//------------------------------// // Fluttershy // Story: Bacon // by JerryTheHouseGhost //------------------------------// After Fluttershy discovered her love for bacon, she couldn't get enough of it. At first, she went into denial. She was spotted leaving a bacon convention, and after she was asked what she was doing there, she replied, "I was there for the quiet atmosphere." After she was informed of the fact that the bacon convention happened to hold the world record for being the loudest convention ever, she said, and I quote, "Nobody will ever believe you! You'll never catch me, coppers!" Fluttershy locked herself in her house for one week straight. One of our mobile teams set up a campsite outside of her home. Their findings are as follows: DAY 1 There are some weird noises coming from inside of Fluttershy's home. They sound like squealing pigs, but it has been confirmed there are in fact no pigs in or around the premises. We will continue to- holy crap, a pig just walked up to the campsite! It seems to be attracted to Fluttershy's house... Perhaps her squealing has a purpose after all. The pig is now walking to the front door... The front door just opened... The pig has entered the building, I repeat, the pig has entered the building. One of our team members has dressed up like a pig and is now walking up to the front door. It just opened up and- OH MY- DAY 2 The team member from yesterday has been sent to the hospital due to the severe beating he got from Fluttershy. It is said that she knew he was a pig all along, and only opened up her door so she could beat him up. We have tried to get other ponies to dress up like a pig for more testing, but they all either refused to do so, faked their own deaths, or actually committed suicide on the spot. We have since then removed the insanely sharp cutlery from our equipment box. DAY 3 There is smoke rising out of the chimney, and the smell of bacon is permeating the air. A team of 3 ponies has just been invited inside of the house through the use of our top-of-the-line tin can telephone. They are approaching the house... The door just opened... They are walking inside... The eagle has landed. The smoke has stopped coming out of the chimney. There are no screams coming from the house so far. That's a good sign. The sun is now setting, and Alpha Team has just been released from the house. They will be briefed immediately. I just heard one of them say "Bacon. Bacon everywhere." One of them was sent to the hospital due to severe beating. DAY 4 There is more squealing coming from inside of Fluttershy's house. Again, we believe that this sound is originating from Fluttershy and not a pig. We have assumed that the pig that entered her house on day one was instantly turned into bacon upon entry. The squealing has not stopped for four hours, and has even gotten louder. The squealing has finally stopped. DAY 5 Nothing happened today. DAY 6 There are so many pigs surrounding us right now. They came out of nowhere. Two of our team members have gone missing. If you find this log of events, but not me, please tell my wife and kids that I love them, and that daddy had to go get murdered by pigs. The pigs are making a single file line in front of Fluttershy's door... They are now being led inside of her house. There is so much oinking! Make it stop! Three hours have gone by, and there are still so many pigs going inside of Fluttershy's house. How can they all fit!? I can hear Fluttershy singing a song about how the pigs are going to be made into bacon and that she can't wait to eat every single one of them. MAKE THE OINKING STOP!!!! The door just closed. The pigs are going away now. The oinking stopped. I am now free from the torture that was pigs. DAY 7 Twilight Sparkle just walked up to Fluttershy's house with a bacon stallion and bacon filly in a wagon... She has just knocked on the door. "Go away!" "Fluttershy, it's me, Twilight!" "... Fluttershy's not here right now, Mrs. Sparkle." "Fluttershy! I just got evicted from the royal palace and nopony else wants me in their house! My choices now are either living with you or living in a box." "I hope you can find a box big enough for you." "WHAT!?!?" "You heard me!" "I have my bacon family with me! Don't insult me in front of them!" "Did you just say bacon family?" "Yes." The door just opened up. "Get in. Now." Twilight is now walking inside of Fluttershy's house with her wagon full of bacon family in tow. "Hey Fluttershy, where did you get all of this bacon grease?" "I made a lot of bacon the other day. Wait, did you find my secret stash of bacon grease?" "... No..." "Good." "Let's say I happen to stumble upon it one day... Could I drink it all?" "You can't have any of my bacon." "I'm talking about the grease, though." "None of my bacon is for you." "But the grease..." "Shut up!" "Okay!" "Promise you won't tell anypony about this Bacoon?" "..." "Good." FIVE MINUTES LATER "Hey Bacoon, hows abouts we DO IT AGAIN! YEAH!" "..." "You best not make any noise this time, 'else Twilight might awaken an' find us." "..." (If Bacoon was a living stallion, he would have probably questioned the fact that Fluttershy had just put on some kind of weird accent in her previous dialogue. He would have also probably said something along the lines of "Get away from me, you scary yellow pegasus pony. You are literally the scariest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen Twilight eat bacon. You've been nothing but rude to me and my wife, and you've been eyeballing our little filly whenever she was in the same room with you. I'd rather live in a box than with you, so now I think it's time to bid you adieu. Take that rhyme, yo!") "Hey Fluttershy! I'm your singing telegram, and I'm here to say-" "Could you just SHUT UP, Pinkie Pie!?!?" "Okay, okay! I'm here to tell you and Twilight that Rarity is dead, and we're having her funeral soon." "How soon." "Now." "Twilight! Twilight! Come on! We've gotta go to Rarity's funeral! Twilight!! could you hold on one second?" "Sure." "TWILIGHT!!! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE! WE'RE LEAVING TO GO TO RARITY'S FUNERAL RIGHT NOW!" We were lucky enough to get a front row seat at Fluttershy and Bacoon's wedding. "Bacoon, do you take Fluttershy to be your lawfully wedded wife?" "..." (If Bacoon were an actual stallion, he would have probably threw up on the spot and then proceeded to say "Oh HELL NO!") "And Fluttershy, do you take Bacoon to be your... Bacon husband?" "I do." "You may now kiss the bride, you bacon freak. Why did I even agree to do this?! I'm not even a priest! This is the most messed up thing I've ever seen!" Fluttershy starts kissing Bacoon. "Holy crap! Why!? How is this even legal!? Why didn't you get an actual priest!? Why me!? What did I do to deserve this!? Somepony tell me what I did! I don't even live here! I just woke up in an alleyway and this yellow FREAK was telling me I was gonna be the priest at a wedding! Where am I, even!?"