Princess Celestia sat in her bed reading a book. She coughed as she levitated a tissue up to her mouth. She sighed and tried to focus on her reading. Her health had been rapidly deteriorating in the last few months, and she was amazed that she was still alive. Thankfully, Princess Luna and Princess Twilight Sparkle had been doing a remarkable job raising the sun and moon without her.
At this point, Princess Celestia was mostly a figurehead. She still attended major social events and she still signed bills into law, but she did not do much more than that. Most of the day-to-day administration was handled by Princess Luna, while protecting Equestria fell to Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony. Thankfully for Celestia, Twilight Sparkle had proven herself a capable military leader.
She coughed again, but this time could not move a tissue towards her mouth in time. Rather, small droplets of blood sprayed across her bedsheets.
A cold shiver overcame Princess Celestia as she coughed once more. She had coughed up blood before, but never that much. Would this evening be the night she would finally pass on? She shuddered at the thought. Perhaps she could take a quick stroll out on the balcony and get some fresh air. Or, she could just try and get some sleep. She hadn't been sleeping very well, but perhaps she could try again.
“PRINCESS! PRINCESS!”
The Princess’ head jolted up. Was she hearing voices? During the past few days when she had a temperature of above 105 degrees Fahrenheit, she had suffered from mild hallucinations. Was this one of them?
She closed her eyes for five seconds and then opened them again. Perhaps some air would help. She walked out of the back door of her bedroom towards the balcony of her palace. She glanced down into her garden and then took a step back. Perhaps it wasn’t a hallucination.
Below her, she saw a crowd which now numbered in the thousands. The protest had now gone on for several hours and had attracted ponies from all across Equestria. The crowd cheered upon seeing her emerge.
“PRINCESS! PRINCESS! PRINCESS!” they chanted. Celestia puzzled. Today was not any sort of Royalty Appreciation Day or anything. Perhaps, then, it was a hallucination after all. Only one way to find out.
“Hello!” she said as loud as she could muster given her cough. They did not quiet, so evidently they couldn’t hear her. Her horn lit up as she used her magic to cast a voice-amplification spell.
“My royal, er, excuse me, my loyal subjects, how may I—“ her voice was cut off by a coughing fit, “How may I be of assistance?” the last word trailed off as her weakened magic could not sustain her voice any longer.
Lightning Dust flew up to Princess Celestia’s balcony, landed, and gave a quick bow.
“Thank you for giving us an audience, Princess. I am Lightning Dust, and I speak for the crowd here. We are Equestria.”
“You are Equestria? But there’s only a few thousand, whereas there are millions in the nation of Equestrians,” Princess Celestia puzzled, stumbling over her words. She knew she was feeling woozy and disoriented, but she wasn’t that disoriented.
“It’s a catchphrase. We wish to speak to you regarding the ivory towers that you have in your city. ‘We Are Equestria’ is simply our movement’s rallying cry,” Lightning Dust said.
“Uh… okay?” the Princess said with a puzzled look on her face.
Ivory towers? Are ponies upset about the sun glinting off of the domes again? Is it getting in their eyes or something? What, should I have them sanded down or something? They are rather smooth and reflective, come to think of—
The Princess’s thoughts were interrupted as Lightning Dust lifted up her megaphone and spoke to the crowd.
“The Princess has agreed to hear our concerns!”
The crowd cheered. Princess Celestia rose an eyebrow. She had said no such thing! What she actually wanted was to get back to bed and rest. But, perhaps she could quickly address the concerns of the crowd and get back to bed.
“May I borrow your megaphone, Thunderdust?” Princess Celestia asked, getting the mare’s name wrong.
“Certainly, Princess.” said Lightning Dust, smiling, not noticing Celestia’s slip-up. She gave the megaphone to Lightning Dust, and then got another one out of her saddlebag.
“Good thing I brought a spare,” she said, winking at the Princess.
“My faithful and loyalty subjects,” the Princess spoke into her megaphone, “I have heard concerns of which you speak. Please, speak of them.”
The crowd looked around confusedly at each other, not realizing that the Princess was simply not up to the task of public speaking at the moment. Finally, they seemed to realize what she wanted.
Another pegasus flew up to the level of the balcony. He shouted, “I shall speak only for myself, but I assume I also speak for others. My house was destroyed by Wendigos. Others’ houses were destroyed by wildfires. Food prices are out of control due to Discord’s drought. I am now poor and homeless, where before I had a decent life. It has been three months, and my quality of life should be changing! ISN’T THAT RIGHT!”
“RIGHT!” the crowd responded.
“Okay…” the Princess spoke into the megaphone. They wanted a better quality of life? Well, who could argue with that? But what did ivory towers mean?
She leaned away from the megaphone and address Lightning Dust directly.
“Uh, Lightningspecks? Can we have this discussion in private? I mean, where I can talk to you and find out what you—“
“The princess wants to hide her decision making behind closed doors, everypony!” Lightning Dust called out. The crowd booed.
“TRANSPARENCY! TRANSPARENCY!” the crowd chanted.
