AN: Cockblockers... Cockblockers Everywhere. No clop this chapter, but it gets close. Thanks Luna and Celestia for the save.
"We're having the party here!" Twilight announced while me and Fluttershy were spending time at home.
"Great... Rape, inevitable." I said, pushing myself off of the couch.
"It's not rape! It's more of a gangbang with six mares and one stallion." Twilight said.
"Exactly, rape." I said, walking into the kitchen.
"It's not rape!" Twilight shouted.
"What would you call a gangbang with six stallions and one mare?" I asked.
"Rape." Twilight said dumbly.
"What would you call a gangbang with six mares and one stallion?" I asked.
"Rape." Fluttershy answered. "It's not rape!" Twilight repeated.
"You answered your own question, yet you refuse to admit it." I said.
"You're lucky I'm actually allowing this to happen to me. I could refuse." I pointed out.
"Why would you refuse six mare at one time?" Twilight asked.
"I want to escape with my dick still attached to my body somehow, and not have my pelvis broken from so much sex." I answered. She opened her mouth to retort, but I stopped her right there.
"I've heard the stories of mares in heat. I'm surprised Fluttershy hasn't had me tied down in the basement and been having her way with me every week she's been in heat." I said. Fluttershy blushed and sat down on the couch.
"You know she wouldn't do that... You wouldn't.. right Fluttershy?" Twilight asked.
"Well..." Fluttershy started.
"Oh great... I gave her an idea for her heat cycle." I said, facepalming.
"I haven't touched you during my heat cycle actually." Fluttershy pointed out.
"Medicine or extreme self control." I answered.
"A little of both." She said.
"Well, I'm eighteen... Maybe..." I started.
"No!" Twilight yelled.
"If I'm correct, the heat cycle starts next week." I said.
"Yeah. Once we do it this week, then maybe, next week..." Fluttershy said.
"If I know any better, someone's going to pop out of nowhere and stop it before it even begins." I said, looking at the ceiling.
"You keep saying that and it'll actually happen." Twilight said.
"Knowing fate, it'll probably happen." I shrugged.
"Anyway, we wanted to start this again here, and hopefully actually get something out of it." Twilight said.
"Alright, set the shit up I guess." I said, heading upstairs. The party was set up the same exact way as before, except without all of the yelling. I came downstairs, seeing all six mares in the same clothing as before, and I didn't fall down the stairs this time.
"Hopefully this time, no interruptions." Twilight said, crossing her fingers.
"So, how is this going to go down?" I asked.
"I call first dibs!" Rainbow yelled.
"I call second!" Fluttershy followed.
"Me next! Me next!" Pinkie yelled, bouncing up and down.
"I would like to go next." Rarity said.
"Ah'm good." Applejack said.
"I guess I could give it a try." Twilight said with a shrug.
"Bedroom, now." Rainbow ordered, pushing me upstairs.
"I really don't get a say in this." I said, getting pushed into the bedroom and tossed unceremoniously onto the bed. She literally jumped onto the bed and pushed her lips onto mine. I felt her hand wrap around my already erect member and felt her tongue slithering between my lips. I opened my mouth, allowing entrance to the invading tongue, and two started twisting and fighting for dominance. We pulled apart, gasping for air, before I pulled off my shirt and tossed it into the corner. I pulled her in for another kiss, when I heard a knock on the door from downstairs. I growled and pushed myself up.
"Someone's at the door." I growled, leaving the panting form of Rainbow on the bed. The girls were busy trying to get underwear and clothing on, so I opened the door wide enough to stick my head out.
"Yes?" I asked angrily.
"Sorry to disturb you this evening, but Your Majesties demand a conference with you and the Elements of Harmony." The guard at the door said in a monotone voice. A round of groans erupted from behind the door.
"I told you Twilight!" I said. I turned back to the guard.
"Alright, just let us get ready and we'll be right out." I said, closing the door before he was able to give an answer.
"Why did you have to be right about that one damn thing?!" Twilight yelled, pulling on her skirt. I remained silent, but went back upstairs to the awaiting mare on the bed.
"Who was it?" She asked.
