less dangerous places to sightsee at, you two!”

“Well...why are you out here?” Arrell interjected.

“Oh, I just returned from a sparring match with a friend.” She shrugged a bit. “No big deal, really.”

Yah blinked. “A...sparring match? What kind?”

“The kind where you wear harnesses to keep from harming the other too much.” She looked at them, curious. “Why do you ask? Did you wanna try it out?”

Yah and Arrell looked at each other. They hadn’t heard of this type of sparring before, but they had other matters to attend to. “Maybe later,” the unicorn replied.

“Right now, we need to get to Ponyville.” Arrell gestured to the town a short distance away.

The filly grinned, bouncing in place in excitement. “Can I come with you? I’m heading the same way, after all!”

Yah couldn’t help but smile. “Sure.” He began walking again, but at a slower pace so as to make sure the filly could keep up. Arrell began walking as well.

Pinchy squealed in happiness and hurried over to them, walking into town with her two new friends. Yah found himself chuckling at her adorableness, even as Arrell rolled his eyes.


A familiar gray mare sat outside the cafe, waiting for somepony. She turned her gaze to the streets, keeping an eye out for him.

Her quarry appeared down the street, a thoughtful look on his green-furred face. The stallion spotted her and raised a hoof in greeting as he headed toward her.

She nodded in reply, smiling genially. “Good afternoon, Rhino. How has your fifth day here been?” The sophisticated pony waved down a waiter for them.

He smiled and took a seat. "Thankfully quiet. Pinchy hung around a bit this morning, but she's off with her friends now. I'm glad every pony seems to be doing fine after the incident." He frowned momentarily before putting back on a smile.

“Agreed.” She looked at the white mare that approached, surprised. “Hello, there. Did you start working here today?”

The mare blinked, nodding slowly. “I did. How did you know?”

“I come here almost every day. I know the names of all the waiters and waitresses by heart.” Octavia chuckled, shaking her head and turning back to her menu. “I’ll have the ratatouille and a nice Earl Grey.”

The unicorn took this down on a small pad and turned to the stallion, smiling nervously. “And for you, sir?”

He perused the menu before looking back at her. "The garlic alfredo sauce over pasta with milk as a drink, please." The green pony levitated the menu over to her as he continued. "And relax, you're doing great."

She sheepishly nodded, taking their menus and heading into the kitchen.

The sophisticated mare leaned forward, smirking slightly. “Surely the ‘incident’ isn’t what’s bothering you right now. I can see something else is bothering you, Rhino.”

He sighed. "I'm not sure I know specifically what it is... The invasion itself is more like one big nightmare that I'm sure I'll have comfortably suppressed in a day or two, but..." He massaged the bridge of his nose with a hoof. "I'm sure I'll get over it eventually. I'd rather it not ruin my time with friends."

“If you say so.” The unicorn returned with their drinks, putting them on the table and quickly leaving. The sophisticated mare picked up her teacup, sipping it slowly. “To be honest, I almost assumed that Chrysalis’s words got to you.”

Rhino crossed his forelegs as he closed his eyes in thought. His drink floated up and he took a drink before setting it back down, but not letting it go with his magic. "Perhaps it was that, a comment from the first lives I've ever taken telling me I am just like them... I admit while I usually try to see both sides, this one eludes me. I believe I fear that if I understand them, then I will lose the lack of feeling I have for their deaths..."

“That may be true, but understanding your foe is another way to predict what they will do.” She shrugged, sipping at her tea once more. “Surely figuring out whether a pony’s reasons are just won’t make it harder to fight them, right?”

The unicorn stallions scoffed. “Octavia, you fought me yourself. Even up until the very end, I never went as far as I did with the changelings, because I knew through it all, you were my friend. I didn’t want to hurt you. My empathy is not easy to turn off.”

“But they aren’t your friends. Even if you understood their reasons for fighting, you wouldn’t personally know them.” She chuckled, watching as the waitress came with their orders. “Thank you, Miss...?”

“Angelic Grace, but please, call me Angel.” She bowed, carefully pulling her blonde mane out of her face. “Enjoy your meal.”

Rhino breathed in the smell of his food with a smile. “Wonderful. To your statement though... I suppose you’re right, even if it is not so simple for me in practice. What would you suggest?” He sampled the pasta before adding pepper to the whole thing.

