Warning: the following chapter contains copious amounts of random. Reader discretion is advised
...and all that random is brought to you by Flim Flam Farmer's Market! Where can you find the best opportunity for farm fresh produce in YOUR community? At the Flim Flam Farmer's Market! Located next to Hoity Toity's Fashion Whatever and some old guy who's standing there at all times of the day. If you drop by, tell him he still owes me twenty bits.
"Go blow it out your ass, Howard."
Yeah, fuck you too, Frank! And now back to your irregularly unscheduled fanfic, already in progress.
Trixie had to admit that being a giant was fun. She kicked the large building she saw the five puny ponies run into. With her huge size, wings and the Alicorn Amulet, she was even stronger than the princesses! Canterlot was her playground; she could do anything she wanted and nopony could stop her!
She kicked the building again as she stood in the lot in front of it. She grinned and imagined the occupants inside cowering in fear, waiting, wondering when she'd just rip off the roof or blast the whole building to dust. Trixie decided she'd play for a little while first.
Then, the building kicked back. Trixie raised an eyebrow. Were they trying to break out? A loud bash came from inside, like metal striking metal. Something pressed back against the wall of the building creating a dent in the side. She took a cautious step forward.
PLAAAAAAAAAMM! The building exploded in a shower of shrapnel. Bits of the roof and walls scattered everywhere as an enormous figure jumped out of the wreckage. It flew over Trixie. The giant mare was awe struck and could only watch as the figure landed behind her. She turned to face what appeared to be a giant steel-grey unicorn with glowing orange eyes. Similar orange lights adorned its iron hide along the shoulders, legs and flank.
"You will fall before the Decepticolts, Trixie!" the machine shouted.
"What... on... Equestria..." Trixie stammered and backed away.
Inside the giant unicorn's skull, five ponies operated various simple controls in the control center of the robot's frame.
"Did it seriously just say Decepticolts?" Night Glider asked.
Michael nodded as he sat in the pilot's seat. "Authentic voice modulation software! It repeats whatever you say in Megatrot's voice!"
"We are so going to be sued for this," Barro said, clinging to something behind them.
"Can I say something into it?" Night Glider asked.
"Sure!" Michael said. The Halfling leaned over Michael's shoulder and into a mic on the pilot's console.
Night took a deep breath. "Those wings make your flank look fat!" he shouted into the microphone. The menacing voice of Megatrot repeated the phrase in a droning evil tone.
"Those wings make your flank look fat"!
Trixie's head shot back at the remark. Fat? FAT?! Her head subconsciously turned back over her shoulder to examine her hips. The buildings in her view along with it made it look... enormous. The wings she'd spawned also did an amount to emphasize her backside. But no, it was the magic that had made her larger... wasn't it? Trixie's ear began to twitch as she pondered being called a fat ass by a giant, metal unicorn. Insecurity quickly gave way to rage, the rage only a woman who'd been called fat would know of. Burning, gelatinous, rage.
"Oh snap," Michael said.
"Did you seriously just call her fat?" Barro asked the obvious. Night Glider answered him with a mischievous grin.
"Night Glider, that wasn't nice," Celestia said to the Halfling.
"But it was entirely called for!" Luna declared. "Inform her that her posterior is most corpulent! Her girth is comparable to that of the largest of sea mammals! And her mother is-"
Celestia placed a hoof on her sister's shoulder. "We talked about this. You know how you let yourself get carried away," she said calmly. Luna lowered her head in response.
Trixie turned back around slowly. "Fat?! Trixie... fat?!"
Michael smiled. "Looks like that got her attention," he leaned in to the microphone. "That's right! How's it feel great, fat Trixie?!" The massive robot repeated it.
Trixie's ears twitched, her eyelid twitched, her lips trembled and her teeth were gritted in an expression of mounting fury.
Barro leaned over Michael's shoulder. "No, call her the Great and Pounderful Trixie," he suggested.
"-Great and Pounderful Trixie," the robot's voice echoed.
Michael turned around to Barro with a look of shock on his face. "Barro..."
"Did you just insult Trixie?" Night Glider asked, astonished himself.
Barro covered his muzzle. "No! No, I didn't!" the white colt protested, shaking his head.
"You so totally did!" Michael said, smiling.
Night smiled too. "You're finally breaking out of your shell! Good job, Barro!" the Halfling congratulated his friend. The white colt continued shaking his head in denial; unable to accept he'd actually called insulted another pony.
"Wow. Great and Pounderful Trixie. We're gonna have to write that one down somewhe-" SMASH! Something hit the front of Megatrot and the robot became airborne. An alarm klaxon rang out in the command cabin of the metal unicorn.
"Welp, we're flying through the air. This is not good," Michael said stoically, still sitting at the pilot's chair. He'd had the foresight to buckle his safety belt while the other five were thrown about the cabin like rag dolls.
And now, for no reason at all, here's Gary Coleman as a pony.
"It's Gary Coltman," the stallion corrected.
Really? That's the best name we could come up with?
"The best? This is my name! I'm famous! I was in Different Strides!"
Luna save me, ANOTHER crossover? I don't even know how we're gonna pull this off...
The stallion arched an eyebrow and cocked his head. "Whatchoo talkin' bout Barro?"
Hahaha! Oh shit, what is right with me? Okay, back to giant pony fight.
The metal unicorn landed in another street and rolled into the side of several buildings. A boarding house and a small grocery store were almost completely leveled by the steel robot's body.
