I opened my eyes to face the same wall I was facing when I fell asleep. I groaned and flipped over onto my other side, making sure to flip off the wall from beneath my covers.
I hated that wall. So many times I would wake up and hit my head on that wall. It pissed me off to no end, and I fear that one day it's going to kill me while I sleep.
So, anyways, I was silently trying to fall back asleep. Suddenly, the doorbell rang from outside of my room.
"Ugh..." I moaned as I slid out from under my covers and went over to my bedroom door.
I threw it open and walked to the front door, where I heard a faint thud. I twisted the knob and opened the door, revealing nothing.
"What the hell?" I said, talking a step out to look around.
I spun head over heels as something tripped me up. I flailed madly as I fell, trying desperately to stop something I could not. Soon, my face hit the hard wood of my porch, and I grabbed my nose in pain.
"What the fuck?!" I said, twisting around to see my assaulter; a box. "A box?!"
I kicked the box from where I lay.
"Hey, watch it!"
I did a double-take that went so fast it made my head spin. The voice had come from the box.
I stood, still holding my now bleeding nose in one hand. I touched the box, and it shuddered.
"W- what?" I said, backing away carefully.
"Are you gonna let me out?!" the voice from inside yelled.
"Uh," I replied, still walking back.
"Where's the answer, bud?!"
My right foot found air, and I tumbled off my porch to the ground below. I hit my head hard on the concrete and winced. I flipped over and stared in terror at the box, which was now shaking madly.
"Let me outta this friggin' thing!"
I stood again, my head ringing as I approached the cardboard container. I saw that it was taped shut.
Okay, okay, I thought. I should just go inside and leave this box out here to do whatever it wants. I should just ignore it until it stops.
And so I did, going inside and closing the door, sighing in relief as I slid down against it.
What in the hell just happened?
I got up and went to my room, where I grabbed some clothes and stalked over to the shower. I locked the door as I closed it; I lived alone, sure, but you never know if there are any creepers out there who want nothing more than to break into your house while you're taking a shower and do something with you. Something a bit... different.
Anyways, when I was finished washing myself and crap, I got out and dried myself off. I slipped on my clothes and opened the door. I heard a bang from the living room, followed by something that sounded like this:
Wow, you're one little gullible fucker. It was a joke.
And then I heard a bass drop. I was there in an instant, where a very familiar unicorn awaited me.
"No. Fucking. Way," I said, my jaw hanging loosely.
The unicorn known as Vinyl Scratch, or DJ PON-3, was standing in my living room, shaking her flanks to the beat. I just stood there for a moment and wondered what the hell happened.
Did I take acid? I asked myself. Or did life just give me a present?
Yeah, I watched My Little Pony. Like that was a big surprise if I knew who the pony was that was dancing in my living room. I was a normal fan, I liked to think, for I wrote a few things on blogs; I frequently checked the /mlp/ board on 4chan, and I read a lot of fanfics. I became one during the summer last year after discovering about the fandom through various internet sources. I let my curiosity overcome me, and I watched the show. Now, back to whatever in the HELL was going on.
I was not sure what to do. I took a step forward and approached the mare. I tapped on her shoulder and she turned, stopping her dance.
"Are you that numbskull who didn't let me in?" she asked, staring me in the eyes.
"What do mean, let you in?!" I said. "Where were you?!"
"I was in that box! I assume you're that idiot who kept tripping on stuff out there."
I fumed.
"I am not an idiot!"
"So you say."
"Look, it doesn't matter. How did you get out of the box?!"
"I'm a unicorn," she tapped her horn and pushed it right into my face. "I can cut crap with magic. Duh."
"Get out of my house," I said, pointing towards the door.
"Nah," Vinyl said, pausing the song, which had been playing this whole time. "You got some wicked tunes, bro."
I looked and saw that she had my MP3 player hooked up to my TV, and was using it to play the music louder.
"How do you know how to-" I began.
"Please," the mare replied. "It's not like I haven't seen a TV before. C'mon! What I haven't seen thought is... whatever you are. What the heck are you?"
"I'm not a what, I'm a who!" I said.
"I mean what species, dimwit."
I nearly grabbed her and strangled her at that moment, but I fought the urge and just looked her in the eyes.
"I am a human," I said. "What species are you?"
