A Busman's Holiday

by Parchment_Scroll

Laying Siege

Shining Armor paced back and forth in front of a platoon of Royal Guards. "Everypony," he said, "we do not want a repeat of the wedding fiasco, do we?"

"No, sir!" the guards all replied in unison. I always thought it was pretty neat how he could get them to do that.

"Now, listen up!" He stopped to fix them with a glare. "The opposing force is going to try to take the banquet hall, here." A pointer, being levitated by his magic, snapped up against a diagram of the castle's floorplan. "Primary entrances are here, here, and here." He looked at the first three columns of guards. "Green Squad, I want you on the drawbridge. Red and Blue Squads, the east and west entrances to the banquet hall itself!"

The guards in question snapped off salutes and galloped off to their posts.

"Harmony Squad!"

Nopony responded.

"Twiley," Shining Armor said pleadingly, "that's you and your friends."

"Oh?" Twilight Sparkle blinked confusedly, then snapped to attention, much to Rainbow Dash's obvious (and loudly vocalized) amusement. "Sir, yes, sir!"

"The leader of the opposing force is likely to be doing a bit of reconnaissance. I want you six to spread out and track him down."

"Yes, sir!" Twilight said, then giggled.

"He won't get past us!" Rainbow Dash said confidently.

"Don't underestimate him, Rainbow Dash," Shiny warned. "He's evaded some of the best flyers in Canterlot."

"Pfft," Rainbow scoffed. "He's not dealing with one of the best in Canterlot! He's dealing with the best flier in Equestria!"

Shiny grinned. "I've read your file, Dash. If you're anything like Spitfire says, he's got his work cut out for him."

I rolled my eyes. Rainbow Dash was fast, yes. An excellent flier. One of the best? Definitely. The best? Questionable, but highly possible, from what I'd heard. That did not make her qualified to catch a good sneak, however.

"Ah'll learn him not ta mess with mah friends," Applejack drawled, and I shuddered. One good kick from her and it would be all over but the hospital stay.

Meanie was conspicuously, and suspiciously, silent. I looked over at... where she had been... Roadapples! If there was anypony I was worried about catching me, it was the one pony who'd already proven she could out-think me. I scrambled across the rafters as quickly as I could without drawing any attention.

"The rest of you," Shiny said, "spread out! Search the servants' quarters, the kitchens, the laundry -- anyplace ponies don't normally go. There are passages all over this castle that only the pages use. That's where you'll find them. Now move out!"

I shook my head. If they were half as clever as I thought, Shorty's Lost Colts would not only be in the exact passages Shiny was talking about, they would be dressed as pages themselves, giving them a better than even chance of bluffing their way past the guards.

The challenge was on, and this time around, it was anypony's game.

I had given a similar pep talk -- though it didn't come in the form of a military commander barking orders -- to the Lost Colts just a half-hour prior. I had been prepared to explain about Short Shanks' and my roles as agents of Princess Luna, but to my surprise, the Lost Colts had already known. (Unsurprisingly, this meant that the changelings knew as well -- when Shorty had informed the Lost Colts, a good half of them had already been replaced, and Bright Eyes had always been a changeling. Princess Luna said she would deal with the breach, however.)

The changeling incident had been wrapped up by three in the morning. The Lost Colts had been checked for lasting damage from their imprisonment, and, apart from a slight emotional drain, had been given a clean bill of health.

What they needed, I'd determined, in addition to a good, healthy dose of chocolate -- theobromine is an excellent treatment for certain magical/emotional symptoms -- was a confidence boost.

So Shining Armor had proposed a challenge. My boys versus his boys: Winners got a party, losers had to act as wait staff. I was confident. At least, I had been confident until Shiny had pulled out his trump card.

The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony would be on his team, he declared. Princess Celestia had backed him up on it, and there was no way Twilight Sparkle would gainsay the Princess and mentor she'd looked up to since she was a filly.