"Princesses are asking for a meeting with me and the Elements." I said angrily, pulling on a tshirt and throwing my sword onto my back.
"That's complete horse apples! Why did it have to be on the day I was going to get some?" She said, plopping onto the bed.
"I don't know, but get dressed." I said, walking out of the bedroom. I was ready and was waiting for all of them to get ready, with Pinkie trying to pull on a bra that was too small on her, and Rarity was putting up her hair in her normal curls. In five minutes, all of them managed to get presentable to step outside. I opened the door, nearly slamming the damn door into the guards face, and walked out, with the guard staring at the large glowing blade on my back in awe.
The girls filed out of the house, all giving the guard an annoyed or angry look. There were two chariots waiting for us, being pulled by two guards each. I got into one, with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, while the rest filed into the second carriage. We took off, both carriages thrown into complete silence.
"I knew some shit was going to go down before it happened..." I said, looking at the passing sky.
"You had to be right about that one Celestia damned thing. It couldn't be about the mistwalker coming out of your body and the second time to be completely uninterrupted, it had to be both times to get interrupted." Rainbow grumbled.
"Third time's the charm." I said, ignoring the odd looks I got from both of them.
"I was really hoping we could do this before the heat cycle, but it looks like we have to wait until AFTER the cycle ends." Fluttershy said.
"Don't they have some sort of herb or something to keep you from getting pregnant during your heat cycle?" I asked.
"They do, but it's a bit expensive." Rainbow said.
"How expensive?" I asked.
"Ten bits for a single week of herbs." She said.
"That's not bad at all." I chuckled.
"I could give you guys some bits for the expense." I continued.
"You would really do that?" Rainbow said, her face lighting up.
"Sure, I still benefit from it. As long as we can actually plan this again next week and we actually get to do it this time." I said.
"No special favors?" Rainbow asked suspiciously.
"We're doing it, and I don't want kids right as I turn eighteen. That shit would kill me." I said. I felt two pair of arms wrap around me and looked back down, seeing Rainbow's breasts in my face with Fluttershy hugging my stomach.
"Alright, don't start anything." I said, feeling myself getting hard from the sight. Rainbow sat back down, a small blush on her face.
"Not that I wouldn't enjoy it, just..." I trailed off, looking at the guards that were looking back at us.
"Yeah... Too bad." Rainbow said with a grin.
"Are you sure we couldn't do it in the castle?" I said.
"Nah, would be making too much noise." Rainbow said with a wave of her hand. I heard two stifled groans and looked to the guards.
"You two shut the hell up." I said angrily. I heard the mares giggling. The rest of the trip was thrown into silence, and we shortly made it to the castle. The carriages touched down at the castle and we hopped out. The guards surrounded the group and we were escorted to the throne room, where Celestia and Luna were sitting upon their thrones. We walked up to the thrones and bowed.
"Rise my little ponies." Celestia said. I rose, though technically I wasn't a pony, along with the others.
"So what's the problem?" I asked.
"The problem is a group of ponies that are traveling to the deadlands to retrieve The Delomelonicon, a book that could raise armies of undead and attack Equestria." Luna said.
"So, you want us to stop them from going?" I asked.
"Quite the contrary, we would like for you, Daniel, to join them and aid them in retrieving The Delomelonicon." Celestia said with a shit-eating grin.
"Alright." I said, not really surprised.
"You can't send him there! He'll die there!" Twilight said.
"It's alright Twilight." I said. I turned to the two rulers.
"I'll need armor and supplies, and a way to get there quickly." I said.
"We'll have have your armor ready tomorrow, as well as supplies. And, don't worry about getting there quickly, we have a way for you contact us when your job is complete." Celestia said.
"Guards, please escort them to the guests rooms. Dinner will be served in two hours." Celestia said. Two guards stepped in front of us, and we were escorted to the guest rooms. My room was really large, with a table sitting in the middle with a stack of books in the middle, a bed with two nightstands, a couch set up against the wall, a balcony that overlooked the city, with my own large bathroom.
I turned on my iPod, put in my headphones, grabbed a book, and got comfortable on the couch. I started reading the book, and didn't get halfway through when I felt someone tug on my headphones. I looked up from the book, seeing a guard standing over me. I got up, easily standing taller than him, and grabbed my headphones from his hand. I turned off the music and wrapped the device with the headphones.