“Well, first, I have to know - what did Chrysalis say that made you so conflicted?” She leaned forward, tenting her hooves together.

He took another bite before leaning back as he looks skyward. “Her comment on how we are the same because she too uses her power to protect those she cares about. It’s simply hits so close to home that I essentially have myself mentally blocked from making connections from that statement for fear of her being right.”

“If she truly cared about them, she wouldn’t try taking over a populated area.”

Octavia blinked in confusion, turning towards their waitress. “...I’m sorry?”

Angel froze, blushing brightly. “...um...I mean...” She quickly resumed picking up dirty dishes, trying to pretend she didn’t say anything.

Rhino looked at the waitress as well and motioned for her to continue. “No please, go on, it’s nice to hear another’s opinion.”

The mare gulped, looking at the two of them. With a sigh, she nodded. “...surely there were better ways for them to get a place to live, right? They didn’t have to invade another’s home...”

The stallion nodded. “A very good point, but why would she consider this plan then? It doesn’t make sense.”

Angel bit her lip, thinking about it. “...maybe one of her council - or whatever equivalent she had - influenced her decision. That would be why she thought her cause was just, right?”

“Surely she’d know better than to listen to just one other, right?” Octavia quirked an eyebrow, unconvinced.

“She probably would.” The blonde unicorn sighed, continuing to pick up the dishes. “Unless they were also her lover, or something. Love makes ponies do crazy things.”

Rhino nodded again as he took another bite. “All too true, and possibly more so for a species that lives off it. Perhaps I worried too much about the similarities between us. She chose an aggressive approach that had already failed once before, she failed to learn from her mistakes. Mayhap you are right Octavia, instead of comparing us, I can simply think of her motivations as information. Nice, neutral, non-self-torturing information.”

The sophisticated mare giggled, nodding slightly. “That’s the spirit.” She turned to the road and saw a pink filly, with two stallions behind her. “...who are those ponies with Pinchy?”

The unicorn’s head whipped around at her question. His eyebrow quirked at the new ponies. “I would like to know that as well...”

The filly saw them and smiled, rushing over. “Sensei! Rhino!” She turned and motioned to the two new stallions, smiling brightly. “Meet Yah-Shee and Arrell! They’re here to sightsee!”

Yah and Arrell waved as they approached. “Hello there,” the unicorn greeted.

Octavia chuckled, shaking her head. “You picked some time to come here. We just got through dealing with a changeling invasion.” She sipped her tea, glancing over at the filly. “Pinchy, what did I tell you about staring?”

The filly snapped to attention, tearing her gaze away from the waitress. “Sorry, sensei. Anyways, I found these two while returning from my session with Vinyl!”

The gray mare nodded, sipping her tea as she looked at the stallions. “Certainly new ponies.” She glanced momentarily at their flanks. “...pardon me if I’m being rude, but what do your cutie marks mean?”

“Uh...bit of a long story,” Yah answered nervously. He didn’t want to get into their jobs; it would just lead to more questioning.

Rhino enjoyed his pasta as he looked at the newcomers. He stopped eating for a moment to say something. “You don’t have to say if you don’t want to.”

Octavia, realizing she’d forgotten about her food, started to eat. She made sure she could still hear what was being said, though.

The white unicorn stepped up to the stallions, smiling kindly. “Hello, gentlecolts. May I help you with anything?”

“We’re fine, thank you,” Yah responded.

“As you wish. If you do need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” She gave a small wink before returning to her duties.

Arrell smirked at Yah and made a quiet tiger-growling noise. He received a deadpanned glare in response.

Pinchy frowned at the blonde mare, eyes narrowed a bit. She blinked, quickly turning away as she remembered her teacher’s words. “So, Yah-Shee, Arrell, would you like to meet some of my other friends?” She smiled brightly, trying to forget about the waitress.

“Sure,” the blue stallion said with a nod. “And you can just call me Yah.”

“Great!” She turned to Octavia, bowing slightly. “See you later, sensei! I’ve got to take these two to Vinyl and Enigma!” She rushed off, smiling brightly at them as they followed her.

The sophisticated mare stared after them in silence. “...I guess they’re harmless enough.”