Princess Luna refused to get involved, content with just watching to see how it all played out.

After a good day's sleep (and a small, impromptu party thrown by Meanie), the real fun was ready to begin.

The game started at sundown. I might have been bending the rules slightly by sneaking in a few minutes early, but if Shiny didn't expect me to cheat a little, that was his own fault.

Clearly, based on the briefing he'd given, he had expected it.

I racked my brain, trying to think if I'd failed to warn any of the Lost Colts about anything. Shining Armor knew about the entrance I'd shown Short Shanks. I'd told them that. In the end, I decided I would have to trust the kids to think on their hooves. That didn't mean I couldn't keep an eye on them, however.

I waited until the briefing room cleared out, then dropped lightly to my hooves and made my way to the nearest window. The ledge was narrow, but not too narrow to walk on if one was careful and didn't mind heights. Pushing the window closed behind me, I made my way along the ledge until I came to a window that doubled as an entrance for the Princesses (and any Pegasus guardsponies). Due to this, instead of a glass pane, the window had a thin magical barrier on it to keep the wind out.

It was a simple enough matter to ease through the field, though the tingling sensation of active magic set my fur on end. Once I was through, however, I made a hasty dash for the nearest door -- there was no way that field hadn't been set to summon guards.

I got through the door in the nick of time. As it closed behind me, I heard a guardspony shouting "Hurry! Somepony was just here, they can't have gotten far!"

We'd see about that.

When the door burst open moments later, the guards were clearly perplexed to find no sign of an intruder in the long, nearly featureless back hallway it opened onto. After taking a few moments to look around, they headed back out into the main hall, closing (and locking) the door behind them. I stifled a giggle and dropped down from my perch atop the door frame.

They never look up, I gloated. I should talk to Shiny about that. I walked quietly down the hall until I was sure I had gotten far enough that the sound would be too muffled to hear, then broke into a gallop.

The main scrying chamber was out of the question: guards would be using it to coordinate their efforts. Unfortunately, the secondary scrying chamber wasn't as unoccupied as I'd expected it would be, either. Instead of guards, however, what I found was my Princess, Luna, reclined on an indigo cushion with her crescent-moon cutie mark embroidered on it in silver thread, and nibbling at an apple as she watched the mad scramble in the castle around us.

"Ah, Deft Hoof," she said with a smile. "Do come in."

"What's the score?" I asked.

"Well, your apprentice, Short Shanks, took two of the older Lost Colts and managed to bluff their way past the guards by stealing some practice armor from the training hall and pretending that Short Shanks was a prisoner."

I grinned and stomped a hoof in appreciation. "Clever colt," I said. "How about the others?"

"So far, three lost colts -- Short Shanks and his 'captors' -- have made it to the banquet hall, and, as you can see on the dungeon monitor," here, she gestured at one crystal with a hoof, "three have been captured."

I frowned. "Did one of the three escape the dungeon?" I asked. "I only see two there."

"Nopey-dopey!" a cheerful voice said from behind me. I turned in stunned realization, as a beaming Meanie stepped out from behind Luna's cushion. Panicking, I scrambled for the exit, only to find it blocked by a smug-looking Applejack and Rarity. I turned to the window, only to see Rainbow Dash just outside with her forehooves crossed.

"Face it," Twilight Sparkle said as she dropped the invisibility spell that was concealing her -- and had been concealing everypony but Luna and Meanie, I guessed -- "you're caught."

"Okay, okay," I said. "I'm caught. But the game isn't over yet."

In the end, it was a draw. I don't know who was more upset: Short Shanks or Shiny. The fact that some of his guards had fallen for Shorty's "prisoner" dodge was extremely irritating to the Captain of the Royal Guard, I could see.

The fact that his mentor had been nabbed by "a bunch of fillies" was just as irritating to Short Shanks.