"I'm here to take you to dinner." He said irritably.
"Lead the way then." I said. 'Bitch.' I added mentally. She He led me to the dining room, pushing open the doors and allowing me inside. I walked in, seeing the rest of them just staring at me, even Celestia and Luna, and took my seat next to Fluttershy. The waiters came out, placing silver platters in front of everyone, and walked away without a word. Another wave of waiters and waitresses came out from the kitchen area, placing glasses and pouring wine, then set the bottles down and lifted the tops of the platters off of the pans, revealing steaks, pork chops, breads, cheeses, fruits and veggies, and loads of other appetizing dishes, along with hay and flowers. I went straight for the steak, bread, cheeses and fruits, and immediately dug in. The rest followed suit, and the sounds of scraping knives, forks and spoons were all that was heard.
"So Daniel. What made you take up training lessons?" Celestia asked, and I felt all eyes fall on me. I patted my mouth with a napkin, wiping off any crumbs and juices from my mouth, and said.
"A year back, I was kidnapped by a group of unicorns that were intending to take me back to Earth, and I basically couldn't do anything to them since I only knew the basics to fighting. So, when I got rescued, I took up training classes to help me learn how to fight, both armed and unarmed, and it really payed off." I said.
"That certainly interesting and all, but there must be more to it than that." Luna said.
"Nothing." I lied, although I had other reasons for the training.
"I'd rather not go back to Earth, only to be killed by my own damn father." I said, before going back to my meal.
"Your father was attempting to kill you?" Celestia asked, surprised.
"My father was the leader of a mafia group and was forcing me to follow his footsteps. By the end of it, he left me for dead in a forest, and would've succeeded if it wasn't for the six that rescued me." I said.
"Your father was the father of the mafia?" Rainbow asked.
"Godfather, and yeah, he was the leader of the mafia. He already recruited my brother, and when my mother found out that he was the Godfather of the local mafia, she threatened to report him to the police, and he killed her." I said.
"I didn't know your father was the leader of the mafia." Fluttershy said.
"Me neither." Pinkie added.
"I didn't either." Rarity said.
"Me neither." Applejack said.
"Your father sounds like a cruel man." Luna commented.
"You have no idea what he's capable of." I said.
"Surely he can't be all that bad." Celestia said.
"He killed a man because he blinked at him. He tried killing his own son because I didn't want to join the mafia." I deadpanned.
"Nopony is really that cruel." Celestia retorted.
"Humans are naturally warmongering barbarians, with a few exceptions in the human race. In the most difficult situations that call for life or death, humans will fight with all their might just to live another day. By themselves, they can't do that much damage and they could always make good decisions. In groups that are influenced by a ruler or politician, they will follow the leaders orders without question, even if it was to kill their own kind. I'm saying that humans really don't have a chance of surviving, especially with the way they pollute the world they live in. Eventually, humans will be destroyed as a whole, whether or not it be natural disasters or because humans just killed each other without pity or remorse." I said, leaving everyone in the room stunned.
"If humans were as bad as you say, then how can we trust you?" Luna asked.
"Like I said, by themselves, humans can't do much damage and normally make good decisions. I never really liked the people that ran the country I lived in, so I mostly just ignored them." I said.
"That doesn't really answer my question." Luna said.
"I don't really care if you don't trust me. You could distrust me as much as you want, just don't falsely accuse me of something I didn't do and we can all be friends." I said.
"And I thought we were already friends." Luna said in mock anger.
"I thought so too, but I guess you don't consider us as such." I said.
"I think we're all friends here." Pinkie said.
"Apparently Princess Luna doesn't think so." I said, waving my fork around before continuing to eat.
"I think of you as a friend." Pinkie said.
"That's nice." I said. The rest of the meal was eaten in silence, with the princesses throwing me the occasional glance at me. We all finished, and I was about to go back to my room.
"Daniel, can we please speak to you?" Celestia asked. I shrugged and followed her. They went through some hallways and we arrived at a large room that was emblazoned with a sun on the door. Two guards stood outside the door, saluting as the princesses arrived.