The green stallion finished his meal. “So it seems, still, I find it odd how quickly she makes friends with random adults she met in the middle of nowhere.”

“I have to agree.” She paused, looking as if she was about to say something before shaking her head. “I sometimes worry about her, but she can handle herself.” She stood up, putting a few bits on the table. “While this has been fun, I don’t know whether or not I can add onto what Miss Angel said.” She glanced around, confused. “...where did she go, anyways?”

He looked around as well. “To get the check maybe?”

“Maybe.” Octavia shrugged, turning to leave. “If there’s anything else you feel like saying, or you just want to chat some more, you know where to find me.”

“Will do!” He waved to her as he slowly finished his drink before saying out loud, “Well... now what?” The sound of flapping wings behind him answered the question.

A gray mare skidded to a stop in front of him. She beamed looking around happily. “I didn’t crash this time! I’m getting better!”

Rhino chuckles as the pegasus celebrates. “Were you aiming for anything?”

“Yep!” She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a muffin. “This is for you!” She blinked, thinking a bit. “...wait, was it the muffin, or a package?”

He shrugged while smiling teasingly. “It could be both, or it could be neither. Maybe you just wanted to visit a friend.”

She blushed softly, rubbing the back of her neck. “You got me!” She giggled, walking up next to him. “I wanted to thank you. Dinky’s so happy now that she can do magic!”

The stallion waved off the praise. “I only taught her the one spell and gave a little general advice, I’m sure she already knew a bit before I came along. No need to thank me, it was my pleasure... Plus those muffins of yours that I was allowed to eat were ample compensation.”

“I’m glad you liked my muffin!” Some stallions that are passing by laughed at this, causing Ditzy to become confused. “I don’t know why ponies laugh when I say that...”

He shrugged. “I can’t imagine why. They’re delicious and you’re nice, there’s no reason not to try them. They’re probably just being silly.”

The gray pegasus giggled, shrugging a bit. “You’re right. Besides, I don’t normally listen to what other ponies have to say due to...well, you know.” She smiled softly, motioning towards her chest.

He tilted his head. “I... don’t think I know what you mean. I can understand not listening to mean ponies, but I don’t see what they would criticize.”

She shook her head, nudging a necklace out of her fur. “I mean my husband.” She pops open the locket, gazing fondly at the picture inside. “The Doctor - I mean, Time Turner, has always been a little out there. Ponies tend to joke about that, but I’ve long forgotten what they said.” She blinked, looking at the picture, then up at the stallion. “...but, like I said, it doesn’t matter.” She quickly tucked the heart-shaped locket back into her fur.

“Alright then, glad you don’t let it get to you.” He put a small pile of bits on the table and stood up, stretching. “Well, do you want to do something? Or just walk and talk?”

“Actually, I came here to invite you to my little muffin’s birthday party!” She reached back into one of her saddlebags, pulling out a manila-colored envelope. “She turns nine, today!”

He took the envelope, slit it open, and read the card quickly. He chuckled at the design. “Cute. Hmm... I’ll definitely have to get a nice gift for her...”

“Great!” Ditzy giggled, pointing forward. “It’s going to be at Sugarcube Corner, and all her little friends are going to be there!” She blinked, squinting slightly before turning around and pointing once more. “Sorry, wrong direction. Sometimes it’s hard to remember the layout with all the travelling I do.”

“Heh, I’ll be there.”

“Perfect!” She rushed off, calling over her shoulder. “I’ll let Pinkie know to set up for one more!” She crashed headlong into a lamppost but quickly got up, shaking it off as if nothing had happened. “Oops! My bad!” She resumed running, leaving the stallion standing there with the waitress, who had returned to pick up the bill.

The white mare smiled at him, taking the bits graciously. “Thank you for eating at-” She stopped mid-sentence, looking down at the money. “...sir? Y-you kind of...overpaid...t-this is too much, even for a tip...”

Rhino turned around and smiled at her. "No such thing as too big for a tip. It was excellent service and your contribution to the conversation was very enlightening. It's all well deserved."

She looked up at him, then back to the bits, squirming a bit. “...i-if you say so, sir...” She turned and headed over to the kitchen, muttering softly to herself.

He watched as she walked off, muttering once she was out of range. "She was nice, something was off though... I'm sure it was nothing." He turned and walked off to get his gift for the party.