"So, what's it like back in your universe?" Twilight Sparkle asks. The other mares agree to the question. At least they're talking to me now - after that dark joke I had made, they were a bit edgy about asking me.
"Well, to be honest...I don't remember what it's normally like," I respond.
"How could you not remember what your own universe is like?" Rainbow Dash demands. "Hey, Flutters, you sure he's not crazy?"
Before the timid Pegasus can respond, I explain. "I remember my home - I don't remember what it was like before everything started going to shit."
"Whatever do you mean, darling?" Rarity asks. "Oh, and if you would, please refrain from using such language around me..."
"I'll try, but it's hard to stop old habits," I respond. She nods in appreciation and understanding. "And what I mean is that...my universe was, and I guess sort of is, parallel with another one - this parallel universe is essentially the same, but is in a different point of time. We don't know how far forward it is, but we know that it definitely is forward in time.
"Thing is, the membranes of these two universes started to overlap, which caused...fluctuations. Which means that, at times, both versions of my planet could exist in the same solar system - it was possible due to its future distorted orbit.
"These fluctuations also caused distortions of what we perceived reality to be. Such as time flowing faster and slower, and gravity reversing in certain areas. I was one of the scientists closely studying these fluctuations, and it became a part of my life. After a while, I just accepted it as reality - well, a twisted form of reality, but reality nonetheless. I was pretty young before all of this stuff happened, so I don't really remember much of the world before these fluctuations happened. And I'm twenty four, which gives you a good idea of how long this shi- sorry Rarity, stuff has been going on."
Rarity smiles at me in thanks, and Twilight speaks up. "Wow...that's actually really interesting! Could you...could you teach me about the universes overlapping? I mean, I'd ask you to teach me about your culture, but -"
"Oh, I know a lot about my culture," I respond. "I read a lot of history books. I couldn't stand not knowing about the past of my own world, so I researched it quite adamantly. If you want, I could tell you what I know about it."
Twilight grins, but Rainbow Dash just sighs. "Great, a complete egghead..."
I cock an eyebrow at the cyan Pegasus. "And I'm guessing you're a jock?"
"You got it! Best athlete in all of Equestria! And I don't bother with any stupid books or anything - I'm too cool!"
I scowl at the cyan Pegasus. "You and I...will only be friends if we absolutely have to," I announce. She deflates.
"Wha-what? Why!? But I'm super cool!"
"Yeah, but you're a fucking - oh, sorry Rarity, it slipped out - idiot! Seriously, you never read? How could you possibly never read? I mean, I rarely read when I was younger, because I was playing videogames all the damn time, but...seriously, you've got to read sometime..."
"Yeah, well...I'm too cool for books! And for you!"
I scowl at the cyan Pegasus. "I'm going to assume you never finished High School?"
"Dropped outta Flight School!" She declares proudly. I sigh in irritation and disgust. "I was too good for that crap!"
That catches my attention. "Oh?" I ask, intrigued. "What d'you mean, 'too good' for it?"
"I knew everything they were trying to teach us," she responds with a shrug. "It was boring to me. I didn't want to waste my time with that stuff when I could actually challenge myself with stuff that they all told me was impossible."
I can't help but smile to myself. "You know what...maybe you're not too bad. Just...promise me that you'll try to have a more open mind about reading, alright?"
Rainbow Dash blinks in confusion. "Uh...fine, whatever...I guess..." She frowns at me. "What's with the shift in your bad attitude?" She asks.
"Albert Einstein is one of the greatest physicists to have ever lived, if not the greatest. He never got a college degree, and he dropped out after a while. He learned to do some of the most complicated math known to mankind by backwards engineering equations in the patent office where he worked, and -"
"Boring!" Rainbow Dash declares. "Seriously, that sounds so boring..."
"It sounds interesting!" Twilight retorts. "Peter, please - tell me more about this when we have the time. But for now, we've got to focus on getting through the Everfree Forest as quickly as possible."
I nod in agreement, and we continue to walk, idle conversation the only thing passing between us. I try to apologize to Rainbow Dash for my cynicism of her personality, but she shrugs it off as if it were nothing. I can tell she appreciates the apology, however.
After a while, I find that we're walking along the edge of a cliff.