"I will be having a guest, please no disturbances." She said. They saluted once more and we walked into her room. I wasn't all too impressed with her room, since it was basically a larger version of my room with some paintings thrown in.
"I would like to make this clear. The deadlands is a place that the undead walk. It was a place before Luna's banishment that was a constant warzone. Ponies, minotaurs, gryphons, dragons, and other races were all slain here. Raising the dead here would most likely ruin the entire world, and that's why we ask, no beg, you to go and help these ponies bring back The Delomelonicon." Celestia said.
"You don't need to convince me to go to the deadlands and bring back that book. I had it figured out from the beginning and I don't want anything to happen to the world. I mean, what would happen to me if I find that my friends, or worse Fluttershy, was slain by one of these undead bastards? I want to go and fight these undead beings, and bring back this book so that I don't have to worry about my way of life. All I really ask of you is to have supplies for me when I leave. The armor can be heavy or light, and can be used with any type of material. The supplies I ask for would be salted meats and fruits, with canteens of water to keep me hydrated well enough for a week at the most. Do you have a way for me to contact you incase of any complications, or if we succeed?" I asked. Luna looked to her sister, who looked back, and both nodded. Luna turned around and pulled something from a side pocket, revealing a small mirror.
"Normally, we give this to our knights in order for us to contact them immediately. We call it Sanguine Ebon." She said, handing me the mirror. The mirror started distorting, and it started forming into another shape entirely. It started decreasing in size, forming into what looked like a scouter from Dragon Ball Z. The colors started changing, changing into a dark silver color with the visor part turning dark blue.
"That's very interesting... They form into the ponies personality, and yours just... confuses me." Celestia said, scratching her chin. I put the visor on, and it showed a multitude of things. First thing is that there was options on what I could use for sights. There was thermal, millimeter, night vision, and has a constant auto-brightness feature. There was another option on the visor screen, laying the two princesses as friendlies.
"This is very interesting." I said.
"Night vision." I commanded, and the visor switched over to infared night vision, illuminating the entire room.
"MMS." I said, and the screen swtiched to a pulsing screen, outlining every object in the room, even the two princesses standing perfectly still with a confused face.
"Thermal." I ordered, and the entire room changed blue, with the princesses figures being full white.
"Standard." I said, and it switched back to the regular sights.
"This thing is awesome. This is perfect for tactical situations in all environments and conditions." I said.
"Your mirror is a strange one indeed. It formed into the strangest contraption ever, with you immediately giving orders. What is it anyway?" Celestia asked.
"This piece of technology is called a scouter. It scans normal ponies and can tell them apart from friendly, neutral, and enemies." I explained.
"Interesting... Moving on to more important business. We will have our best blacksmiths working on your armor, and we will have your supplies ready for tomorrow morning." Celestia said.
"Also, show them these seals when you arrive." Luna said, giving a sort of necklace with a crescent moon and shining sun emblazoned onto its front.
"Alright... Now, do you need me to do anything else?" I asked.
"Yes, bring as many as the ponies as you can back with you. The deadlands are ruthless and dangerous, and you need to proceed with caution. The ponies, from what I've seen, are reckless and would likely charge straight into combat and end up killing themselves at the first wink of danger. We need you to press them whenever they do this." Celestia said. I took a breath to calm myself, and nodded uncertainly.
"I'll try to bring as many as I can back, but I'm not sure they'll listen to me, especially if they're the way you describe them." I said.
"The seal should give you direct control over them, and those who don't obey, give them a push in the right direction." Celestia said.
"Alright." I said.
"You should get some sleep." Luna said. I nodded and walked out of the room. The guards at the door saluted to me, and I just made my way to my room. I opened the door and walked in, seeing the room completely dark, and reached for the light switch. I felt my hand brush soft skin, and I pulled back with a yelp. The lights were cut on and was surrounded by the six girls I really didn't want to see now. They all wore curious faces, surrounding my sitting body.
"What did they talk to you about?" Rainbow asked.
"They were just asking if I was truly unequivocal in my decision to join the ponies going to the deadlands." I answered.
