//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: The Doctor Of Oz // by defender2222 //------------------------------// "So what, ya mean ta tell me that Superstallion let all them ponies die?" Spike shook his head, trying to convey exactly what he was trying to...er...convey. "Well... yeah, but you have to remember that he was fighting General Trot! It wasn't like he could just scowl at him and make him stop. The battle was realistic and there was going to be collateral damage no matter what. Yes, some ponies might have died but if he hadn't focused on winning the fight millions more would have perished." "well, he still shouldn't have done all that!" Scarejack complained, shaking her head sadly. "Superstallion use to stand for somethin'. Use to be a defender of Truth, Justice, and the Ozian-" "Equestrian," Spike stated. "Whatever. The point is that he is suppose to be the noble superhero... not the one that goes around breakin' anything he sees! Just a plum shame, it is." "I think it is cool that Superstallion actually took off the colt hooves and threw down with a baddie for one!" Tin Dash declared, pumping her hoof. "Just like Batstallion. Now THERE is a superhero!" "Ugh, I hate Batstallion!" Scarejack complained. "He's so grim and brooding!" "And he kicks flank!" Tin Dash declared. "I am vengeance... I am the night... I am Batstallion!" Scarjack scoffed. "I am a crybaby, I can't stop whining, I am Bruce Mane, King of Daddy Issues." "You shut your straw spouting mouth!" Tin Dash shouted. "No one insults Batstallion!" "Make me, ya overgrown waterin' can!" Scarejack snarled, butting her head against the metal pony's. Spike glanced over at Twilight, all to use to Rainbow and Applejack fighting (even if these were alternate versions of them). "Who do you prefer, Twilight?" Twilight, who had been trying her hardest to drown out the bickering trio as they made their way down the Yellow Brick Road, let out a sigh. "I don't read comic strips." "Comic... strips?" Tin Dash screeched, pulling away from Scarejack to stare at Twilight. "Strips?!?" "Twilight..." Spike moaned, slapping his hand against his forehead. The lavender mare looked at them, confused. "What? I just don't find them that funny. Now Maraduke? That's funny!" Twilight trotted ahead, laughing her herself, not seeing the looks of horror on the others' faces. "That big dog gets in all the strangest places!" "That mare ain't right," the walking scarecrow told the metal pony as they walked down a gold road to meet a magical Doctor. Tin Dash looked at Twilight, her shoulders slumped and brow furrowed. "You are the worse kind of pony." "Because I don't read comic strips?" "Books! Comic books!" the three of them shouted. Twilight's brow screwed up. "Isn't it kinda pathetic to be reading books about grown stallions running around in spandex fighting bad guys while big BAMF! and WHAM! shapes appear?" Tin Dash smirked. "Hey, its better than being a grown stallion who reads stories about cartoon characters that were originally marketed to little girls." The foursome slowly turned and looked at one particular spot (which, if this were a sitcom, would have been where the camera was). "Seriously, Twi," Scarejack said once they were done staring, "how can ya not like them comic books! They are exciting and full of danger and passion-" "And suddenly it makes sense why she hates them," Spike muttered under his breath. "Um... nothing to see here... please keep going," a voice whispered. The foursome all stopped, blinking in confusion. "Did... did anypony also hear that?" Twilight asked. Spike nodded. "Yeah... it was like a faint whispering." "It was a voice on the breeze," Tin Dash stated. "It was like a million voices crying out in horror, only to be silenced," Scarejack commented. The others looked at her and she shook her head. "Wait... no... no. Sorry, I was hearin' somethin' else. Nevermind." "Just... just go. Nothing to see here." "Ok, if it asks us to build a baseball field in the middle of some corn, its just them dang crows tryin' to trick us," Scarejack stated. "Where is it coming from?" Spike asked, getting seriously creeped out by the voice. The others began to look around, trying to find the source of the mysterious whisper (and unlike LOST, there was a good chance they would actually get some answers). "Definitely not from the tree to your right," the voice whispered frantically. "Nope... not the