//------------------------------// // Chapter Two: Trains and Tribulations // Story: Sold out for Sweets // by RatChieftain //------------------------------// It’s been an uneventful train ride so far. Some of my men are harassing some of the pony passengers and prodding through their personal belongings. Some are brawling and making a complete mess of things. The rest are doing fuck all. I probably should stop them but I’m too busy sitting in the corner, drinking some apple brandy shit I picked up at some farm before leaving. I’ve also been looking at pictures of the Elements that were given to me in a brown folder. I will need to keep an eye open when we get there. Sweetie is hiding under my coat, resting her head on my lap, probably spooked from the ruckus going on. “You alright, Sweets?” I slur. “Just a little sleepy," she replies, nuzzling into my leg. She’s probably tired from all the noise that’s been going on in this train for the last 3 days. Sighing, I scoop her up in my arm and head into another cart. Since we’ll be at the Crystal Empire in the next eight hours or so, some sleep would probably do both of us some good. “You know? You uhh… sure are pretty fer, uhhh... one of you,” I hear a voice say as I enter the cart. Looking in, I see one of my men leaning over a lone mare who is visibly perturbed. That’s just downright disgusting. “What the shit,” I murmur. Turning around, he recoils when he sees me. “Ohh we won’t bother you none, Major. Juuust lookin’ for a little fun is all.” “That’s just wrong, you fucking rube. And I shouldn’t have to explain why,” I say, rubbing my temple with my free hand. “Heh, morals. I think we all know that went out the window when we started a war with tiny marshmallow horses.” He’s got a point. “Besides, it’s more like xenophilia,” he persuades, giving me a sly wink. “Like I give a shit what you think it is. Besides, It’s still rape. Just get out. I need to get her,” I say pointing to Sweetie, "to bed. “ He gives me a knowing look. “Ohh, I see. I’ll guard the door, you sly dog,” he says, making his way out. “EYY, MY MAN IS GETTING LAID BY A HORSE,” he yells, reaching the next cart. I simply sigh again, letting Sweetie on the bed as I sit down. The mare in the bed across from me just shoots me a dirty glare. Considering what I just did for her, she’s being awfully ungrateful. “You probably shouldn’t single yourself out from the rest of the ponies, you know?” I raise my hand to take another swig, only to realize all the booze was already gone. “Well shit.” She just continues staring at me as if terrified to speak, her expression becoming more and more worried by the second. There is akward silence in the cart as we stare at each other. She had a pink mane with a cerise coat upon further inspection. I kind of want to tell her she’s being an ungrateful cunt, but I kind of don’t want to put a pony down in front of Sweetie. I’ll need her trust if I’m going to use her to bait the Elements of Harmony. “M-miss Cheerilee?” Sweetie asks, lifting the coat from her head. This Cheerilee looks at her wide-eyed, then back to me, still not responding. Sweetie and I look to each other and just shrug. “Look, Cheer. I’m cool and all,” I slur, laying back in the undersized bed. “Don’t be afraid to speak to me. If not, just with Sweetie.” She hesitates for a moment before asking in a hushed tone, “Sweetie, what are you doing here with these humans? I told all of you to go home, stay inside, and don’t come out for anything!” “My sister left me and Anonmus and I are looking for her," she answers, messing up my name. She is even more adorable when she’s sleep deprived. “It’s Major Anonymous to you, Squeaks McRetard,” I jokingly say. Opening my eyes, I see her ears back and her eyes are watering. Cheerilee on the other hand shoots me another glare. Damn, now that’s what I call a war face. “It was a joke, Sweetie. Look, how about you just call me Anon,” I say, ruffling up her mane. “So Cheerilee, what do you do for a living?” I ask, to make her feel more comfortable. “I’m a… teacher in Ponyville," she answers with a surprised tone. “What’s a teacher’s business going to the Crystal Empire? Alone, for that matter,” I inquire. She furrows her brow again, before hesitantly answering. “Well, I don’t really have any family in Ponyville. I hate to abandon the school and my students but I hear there aren’t as much humans up there and that it was safer on the streets what with all the rape and public beating happening in Equestria, no offense.” “None taken,” I say, nonchalant. “HET MAJOR, YOU DONE GETTING ’YER DICK WET WITH THAT LITTLE GIRL PONY IN THERE YET? SURE IS AWFULLY QUIET!” the hick outside the room screams at the top of his lungs. “Announce it to the rest of Equestria too, why don’t you,” I sarcastically grumble. Cheerilee starts living up to her name and actually giggles a bit at that. I can’t help but snicker at that myself. Unfortunately for the bumpkin, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to beat his face into the pavement when I sober up. “Anon, what does he mean by-” “You’ll know when you’re …older, Sweetie,” Cheerilee and I say simultaneously, before giggling a bit more. “You know, being a teacher must be nice. Instead of getting paid to murder people, you get to sit down with kids and pretty much inspire and well… teach, I guess.” She shrugs. “Yeah, it is nice. I just hope I live long enough to be able to do it again. Same goes for the students. I can’t teach without them.” “Yeah, if I had a chance to do things over I’d probably be a teacher or a musician… or some shit like that,” I say, my eyes roving to the empty bottle. “It’s much too late for me now. I’m no good at anything but fighting, killing, and beer pong.” “Ohh? I hear humans live more than twice as long as ponies. I’d say that’s more than enough time to find your very special talent. You just have to keep searching, right Sweetie?” she explains, turning to the little filly. “Yep," she chimes in. “Maybe you can join the Cutie Mark Crusaders and join me in finding my cutie mark!” “Humans don’t get those cutie mark things,” I mumble. “That doesn’t mean you can’t still find a hobby or job that makes you happy," the cerise mare states. “Hmm... then I’ll take you up on that offer... as long as I don’t have to go through any hazing or anything.” Sweetie pulls a patch out of nowhere and hands it to me. It has some pony on it. I shrug pocket it, much to her dismay. “We’ll have to find my friends for you to be officially in, but for now you can be my junior crusader!” Her voice cracks again and I swear that cured my cancer right then and there. I turn to my side and pull Sweetie in close and just start to think. So If I’m not going to drink myself into a coma when I get back to Earth, what other possibilities are there?