"Be careful, guys," I urge. Almost as soon as I say that, the ledge begins to crumble. In a moment of panic, I jump backwards, and manage to just avoid falling with the rubble.
"I said be careful!" I shout at the ponies that are now falling to their death. I frown, and my palms begin to sweat as I watch. I sigh in relief as Rarity is caught, and as Pinkie Pie is saved, as well.
Applejack manages to stop her descent, but Twilight is still going. My eyes widen in panic as she hangs off the edge of the cliff.
And then I realize something. Something that had been explained to me a while ago.
"Just use your magic to make a platform, jackass!" I shout down to Twilight. She looks up at me in irritation, but her irritation goes away as she sees why I'm shouting thus: I'm legitimately concerned. As is obvious by my inability to stand still. Twilight nods, and starts to try to use her magic to levitate a few rocks.
However, she starts to lose her grip, so Applejack lets go of the sapling she's biting to approach the lavender unicorn. I see that Rainbow and Fluttershy are ready to catch her, and Applejack starts trying to persuade Twilight to let go.
Without explaining why...
"But I'll fall!"
"Just trust me!" Applejack shouts. "You'll be okay!"
I don't bother saying anything. I'm interested to see what will happen, because either way Rainbow and Fluttershy will catch her.
After a moment, Twilight lets go, and screams until she's caught. I sigh in relief, and watch as Applejack makes the rest of her descent. The ponies all smile to each other, and start to walk off.
Uh...
"Yo! Assholes!" I cry. The ponies look up to me, and start to giggle silently at their forgetfulness. Rainbow Dash flies up to me, and (not too gently) carries me down to the ground.
"Thanks for forgetting about me," I say, genially.
"We were nervous, and y'all were safe," Applejack explains. "Sorry if we didn' think."
"It's fine," I respond with a shrug. "Let's just get going."
The mares nod, and we continue to walk.
My eyes widen, and I move behind Rainbow Dash - disputably the most adept at defending herself in this entire group.
The Manticore roars at us, and I shake as I cower more. Each of the ponies go off to take it on, except for Fluttershy, who does the wise thing and tell us to wait so we can actually kill it with a plan.
When Rainbow goes off, I awkwardly shuffle/crawl behind Applejack.
A moment later, all the mares are running at the Manticore, and I'm hiding behind a tree, hoping my death won't hurt.
"WAIT!" I hear Fluttershy shout. I look behind me, and my eyes widen as Fluttershy goes to die.
I guess she was pretty depressed...what a way to go...
A moment later, the Manticore is licking her in affection and gratitude as the thorn she pulled out of its paw turns into smoke. I point this out, and the mares all exchange glances before shrugging it off.
I struggle not to shout "THE THORN JUST TURNED INTO SMOKE THAT MOVED OF ITS OWN WILL AND YOU'RE NOT FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!?"
I sigh as I decide to just follow them, my legs shaking a bit as I give the Manticore rather wide girth.
A scream coming from Rarity causes us to stop.
"Rarity, it's jus' mud!" Applejack complains. "Seriously, y'all have got t'-"
Her complaints fall to silence as we notice what made the unicorn scream.
The trees...
Have faces...
So spooky...
The mares all back into each other in fear, and I...
Well, I...
I just sort of stare at them in confusion.
"Seriously?" I ask as they shake. Even Rainbow Dash, who "isn't afraid of anything," looks like she's about to piss herself. "You're scared of trees?"
"T'ain't natural!" Applejack snaps in response. "It's creepy!"
I sigh as I approach them. "Guys, there's literally nothing to be afraid of! Seriously, they're just trees with faces - some kids probably carved them into the bark..."
"B-but they're h-hollow," Rainbow stammers.
"Then maybe that kid is a really hard worker," I respond. "Besides, even if this is some sort of evil magic or something, they're just trees - they can't do anything to you! Their branches are too tough and full of xylem and phloem to act as actual limbs, and there's nowhere for a brain to be stored in those things. It's probably just some sort of illusion from the light..."
Twilight frowns as she shakes her head. "N-no, th-these are...AAHHHH!!!"
All the mares scream in unison as a tree shudders, causing my ears to ring a bit. I must admit, the tree shuddering causes me to feel a bit unsettled, as well, but nowhere near screaming in horror...