tree at all. You should... uh... maybe ignore it, if you could? Please?" "Ok, with it established that the whispers ain't comin' from the tree to the right, I think we should focus on our left," Scaejack stated happily, knocking over some rocks and looking under them for the voice. "Nothin' under here!" "Geez..." Tin Dash whined, darting over to the tree on the right. "Get over here and help me shake this tree!" "But the voice said-" "It... lied," Tin Dash stated slowly. "...oooohhh!" Scarejack exclaimed. "So it did what my Uncle Bubbles did when he was asked if he had violated his court order!" "Not lying," the voice whimpered. "Just... just go away... please..." "What if we don't?" Twilight asked, wanting to get to the bottom of all of this. "I'll... I'll use my tree magic on you." A branch slowly descended, half-heartedly trying to bop Tin Dash on the head. "So...so just go now... ok? Thanks." "...that's it?" Spike asked. "Yes," the 'tree' said. "I hope I didn't hit you too hard." "Devil tree!" Scarejack proclaimed, rushing the tree and giving it a hard buck. They heard a cry of alarm as the tree trembled and the source of the whispers fell to the ground in a heap. She was yellow lion with a pink fluffy mane (and yes, everyone knows that only male lions have manes... but lets face it, in a land of flying ponies and unicorns, a maned female lion isn't that strange) and big, bright eyes. Realizing she was spotted, the lioness grabbed her branch and tried to hide behind it. "...let me guess," Twilight said dryly, "you're Flutterlion, aren't you?" "Nope, I'm just a tree." "No you aren't," Twilight snapped. "Um... yes... yes I am." "Then perform photosynthesis." Flutterlion screwed up her face and strained. "I really hope it’s only acorns that come out," Tin Dash commented in disgust. "Flutterlion, just stop." Twilight shook her head in annoyance. Flutterlion opened one eye, meekly watching Twilight's every move. "You aren't a tree, so stop pretending, alright?" "But.. but I want to be a tree." "Why?" Spike asked. "Being a tree is boring." "Is...that...so?" Treebeard the Ent asked, strolling past them. Spike grimaced and hid behind Scarejack. "Sorry!" "Way to be racist," Tin Dash commented. Twilight waited for Treebeard to pass (which took about 30 minutes... Ents hate to be hasty) before turning her attention back to Flutterlion. "Listen... you might not believe me now but I am your friend and I want to help you. Its clear to all of us that you are scared and-" "The Doctor can help ya out!" Scarejack proclaimed. "Wait, no, that’s not what I was going to say," Twilight stammered, wanting to stop this line of thought before it lead to misery and insanity; sadly, a snowball with a tiny hat on it would have a better chance surviving in Hell than sanity and reason winning out for Twilight. Tin Dash didn't hear a word Twilight said (or she did and just chose to ignore her... like most ponies). "Yeah, the Doctor is going to totally get me a heart and Dumb-Dumb here a brain!" Scarejack happily nodded her head in agreement. "I bet you he could cram some courage into you and make you as awesome as I am!" Spike rubbed his chin. "Having a vicious lion on the team would make murdering ponies easier." "No!" Twilight screamed, stopping her hoof. "No!" She whipped around, her horn glowing as she laid into her traveling companions. "I don't care if this Doctor was a great and powerful wizard-" "Yeah, because then he'd be Trixie!" Spike proclaimed. "I have no idea who that is," Twilight stated before returning to the really matter at hand...er... hoof. "It doesn't matter what the Doctor is, he would not be able to get you what you want! Scarejack, you think a new brain will help but brains don't work that way! You can't just jam another one in and make yourself a genius!" Scarejack scratched her chin. "What if he gently slid it in instead of crammin' it-" "NO!" Twilight roared, her bellow so loud that Flutterlion made a mental note to ask the unicorn how she managed to roar that loudly. "And Tin Dash, you don't need a heart... you already have a heart that pumps blood through your body... or a mechanical pump that drives oil through your tubes..." Twilight's anger faded for a moment as she considered Tin Dash's biology. "Come to think of it, how are either of you alive? You are clearly a robot but I've seen not gears or electronics and Scarejack is literally made of straw. I