"Come on, come on! Wake up!" echoed a sweet but demanding voice through the dark room.
With a slap to the face of the bound man in the cell, he seems to regain some of his vision, and jump in surprise to see a midnight blue alicorn standing over him. Luna. 'Aw shit. What the fuck I do this time.', he thought. And another slap on the face forces all of his vision back, along with a few rattled teeth and bright lights in the corners of his vision.
"Wake up!" she yells rearing back for another blow.
"No!", he says raising my hands in my defense,"I'm up, I'm up!" This rewards him with a relieved sigh from the midnight princess. Looking around his cell, the human sees he is in a dirty cell. And bound to the wall. Yeah this is a problem.
'Strange.' I thought to himself, 'I don't remember how the hell I got here.'
"Name and rank." Deep in thought he barely heard it.
"Leonidas, Second Lieutenant. Uh... why am I here?", the man responds confusedly.
The alicorn didn't answer but was busy trying to undo the shackles around the his wrists with an indigo aura of magic. Her magic flickering several times on her horn and the shackles before she resorted to her hands with an annoyed sigh. Leo's left shackle clicked and unlocked, before he collapsed without the support of the cuff. His wrist was raw and bleeding from several hours of being confined to his bonds. She started to work on the shackles twin, when a violent knock on the door and a masculine voice spoke through the wall.
"Luna, we know your in their!" said the angry voice, "Come out! You have no business with him!"
"Dammit," the lunar princess swore under her breath,"We need more time!" she yelled.
"Princess, wa-why am I here? The last thing I remember wa-", Leo was cut off by a hand pressed to my mouth, quickly silencing him.
"No time for this." she started, "Where is the Spell-Breaker?" she asked urgently. Just as those words escaped her lips shuffling could be heard outside the iron door.
"1... 2... 3..." yelled the guard captain, signaling the battering ram.
BAM
Both the lunar princess and the prisoner jerked their heads to the door which was almost taken off its hinges by the force of the blow, and once again the princess swore.
"Where. Is. The. Spell-Breaker?" she asked forcibly, grabbing his head and forcing to look into her eyes.
"What? The Spell-Breaker? Princess those are just rumors. An old mare's tale to sc-" And once again his words were cut off, but this time by another slap. Another large boom echoed through the room as the ram slammed against the door again.
"That's just it though! They aren't rumors. Theyr'e true!" she exclaimed. " Now where is he? He's in grave danger! He's goin-" was all the princess of the night could get out before a third mighty blow from the battering ram finally took the cell door of its hinges, revealing eight trained guards and a very angry captain by the name of Shining Armor to be on the other side.
"Restrain the princess, and don't harm the human!" ordered the guard captain. With a moment of hesitation three ponies, in golden armor and swords drawn, rushed into the cell. But their charge was stopped in its tracks as a wave of blue magic swept over them, throwing them backwards into their comrades.
"Run you dolt! I will hold them off!" Luna screamed at the Leo as she rushed out of the room, sending bolts of magic at reinforcements and a thoroughly pissed off captain coming down the hall. Leo stood up but was knocked back down, onto his face, knocking the wind out of the escapee.
'How was a regular captain able to cast a tier-four spell!?', he screamed in his mind, before screaming in agony and clutching my ears as searing pain shot up his back and a sever ringing in his ears came to be the only thing in mind. With what seemed like minutes the pain subsided and the ringing was now down to a dull roar. He tried lifting himself off the cold stone floor to a sitting position, but slipped on a warm liquid coming from the ears and noses of several downed guards.'Or a sonic stun spell for that matter?', I thought.
Poor guys. Them being mostly pegasi and earth ponies. Which with the rule with any magic, if you don't have a mana level above the caster you would feel greater effects. Luckily though, many humans had a minor resistance, similar to that of dragons.
'Well, better ge- oh shit.', turning to run down the hallway to the end of the corridor, to see the tip of a sword three inches form the man's face. Looking up from the razor-sharp blade he saw a confident smile from a newly appointed captain of the guard. Shining Armor.
This little shit had to step on his toes at each turn. Whether it be him "accidentally" tripping him while in a sparring match, or making several... noises in the men's dorm with whatever girl that was unfortunate enough to come home with him, before an exam the next day. Whatever the man and the pony were doing together, he made sure to come out on top. 'Hell, he was smart, I'll give him that, but I was clever, and I think that was what was kept me ahead in several areas.'