It's then that Pinkie Pie starts to laugh hysterically.
She makes funny faces at a certain tree, and I can't help but smile as she acts like a complete fool.
"Pinkie, what are you doing?" Twilight asks.
"Laughing, silly!" She responds. A beat starts up, and I spin around in confusion.
"Where in the hell is that music coming from?" I ask.
"Oh, tell me she's not..." Twilight mutters.
"She is," Rarity sighs.
Pinkie Pie starts to sing, and the music continues. I spin around, clenching my fists and my jaw in defiance of the odd happening.
"Where is that music coming from!?" I shout. The ponies don't seem to notice my discomfort.
However, one pony does.
A white unicorn pops her head up out of the mouth of a tree, and looks right at me. Nopony else notices her. She has blue hair with neon stripes, purple shades perched atop her muzzle, and a pair of rather fancy headphones on her ears. She picks up something from within the tree, and I see that it's a stereo, pumping the music into the surroundings.
Lifting her shades up to look right at me with her blazing red eyes, she gives me a quick wink, and then dissappears down the tree like one of the Lost Boys.
I start to chuckle.
And then I start to giggle.
And finally, I'm laughing with the rest of the mares, not really knowing (or caring) what they're laughing about, but knowing for damn sure what I'm laughing about.
We come to an impassible river. Since I used to swim competitively when I was in school, (despite the obvious threats of fluctuations occurring in the water,) I would normally swim across. However, the rapid waters would probably result in my death.
Also, there's a sea serpent throwing a tantrum.
It explains how some "tacky purple smoke" (it only sends flags up in my mind, apparently) cut off his glorious mustache. Rarity plucks off one of its scales, and my eyes widen as she rears her head.
I know she's sort of snooty, but I didn't expect her to be a murderous bitch...
A moment later, she's proven my assumption wrong as she places her severed tail on the upper lip of the sea-drake, completing its mustache in an...interesting way. I decide not to point this out as it decides to let us cross. If I were to insult it, I doubt it'd be too civil.
We cross, and walk through the rest of the forest, until we reach the ruins of a castle.
"There it is!" Twilight cries. She runs ahead, and nearly falls into the obvious abyss below.
"Seriously, what's with you and falling off cliffs today?" Rainbow Dash asks. I laugh, and she smirks at me.
After Pinkie Pie asks what we'll do about the downed bridge, I pick up Rainbow Dash, who scoffs in surprise and irritation. I'm pleased that she's rather light, mostly due to the hollow bones necessary for flight.
"We sacrifice the blue one to the gods!" I declare in a bravado voice. "Now, go; raise the bridge, chromatic demon of flight!"
Rainbow Dash can't help but giggle a bit, but she lets out a cry of shock as I throw her out over the chasm. She immediately spans her wings, and scowls at me before diving down to bring the bridge up. I watch her tie the first rope with a smirk, and the ponies surrounding me drill me as to my actions. I simply shrug.
"Human humor," Is all I say in response.
After a moment, three mares approach the cyan Pegasus, and I frown as they start to talk to her.
"Don't listen to them, Rainbow!" Twilight shouts. I nod in agreement, and frown as the mist obscures our view of her.
"Will she be okay?" I ask, nervously, hoping the three mares aren't eviscerating her behind the mist.
"Ya' didn' seem t' be worried 'bout her when ya' threw her out over the cliff," Applejack reminds me. I don't notice as the mist parts.
"I wasn't worried," I respond. "Not at all. If I weren't completely sure that she could recover from that, I wouldn't have thrown her. I wasn't worried because I knew she'd be fine - she's more than an adept flier, as she made obvious several times today."
Applejack nods. We both look up in surprise as Rainbow Dash lands before us.
"Well, of course you weren't worried," Rainbow Dash announces. "I'll forgive you just this once for throwing me like that, Pete. 'Cus you know just how dang awesome I am."
I cock an eyebrow at her. "Wonderful, you're back. Now, come on - let's get this over with."
The mares all giggle a bit, and Rainbow grins. "Please - you can't hide how much you've got the hots for me!"
Remember how I said that Rainbow Dash landed in front of us? Well, she didn't land centered. She landed more towards me, probably so she could tease me. Which means that behind her is not a bridge, but empty space.