"What species am-" Vinyl laughed. "I'm a friggin' pony! Can you not see that?!"
"Yes, but-"
Vinyl just continued to chuckle, looking at him like he was stupid.
"Why did you ask if you know?" the DJ asked, stopping her hysterics.
"Because you asked me and I was being polite," I replied, feeling like an idiot. "And politeness... is-"
I stopped there, not even bothering to finish the sentence.
"Say, you got any food?" Vinyl asked.
"Yeah, but I'm not going to just give it to you!" I said.
"Why not? I'm hungry, and you don't want to leave a hungry pony to die in the world, do you?"
"Actually, I don't care," I said, opening my front door and motioning for her to leave. "Get out of my house and go bug someone else."
"Hm... nah."
"Look, get the fuck out of my house! I don't want a pony in it!"
Vinyl just hopped up onto my chair and relaxed.
"Wha- get down!"
"No."
I wanted to strangle her once more, but I just clenched my fists and walked up to her.
"Leave. Now."
"Look," the DJ turned to look at me. "I've taken a moment to think, and I realized I'm not in Equestria. I think we can both agree."
I nodded, confused as why she was bringing this up.
"Now, I am actually scared inside. I normally wouldn't tell anypony this, but it seems that you are stupid and can't accept a cute pony into your home without a good reason. I am terrified because I was just in a box for what felt like an eternity and I have been dumped into some random place with some random... human. I can't- I'm scared, okay!"
I stood there, and then I motioned out the door.
"Go be scared somewhere else," I said.
"Wow, you are a bummer," Vinyl said, still not moving. "That whole thing was just a lie anyway. I know why I'm here."
"And why is that?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.
"Because of a reason I won't say until you let me stay here until what I need to do gets done."
"Okay then, never mind. Go away."
I motioned to the door again, still eliciting no movement from the mare.
"I'm not going to go," Vinyl said. "I will stay here by your will, or I will stay here because I want to."
I almost strangled her for the third time, but the fear of animal abuse kept me in check. I was sure that talking ponies counted as animals, or even humans. I thought about it in my head.
It's not like she'll eat a lot, and I really want to know what brought her here. But what if she's lying? God, I am so confused.
I was in serious dilemma with myself as I paced anxiously, trying to come up with some plan of action.
"Hey, dude," Vinyl said. "Hey, dude!"
I stopped and glared at her, rage filling my being.
"Oh," the DJ said. "That's cool. I'll just- uh- sit here then."
And so she did as I walked in a never-ending circle, grabbing my head and pondering so many options in my brain.
I don't understand. Why is she here? I know I watch the show and all, but why is she here? It's like every fanfic I've read about this is coming to life in my living room in the form of a unicorn DJ! I don't want to abandon her, nor do I want to keep her! I don't know what to do!
I stopped. I had a plan.
"You can stay," I said.
Vinyl jumped up and down on my chair, cheering.
"But only for a week and a half," I finished. "That should be enough time to get done what you need to get done."
Vinyl stopped.
"What?!" she said. "Only a week and a half?! That's ridiculous!'
"No, it's not. It's perfectly fine. Now you're going to tell me why you're here."
"I'll tell you on my own time. And that time is not now."
I wanted to strangle her for the fourth time. She saw my rage.
"Hey, I'm a unicorn," she said. "I can lift you up and drop you down before you can land a hit on me."
I stopped mid-reach. She was right; I would not have a chance against magic.
"Fine," I said in defeat. "But we have some ground rules. First: No parties. I can tell you enjoy music (the reason I told her this was to avoid speaking of... the show), and can tell you must enjoy parties. However, NO. I don't want a mess all over my house. Second: Don't do anything super noisy. I will get fined and I may get kicked out of my home. So, don't. Third and final: I am allowed to add as many rules as I want at any time conforming to what I feel is wrong about what you are doing. Are we clear?"
"Uh, what was that last one?" Vinyl asked. "I don't really understand."
"I am allowed to make as many riles as I want, whenever I want, about what you are doing."
"So, you can just stop me from doing something whenever you want?"
"Yes."
"Aw! That blows! Don't be such a buzz kill!"
I just pushed her off my chair.
"Rule number four," I said. "No sitting in my chair."
And thus the day began.