“That’s right,” Lightning Dust spoke into the megaphone once more, “If a town-hall style discussion is good enough for our local governments, then it is good enough for you, Princess!”
Normally, the Princess would have balked at such insolence, but she was still half sure that she was still in a dream, so she didn’t say anything.
Rather, the Princess spoke into the megaphone once more, “But you mentioned ivory towers. I’ll have you know that our towers are made of marble, and not—” she coughed repeatedly before continuing. Thankfully, she had remembered to bring a tissue to conceal from the crowd the fact that she was coughing blood.
She continued, “I believe ivory is found in horns. Not trumpets and saxophones, mind you, but the horns such as those of which are found upon the heads of unicorns. It’s not in the capitol building. But what is your problem with my marble towers? Are they displeasing to you?”
“That’s not what we mean!” Lightning Dust shouted.
“Then explain, because I don’t know what you are talking about,” said the Princess into the megaphone.
“The citizens of Canterlot have been spared from Discord’s destruction. Yet they refuse to help us. They simply grow food and charge exorbitant prices for it! The legislature and you have also refused to help us, and now we are on your front doorstep demanding it!”
Princess Celestia’s brow furrowed. She had been kept apprised of the drought, the fires, and the Wendigo Wars by her advisors, but she had no idea that the citizens were this upset about things.
The Princess spoke into her megaphone, “I have signed aid packages into law, meant to deliver monies from the treasury to the hooves of the ponies who have been struck by tragedies,” she hacked and wheezed once more, before finishing, “Is this not acceptable? This is what we do during all disasters.”
“Yes, and we thank you for those efforts,” said Lightning Dust into her own megaphone, “But it is not enough! This is a disaster unprecedented in Equestrian history! It will take hundreds of millions more bits to make us whole!”
Celestia drew her head back. She had obviously heard these damage estimates from her economic advisors, but never expected that her citizens would demand that she pick up the whole tab.
“What of private charities?”
“What about them?” said Lightning Dust, “Yes, they exist, and yes, they have helped many of us. But they haven’t helped all of us all the way, as only you can. Besides, we shouldn’t have to rely on the capricious kindness of our fellow ponies in order to survive! What sort of existence is that?” The crowd cheered.
“I can approve more monies, but it won’t be more than a few million,” the Princess said, “Not without some new revenue raising measures.”
Lightning Dust smiled and gazed at the crowd, the Princess having given her a perfect segue. “That is why we have come demanding that you institute an ivory tower tax!”
“IVORY TOWER TAX! IVORY TOWER TAX! IVORY TOWER TAX!” the ponies in the garden and on the street cheered.
“An… an ivory tower tax? What do you mean? Given the way you defined ‘ivory tower,’ do you mean that I should tax all the citizens of Canterlot?”
Lightning Dust responded, “Not all citizens of Canterlot, no. Simply a tax on those ponies who were unaffected by the recent disasters, and who can afford to pay it,” Lightning Dust responded, “Which just so happens to affect mostly Canterlot, yes. We are all Equestrian, and we must suffer together!”
“SUFFER TOGETHER! SUFFER TOGETHER!” the crowd chanted.
“You don’t understand. We have taxes on incomes already. We also have usage taxes and sales taxes. What sort of new tax do you demand?”
“Take those taxes and raise them until you have enough to make us whole!” Lightning Dust demanded.
“RAISE THE TAX! RAISE THE TAX!” the crowd responded.
“I’m sorry, I don’t believe that I can go and raising the tax without financial implic—“
“RAISE THE TAX! RAISE THE TAX!” the crowd continued.
“Fine, I’ll look into it,” said Celestia into her megaphone, and walked back inside.
“And after you look into it, you’d better pass it, or we’ll be back with thousands more! We plan on staying right here in Canterlot until you give into our demands!” Lightning Dust said into the megaphone as the Princess shut her balcony door. The crowd cheered.
*****
Five days had passed and the protests showed no signs of letting up. Violence had briefly erupted on the fourth day, when a stallion decided to loot an antiques shop and a Canterlot police officer tried to arrest him. The stallion assaulted the officer with a knife, and he responded by shooting the looter with his revolver, killing him. A riot had broken out, and it took hours to restore order. Meanwhile, resistance in other cities was growing, and the crowds in Canterlot had swelled into the tens of thousands.
Princess Celestia was holed up in her office, speaking to her younger sister. She sat in her office chair, head buried in her hooves. Despite her sick condition, she had much work to do to keep her kingdom together.
“Luna, what should I do? They have demanded that I institute a tax upon the citizens of Canterlot,” Celestia told her trusted sister.
“I do not know, sister. Why does it concern you so? Ponies protest all the time, and they demand all sorts of things,” Luna responded.
“Yes, but never that many protesters, and never so… aggressively. Have you seen these damage reports?” Princess Celestia floated a piece of parchment towards her sister.
“Hmm. Fifty-two market stalls destroyed, a hundred carts torched, and twenty mechanized farming vehicles ruined,” said Priness Luna, “I suppose that you could always call in the Royal Guard.”