"Well, well, well.", he said keeping his sword ready, "Look what we have here."
"Hey Shiny.", Leo said with just enough venom, pushing the sword tip away form my face, "You mind telling me what the fuck I'm doing here?"
"What?", he shouted, "You mean you honestly don't know?" The prisoner shook his head. "Damn, you're more stupid than I thought." 'Okay, this little shit is insulting me NOW!?! Out of all the places! Fine, fine. But next time you break your fucking arm in a spar don't come crying to the Restoration Theory major.'
"You little fucker, you stole a grand total of forty thousand bits! And a noble freaking had a heart attack because he saw some human sneak into his shop!", he exclaimed getting furious at my "oh so incompetent ways."
"Okay, let get some things straight.", Leo began smartass-edly, "One, I don't know what the hell you're talking about and two, a stallion's average size is three to four inches. My fucking finger is longer than that, and I think that little Cady of yours wants a real man."
//O\\
'OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!' Brain called form his half-insane confines.
//O\\
"Oh, you bastard!", he shouted, "When we get back your ass is MINE!", he cried spitting a little, but Leo's jackass-ness held no bounds.
"Yeah? Well I'm Chief Squad. So go suck a dick.", Leo said in retaliation, starting to reach around him to escape. Chief Squad was pretty much a totally independent group of peace-makers, made so that the princesses couldn't have complete control of the guard. Patrolling the lands from Canterlot to the gryphon border. Had the best gear, had some decent pay, and the best part... it didn't have to take orders from shits like Shiny here.
And then the cock-munch stepped in front of me, blocking my path. He was now seething in anger from my comment on his little squeeze. "YOU LITTLE FUCKER!", he screamed in fury, raising his sword to strike and before I could react the razor sharp blade sliced through my hand like tissue paper.
Pain shot through Leo's hand as the steel easily penetrated through his hand. Ever got stung by a bee? Or a fire ant? Well, take that amount of pain and multiply it by one hundred. And then put your hand in a fire pit. To put it in simpler words. It. Fucking. HURT. And the sick bastard twisted the blade so it cut through the bone, a clean cut parallel to the bone the man could fix in a matter of seconds. This would take at least a day just to seal it up.
"Alright, looks like the 'convict' has stopped resisting.", he said panting from his little tantrum with a twisted chuckle, wrenching the blade out of the now blood stained wall with a satisfied grunt, "Well get on your feet y-", he was cut off by a beam of blue magic colliding against his forehead, causing him to lose consciousness. The speed of the blast he couldn't even get one of his magnificent shields he was so proud of in time to stop it. Leo looked down the hall from where the magical bolt came and was met by the most beautiful and horrifying thing he'd ever seen.
Princess Luna. Her 6' 1'', sweaty form sparkling in the low light, running towards me. A now torn dress, a tear at the bottom caused much of her thighs to be visible and one at the top of her dress which had caused a generous amount of cleavage to be visible, and a disheveled mane. Several cuts and bruises now adorned her panting body.
"I told you to run you imbecile. You're no good to me dead." she said with a scowl. She then looked at his injured hand, "Well at least it isn't permanent damage." She began to pump magic into my hand, but it didn't do anything."Fuck," the princess swore,"I must have used more magic than I thought."
"I'm just glad you showed up when you did. Otherwise I would be in worse shape.", he said, and with a moment of hesitation he gestured to the body of little Shiny.
I winced as she tore of some of my dirty shirt and began to wrap my injured hand for a bootleg field dressing. Which stung like a bitch. Testing to see if see if it would stay with a tug, she grunted in content of the field dressing. "Now," she began, "we have to get you out of this dungeon befor- "
"LUNA!", a voice screamed down the corridor. Whipping his head around, the man another terrifying sight. Princess Celestia. In all of her pissed off glory. Positively fuming at Luna and Leo. Her eyes bore daggers at them, glowing at an intensity to where the human had to shield his eyes, though Luna seemed unfazed by the whole light show, only staring back with a face of defiance.
Now, doing the logical and calm thing, the human did what his instincts screamed at him to do:
"CHEESE IT!", he yelled as I took off sprinting down the hall.
And as he ran he heard the sound of two certain princesses face-palming.