To settle the bet, Luna and Celestia decreed that both teams had won, and that the castle's servants would do the serving. Surprisingly, the servants seemed to be relieved by this, rather than upset at having to work.

I trotted over to the majordomo, who immediately took two steps away from me, remembering our last encounter, and asked him what was up.

"Think about it," he said. "The Princesses obviously think you're clever, so put that wily brain of yours to use and put yourself in our hooves. Which would you prefer? A group of foals with no training, dubious morals, and questionable hygiene to be let loose in the kitchens?"

I frowned at the blunt, but, frankly, accurate description of the Lost Colts. "And the guards?"

"Bumbling idiots," the majordomo scoffed. "If we needed crushed ice, we might let them assist. But serving?" He snorted. "I have standards, sir."

I shrugged and moved on to kibitz with the guards and Lost Colts. It was good to make sure everypony knew what the score would be going forward.

"So," Short Shanks was saying, "we keep our eyes open, our ears to the ground, and our 'ooves nimble."

"Business as usual, then?" one of the older Lost Colts said with a smirk.

"Not quite," I put in. "Shorty?"

"Go right ahead, Deft 'Oof."

"From now on," I said, "the Lost Colts don't just look out for each other." Short Shanks frowned. "The Lost Colts look out for everypony. Rich, poor, or in between."

"The rich look out for themselves," one colt put in.

"True enough," I said. "But what happens when some well-to-do young stallion gets swindled by a con pony?"

"He learns a valuable lesson about trust?"

"And he applies that lesson to ponies who could genuinely use some help that he could have provided." I shook my head. "Not to mention the possible crackdown on street ponies. It's our responsibility to protect ponies who otherwise slip through the cracks."

"Does this mean no more theivin'?" one of the older colts asked.

"I wish it did," Shiny put in from behind him, causing him to jump. "Defty here can hardly stop himself. We don't expect you colts to become upright citizens overnight. Just... show more self control than he does and everything will be fine."

"What?" I snorted indignantly. "I have plenty of self control!"

"Right," Shiny said. "And where is the silverware from the serving table now?"

I looked around nervously. "I don't know what you're talking about," I lied.

Shiny rolled his eyes. "For one of the sneakiest ponies in Canterlot--"

"In Equestria!"

"--you sure have a lousy poker face," he continued as though I hadn't interrupted.

"That reminds me," I said. Without another word, I stalked over to the Princesses' table, wearing my sternest, most businesslike expression.

"Yes, Orange Meringue?" Princess Celestia said. I grimaced slightly at the use of my birth name.

"You two," I said, "owe me a vacation!"

"But you just had--" Luna said.

"A real vacation! Not something that sticks me under the watchful eyes of the the Tartarus-begotten Element Bearers!"

"Orange Meringue!" Twilight said in a mix of shock and reproach. Clearly, she was not used to anypony talking to the princesses that way -- one of the reasons I was doing so.

"I am afraid," Princess Luna said, "that your vacation will have to wait."

Princess Celestia nodded. "It seems our nephew," she began, and Rarity interrupted with a "Hmmf!" of disdain. Clearly some history there. Luna picked up where her sister had left off.

"More like our great, great, great, great, great, et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum--"

"Nausea is right," Rarity said.

Celestia cleared her throat, looking sternly at Rarity, who looked utterly mortified at her own behavior. "...great great great grand-nephew," the Solar Princess continued, "has run into a problem that requires someone with a delicate touch and knowledge of underworld operations to extricate him from."

"So," I said, "on the heels of a vacation-turned-catastrophe, you're sending me on a mission...?"

"Indeed," Luna said, and though her tone was apologetic, her expression was more on the order of "sly". "Unfortunately, you'll be on your own out there, as we haven't any appropriate agents to assist you."

"Out where?" I asked, frowning. It was sounding more and more like I was being sent out to someplace like Appleloosa, or worse.

"Las Pegasus," Luna said.

I think the happy squee I let out could be heard as far away as Ponyville.