Which I use to my advantage as I quickly push her backwards, causing her to fall a foot or so before she's able to attain the appropriate orientation for flight. She scowls at me as the mares giggle at our antics.
After a moment, as we're walking across the bridge, the scowl turns into a smile.
"I have a feeling we're gonna be good friends, Pete," she announces. "Now, come on - let's do this! RAINBOWWWWWWW...DASH!!!!" She darts into the castle, and Twilight sighs as we follow her.
"Damnit, Rainbow," she mutters..
After all the orbs representing different Elements of Harmony have been placed on the ground - six in total - we decide to leave Twilight be so she can use her magic to invoke a "spark" amongst the Elements.
We make idle conversation outside, and Rainbow Dash and I speak about something that has Applejack scratching her head - physics.
"Yeah, but you've gotta remember that, due to the forces of gravity and friction, I've gotta work extra hard to fly as fast as I can."
"I know that, but I'm just saying that I can't imagine that you're outputting more than...I dunno, ten or twelve Newtons of force when you flap your wings. Just saying. I mean, that figure is probably way off, but..."
"Nah, don't sweat it. Besides, you wouldn't even primarily measure my flaps in Newtons - you'd do it in Joules and Watts. But also, when I do an ascent and I come to the top of my parabolic climb, you've got to realize that at that point, I'm sort of motionless due to the forces being equivalent for that split second - that would be a sort of difficult measurement to base the power of my wings on. I guess you could do a sort of bell curve, like I did when I was just lifting weights with my wings to determine how strong I was, not how powerful."
"Okay, stop right there," Applejack pleads. "Rainbow, ya' say that ya' don' read, but all o' this stuff that yer' talkin' 'bout was in mah physics class back when Ah was in Manehattan for a little while! Ah mean, ya' do realize that it's complex stuff, right? Nearly failed th' class, 'cus Ah couldn't understand it fer' the life of me, no matter how much Ah studied..."
"Really?" Rainbow asks, confused. "All I did was pay attention in my Flight Camp, while I was there...they're simple concepts, Applejack, really. Force is just a measure of how strong something has to be pushing to get an object of a certain mass to accelerate at a certain rate...and work is just taking into account how far you push it, and power is then taking into account the velocity at which the object travels and how long it travels for!"
My eyes widen as I stare at Rainbow Dash. "You're a fucking genius," I announce.
"What? Na, I ain't no genius - I just know what I gotta know for flight."
"But you know how they all relate," I protest. "Rainbow Dash, you're...Jesus, I thought you were a moron!"
"My name's not Jesus," she mutters, confused
"Sorry, it's a human swear," I explain. "But in any case, you're a fuckin' genius, Dash. Why d'you say that you're not smart?"
Rainbow's about to respond when we hear a cry of shock and a bang of magic, complete with a flash of light. We panic for a moment before noticing the glowing window in the castle ruins.
"Well, that's not obvious at all," I grumble. Rainbow chuckles lightly as we make our way towards the building that houses the stairs we can use to get there.
When we make it, we find that Twilight is standing before Nightmare Moon, her hopes gleaming just like the small (shattered) ring of Elements behind the mare of darkness. Apparently, she's in the middle of a monologue.
She talks about friends, and then all six of them float up in the air and are granted one Element each. I frown as I do a double count.
"There's only six, Twilight," I remind her. "We can't do shit without seven."
"And finally...the last of all the Elements..." I frown in confusion as something manifests before me. "Balance."
The next thing I know, there's a talisman hanging on a leather cord around my neck. Nightmare Moon's eyes widen in fear, and Twilight's eyes glow. I'm brought into the air to join the rest, and I find that my talisman is starting to glow like the rest of their necklaces/giant tiara thingy.
I shake my head as I watch through narrow eyelids. This is so...stupid...
A second later, there's a giant rainbow tornado wrecking Nightmare Moon's shit.
Well...that happened.
Once we're back on the ground, I don't stop to ask what happens, nor do I stop to find out whether or not everypony is safe.
I just get up, and walk away. I head down the steps with a deep sigh.
I am so fucking done.
Right now, I just want to get fucking shitfaced...