"I think Trixie's mad," Night Glider said, getting up. The robot was turned on its side, including its head meaning the command cabin inside had been rotated roughly ninety degrees.
"Hold on, I got it," Michael said. He rotated a few controls and the robot began picking itself up. Slowly, Megatrot stood on its hooves and shook off pieces of rubble. "Ha! It's gonna take a lot more than that to put a ding in my baby! This is the best the studio could afford!" The four other ponies managed to get back to standing positions of their own inside the control center.
"This is so exciting!" Luna said. Her sister nodded in agreement.
"Why do you like Transformares so much? I don't understand how you can like something so... over-the-top, so cliché," Barro said.
"Barro," Celestia answered. "We're over a thousand hears old. Luna and I have seen a great many things in our lives. A lot we have been witness to has been unsavory, distasteful, disrespectful. I have seen much nonsense in my many long years as ruler. Believe me when I say, a little ridiculousness can be a good thing."
Luna nodded. "It is fun sometimes to zone out and watch enormous steel titans fight each other! Michael's movies have stunning visual effects."
"It's like watching a fireworks show, Barro," Night Glider added. "You just watch it and say, 'oooh, pretty colors!' and clap when it's done," the Halfling clapped his hooves for emphasis. Barro had to admit there were parts of Michael's movies even he liked. Maybe... maybe being over-the-top was good now and then. Like right now when a giant, power-crazed mare was threatening the city.
"Uh, guys? You wanna help me out here?" Michael asked. "There's operations consoles all around us! Get on the controls!"
"I don't know how to pilot a giant robot," Celestia said.
"I'm piloting. You guys are going to be helping me with weapons."
Barro shook his head. "This thing has weapons?!"
"This thing has everything... except liability insurance," Michael explained. "Now get on those consoles!"
The others moved to four panels at the corners of the spherical room, each taking a position.
"What is it we are supposed to do?" Luna asked.
"The buttons are labeled! Start hitting buttons when things go bad... and shout random things while I sit here and look determined!" Michael ordered.
Barro turned abruptly. "I knew it! I knew it! This is all about you and you've planned this from the beginning!" he accused his friend.
"Barro, it's okay; he's our Red Ranger. He's entitled to one of these moments," Night explained.
"What does that even mean?!" Barro asked, exasperated. A red beam struck the ground in front of them scorching the road. Michael pulled back on his controls and Megatrot slowly backed up to avoid the deadly energy. Trixie was flying high above them using her flight to gain the advantage.
"Hold still so Trixie can zap you!" the giant mare said through gritted teeth. She unleashed another huge death ray spell at the ground, vaporizing part of a building to the side and a portion of sidewalk. Michael pressed forward and the robot jumped over the cratered portion of road in front of them. The robot then started running down the street to avoid more fire.
"How are we going to get her when she's in the air?!" Night Glider asked.
"Barro! On your console, hit the button marked 'WS'!" Michael shouted.
"WS?" Barro asked. He searched the panel in front of him, finding it staring him in the face.
"Press it!" Michael shouted.
With only the slightest reluctance, Barro hit the red button. Megatrot stopped.
"What was that? Did I just hit the brake?" Barro asked, confused.
"Wait for it," Michael Said, grinning.
Trixie had to pull a midair turn as the robot halted in the middle of the street. What was that thing up to now? The glowing orange eyes and lights made it easy to spot in the dark but it was more nimble than it appeared. But now it was just standing there; Trixie overshot it trying to follow and blast the infernal contraption. She didn't waste another second and began charging her next death ray beam. With the amount of power she had, she was in no danger of running out of ammo any time soon.
Steel flaps opened up on the back of Megatrot's legs. The sides of the robot extended and folded outward like giant doors. The doors unfolded, turning into enormous triangular sails. The triangles split all along their sides and spread apart creating enormous, flat steel shunts. Slowly, the shunts flexed back and fourth, pressing against the sides of the robot and then retracting.
Trixie grinned as she was about to see the metal beast destroyed finally. She fired a red blast from her horn aimed directly at the thing's head.
"How's this for a wing spell? Transformares-style!" Michael said. Jets of flame ignited on the metal robot's legs. The street was illuminated by the fire as Megatrot launched into the air on jet-powered hooves. The flaps on the sides of the robot spread out, looking like wings. The red beam struck the ground just as Megatrot lifted off in a burst of flame. Fire erupted from the spaces between the metal feathers and soon the robot was shooting into the night sky like rocket.
Trixie's mouth hung open in disbelief. She watched as her shot missed the metal mare and blasted the ground where it stood. The iron horse was now coming straight for her.
"What the fu-" the robot cut her off, narrowly missing her. She quickly pulled back and only realized too late that the creature had grabbed the edge of her cape in its mouth.
Biting down on the cloth, Megatrot continued blasting skyward, now taking Trixie along for the ride. High above Canterlot, the robot grabbed the cape out of its mouth with its hooves. Pulling a U-turn, it dove back down towards the ground. Trixie, still shocked and being pulled, didn't react fast enough to being snatched out of the sky. Megatrot plunged towards the street carrying the blue unicorn to the ground.
The iron horse pulled back up at the last minute, saving itself from crashing into the pavement. The blue unicollosus was not so lucky; she smashed into the ground with the full force of being dragged down by a ballistic missile aimed at Canterlot. Her cape ripped off in Megatrot's hooves as the robot pulled upward. Trixie slammed face-first into the road sending shockwaves up and down the street. Buildings nearby shook, sidewalks to either side shifted and glass windows shattered.