mean, I know straw was once alive but last I checked it didn't walk around chatting about the latest dance crazes." "I just can't ever get jiggy with it," Scarejack said sadly. "Maybe they were enchanted," Spike offered. "Maybe there really is magic here in this land and it animated the both of them, giving them life." Twilight sadly shook her head. "Spike, Spike, Spike... everypony knows that magic doesn't do that. All magic can do is send you back in time, teleport you to different places, move celestial bodies, and help you weild mystical items that send rainbow blasts of friendship at your enemies. Oh, and sometimes it creates mustaches." Twilight laughed. "Animating robots and scarecrows... Spike, you are so silly." "Yeah, I guess that was pretty dumb," Spike muttered, kicking at a yellow stone. "Made sense to me!" Scarejack happily proclaimed. "And that just sealed the deal," Tin Dash stated. Twilight reached over and pulled Flutterlion, who was attempting to skitter away while the others were occupied, back over to the ground. "Listen, the point I am trying to make is that all of our problems can't be fixed quickly and simply. If Scarejack wants to be more intelligent she needs to take some night classes at the local Community Center or take mail-away college courses. Only through hard work and dedication can she gain knowledge." "Lordy, that done sound hard... maybe I should just stick to bein' dumb!" Twilight shook her head. "But being smart is great! Just look at me... I am a genius and I have a steady job and a baby dragon as my assistant-" "And you have no social life and never even kissed a boy..." Spike commented. "I have too kissed a boy!" Twilight complained, glaring at the purple dragon. "Really?" Scarejack asked, her interest piqued. "Dish, dish!" "Yeah, tell us about him!" Tin Dash proclaimed. Twilight grimaced slightly. "Uh... well... his name is George... Glass. George Glass. And I totally kissed him and it was hot." "You kissed a boy?" Flutterlion said, her face screwed up in disgust. "Yes, yes I did!" Twilight proclaimed, sweating bullets. "But enough about my love life; we are here to talk about you three and your psychological deficiencies." Twilight pointed her hoof at Tin Dash, glad to be focusing on someone else's lousy life. "Now, as for you... no heart or pump or anything like that is going to help you. Your problem is that you are anti-social and mean-spirited. Normally I would recommend a good blast from the Elements of Harmony, but since I don't have them on me I'm going to suggest medication." Tin Dash scoffed. "Sorry, but there is no meds that could handle my awesomeness." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you definitely need some pills." She turned to Fluttelion, her horn flaring as she summoned Rarity's fainting couch, which Flutterlion was promptly placed upon, and a pair of glasses, which she donned before patting the lioness on the head. "Now then, if you want courage you will need to work through your issues. Lets start with what you think the Doctor could provide you with." "A kidney." Twilight blinked in confusion. "A...kidney?" "Oh yes," Flutterlion said, nodding happily. "You said he was a Doctor, right? Well, I need a kidney." "To... make you brave?" "Yes." "...no, Flutterlion." "No?" The lioness' head drooped. Twilight nodded, hating to upset her friend but needing to set her straight. "No. Courage doesn't come from your kidneys, it comes from your spirit and your will. If you want to be brave you have to work to conquer your fears and not allow them to dominate your life. Now then... what is your biggest fear?' Flutterlion considered this. "Well... I guess my biggest fear would be that I'll be dragged away from my dialysis machine and my kidneys will begin to fail." "...what?" The yellow lioness blushed. "Didn't... didn't I tell you that I was in need of a kidney transplant?" Twilight shut her eyes. "You know what, let’s go to the friggin' Doctor and see if he can get you some kidneys." "Oh... ok." "Think he can get me a brain too?" Scarejack asked. "Yeah, whatever," Twilight grumbled, giving up. "And maybe he can give me a new brain too." Spike sighed as they began walking down the Yellow Brick Road once more. "If only we'd known about this beforehand we could have harvested that witch's organs!" "Uh huh," Twilight said dully, her braining having checked out due to the utter stupidity around her.