"Why are you so pale then?" Pinkie asked.
"It's nothing." I said.
"It's obviously something if it's got you like this." Rarity said. I sighed, taking a breath and said.
"They wanted me to take command of the group that was going to the deadlands and asked me to bring back as many ponies as I could. I wouldn't be able to handle the deaths of ponies because I was too stupid to pay attention to them instead of the ponies." I closed my eyes and pressed my head against the wall, and I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist.
"It's alright. These ponies knew what they were getting into when they decided to group together and head into the deadlands. You're helping them by taking control, and will probably be able to bring back more ponies then if you weren't there." Fluttershy assured me.
"Anyway... I wonder what metal they would use for my armor..." I said.
"Iron, steel, tungsten, titanium, something common in this world." Twilight said.
"Tungsten and Titanium is common in this world?" I asked, disbelieving.
"One of the more common metals in our world. Iron and Steel are more rare, and weaker, but makes great tools, weapons, and even armor." Twilight said.
"Tungsten and Titanium are rare as hell on my world. Tungsten's used for jewelry and mining mostly, while Titanium is used for ships, propellers, submarines, planes, helicopter blades, surgical equipments, and even sporting goods." I said.
"Two eggheads sharing their booksmarts. Next thing you know, they'll be dating and trying to name off every book they've read." Rainbow groaned, facepalming.
"I've only gone through eleven years of school, I didn't even complete high school, let alone go to college." I said, glaring at the cyan pony.
"Ponies are only required to go to school for seven years, and it's very expensive to go to college." Twilight said.
"We're required to do twelve years of school and can go to a college for up to another eight years. College is fucking expensive though." I said.
"Twenty years of going to school. Sounds like absolute hell." Rainbow said.
"I've tried skipping once. Never again." I answered, shuddering a little.
"I like how we went from talking about armor materials to what they were used for on Earth to schools and colleges." Pinkie pointed out.
"Most conversations I'm in jump around like that. I don't see a difference in this one." I said, shrugging.
"You'll confuse the readers, and the author will get hate mail because of it!" Pinkie said.
"Again with this Author bullshit. He's probably not even real, let alone controls what the fuck happens in this story." I said.
“Don't say that or he’ll get angry and have something bad happen to you!” Pinkie said, grabbing my head. I gently pushed her away, allowing her hands to fall away from me, and got up.
“I really don’t care about the fucking author, or his readers, or what he does to me. All I need to do, is get this book, return it to the princesses, and we can continue our lives.” I said, patting Pinkie on the head and walking to my bed, not bothering to undress, get under the covers, or even try to get comfortable.
“I’m fucking tired right now, I have a lot to think about from what the princesses told me, and I have to get up in the damn morning to get fitted into armor, get teleported across Equestria, then fight an undead horde to get a damn book that will raise more undead fucks, get teleported across Equestria again, return the book to them, and ride a damn train back to Ponyville.” I said irritably.
“You're not tired! You just want us to leave you alone so that you could think your plan for fighting the undead over, think about what the princesses told you, then listen to music until you fall asleep two hours later.” Pinkie yelled. I got up slowly and turned my gaze to Pinkie, giving me a large grin, and shook my head.
“Damn it Pinkie... You don’t make this shit easy on me...” I grumbled.
“I know next to nothing about basic infantry positioning, let alone what to do against this undead horde. The only undead I've dealt with was in video games, and that only consisted of zombies. I know how to handle any weapon in Equestria, let alone how to handle groups of shambling abominations. I don't know the exact number of ponies I have at my disposal, let alone what their talents are. I don’t know what the fuck to do when I get this damn book, besides call Luna and wait for her to teleport me and the rest of the hellhole. All in all, we’re doomed.” I stated casually.
“I’ll be surprised if one of them makes it out of the deadlands alive when I join them. I have to command their asses, and I have no skills in being a commander. Fuck me...” I said, burying my face into the pillow, pulling off the scouter and placing it on the night table.
The ponies stared at the self deprecating human in concern.
“I’m sure you’ll do fine.” Fluttershy said uncertainly.