“To do what? Round up these protesters and throw them in jail? This is Canterlot: a rich, affluent city. The county lockup has perhaps a hundred cells.”
“What about your dungeon?”
“It’s reserved for those who’ve committed serious crimes. Vandalism is not a serious crime. The dungeon also does not have nearly enough cells.”
“You could always wait for them to leave,” said Luna.
“And go where? Most of these ponies are homeless,” Celestia responded, nervously chuckling.
“You could just print money and give it to them,” said Luna.
“And cause hyperinflation? No, thank you,” the elder Princess scoffed.
“You could borrow the money,” Luna suggested.
“From whom would we borrow, exactly?” Princess Celestia asked.
“I do not know, sister, who do we normally borrow from? You are far more involved in managing the treasury than I.”
“That would be the Zebra and Griffon empires, and they are both at war with each other at the moment, so they are in need of cash as well,” Celestia responded.
“Well... what happens if you don’t grant their demands?” Princess Luna asked.
“Either they all eventually disperse, or they don’t. And it’s the second possibility which concerns me. If their problems are not resolved, we could have a revolution on our hooves.”
“Hmm. Have you considered giving into their demands and taxing the citizens of Canterlot? You always talk of being popular, and that seems to be the popular thing to do. You always talk about avoiding a crisis, and it looks like one is about to happen if you don’t act. How feasible is this ivory tower tax?”
“I have had our accountants run the numbers,” Celestia responded, “Even if we taxed the stockbrokers and socialites at 50% of their income, we would still only raise ten million bits. We need over a hundred million. We’d have to tax everypony in the city at 60%, and the rich at 80% just to raise that much. That’s everypony in the city, from the rich executives to the single mares living in shacks down in the city foothills.”
“Well, if it’s that or a revolution, then the choice is clear,” Luna responded.
“I suppose it is,” Celestia responded, “I just wish that there was another way.”
She sighed, got up off of her chair, and walked out of the door. She gave her sister a nod as she walked off towards the Legislative building.
*****
A month after the ivory tower tax had passed, the two unicorn socialites Jet Set and Upper Crust were taking a walk through one of Canterlot’s parks.
“So, how goes work, honey?” Upper Crust asked.
“Oh, just working at Erving-Bradley, trying to make sure that our factory runs smoothly and all that,” Jet Set responded, “Our bi-plane output is down by a quarter. Hopefully with farming picking back up, we’ll sell more dusters,” he said. As Jet Set’s name would indicate, he was a factory manager at one of Canterlot’s big aviation manufacturers.
“Though, of course, I might as well not even go in anymore. This new tax is ludicrous,” Jet Set added.
“I know,” Upper Crust responded, “I received my first stock dividend since they passed the new tax,” said Upper Crust, who worked as an investor, “And do you know how much they took?”
“How much?”
“They took 70%, and that’s not even counting local taxes,” Upper Crust fumed, digging her hoof into the ground.
Jet Set gave her a consoling pat on the back, "There, there, honey. There's not really all that much that we can do, I suppose. The law's been passed."
"Nope. All there is to do is take a walk," she said, her husband nodding.
"Indeed, take a walk," he responded, chuckling.
Jet Set paused for a few moments before continuing, “You know, I find it funny how they think we have it so great that we can afford to work for them and take home only the scraps for ourselves. Yes, we have more money. But we have more bills, too: a larger mortgage, for one. It’s just a matter of more zeroes,” Jet Set scoffed.
“Perhaps we could live like paupers,” Upper Crust mused, “That’s what they want, right? For us to ‘share their suffering?’”
“Something like that,” Jet Set said as he continued walking. In another five minutes, they reached the center of the garden.
"Oh, this is new," said Upper Crust, "I never noticed that statue here. Is that supposed to be a statue of Discord?" he pointed at a statue of the Draconequss.
"I suppose. But I thought that money was tight. Yet they can afford to erect statues in the honor of a monster who destroyed half of Equestria?" Jet Set scoffed, not realizing that this statue was not a carving, but actually the real Discord turned into stone.
"Yes. This is all his fault, isn't it?" Upper Crust said.
They both walked off and left the statue in disgust.
*****
After they had gone, the stone crumpled and Discord found that he was free once again.
"Ohhhh goodness!" he exclaimed, stretching his arms, "That was some nap. I wonder how much time has passed."
Discord snapped his fingers and the most recent copy of The Manehattan Times appeared in his hands.
"Oh my, only a month! They can't keep from fighting and causing discord for just a month?"
He read on in the paper for a few moments, and then burst out laughing.
"Ivory... tower tax? Hahaha! My, I couldn't have made up anything better if I tried!"
Discord glanced around in the park. It was a large park, but his was the only statue in it. He glanced some ponies off in the distance. They could not yet see him, but they were walking his way.
"Hmm... perhaps this time, I'll conduct my chaos in secret," he said, as a white flash enveloped him and he transformed into a chocolate-coated unicorn. His horn glowed, and a duplicate Discord statue appeared on the plinth where he stood a few minutes before.
"Much better," he said, "Now when I cause chaos, they'll never even know that I escaped and that I'm the one who did it!"