“Famous last words. Next thing you know, my ass is going to be walking among them as a general encased in a metal shell carrying the fucking greatsword on my back.” He mumbled into the pillow. That’s when he started laughing. They didn’t recognize it at first, since they never heard his laughter, but after a few minutes, He turned over, and his insane laughter echoed around the room. The laughter sent shivers down all of their spines, and Fluttershy begged him to stop.
“Oh no. This world is fucked because of me! You should've left my ass in the forest, and maybe you wouldn’t be in this shit right now!” He yelled, his insane laughter not stopping. After a few minutes of nonstop laughter, the princesses, with a few guards, walked in, looks of concern on their face.
“What’s wrong?” Celestia asked the ponies.
“He was fine at first, then we started talking about his plans for the group of ponies. He told us he knew nothing about commanding others, basic infantry formations, and that Equestria is doomed because it’s relying on him to bring back that book. He talked about how he has no experience, and then he said that hes just going to become a general for the undead army, and he started laughing.” Twilight explained, looking at Daniel in alarm.
“Hes finally snapped.” Rainbow said, shaking her head. Everypony glared at Rainbow for a moment, then back to the insane human rolling around on the bed with Fluttershy trying her best to make him stop.
“I told you to leave my ass in that damn forest, but no! You just had to save the dying human and take him to Equestria, and now look what’s happening! A fucking undead army is being prepared on an old fucking battlefield, and I have to save the fucking world by fighting said undead army and get a fucking book with a group of damn ponies! We’re all fucking dead! Yippie!” He yelled, unnerving all of the ponies, including the guards and princesses.
“He doesn’t have much confidence, does he?” Luna asked.
“He was nervous about going to a party for himself, and nearly drank himself into a stupor because of it.” Rainbow said, snickering.
“You’re kidding!” Luna said, giggling.
“This is no time for jokes.” Celestia said sternly, throwing a glare at both ponies.
“You have to admit, that’s fucking hilarious!” Daniel said, laughing himself.
“See? Even Daniel finds it funny!” Rainbow said, then realized what she just said.
“I’m not Daniel silly! I’m his counterpart, Mikhail! It’s been nearly five years since I’ve come out of his damn head.” He said, his voice changing slightly.
“Counterpart? Like Pinkie has?” Twilight asked.
“Exactly like Pinkie has! She’s the only one that can truly understand me since we’re on the same level.” He said, giggling insanely.
“You mean the same level of randomness?” Applejack asked.
“That too, but Pinkie knows what I’m talking about, or should I say, Pinkamena?” He said, turning to the ponies, which had a face splitting grin that didn’t look natural on his face at all.
“Oh, I know exactly what you’re talking about.” A cold voice said behind all of the ponies. They turned around, seeing Pinkie, except her hair had gone straight and she had a snarl on her face.
“Perfect! Glad that we’re all on the same level here! Meanwhile, Daniel here,” He said, tapping the side of his head. “is trying his best to get out and clean up the mess he started out here. He’s become quite a nuisance. It’s taking sixty three percent of my self control to just hold him back from taking over.” He finished.
“How long has this been going on?” Luna asked suspiciously.
“Daniel first went insane at the age of thirteen when his mother died, creating me, and I took over for a few months. He took back over and hes been able to hold me back ever since. Lets just say, I caused serious damage to others while I was out and it took nearly two years to fix.” He said.
“Then, lets get Daniel back instead of you, because he’s the one who knows how to fight, unless you can share your memories.” Luna said. “I share his memories, but I don’t share experiences. I guess I can give him the body back.” He said, pouting. He twitched sporadically, and his face-splitting grin disappeared immediately, replaced by a concerned, stressed, and frustrated expression.
“I hate Mikhail... The bastard is so different from me...” He said, rubbing his temples.
“You okay?” Rainbow asked. “Hello no... I still have to figure out what the fuck to do with everything. I wish I had time to study this type of stuff, but I have hardly any time to get my shit together.” He said, rubbing his face with his hands.
“Just get some sleep, and you’ll do fine.” Luna said.
“Famous last words.” I retorted, getting up from the floor and pushing my face into the pillow. I sat there for a minute, before turning on some music. A few minutes later, I fell asleep, ignoring everypony else in the room.